What if Fulgrim had killed himself on Isstvan V?

[Kol Saresk]

To be honest, that sounds like an attempt at assisted suicide.

[The Nephilim]

 

Yep. From Fulgrim: 

 

‘Oblivion,’ he whispered as he closed his eyes. ‘Do it. End me.’ The barriers in Fulgrim’s mind dropped and he felt the elation of a creature older than time as it poured into the void in his soul. No sooner had its touch claimed his flesh for its own than he knew he had made the worst mistake of his life. Fulgrim screamed as he fought to keep it out, but it was already too late. His consciousness was crushed into the dark, unused corners of his mind, forever to be a mute witness to the havoc wrought by his body’s new master. One moment Fulgrim was a primarch, one of the Emperor’s Children, the next he was a thing of Chaos.

I'm a huge EC fan, right? I mean like compared to most people, I'm one of the few hardcore EC fanboys. I have a notebook full of EC quotes and descriptions from the Hersey novels and from the other BL novels that even mention Slaanesh or the EC. Someday, I'll be using said notebook for a revamp on my Index Traitoris.

 

That said, even during that scene, I couldn't help but keeping thinking, "Fulgrim... *sigh* You're such a tool."

[GhostMalone]

Really....

 

That scene was one of my favourites of the entire series, the humanisation of a primarch.

 

If you've ever felt the despair of losing someone that was a brother to you and you know you played a part in their fall the guilt shame pain and weight of it is a burden that is unbearable.

 

If you haven't you couldn't comprehend the mindset, it's an unbearable pit of self loathing and a void that drains all the light from the world.

 

In those moments it's when suicide and the craving for peace (in this case oblivion) are all that a person wishes for.

 

The blood of his closest brother is literally on his hands and the surreal moment of clarification when you see what your actions have wrought you feel overwhelmed and don't wish to continue on.

 

Grief is one of the most destructive facets of the human psyche as it plays into the hands of regret, dwelling, hopelessness, anger & doubt.

 

It's like exposing a flame to a fuel source.

 

It can cause a pretty big explosion of self destructive behaviour, which on a primarchs level is falling into the pits of self degradation and burning a universe to the ground

[The Nephilim]

I felt something more closer than I'd ever like to admit. My mother passed in 2008 and it's something that I still haven't been able to reconcile completely. My mother was a confidant, sister and dear friend in my adult years. Her loss The amount of guilt I still harbor is a dark beast I have yet to conquer. The amount of excessive drinking that occurred in the first year after her death resulted in two stomach ulcers. I understand completely the loss of which you speak.