Eagle Eyes IA - Back from the dead. Edited and expanded.

[JeffTibbetts]

Index Astartes

 The Eagle Eyes Space Marines Chapter

Origins

The Eagle Eyes were created during the Sentinel Founding in 789.M38. The High Lords of Terra chose a planet designated Baronies IV after surveying several planets for a home world. It had little contact with the Imperium and the population had descended to a stable, but stunted state of development. An Adeptus Mechanicus explorator-surveyor report cited a suitably warlike population located in an under-protected sector. After genetic testing and physiological research, the Adeptus Mechanices found the natives receptive to several strains of Raven Guard gene-seed. The Lords ordered the founding of a new chapter soon after, as genetic compatibility would take well to the implants and the existing culture was an excellent match for astartes recruiting. Once the first warriors were bred and ready, a council of Raven Guard veterans were dispatched to inspect and train them. During their initial tests they noted the new recruits for their clear-eyed awareness and contemplative demeanor.

 

The council chose Shadow Captain Skaai Shazeen of the 5th company of the Raven Guard to be the first chapter master. Shadow Captain Shazeen favored balance and restraint over reckless all-out-assaults. Soft-spoken, stern-faced and introverted to a fault, he was never popular as a young recruit. However, Shazeen’s efficiency in battle and tally of successful encounters earned him a quiet respect from his peers. He was eventually promoted to command roles in which he excelled and he became a famously pragmatic general. He would take his time researching the theatre of battle and his opponents before drawing up battle plans. Once made, no taunting or goading could coax him away from the plodding execution of his strategy. His knack for avoiding traps and ambushes was matched by his uncanny ability to set them up himself. Through liberal use of scout troops from the 10th, he observed and collected intelligence. Eventually he would deploy a hand-picked mix of troops directly to points where they would do the most damage. In classic Raven Guard fashion, Shazeen would often win a battle before his opponents knew what was happening. He enjoyed using unconventional weapons and tactics, and made it a point to ensure close political ties with the Priesthood of Mars to maintain access to battle tanks and other technology often eschewed by his comrades. This connection would prove to have an unexpected and far-reaching impact on his new chapter in the coming millennia.

 

Home world

"Look at them… They seem so carefree. It’s better this way, brother. They don’t know the terrors that lurk beneath their feet and in the stars. They may be our slaves, but they’re happy in ignorance. We take up the burden of truth so they can survive another 1,000 years in this manner." 

- Attentive Brother Ahuite, ad arma vigilem of the 5th company. 

 

Baronius IV was renamed Tonatzin (the native name for the world) in Imperial records once the chapter claimed the world. The sizable bronze-age culture lives primarily in lush jungles that cover roughly half the land mass of the planet around the equatorial region. The rest of the planet is mostly desert and oceans. The jungle’s mountainous areas are rich with metal veins, semi-precious minerals, and dangerous mega-fauna. There are three large saltwater seas, and freshwater lakes and rivers lace the verdant greenery.

 

The local population’s grasp of technology is deliberately suppressed by the astartes who rely on a harsh, warlike lifestyle to maintain a steady stream of strong recruits. The people, called the Macay, are prolific miners and sophisticated metallurgists despite their lack of modern technology. They live is small to medium-sized villages and city-states in clearings hacked out of the ever-encroaching jungles. Life is a constant struggle against the aggressive wildlife and the hard work keeps many of the natives busy. Despite this they have a long history and distinctive architectural style. They use massive stones to build Ziggurats, carved with distinctive glyphic art. Their complicated city layouts attest to the organizational skills of their leaders, despite their meagre living conditions. Prized copper and jade pulled from veins in the mountains figure strongly in their art and anachronistic religious rituals. The Eagle Eyes tolerate Ecclessiarchal Missionaries, but only if they allow the brutal blood-sports and warrior culture to thrive. The Missionaries have done a fine job subverting native practices to a primitive Emperor-worship in turn.

The Natives are Restless

Some Macay have begun to speak of a secret war with the spirits of the dead. The stories spread quickly by word-of-mouth, and they echo a predictable pattern, always beginning with eerie green flashes of lightning in the night sky and the rumble of distant thunder. Soon destroyed villages are discovered, torn apart and burned to ash. The kin of the victims are forbidden to pass through the smoking quarantine walls erected by the mysterious armored troops of the Eagle Eyes, and this does not sit well with the elders of the tribes. Of course, the taciturn and aloof nature of the astartes does nothing to reassure them, and wild rumors fly of the atrocities over the walls. Some even accuse the marines of doing it themselves.

 

The Macay are accomplished hunters and their greatest prize is the namesake of the chapter, the Jade Eagle - a massive apex predator with brilliant green plumage, a cruelly barbed beak and twelve-foot wingspan. Brave (or foolish) young men and women sometimes attempt to slay the creatures by creeping up on their aeries (large nests high up in the jungle) to catch them while they sleep. The Eagle Eyes have long-since watched, and recruited many of those who succeed the task. The chapter, by long tradition, observes the entire population using a complex network of hidden surveillance equipment and orbital satellites. The Macay see the astartes as omniscient, otherworldly godlike beings that arrive in times of great need. The Eagle Eyes snatch away most of the brightest, strongest young men, never to be seen again by their hapless families. The Macay have taken to downplaying their children’s gifts, fostering a sort of false humility in the culture in the hopes that their children will be passed over and allowed to stay with their families.

 

The chapter publicly presides over dangerous games and gladiatorial matches popular with the Macay, taking pride of place in isolated observation platforms high above the pitch. They scrutinize the young warriors and recruit heavily from those displaying exceptional skill and wit. 

 

Though this complicated relationship, the Eagle Eyes idolize and retain much of the native culture. In particular, they remain bilingual with the language of the people because the dialect of the Macay is notoriously difficult to decipher and pronounce. They use it to confound their enemies (and allies) in battle.

 

The brazen fortress monastery of the Eagle Eyes, called Tlahtocayotl in the original tongue, lies on the border between the populated equatorial regions and the harsh desert. This allows the marines to train in varied environments and maintains their physical distance. The locals never approach it of their own will, claiming that it’s built in a cursed region, notorious for suspicious deaths and disappearances even before the arrival of the astartes.

 

Macay artisans:

The chapter has often employed thousands of Macay artisan servants to maintain their wargear. They are scrupulous about details and are rarely seen with run-down or damaged equipment, even on long engagements. Bronze and sometimes jade honor badges are hand crafted works of art and beautiful in their own right. Armor is repainted, repaired and polished with fastidious pride between battles. Some companies go so far as to bring Macay servants and artisans with them on their battle barges when they leave on a campaign. These artisans are referred to as "the lost" and are spoken of with both pride and sadness by their families.

Beliefs

The Eagle Eyes combat style is rooted firmly in the practices of the Raven Guard. They honor Corax as their primarch and their father. However over time, through the deep connection to the Macay peoples, they’ve formed their own unique culture and beliefs. 

 

The chapter’s rituals and festivals are spiced and colored with local culture and myths. The natives worship the Emperor as a great warrior-god, head of a wide pantheon. He’s often depicted with the fangs of a jaguar, clutching the severed head of an enemy. Their priests lead elaborate blood rituals including occasional human sacrifice of captured rival tribesmen. They also engage in animistic practices and the worship of animal spirits who represent human traits. Principle amongst these spirit animals is the Jade Eagle, images of which are associated strongly with truth and bravery. The Eagle Eyes take their namesake very seriously and images of eagles and aquilas abound in their iconography and ornamentation. The great eagles of Macay are considered to be the embodiment of their fighting spirit.

 

The oldest aerie

The chapter master's aerie is always passed on from one to the next, and is the oldest drop pod in active service. Named Achtochantli, it is heavily modified and impossibly ornate; the interior and exterior are completely covered in bronze bas-reliefs and inlaid with jade mosaics depicting the lives of the heroes who rode it to battle. Trophies of defeated enemies are strewn all around, and the names and notable achievements of every master of the chapter are etched into the metal.

Perhaps the most unusual cultural belief of the Eagle Eyes is their seeming obsession with drop pods. What began as an inclination to their use in battle deployments has developed over centuries into a symbiosis, pregnant with ritual. The chapter makes heavy use of drop pods (often called aeries after the nests of eagles) but they’re also uniquely reserved for use by one particular squad or unit. The troops remain close to their own aerie while embarked on their starships, and wargear is often stowed in them when not in use. They meditate, pray, meet with each other, and even occasionally sleep in them. The pods are considered part of the unit and typically named. The machine spirit of each is venerated as a pseudo-member of the squad, even showing up on the roster in many cases. They are lovingly cared for, decorated with the unit’s trophies of victory. In the case of dreadnoughts or commanders with a long career of service it is not uncommon for an aerie to sport spectacular displays, murals, bas-reliefs and mosaics recording their history and achievements.

 

When a dreadnought’s pilot or a commander is killed in battle, their personal drop pod will often become their tomb and they will be interred within it on Tonatzin. Pods may even destroyed out of respect when there are no remains fit for burial. They’re almost never repurposed, except in times of direst need, and even then they’re usually decommissioned after the campaign ends. In rare cases, a commander or a veteran entombed within a dreadnaught will bequeath their aerie to a particularly close comrade to be gifted upon the death of the original owner. This is seen as an exceptionally high honor and the moment is accompanied by an elaborate and intimate ritual where one introduces the other to the machine spirit of the aerie, ensuring it’s new loyalty. Other transport vehicles in the chapter are bonded to one unit or squad, but lack the ritual and superstition reserved for the Eagle’s aeries. Compared to the utilitarian nature of drop pods in most chapters, this is often viewed as a very unusual practice.

 

Intercepted transmission

++ PROGRESS REPORT - TONATZIN (off. des. BARONIUS IV) ++ 

My lord, we are satisfied to report data indicating our arrangement with the astartes continues to be of value. The subterranean complexes are vast, and for the most part remain dormant. There have been episodes of attrition, but the ratios still favor expansion of the program. The astartes are all too eager to provide support and security as we delve deeper. In fact my contacts within the chapter have told me they appreciate the training opportunity. We have been analyzing the glyphic symbols, and I believe we may be close to deciphering the dialectical complexities of the language. That should be of interest to your overseers in the Order, and will surely secure their continued patronage and shelter for the time being. I would increase our efforts here, but for troubling reports recently regarding the state of the astartes. It would seem that the need to keep our work here shrouded from those who do not yet understand it has taken a toll on the leadership of the chapter. We have detected elevated stress levels in their physiology during our meetings, coupled with a quickness of temper and even a breakdown of formal discipline. We believe the presence of this cult-leader from the Knightly houses in exacerbating the problem. The data suggests the astartes may be cracking under the pressure. I must advise that we increase all mollifying supplies of experimental technology (which they enjoy very much) and war materiel to remind them this arrangement is of benefit to everyone involved. 

In the meantime, contingency planning continues and I will apprise you of any notable changes in the arrangement. 

—For the Omnissiah.

++ END TRANSMISSION ++

Combat Doctrine

"You see that one with the golden face, boy? I’ve know his soul. He’s the real leader of the cult, not the posturing fool at the podium. Kill the masked man and they’ll fall into disorder. That’s when we strike." 

- Amoxtli Chueco, Codicier attached to the 5th company.

 

The Eagle Eyes fight through stealth and surprise. They observe their enemy from afar, poring over data-feeds and compiling intelligence reports. When the time comes to strike they swoop in with mobile forces to snatch victory in their talons. Assault squads streak across the field and lacerate the foe while scouts perch in the shadows and pierce weak spots in the lines with precision shots. Bikers sweep forward and set up pinpoint drop zones, while drop pods rain tactical squads from the sky directly into the heart of the enemy battle-lines. While Raven Guard often eschew heavy support in favor of assault, the Eagle Eyes often use a more balanced approach. They deploy ranged and heavy support from dive-bombing Thunderhawk or Storm Raven gunships or the ubiquitous drop pods, and they’re swift to recover and redeploy these assets after they’ve finished their deadly work.

 

Vehicles and the troops themselves often make use of sophisticated recording equipment, and each company employs at least one *ad arma vigilem* in the command squad. Their role is to monitor the battle in progress and scrutinize the video feeds afterwards. The chapter stores vast collections of data, recording the fighting styles, enemy insignia and records for all their engagements. 

 

Eagle Eyes exult in lightning drop pod assaults, and relish the silent strike of covert precision deployment. Their mix of focused assault and carefully placed fire support has earned them a solid tally of victories, but they reject the pomp and circumstance of celebrations and are almost as quick to depart the field as they were to enter it. The chapter typically commits only to small operations with one battle company, supported by reserves, scouts and veterans, as opposed to large campaigns with the entire chapter. Like their parent chapter, they limit formal organization on a chapter level, acting most often as semi-autonomous strike forces with their own support networks.

 

Organization

"We cannot fail, brothers, because our enemy knows not that we have arrived with murder in our hearts. By the time he sees the face of death in our eyes, it will be his own reflection." 

- Sergeant Ocelotl, in the drop pod before the Taking of Truntius IV.

 

As per Codex, but like their parent chapter they prefer their companies to act as independent units and are rarely engaged in large campaigns with more than one or two companies at once. Supporting squads from the 1st, 10th and reserve companies may remain attached to a battle company for centuries. The motor pool is similarly spread throughout the chapter at any given time. All Eagle Eyes deployments are highly mobile, including the devastator company when it fights in support. Virtually everything in the chapter is able to be deployed via drop pods or gunships. 

Geneseed

Like the Raven Guard, Eagle Eye soldiers become bone-pale with age. The locals have a dark complexion to begin with so the whitening is far less noticeable in early recruits. The eldest amongst them will have an ashy, grayish palor but they never become quite as white as their albino-like primogenitors. Macay hair is naturally black already. In fact the skin-whitening trait is so much less pronounced, there are some who question whether their gene-seed has been mixed with other stock or had perhaps been carefully culled by the Adeptus Mechanicus. They do, however, lack the same organs as their founding chapter (Betcher’s Gland and Mucranoid), lending further legitimacy to the genetic claim of their provenance. As with the Raven Guard, their eyes also darken to pure black orbs over time. 

Chapter Motto

"Vigilate et discete" or 'watch and learn'. This is used to punctuate orders or close a speech or briefing. They have no voiced battle cries.

 

Recent History

While the Eagle Eyes have a long and storied history, it has been beset by internal scandal and controversy. Their introversion has kept almost all of it from prying eyes, but that protection won’t last forever. The chapter has at several points shifted between two ideologies that are in tension: the desire to maintain the primitive state of the natives for recruiting purposes, and the drive to protect the weak and innocent as their father Corax believed they should. Over the years, the tone and mood of the astartes shifts closer to one side or another. Recently, under the current chapter master, an alliance with a powerful, but controversial Adeptus Mechanicus magos (some claim his beliefs border on the heretical and he’s hiding from scrutiny within his own orders) has driven the chapter far to the right, with little empathy for the very people from whom so much of their culture and beliefs are derived. 

 

Whilst on campaign, the chapter recently took on a Freeblade Imperial Knight going by the name of the Queen Bee, piloted by Lady Aurelia Tibbetts. The circumstances of her oath have landed her on Tonatzin, both to watch over the two other Knight suits that belong to her family, and also to act as an independent base away from the courtly scrutiny and scandals for which she has no patience. Lady Tibbetts struck a deal with the magos, that they could repair and ultimately study the ancient secrets of the two suits, if they supplied her with the materiel to operate her own. She dislikes the adepts, and has commissioned her own hanger on the border between the astartes base and the jungles. She also recruited local Macay artisans and laborers, and trained them as the Queen’s sacristans, free of the ritual and dogma of the Priesthood of Mars. They are loyal only to her, and in fact a small village has been built to feed the needs of the Knight, smelting the massive armor plates, repairing the chassis and even manufacturing some of the ammunition it needs. They do as much as they can on their own, and the Adeptus Mechanicus considers this tantamount to treason. The relationship between the two is poisoned, but they are bound by mutual benefit and a cold distance is strictly enforced. 

 

The effect of the Knight’s presence has had a profound effect on some members of the Eagle Eyes, however. They see her as a champion of the people, and her work with the natives has even convinced some to let them modernize properly. There’s a sub-sect of marines that advocate her cause, and put her on a pedestal as a paragon of virtue. While she would be the first to deny these claims, it’s clear that she represents an existing urge in the chapter and the pendulum seems to be swinging back to empathy and nobility. There have been dark rumors of internal politics and scheming between the two sides of the issue, but nothing has come of it yet. The magos has noticed that, of late, some marines have even taken to displaying a small campaign badge incorporating bee iconography taken from the heraldic devices of the Knight. If this continues, the alliance between the Adeptus Mechanicus may be strained to the breaking point, to the detriment of both sides.

 

Additional armor examples and helmet stripe variations:

 

[Inquisitor Eisenhorn]

That is a cool chapter badge man!

[Messor]

Great looking start, a lot of interesting aspects and intrigue combined well. You do face a slight conflict between the time of their founding and the first registered Imperial contact with the Necron. It's a pretty simple thing to sort out, and things go unrecorded all the time in this galaxy.

[JeffTibbetts]

Thanks, both of you. I made the badge on paper and then recreated it in illustrator. I made up some transfers for it too because it's a real pain to hand paint. It's based loosely on an old Aztec eagle head I found somewhere. 

 

As for the timing, I thought about that. The way I figure it up is that this whole Necron thing is new to them too. They had no idea that their planet was a slumbering tomb world. It wasn't until after they were well established and smitten with the place that they realized what it was. I figure the Macay had found artefacts in their mines and maybe at one point had even worshipped the tombs but also never had contact with live Necrons. Once the dudes started waking up, the EE decided at a very high level to NOT tell the authorities and risk an exterminatus order on their homeworld. They opted instead to contact their AdMech friends (that connection had already been established) to take their relationship to a new level. Necrontech is proscribed within the AdMech as well, but there are sects that wish to study it and this planet, an Astartes demesnes is a perfect place to operate under a pretense. In return, the EE have specialized in fighting them. They hone their skills and even pitch recruits at them when they surface on Tonatzin. They study their weaknesses and exploit them. So, yeah... I guess that was a deliberate choice because I wanted a sort of "before and after" event in their history. Does that make sense? 

[Messor]

Sure does.

[JeffTibbetts]

Side note. I'm a pretty tech savvy guy, but I am utterly confused about how to add in the media elements like pics, sidebars, and headers. I've looked through the forums and I still can't figure it out. Can anyone dumb it down for me so I can make this look like a proper IA?

 

Also, having looked around at some of the IAs on here, I am seeing just how much variety there is. I work in writing ad copy for emails, so my usual missive length is insanely small. Some of these IA articles are just way too dang long. What do you all think are the most important sections or things that need to be added? 

[NightrawenII]

Click me.

[JeffTibbetts]

I did troll through that before but the links weren't working. I'll try in a different browser.

[Gripharius]

I've gone through your work and overall I like what you've done. I am going to point out a few "inconsistencies" with established "canon" but I'm not necessarily saying that you are wrong… just pointing out some things for you to think about.

 

I'm a big fan of the Octaguide and I definitely recommend that you read it.

The Eagle Eyes were founded by Shadow Captain Skaai Shazeen, of the 5th company of the Raven Guard in 789.M38.

Canon generally considers a Founding to be a long and involved process in which the eventual first Chapter Master of the new Chapter doesn't play much of a role until the later stages of a Chapter's creation. Only the High Lords of Terra can authorize the approval of a new Chapter, and the preparation for a Founding may take decades, or even longer, involving the mobilization of all kinds of resources. It is a massive undertaking, involving the Administratum, the Adeptus Mechanicus, and a whole lot of moving parts. A Chapter's upper echelon may have a role in planning a Chapter that will be founded using its genetic material, but generally someone like Shadow Captain Shazeen would be brought in as part of the training cadre assigned to train up the new Chapter after it was well on its way to being created.

 

In other words, it may be a stretch to say the Eagle Eyes were "founded by Shadow Captain Skaai Shazeen."

 

Something more appropriate might be along the lines of "After their creation, the Eagle Eyes were first led by Shadow Captain Skaai Shazeen, who played an important part in their future development."

 

I belabored the point about the complexities involved in a Chapter Founding here if you are bored and need to be beaten over the head with it.

After surveying several planets for the base of his new chapter he chose an isolated feral world, Baronius 4 (called Tonatzin by the locals, and officially renamed to match now), due to the suitabilily of the savages who lived there. Their mining culture and work ethic reminded him of the people of Deliverance.

"Savages" on a "feral world" seems a bit incongruous with "mining culture" and "work ethic" to me.

 

Also, it seems a little unlikely that Shadow Captain Shazeen would be given the authority to just pick whatever planet he wanted. More likely that the Administratum would assign them a homeworld after a decade of bureaucratic process.

 

Or, if you want to keep the "like Deliverance" angle, consider having the Adeptus Mechanicus scour the galaxy for a planet with similar genetic, ecological and cultural similarities to Deliverance in order to ensure that the recruits for the new Chapter had the highest probability of success in implantation rates from Raven Guard geneseed.

As per Codex, but with a preference for independent companies acting largely on their own. While the reserve companies have a nominal tactical, assault or devastator designation, they all have mixed troops with a focus on a certain fighting style, and they are often split up in support of battle companies.

The Codex Astartes is highly revered by most Chapters. It includes the accumulated knowledge of hundreds and thousands of years, Chapter heroes and massive wars, not to mention that guy who originally wrote it was kind of important, too.

 

As a result, most Liberites want to know why your Chapter would deviate from it. Providing a reason isn't necessary, but drilling down into why your Chapter is different from the Raven Guard can help flesh it out and give it more of its own personality.

The Eagle eyes have an obsession with drop pods. What began as an inclination to their use has developed into a symbiosis, pregnant with ritual.

At first, I had a hard time meshing the hardened, grim Space Marine with a drop-pod "nest" but overall I think this is the most unique and most original aspect of your Chapter. As you developed it, I really came to enjoy it.

 

A small suggestion: consider calling them "aeries" instead of nests, however. An aerie is essentially a nest for a bird of prey, but its generally seen as something large and grander, set in a mountain side rather than a tree, home to an eagle or hawk rather than a blue jay. Just a thought.

Tonatzin is a primordial feral world with a savage bronze-age culture living in jungles around the equatorial belt of the planet. The rest is mostly desert, with some mountainous areas and polar ice caps. Salty seas dot the…

Again, I don't see "savage" and "bronze-age" and "jungles" and "deliberately primitive" and "prolific miners and bronze workers" as all fitting together very well. A prolific mining operation with a strong work ethic suggests industry and civilization to me, while savage, jungle primitives does not. Perhaps you should describe it as more of a range, going from savage primitives in the jungles in certain areas to a more civilized bronze-mining people with a strong work ethic.

The Macay are accomplished atlatl hunters and their greatest prize is the…

Why should I, the reader, care? What does this have to do with the Chapter? Yes, I can read between the lines of what you are trying to suggest, but maybe fleshing out how the Macay civilization has influenced the Eagle Eyes will help distinguish your Chapter's individuality a bit more.

Note on artisans:

See above.

Combat Doctrine

I like this section overall, but I wouldn't say that the Eagle Eyes "lean very much towards" the tactics of their parent Chapter. That suggests they are rooted in some other doctrine and just "lean toward" or "tend to follow" Raven Guard tactics. I'd use a stronger word to show they are firmly grounded in, committed to, entrenched in the surgical strike tactics of the Raven Guard. They you can discuss what the other, non-Raven Guard tactics they might "lean towards" on occasion.

Their geneseed is stable, but flawed.

That is good, but bad. Maybe something more descriptive would be "Although generally stable, the Eagle Eyes geneseed does show some of the same fundamental flaw as that of its parent Chapter."

A final note about the relationship with the AdMech:

I have some issues with this section in general, but again, a lot of it is nitpicky.

There are dark rumors that hint at a special relationship that exists between the Priests of Mars and the Eagle Eyes.

I don't think that the fact that a special relationship between Mars and the Eagle Eyes exists in and of itself would give rise to "dark" rumors. The "dark" part comes from what you are suggesting they are engaged in. Maybe "dark rumors swirl around the special relationship…"?

They speak of the natives peculiar glyphic artwork, which some say resembles that seen in the rotting tombs of the Necrontyr.

Who has seen the inside of the rotting tombs of the Necrontyr? Like 13 people, most of whom were Space Marines and not prone to gossip?

Whispers about research facilities, burrowed deep beneath the Brazen Fortress have spread amongst the Macay.

I thought the Macay were primitive jungle savages? Even if they are bronze-age miners, would they know what a "research facility" is or understand the concept you are trying to convey here such that they would whisper about it?

Entire villages have been found destroyed, torn apart by strange weaponry, the kin of the victims forbidden to pass into the quarantines erected by the Eagle Eyes.

So the Eagle Eyes are testing Necrontyr weaponry on the villages of their own planet?

The chapter appears to have friends with influence within the ranks of the AdMech, and they sport a wide assortment of tanks, munitions, and weaponry.

I'd consider rephrasing this into something more of a transactional relationship than a friendship.

In return, it is believed by some that they trade information about the Necron menace and actively seek out specimens of proscribed Xeno technology.

I think it is likely that a Chapter dealing in Necron information and technology would draw the interest of the Inquisition and likely the distrust of everyone else in the Imperium.

Necron glyphic symbols do appear openly on some of the chapter's relics, as has been recorded by some of their allies.

Kind of a big red flag for the Inquisition, and just about any other "allies". Anyone who knows what those symbols mean are going to have faced the Necron and probably lost a lot of friends and brothers to them, and would probably be very upset about that.

The chapter is very private and insular as a rule, and they offer no comment on this relationship.

All Chapters are private and insular as a rule, and the Inquisition doesn't take "no comment" as an answer. Also, this is implying a Eagles Eyes-Necron relationship, not just an Eagle Eyes-AdMech relationship.

 

Overall, I like your Chapter and I think you have a good start with some great original ideas. The Eagles Eyes / AdMech / Necron ménage needs to be worked out, I think, maybe slipped into the other parts of the IA rather than cut out as a stand alone section. Maybe even omit any direct reference to the Necron, and just mention the archaic glyph symbols, etc. Make it subtle enough that other Imperial allies won't balk at working with them, and the Inquisitors will put it lower on their "to do" lists.

[JeffTibbetts]

@ Griph, thanks so much! That's what I was looking for. I will give this a reworking based on many of your comments. So, I think I should tone down the "savage" language a bit and give a better representation. I was thinking very much of Aztec and Mayan cultures, who had an excellent work ethic and craftsman cultures. Westerners would call them savages, but they were advanced in their own way. As for the AdMech, the idea here is not that they're working with 'crons, but rather the colony there is waking up and they are trying to keep that secret. I should clarify that. As for glyphs, I do have one chapter relic that basically insults the 'crons in their own language. It is carved with the glyphs for "Death-bringer" and I imagine that the blade is only wielded when they're on their own. I should probably just change that. Seems a bit naff in hindsight. 

[JeffTibbetts]

Alright, Gripharius and anyone else. I have made some edits to address a few of your concerns. Does this read better to you? I really appreciate the feedback so far and I look forward to getting some more if anyone's got some. Thanks for the links to the additional resources as well. Good stuff. 

[Andurin Marvak]

Well, this certainly seems like an enjoyable Chapter to work with.

 

However, some constructive criticism: In regards to how they obtain artisans and recruits, at one point you mention that they reside in an area the natives intentionally avoid, which would indicate a sense of separation between the people and the astartes. However, they also seem to at least have some interaction on a police-esque level when it comes to what smells like Necrons. You've also left the exact means of how they go about obtaining their recruits a little vague. You have what they look for (bloodsport winners, eagle slayers, good artisans) but not how they get it. Especially considering how young one needs to be for geneseed to work properly when inserted, your chapter would need to be watching like their namesake for potential candidates while hiding in the bushes so the locals don't run off in fear. It could even be that the people have begun to hide certain skills to avoid becoming "lost ones".

 

Then again, you do state that the Eagle Eyes control the level of technology on the planet, so do they have a more active public role, or just seek out inventors and wreck their stuff?

[JeffTibbetts]

That's a great point, Andurin. I think, conceptually, it follows that a chapter that's so interested in watching everything would naturally have the place wired up with so many cameras and vox-thieves that they would know everything. Big brother, but never revealing it. All the Macay would know is that their deeds always seemed to be noticed. I love the idea that some citizens would try to hide their skills, say if they had just fallen in love and had a child on the way. Now, I had originally toyed with the idea that they were sort of like the Salamanders, living amongst the people and even maybe governing them... But this is Grimdark and that's just not in keeping with their personality. When a person shows the kind of talent that might result in them being a gifted scientist, they are recruited into the crews that maintain equipment. When an artist or poet starts a movement, they are brought to the artisans in the fortress. This has the benefit of keeping the people down. Sort of. I figure they don't really want to be enemies, per se. Just aloof. Distant and cold. So, there are benefits as well. As with many astartes sharing space with mere mortals, the locals would come to see them as protectors and benefactors, semi-mythical and almost godlike. I think the Eagle Eyes would support and foster that image. Maybe presiding over the games publicly, sending out emissaries to collect those who would become the lost and handsomely rewarding the families (maybe even setting them up for generations) who made the sacrifice, etc. Those with talent are rewarded, but they are also gone forever to serve with the warriors. This isn't really unique amongst astartes, from my understanding. The only thing that sets my guys apart is that they seem to know everything that happens and I'm sure the locals really don't know how and might have all sorts of theories. 

[Messor]

I would only suggest some level of moderation or "returning to the source" between the EE and the Macay. If any promising individual is immediately plucked from the populace, it might keep them too down. Desirable traits breeding out and all. That wouldn't necessarily happen, but it's possible. Perhaps some of the most effective artisans, smiths, etc. are left to train apprentices (who would also be likely be the appropriate age for gene-seed implants).

[Gripharius]

The update looks a whole lot better.  Great work!

[JeffTibbetts]

...Perhaps some of the most effective artisans, smiths, etc. are left to train apprentices (who would also be likely be the appropriate age for gene-seed implants).

 

Yeah. I like that. I think I might nick that. I think they would still sponsor the person, and would make them something like an ambassador. Instant celebrity status. That person would then act like something between a mentor and a cheerleader, actively promoting that their students try their best to get noticed and recruited. I can also see opportunistic parents trying to get their children recruited either as warriors or servants, as the financial benefits and status earned would offset the pain of the sacrifice. Ham up the idea that those who are good enough to go to the astartes are heroes in their own way, whether they're soldiers or servants. 

[Gripharius]

You note the EEs' penchant for recon and intelligence gathering.  It only makes sense that they would maintain recon and intel gathering efforts on their homeworld.  Hell, that would probably be one of the easiest ways to train their recruits and scouts in recon and intel gathering -- spying on the homeworld populace. 

 

 

 

[JeffTibbetts]

Okay. Reworked the writing a bit, cleaned it up, added the headers, etc. I think I incorporated or addressed most of your comments, concerns, etc. I made the notes secions into spoilers so you can read them or not as you choose. 

 

And just because it says that it's finished, do not believe for a second that I don't want your C&C. If you have tips for formatting or anything as well, don't be shy. If you think something should be expanded or if it doesn't make sense, let me know! :D 

[Malthe]

I like what you've got :)
 

I seems you're at a point where critique is more wanted than compliments (which your article deserves) so I'll try to name a few areas you could improve upon.

First of all, you desperately need to add a Beliefs section.

How a chapter defines itself and its role in the universe is one of the most interesting and characteristic elements of an IA. Your chapter is interesting enough that we want to know.

 

Besides that, I would like it if you explored the chapter's relationship with the Ad.Mech as well as the Necron-connection, within the article itself.

Try to put some meat on these major elements of the history of your chapter. Maybe you could add a Later History section to explore this in.

This would also help to situate your chapter within the shared universe that is the 41st millennium. 

 

Also, I'd like to get to know a few characters of your chapter. Tell us about their Chapter Master, or their Master of the Forge, or whoever have a big influence on who they are today.

Adding a few quotes or sidebars can be a good way to do this.

 

I think that's about it. As I said, I like where you're at conceptually. Your language and use of metaphors is also very good. But you would do well to go a little further plotwise.

Cheers!

[JeffTibbetts]

I added in a beliefs section that I believe ties in a lot of the comments and adds some much needed depth to my boys in green. Let me know what you think! I was thinking a lot about how watching people inevitable changes the watcher. Creepy stuff. 

[JeffTibbetts]

Added in some quotations to three of the sections for flavor. Also broke down the AdMech section into two sidebars: one from the perspective of the Macay and the other in an omniscient narrator that spells out clearly what's happening with the AdMech and Necron. 

[Malthe]

This is really starting to come together :)

I like your quotes and especially the first sidebar. I'm not sold on the second (omniscient) one however.
First of all, we can pretty much figure out what's going on without you spelling it out for us. Secondly I think you could add something more 'inuniverse' regarding the relationship between your chapter and the Ad.Mech. That would be much more interesting, in my opinion.

 

Regarding your Beliefs section:
I like what you're trying to do, but firstly I think you would do well to polish off the language of that section (it's not up to the standards of the rest of the article) and secondly it doesn't tell us an awful lot about the actual beliefs of the Eagle Eyes. You might want to look into that :)

If you want to expand a little upon your article, which you could easily do, I suggest you spend some words exploring the chapters reaction to the fact that they live on a tomb world.
As I said in my previous post I think you could easily fill out a Later History section with a more indepth look at that situation and the consequences of it.

[JeffTibbetts]

Sorry it took so long… I really took what Malthe said to heart and gave it some more attention yesterday. And then the server crashed and was restored... I rewrote the beliefs section to make it more about, you know… Their beliefs. That includes dropping in a left sidebar about the chapter master's aerie and adding that whole drop-pod section to the beliefs area. That does leave the Macay artisan section as the only thing I have formatted with "spoilers" and it seems a bit out of place now. That's not true, I still have the armor section down there as well. 

 

I added a new, 'in-universe' sidebar that I think works a hell of a lot better, actually. Thanks for the idea, Malthe. 

 

Now, as for a later history section, I'm still not entirely sold on the idea. I'm not entirely sure what else I would really say, other than to add a few notes about how they suppress rumors of the Necron awakening (hinted at already), explore the tomb complexes (hinted to already), and work with the AdMech (hinted at already). I think the sidebars might get this all done with a bit of mystery maintained? What was it that you think I should add in that section, really? Do you maybe have some examples of really well-done later history sections I could take a look at. I don't recall ever really seeing them in the 'official' IAs. 

[Malthe]

Nice work, Jeff!
I think the new sidebar is great (through I would remove the "which they enjoy very much"-parenthesis - it doesn't sound very ad.mech) especially the end of it about the increasing stress level. There is an awful lot of information in that short text, some of which was what I originally suggested would fit in a Later History section, and all of which adds character to the Eagle Eyes.

It also makes a lot of sense to put the aerie sidebar in the Beliefs section. And that whole new section is very nice.

About Later History sections: Octavulg has one in most of his IAs, if I recall correctly. They're all quite good. The same goes for Ferreta, Ace Debonair, SCL (Iron Gods), Ecritter and a bunch of other people. Also there is a bunch of links to good IAs at the end of the Octaguide, take a look if you like.

Mainly I'm look for something about what the EE are doing today, who's leading them, etc. You've got most of it covered already, so it's not like you have to make another section if you don't want to :)
 

[Iron Hands Fanatic]

Nice, this is pretty damn well written - the Chapter isn't too radical, but it has enough of a distinctive flavour to make it interesting. One thing I really like is how it's current version only hints at the 'Cron presence - there isn't any explicit statement that the subterranean complexes are those of the Necrontyr, which adds a touch of mystery, something that unfortunately is fading somewhat from the whole 40k mythos - the way you've written this almost places the reader on the same level as the Macayon this subject.

 

I've only got one suggestion, and that is that adding a couple of tidbits of fluff which indicate how the chapter interacts with other bodies within the Imperium - becuase so much of the IA is about the Chapter and their homeworld, that would help place them within the galactic setting a bit better (the description of their relationship with the AdMech is pretty ace, so more stuff in this vein would be cool)