Captain Juan Juarez Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 We awake in darkness. It is not the pleasant darkess that enfolds us as we drift in to dreamless sleep but something more cloying; closer and more intimate but lacking the warmth of true intimacy. We do not likes this darkness. We do not fear it but there is something in it that is wrong to our senses, something that brings a spike of emotion that we at once know and recognise but is also a new sensation. It takes less effort than we imagined to stand; dust and debris scattering from us and we rise, servos whining almost in protest at our movements. Our gaze drifts to our weapon, fallen from our grip, the spear that is our badge of honour. Without conscious thought we have snatched it from the ground, eyes drifting across symbols etched in to the blade the we know but do not recognise. In the blink of an eye our spear begins to glow, building to a blazing light that throws back the darkness and raises from the shadows that which we sensed was wrong; we are watched. "Little brothers, why have you come?" We see them, free of shadow now with weapons naked in their fists. "There is nothing for you here. We.. I.. having nothing to say." The biggest of them, so unlike the little brothers I remember, has cold grey eyes and we do not like the way he stands calmly with a humming blade at his side. "We know you," we say, our voice low and smooth, head cocked to one side. "You screamed and you cried but they did not come to save you. You hid where the hunters could not find you and you were lucky; you survived when thousands of other souls fought and died until our brothers came." We have barely finished before the humming blade is poised at our throat but like quicksilver we are gone in an instant, flowing through the space around us until we are behind the man with the humming blade. Our voice is quiet and soothing as we speak softly in to his ear, "We will not allow you to harm us." The silence is broken by the loud crack as we break his neck, our spear blazing in all it's glory as blue fire burns at our fingertips and we go to slay all those who would harm us. ---------------------------------------------------------- Ok, so for some people the above may be a little bit weird but I'd quite like to see reactions to it before I explain or go further in to the tale. hopefully, even if you don't fully understand where I might be going it is still an interesting read for everyone who chooses too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Argent aquila Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 i quite like the way it's written, something tells me the marine is either a librarian with an extra mind or there are some really cool and unique mutations going on for the chapter... or maybe alpha legion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 We can taste their rage upon the air; an anger so intense it has become righteous; blooming like a white-hot nova in our mind. We feel our own, young and untried, emotions swell within us; anger and fear vying together, eventually replaced by wrath that they would seek to harm us so. They will not find us, we will not allow it. Our fingers caress the peeling skin of our armour, chips of blue paint flaking off with every stroke until bare grey patches greet the eye. We are surprised when we hear the voice, instantly on edge and gripping our spear so tightly that it blazes to fiery life in our anger and fear. Who are you? What have you done to me? the voice echoes within us, we feel it as much as hear it. "We are you and we are me. We are.. alive, where once we were not. We like these new thoughts and sensations, we would not allow any to take them from us." You cannot be. You wear my body but you have taken from me all I am, killing those I called brother and dishonouring my name until my only chance of redemption lies in death. "We will not allow you to harm us! We are you and we are me! We feel you, gnawing away at us, trying to seize control from us and we will not allow it." He surges to his feet, bright sparks of psychic energy flashing blue and silver and haloing his skull. More paint begins to peel, the psychic forces that cocoon him burning the very air itself until suddenly nothing is left but silence and the smell of ash. "We are alive, we will not allow any to take this from us. The thoughts, these sensations, they are so familiar but so new to us. We would not surrender this existence, you will have to take it from us and you have failed." Do you know duty? Do you know pride? These are things you have knowledge but no understanding of and I can show you what they mean, how they feel. "We do not trust this; you have tried to take life from us and yet you would aid us," he says, head cocked to one side curiously. I know duty, it has been my companion for three hundred years and I will not fail to do my duty even in death. We were given the task that brought us to this pit of a world and we will carry it out, though it mean we lay broken and bleeding. "We would know these words.. duty, pride. We would have you show us how to feel all the things this place has to give but we will not allow you to harm us." These words are spoken softly, almost pleadingly, drifting out to be swallowed by the surrounding darkness. Kill Ander Kiraen. Kill the Apothecary and we can be proud that we have done my duty. "We have killed, we know this feeling, it is.. pleasant. It fires the beast within us. We will hunt and we will kill, then you will show us everything." With purposeful steps he strides off in to the darkness, spear gripped loosely in one hand and stolen powersword bouncing loosely at one hip, his eyes burning softly with the echoes of blue and silver flame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcheren Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 This is very interesting. I thought it would turn into a case of the Librarian (I assume) killing the daemon (or other entity) that has possessed his body, but now it no longer seems that straightforward. And I wonder whether this will lead to the Librarian's madness (there is, after all, the tag Renegade to consider), or whether he remains true to his duty. I enjoy the writing style: Descriptions are clear and engaging, but never overdone. There is an easy elegance and balance: nothing too much or too little. My imagination is drawn in and allowed to colour the edges. Minor grammatical nitpicks: "anger so intense it has become righteous it blooms like a white-hot nova in our mind" either anger so intense it has become righteous. It blooms like a white-hot nova in our mind or anger so intense it has become righteous; it blooms like a white-hot nova in our mind and "More paint begins to peels" - peel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 Proof-reading is the bane of my existence; I get so caught in what I'm writing I don't want to break the spell by going back to proof read when I can carry on writing! The character in the tale is indeed a Librarian, who by different lights both has and has not turned from his duties. I think you'll be surprised by the route I aim to take with this, as well as a revelation or two as I go on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcheren Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 The spelling and grammar errors do not diminish the reading experience at all. I look forward to the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Argent aquila Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 i second welcheren. so long as it isn't bad enough to take away from the story, you'll be fine. can't wait to read more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathspectersgt7 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Ditto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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