Canoness

[Fibonacci]

I need somewhere to put this.  It won't make much sense on its own, being one scene in the middle of a larger story but here goes nothing.

 

First draft

 

============

“Jantine!”

The woman looked up when she heard her name called.  A pair of Celestians armored in white with black and red robes stood guard by the massive door.  The smaller of the two motioned to the lone woman in the hall. “Palatine Kissa will see you now,” said the warrior firmly. “You have five minutes.”

Jantine inhaled deeply as stood.  Her purposeful gait belied the trepidation she felt about the anticipated encounter.  Kissa was just recently promoted to Palatine and given command of the Order.  Her predecessor had known Justine well and even respected the assassin’s ability in combat. But Canoness Sain Ferch Addien -- Mother Jon -- lay entombed in the ice of Placidus’ southern pole where her martyred body remained un-recovered.

Jantine stopped at the doorway and began to remove the belt and scabbards that held a pair of deadly power swords.

“Keep your weapons,” said the larger Celestine.  “This base is still under alert.  You may need them at moment’s notice.”

Jantine continued and let her blades fall to the floor. “Take them,” she said with a sigh. “I will not need them where I am going.”

The smaller Celestine gave Jantine a quizzical gaze as she watched the young woman pass the doorway.  Her partner merely shrugged and retrieved the prized weapons from the floor. Jantine walked into the large room without a look back.

The room was a chapel on most days but this was not like most days.  Today it was the office of a new commanding officer and a war room filled with maps, logistics and sevators all in an effort to predict the movements of one particularly elusive heretic. Kissa stood over one low table with her back to the door.  Jantine approached with hesitation not knowing how to start.  She did not have to.

“Why are you here, Child,” Kissa questioned. “Is this not something Augustina should know?”

Jantine paused as her anxiety turned to a clenching knot in her chest. “No, Ma’am,” Jantine replied as reverent as she could.  “Reverend Augistina cannot help me with this.” 

Jantine tried to swallow but her mouth was too dry.  After a few seconds she managed to spit out rapidly, “I would like to take the vow of the Repentia.”

Kissa stood up from the table but did not turn around.  With her back to Jantine she asked, “why would you want to do such a thing, Child?”  Her voice was soft and had the effect of putting Jantine at ease.  As Jantine began to relax the emotions slipped in where discipline had once held her in check.  A single tear began to form in Jantine’s eye.  The first to do so in 7 years.

“I failed the Emperor,” Jantine stated.  “I was there when Sain fell.  It should have been me.  I should have been faster.”

Kissa turned to face Jantine.  The optics that replaced her left eye reflected the dim light of the chapel room; a bright contrast to her caramel skin. Even with the scar running down her cheek she was a strikingly beautiful woman.  “You were wounded, were you not?”

Jantine hesitated for a moment and then nodded and answered, “yes, Ma’am.”

“I was told you could have died there.  Should have died by the way Augistina puts it.”

“But I didn’t die,” Jantine answered.  “Please, Mother Kissa, if y…”

“DO NOT CALL ME THAT,” Kissa shouted.  Jantine startled but remained quiet.  Kissa regained her composure quickly and added “my name is Palatine Kissa.”

“Yes, Palatine,” Jantine stated with a nod.

Kissa’s voice was again soft and comforting when she said, “does this have something to do with Manoe?”

Seven years ago.  Jantine thought she had cried enough to last a lifetime then.  She blinked away the tear and pulled her anger over herself like a warm blanket.  In doing so she locked her feelings away for another moment but she knew it could not last forever.

Kissa continued, “Augustina and I have worked together before. She told me what happened on Placidus and when you asked to see me I spoke with her about why one of her followers would come to me.”

Jantine stood silent, holding her reaction in check.  She should have known Kissa would not go into any engagement unprepared, even one with a woman who has sworn to give her life at Kissa’s command. 

 

“Do you know what you are asking,” Kissa demanded. Of course Jantine knew.  Kissa knew she was aware of the fate she was asking.  Kissa was right about Manoe.  The pain of losing Manoe had never died.  Jantine could not save her then any more than she could save Sain on Placidus.  How many others had there been?  More than she could count were lost on the day Manoe was taken alone.  Vengeance with her blades helped hide their faces but Manoe’s face never faded.  The gentle hospitaler never stood a chance.  All Justine’s heart knew was pain and the only way she knew to cope was by drowning it in pain.

 

Jantine said simply, “yes Ma’am.  I want to take the vow of the Repentia.  I need to take the vow of the Repentia.  Without it I cannot find absolution for my sins.”

“What sin is that,” Kissa asked. “The sin of living?” Kissa shook her head sadly.  “From Death Cult to Death Wish it would seem.”

“Please, Palatine,” Jantine pleaded.

“You are not Sororitas.”

“I have lived with you, worshiped with you, learned with you and even killed for you since I was 12 years old.  I have tended to your wounded, mended your armor and faced the wrath of heretics in your place.  It has taken its toll.”  Jantine paused and licked her lips.  “I’m afraid, Palatine.  When I say I need to take the vow, I mean I need to take the vow.”

Kissa turned back to the table and leaned over the scattered papers and dataslates wearily. “Very well.  I don't want your blood on my hands but I will not deny your request.  You are to report to Mistress Rochael; she will hear your vow and hold you in repentance until such time as she deems your penance is complete.  Be aware that Mistress Rochael has never pronounced a sister’s sin absolved while their hearts were still beating.”

Jantine breathed a sigh of relief and said “thank you, Palatine.”

“DISMISSED” Kissa barked, making Jantine jump.  The Sororitas then added almost under her breath, “maybe you can be of use to us one more time before you throw your life away.”

[vonny]

interesting. There's some rought edges on the writing style (alhough i'm in no position and of no ability to say where the 'problems' lie exactly), but I guess that can be expected from a first draft. I like how I immediately get an idea of the palantine's character and thoughts by the way she behaves here (shown, not told), and how well-rounded the characters seem to be.

 

I guess now that I think about it, if there was any place where the flow of the story seems a bit forced, it's when Jantine had to deal with her sorrow by burying it in anger. It's worth looking at a bit more I think.

 

Hope this helps, and hope you post more!

[Fibonacci]

Thanks.

I have that part about pain in the wrong place.  I moved it around trying to fit it in but it needs to be in the scene that happens before this.  The trip home from a failed mission where I can explore her thoughts.

[Vigrid Of Asgaror]

Very interesting, I am not sure, but in some places you write Justine instead of Jantine. Unless they are two separate characters, in which case I need to either read it better or it isn't very clear.

 

Overall I found it good, it is always nice to read something related to the Adepta Sororitas.