Libators - DIY Development

[Captain Juan Juarez]

A lot better but it should be in the beliefs section, otherwise it seems good to go as a paragraph.

[Welcheren]

The death of the Warmaster did not signal the end of the Imperium's ordeal or the cessation of conflict. Though the scales had begun to turn, the stern trial of the Scouring lay ahead. The Primarch accorded each successor of the Ultramarines a sacred mission in accordance with his foresight. The Libators chapter were dispatched to the uttermost end of the Ultima Segmentum, there to undertake the reconquest of worlds that had fallen to xenos during the Heresy, to defend these borders against further attack, and (in time) to search for human civilisations as yet untouched by the light of the Imperium.

 

Heraklios Mori guided his chapter in this endeavour for 98 standard years. But then he took a course of action that would lead those few who became appraised of subsequent events to question the wisdom of his selection as chapter Master. What records remain of his conduct during the Heresy paints a picture of a pious and calculating man, dour in demeanour, though of piercing intelligence. Yet although his chapter was still engaged in a crucial stage of their mission against xenos-held worlds, Heraklios summoned half the number of his most experienced veterans and departed for that section of the Ultima Segmentum patrolled by the Novamarines and Lucretius Corvo, leaving the rest of the chapter under the leadership of his Chief Librarian and First Company Champion. No account of his motivations or that of Corvo has been divulged by either Chapter, nor has any Brother disclosed the nature of the threat these two chapter Masters intended to meet, or why the presence of Mori and half his veterans was considered important. The Libators are loathe of speak of it, for they will brook not criticism of their Founder, but neither will they reveal more evidence. And thus, how long Heraklios intended to remain away from his chapter remains unknown.

Whatever they had departed to achieve, the Libators soon received news that thousands of pilgrims, upon a small moon within the Ultima Segmentum, home to a cathedral of obeisance to the Throne on Earth, had became isolated by the sudden emergence of a xenos race - never recorded before or since. The Libators despised such deification of the Emperor, and were loathe to be distracted from their original mission, but duty demanded intervention. The attack struck at a most inopportune moment, for the Libators and their Novamarine allies had already divided their forces into numerous strike forces in order engage whatever threat it was that had initially moved Mori to join Corvo. Only three squads of the Novamarines and three veteran squads of the Libators - all low on supplies - were in the vicinity. These were led by Mori himself, while Corvo and other strike forces were engaged elsewhere. The force under Mori's command diverted from their original mission, and deployed to the moon, landing around the many-tiered structure of the cathedral. The xenos rushed on in droves, and there is some indication that they were led by shape-shifting abominations and metallic creatures reminiscent of daemon engines.

[Welcheren]

Thanks.

[Welcheren]

I just can't decide whether to specify "uttermost end" as north (close to the Ghoul Stars) or south. In fact, I hope that I could leave it blank. 

[Captain Juan Juarez]

 

The Primarch accorded each successor of the Ultramarines a sacred mission in accordance with his foresight.

 

This doesn't quite ring true with me. I like the idea tha Guilliman said "And lo, my sons, go forth and slay some traitors forthwith..." but the manner of it would need to be a little different I think. Rather than a sacred mission, explore alternate ways to word it or alternate ideas. "Scared Mission" is one of those cliches that can have a negative impact.

 

 

The Libators chapter were dispatched to the uttermost end of the Ultima Segmentum...

 

This does indeed sound a little off when read aloud, perhaps instead try the following:

 

 

"The Libators were dispatched to the furtherst reaches of the Ultima Segmentum..."

 

One point to make is, and one that I've seen drummed in time and time again, is that if you need to put something in parenthesis do you actually need to include it at all?

 

 

 

Yet although his chapter was still engaged in a crucial stage of their mission against xenos-held worlds, Heraklios summoned half the number of his most experienced veterans and departed for that section of the Ultima Segmentum patrolled by the Novamarines and Lucretius Corvo, leaving the rest of the chapter under the leadership of his Chief Librarian and First Company Champion.

 

First point is that I feeel this needs to be reworded but also, I think command should have deveolved to the Captain of the First Company of the new Chapter. Also, I would suggest, you could make Mori's "crime" seem far worse by insinuating that perhaps his new Chapter wasn't quite at full strength when he departed with the backbone of its strength in the First Company.

 

 

The Libators are loathe of speak of it, for they will brook not criticism of their Founder...

 

Technically, this is Guilliman. Mori is the founding Master but the true founder is Guilliman.

 

 

The Libators despised such deification of the Emperor....

 

I think despised is a strong word and that it also imlies how they might feel towards the pilgrims.

[Welcheren]

Thanks. Will reflect on these points and see how I can improve them in the article.

[Welcheren]

The death of the Warmaster did not signal the end of the Imperium's ordeal or the cessation of conflict. Though the scales had begun to turn, the stern trial of the Scouring lay ahead. Armed with both the cold logic of the recently completed Codex Astartes, and the smoldering ire of retribution, the Libators set out to participate in the violence that heralded a new era in the life of the Imperium. Setting a course for the southernmost reaches of the Ultima Segmentum, the Libators undertook the reconquest of entire systems that had fallen to xenos during the Heresy.

 

Heraklios Mori guided his chapter in this endeavour for 98 standard years. But then he took a course of action that would lead those few who became appraised of subsequent events to question the wisdom of his selection as Chapter Master. What records remain of his conduct during the Heresy paints a picture of a pious and calculating man, dour in demeanour, though of piercing intelligence. At the start of the 99th year after the end of the Heresy, while engaged in crucial stage of a campaign against xenos-held worlds that saw every company in his chapter operating under strength from continuous fighting, Heraklios departed. Having summoned half the number of his most experienced veterans he made for that section of the Ultima Segmentum patrolled by the Novamarines and Lucretius Corvo. All remaining forces were left under the command of the First Company Captain, advised by the Chief Librarian. No account of Mori's motivations, or that of Corvo's, has been divulged by either Chapter. No Brother has disclosed the nature of the threat these two Chapter Masters intended to meet, or why the presence of Mori and half his veterans was considered important. The Libators are loathe of speak of it, for they will brook no criticism of their first Chapter Master, but neither will they reveal more evidence. And thus, how long Heraklios intended to remain away from his chapter remains unknown.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I likes it but I do have a singular, minor, quibble that sits within the first paragraph, and that is the use of the word "violence". It doesn't seem to fit with the epic and arching undertones of the piece as a whole and draws it back in to world of the mundane and everyday.

 

But congratulations, you have me nit-picking stylistic issues so you must be doing something correct!

[Welcheren]

Praise to warm the heart.

I'll think about it a little. Reading up about 40k lore (even if I have read it before) helps to get my mind into epic-gear, such as my mental gears are.

I promise I'll scrutinise your alterations to the Obsidian Knights as soon as I can... the hard realities of life (i.e. work are a-knocking).

Glad you stuck to the name.

[Welcheren]

.

[Welcheren]

With a great deal of (much appreciated) help from Captain Juan Jaurez, I have attempted to enhance the visual quality of the article. Still a work in progress though (struggling with the image of Plataea).

[Welcheren]

The notable campaigns section has been re-drafted.

 

I have also expanded the chapter beliefs section a little, especially the fourth paragraph. It now includes a note on the Libators growing their own wines aboard battle barges. Not sure if this works with the rest of the article.

[Welcheren]

I have also made a few formatting changes that will hopefully ease readability.

[Julgolax]

I suppose I was foolish in thinking that the Libators weren't already taken by a resident B&C member. :(

[Welcheren]

Well... you know what it's like: either GW will leave them more or less blank (as they are in the current Codex), or every single idea discussed here will be swept away by official fluff from GW or a BL author.

Clearly, therefore: you might as well as conjure your own stuff.

The Libators chapter is officially open for grabs. Here's an idea though: since this is a collaborative site - perhaps we can mix and match and see what comes us?

Love your signature.

[Brother Tyler]

There's no reason whatsoever that multiple members can't develop their own versions of the same Chapter. We see this all the time with fully developed Chapters (i.e., those with forums), partially developed Chapters (e.g., oodles of us have our own versions of the Fire Claws/Relictors), and even similar DIYs (e.g., multiple Iron Dragons, Spartans, etc. Chapters).

[Welcheren]

Of course. Good point.

[Welcheren]

So, Brother Lornak

 

Do you have any ideas ready for Libators fluff? If you have not posted them elsewhere already (in which case, could you please post the link), please feel free to add them here.