Eagle Eyes IA - Back from the dead. Edited and expanded.

[JeffTibbetts]

Thanks for the input, guys. I think I'll do some little edits for now and do some reading/put some thought into what should be in that later history section. If I think about it as situating the chapter within the larger 40K universe it will make a lot more sense to me. I didn't plan it, but I think the way that the IA is so insular, myopic, and disconnected from the universe at large is totally appropriate to the chapter's attitude. ;) 

[geektom]

Hey Jeff, just re-read this thread for the third or fourth time- excellent stuff, and I commend you not just on the final version (which is just great) but in how you reacted to and incorporated the feedback you received.

 

I have been putting off doing this for my own chapter because I am really intimidated- but you have inspired me to man up and take a crack at it.

[JeffTibbetts]

Thanks, man. I've tweaked it a bit since I posted this as well. I really should go through it again and get it totally cleaned up. I have some big ideas and I'm not sure how they're going to pan out yet. Mainly due to a growing idealogical tension within the chapter. I don't think I've ever seen it addressed in an IA, so maybe it'd be better suited to some fiction to go along with it.

 

Anyway I'd love to see an IA for your Storm Brothers. Let me know if you post it. I don't troll the IA forums as often as I used to.  

[JeffTibbetts]

I'm reviving this post, because I've reworked a couple of things and added a recent history section to the first post. Please have a look, brothers, and hit me with a fresh round of feedback. I'd like to finish this up as I read more about my Raven Guard primogenitors and consider the way the Eagle Eyes fight on the field. 

 

Thoughts? Suggestions? Where would you add/trim to better evoke the feeling I'm going for here.

[Disruptor_fe404]

The Recent History section doesn't read as brisk/snappy as the rest of it. I almost want to say there's a touch too much detail about the Queen Bee/Aurelia.

[Commissar Molotov]

Interesting - I tried to read this IA as though I knew nothing about the Chapter. Whilst you have a lot of interesting ideas, I think the overall presentation is a little jumbled and confusing - and, perhaps, a little self-involved at times. 

 

I feel that the picture you've created is of a Chapter that has existed for three and a half millennia - but you only really focus on the recent centuries where they've been affected by rising tensions on their homeworld, the Necron awakening, and the arrival of the Queen Bee. I think that works to your Chapter's detriment. I feel your Origins section goes into a little too much detail about the founding of your Chapter - or rather, it focuses a little too much on the wrong details. I think it would possibly serve you better to use that section to detail the wider Imperium's view of the Eagle Eyes. This then sets up the rest of the article, allowing the reader to see what they're really like, and what's causing their recent changes. 

 

 

 

 

 

[JeffTibbetts]

Thanks, fellas. This is exactly what I was looking for. I'll take another crack at it soon.

[That Guy Matt]

So I've only seen this in its most recent version and I think it's pretty good. I like the Aeries thing, it's unique and characterful without being over the top.

 

Reading previous comments it seems you had some more Necrony stuff in previous incarnations. Gotta say the section you left in about the destroyed villages did confuse me until I saw that. I've always imagined once Necrons awoke they would assault any I terlopers on their world en masse rather then sending out small parties to attack isolated settlements.

 

I like the tie in stuff with your Knight too. I'd be careful about having the Marines give the pilot too much reverence though. I don't think you have but I could see how it could be interpreted that way.

[JeffTibbetts]

Asamodai, the rub here is this is a dormant tomb world, and they only wake up in tiny 'patrol' segments on occasion. The rest awake only as the AdMech disturb them to study their tomb network (illegally). They've kept it all secret so they could prosper from the relationship, and it makes for excellent training for the troops. The obvious downside is they can't contribute as much to campaigns, since a garrison needs to stay home at all times.