Is this Backstory/Fluff "Too Much"?

[Nicodemus Doloroso]

I admit, inspiration hit me when reading the thread conjecturing over whether Sororitas and Astartes love could ever happen, and I wrote up this backstory for my inquisitor. I'd like those who are more engrained in the A.S. to read it, if you will, and let me know if you think its "too much" i.e. silly, unfluffy, Marie Sue, what have you. Be ruthless -- I can easily hack out the Sister of Battle storyline if you think it goes beyond the pale. But if you like it then I will know my inspiration was from the Emperor

MARCELLUS' PREFACE

SINCE I have taken upon myself to narrate the public and private life, and no small part of the deeds, of my lord and foster-father, the most justly renowned Lord Inquisitor Soulis of the Ordo Hereticus, I have condensed the matter into as brief a form as possible.
Though wholly unworthy to undertake such a work, I would rather commit my story to writing, and hand it down to posterity than to suffer the life of this most excellent inquisitor, the greatest of all the adjudicators of his day, and his illustrious deeds, hard for men of later times to imitate, to be wrapped in the darkness of oblivion.

But there are still other reasons, neither unwarrantable nor insufficient, in my opinion, that urge me to write on this subject, namely, the care that Lord Inquisitor Soulis bestowed upon me in my childhood, and my constant friendship with himself after I took up my place in his retinue. In this way he strongly endeared me to himself, and made me greatly his debtor as well in death as in life, so that were I to keep silence and suffer his life to lack due eulogy and written memorial, I should deservedly appear ungrateful, even though my powers are feeble, scanty, next to nothing indeed.
I submit the book. It contains the history of a very great and distinguished man; but there is nothing in it to wonder at besides his deeds, except the fact that I, who am a barbarian, seem to suppose myself capable of writing gracefully and respectably in High Gothic.


THE LIFE OF THE LORD INQUISITOR SOULIS

1. Plan of This Work

It would be folly, I think, to write a word concerning Lord Soulis' birth and infancy, or even his boyhood, for nothing has ever been written on the subject, and there is no one alive now who can give information on it. Accordingly, I determined to pass that by as unknown, and to proceed at once to treat of his character, his deed, and such other facts of his life as are worth telling and setting forth.

2. Sister Lynae

At the outset I should describe, though with as much delicacy and discretion as possible, an event in the early days of my lord’s career that is not only illustrative but definitive of who he was. His first undertaking in a military way after passing from interrogator to full inquisitor was the Oshillon crusade, begun by his predecessor but not brought to a close. Here was his first work with the illustrious Order of the Sacred Rose of the Adepta Sororitas, and here was the great triumph and tragedy that was his love for Lynae Kedian, a Battle Sister of that order.

Theirs was a pure love, the union of two of the Emperor’s most devoted servants. Inquisitor Soulis never doubted, for such was his unique humanity and unflinching devotion to the cause, that he knew there was room even for love in his service. Sister Lynae had secret doubts, however. She fell pregnant and was removed from the battle lines until she bore the child.

The Canoness and prioresses of the Order thought it no shame for Sister Lynae to leave the order and permanently attach herself to an inquisitor of the Ordo Hereticus, he being the human embodiment of the Emperor whom we all serve. Yet Lynae would have none of it, and upon the birth of the child, joined the ranks of the Sisters Repentia to purge her supposed lack of devotion to the Emperor of Mankind. By the time I, but a boy of nine then, acting as a runner as warp storms disrupted communications, brought the news to Inquisitor Soulis, the Repentia had already launched themselves against the heretics.

My lord found her broken body upon the plains of Uras, where the Repentia had spent themselves blunting an armoured spearhead. I could but stand by, holding my lord’s power sword as he cradled her in his arms, a cry of rage, greif, and agony issuing from his throat to rend the sky.
He laid her to rest, and his face now frozen into an icy mask, seized overall command of the campaign from the Lord Marshall Lupus and conducted the attack with a sort of frenzy. Thereupon the traitor governor chose the wiser course, and not only gave the renegade cardinal up, but submitted himself, with the planet which he ruled, to the Lord Inquisitor. The child born to him and Sister Lynae, a girl, was given up to the Schola Progenium though he frequently visited her and was ever solicitous for her progress.

3. The Querylaq Incursion

After bringing this war to an end and settling matters on Oshillon (where not one heretic was burnt absent conviction in a fair trial) ...

<< Intervening Paragraphs Redacted as irrelevant to this Report >>

13. First Sorgrecian War
In 763.M41 he was induced, by the prayers and entreaties of Slaydo, Warmaster commanding the Sabbat Worlds Crusade, to wage war on chaos in Operation Redrake. The Emperor’s light guided the Inquisitor to the Sorgrece system. The campaign once opened, he conducted it with the greatest vigor and did not desist or shrink from his task until, by his patience and firmness, he had completely gained his ends. Suffice it to say that this war ended with the subjection of the system, the banishment of Khargoth the Skulltaker back to the Warp, the expulsion of his warband from the Sabbat Worlds, and the restoration of the conquests of St.Sabbat to the Imperium.

Now came another pivotal moment in the life of Lord Soulis arose. In the equatorial Xenthali Jungle the Catachan XVIII Green Devils presented a last snag to the reconquest of Sorgrece V (also known as Valka). These soldiers, who had been among the first reinforcing units to arrive during the initial World Eater invasion, had been driven mad during the years of fighting the enemy in the jungles. They now attacked loyal troops and civilians alike thinking that they were Chaos adherents. Lord Inquisitor Soulis, donning his ancient terminator armour, took it upon himself to personally bring the Catachans back to the Emperor. Though ultimately successful, he very nearly met his demise. Fighting through the dense trackless jungles his force was dealt grave blows until he had only a small band of Sisters of Battle with him. After the Sisters’ Canoness was mortally wounded, Inquisitor Soulis attempted to lead the remaining troops to safety and was ambushed -- a demo pack was thrown right at his feet, and although the terminator armour took the brunt of the blast, it was not full proof against the devastating weapon.

The remaining Sisters escaped to retrieve reinforcements, leaving the Inquisitor behind, thinking him dead. Lesser men would indeed have been, but through sheer force of will and unconquerable faith in the Emperor, Lord Inquisitor Soulis persevered and was able to struggle out of the smoking and half-melted remains of his ancient armour and track-down the remaining guardsmen to their base. There, missing an arm, covered in wounds but still commanding the authority of the Emperor, he confronted Colonel Matrix, commanding officer of the remnants of the XVIII Green Devils. Finally understanding that they had been tricked by the wiles of Chaos, the guardsmen surrendered. In honour of their valour and skill-at-arms, Inquisitor Soulis opted to induct them to the Penal Legions rather than have them all burnt at the stake.

14. Opening the Third Eye

It was nearly a mortal blow of the spiritual sort that befell this heretofore notorious puritan as he recovered from his physical wounds. Latent psychic powers had been awakened by the near-death experience and resultant (according to some) encounter with the Emperor Himself.

[Dread]

Very well done! I rarely read fanfic but this is laid out very well. As far as too much, I find myself wanting more so, I think not. As a player of Sisters and GK (they have inquisitors) and from the few books I've read, they are both only human as you stated. I don't think it would to far off for your back story and I hope you use it in your games as well.

[WarriorFish]

I think it'd be better if you had it not so explicitly stated, for example talk about their "close friendship" and that it caused her to be removed and reassigned or some such. Both Inquisitors and Sisters may be human that is true, but they're also very driven and dedicated followers of the Emperor especially if they achieve any significant rank or achievements. Could they have a relationship - yes, but it'd likely not be an easy or normal one as they both battle their duty against their feelings.

 

That way you can sort of have your cake and eat it - those that want to can see what it's really talking about and those who might not like it can just think of them being BFFs :P Besides, I think things are more interesting when things are left hanging or somewhat open to interpretation, especially in the 40k universe. Otherwise I think it is well written, characterful piece :)

[Eddie Orlock]

It felt disjunctive when you implied that shortly atfter birthing the whelp she joined the repentia, yet it took long enough for her to meet the Emperor that the whelp had grown enough to serve in some capacity in daddy's retinue. Some, I'd expect, ten odd standard years most likely. Perhaps some mention of temporal distorion and warp travel is in order?

[Nicodemus Doloroso]

WarriorFish, that is a good idea to make it more subtle/mysterious about what exactly went on here. I can mention Soulis' frequent visits to a certain Schola Progenium that some whispered at, but nothing conclusive.

 

Eddie: I will reword things so that it makes more sense. The narrator/writer of this fictional biography, Interrogator Marcellus, is NOT the whelp born of the inquisitor. That child, well ... we don't know what happened to her after she was taken to the Schola Progenium although some claim that a certain Explicator who joined the inquisitor's service many years later bears a striking resemblance to Soulis ...

[Nuclear Fridge]

That child, well ... we don't know what happened to her after she was taken to the Schola Progenium although some claim that a certain Explicator who joined the inquisitor's service many years later bears a striking resemblance to Soulis ...

Intriguing possibility there... and given the sort of life-extension/regeneration treatments available to high-ranking Imperials, Soulis would still be more than capable of front-line fighting by that point. And I'm sure that Explicator 'Whoever' would carry out her duties in a fashion that makes Soulis look like a liberal!

In Section 13, the line "Now came another pivotal moment in the life of Lord Soulis arose."... It reads a bit awkwardly. "Now arose another pivotal event..." might scan a little better.

By and large, I'm enjoying this very much. I like the overcooked, florid style Marcellus employs; I have this weird mental image of him nodding sagely and scribbling notes into a holo-slate while Soulis is getting to work on another heretic with the white-hot pokers, capturing the Great Man's wisdom amidst the screams of agony...