Dark Consuls - first draft

[maartendp]

Hi all,

 

Here is my first attempt at a homebrew chapter, this is very much the start, all feedback is more then welcome

 

Chapter
name: Dark Consuls

Progenitor:unknown

Founding:unknown

Colours: Macrage blue and light green

Chapter badge: see signature
 

Brief History

-founded in secret by the adeptus mechanicus as a favor to the knightly house of ‘Risus.

-no records about the founding exists, nor is it known what geneseed was used in their
creation.

-Original home world : Tenebrosam

-The house of Risus Tenebrosam has founded the dark consuls to have their second and later
born children stand a chance to achieve glory in battle without the need of
creating more knight suits.

-the chapter appears trough history in several noticeable battles, always arriving
unasked in support of imperial troops to quickly disappear after battle. Their
strike forces are always lead by an imperial knight from house Risus

-the Tenebrosam system gets under assault by craftworl biel-tan.  As the war wages, neither the eldar, nor the consuls succeed in achieving victory. The conflict wages on for several century’s, when late in m39 an ork whaaag descents on the system.

-The eldar, who are now besieged from both sides decide to destroy the entire system to
terminate the ork tread.

-only the ‘potemkin obscurum’  battle cruiser  of the Dark Consuls escape the destruction.  It is not known at that point whether any
knights escaped

-the dark consuls become a space born chapter, hate against the eldar is passed on in the
chapter from generation to generation. They recruit new battle brothers on any
planet they pass in their pursuit of the biel-tan craftworld.

-because of the relatively small size of the Potemkin the organization of the dark consuls
is changed and doesn’t follow codex standards any more. The consuls are not
divided into company’s any more. 

-the chapter only has about 250 battle brothers left. However, their ties with mars are still very close, so their armoury is in an excelent shape

 

[Welcheren]

As a start:

 

Why would the Dark Consuls have to founded in complete secrecy since the Rogue Traders are licensed and often equipped by the Adeptus Terra. Could they not have petitioned the High Lords of Terra (not necessarily in a very overt way - they could have consulted the Lords in a closed audience) to found a new Space Marine Chapter? Of course, since attaching Space Marines to Rogue Traders is not exactly par for the course, never mind founding an entire chapter, there would have to very special reasons for this. 

 

Bearing the above in mind, is there a strong reason why the founding date has to be unknown and why the Consuls' gene-seed is unknown? 

 

If the Consuls are attached to a single house, are they only deployed in service of that house's aims? 

 

Hope these help. I must admit that I am not well informed on the Rogue Traders.

[Harlan Skorus]

As a brief critique:

 

What leverage do Knight House Risus have over the AM to demand the creation of a Chapter? It must be pretty incredibly significant, because creating a Chapter in top secret for the sole purpose of satisfying a bunch of glory hounds is... fairly unlikely. Space Marines are the Emperor's finest, not a fallback for second sons.

Why would the AM want another Chapter to do thier bidding? The Steel Confessors already exist. Up until very recently (recent enough that I don't think there would have been time for another founding), they were Chapter-strength.

Would Space Marines defer to the command of a Knight? Why? They can shrug off the designs of Inquisitors who have the power to destroy worlds. What has a Knight got past a fancy suit?

By 'Battle Cruiser', do you mean Battle Barge or Strike Cruiser? I would suggest Battle Barge, as I don't think a Strike Cruiser would be able to 250 marines plus what sounds like a sizable armoury. In which case it's probably not that small.

What did the Eldar do to destroy an entire system?

 

A few questions to help with fleshing out the Chapter. Some of your ideas seem fairly implausible (AM creating a Chapter in top secret because a Imperial Knights House told them too), some of it seems fine to expand upon (general history of Chapter).

[Olis]

Progenitor:unknown

Founding:unknown

 

As has been asked already by Welcheren, is there any particular reason for these to be unknown, or are they unknown because you felt like it? There must be a convincing story for these two crucial pieces of information to be missing or the article stands the risk of looking like it's simply been thrown together any old how. There must be some sort of coherency to the tale told, and it's really quite common for a developing IA to have 'unknown' pieces to it simply because the story has not developed far enough yet. But don't just leave them blank for the sake of it. It'll come off as laziness. 

 

-founded in secret by the adeptus mechanicus as a favor to the knightly house of ‘Risus.

 

Also a point discussed already, by Harlan Skorus this time. To me the genesis of a space marine chapter is a significant undertaking and one unlikely to be kept a secret. However, another way to put it is this - what would the Adeptus Mechanicus want with a chapter they made in secret? This chapter will not forever remain a secret (considering what space marines chapters actually do) and it would be highly likely that inquisitive minds would begin to smell something fishy going on here.

 

Of note is the assertion that it is done as a favour to a Knight House. Without putting too fine a point on it - this is unlikely to happen. Perhaps a chapter is created to safeguard the same sector a Knight House hails from or maybe has been born to pursue Mechanicus interests. The ties to a Knight House, I would advise, should come after the chapter has been created and perhaps has had a chance to 'settle down'. This way the relationship between the two will not clash with the logic for creating a chapter, and would perhaps allow for a development in the chapter's association with the Knight House and it's own character.

 

-no records about the founding exists, nor is it known what geneseed was used in their

creation.

 

Point already covered above.

 

-The house of Risus Tenebrosam has founded the dark consuls to have their second and later

born children stand a chance to achieve glory in battle without the need of

creating more knight suits.

 

Again, a point covered elsewhere but I doubt a chapter would be deserving of 'second-best' children (not that I'm saying younger siblings are actually 'second-best'). The chapter needs a grander reason for it's Founding.

 

-the chapter appears trough history in several noticeable battles, always arriving

unasked in support of imperial troops to quickly disappear after battle. Their

strike forces are always lead by an imperial knight from house Risus

 

I would advise changing this. Space marines are essentially an autonomous entity, so the fact that a Knight would always lead them seems somewhat off to me. A close relationship is all well and good but marines and knights have strikingly different ways of pursuing war.

 

-the Tenebrosam system gets under assault by craftworl biel-tan.  As the war wages, neither the eldar, nor the consuls succeed in achieving victory. The conflict wages on for several century’s, when late in m39 an ork whaaag descents on the system.

 

Centuries are perhaps a little bit too long for this sort of battle to rage -  the Eldar are masters of hit-and-run, while space marines excel in ripping the heart out of an enemy force. I doubt this sort of conflict would even last many years, let alone decades or centuries.

 

-The eldar, who are now besieged from both sides decide to destroy the entire system to

terminate the ork tread.

 

If I were you, I would use the way Eldar like to scheme and manipulate. Have them direct the Waaagh! towards the Dark Consuls homeworld, rather than get caught between the two. It would certainly earn them ire and still show them acting true to form. 

 

-the dark consuls become a space born chapter, hate against the eldar is passed on in the

chapter from generation to generation. They recruit new battle brothers on any

planet they pass in their pursuit of the biel-tan craftworld.

 

I'd swap out the word 'pursuit' for the word 'search'. It will imply that the Eldar are remaining elusive, whereas using 'pursuit' implies that the chapter actually knows where the Eldar are. Often when space marines know where Eldar are, they will attack swiftly, without the Eldar having a chance to get away.

 

-because of the relatively small size of the Potemkin the organization of the dark consuls

is changed and doesn’t follow codex standards any more. The consuls are not

divided into company’s any more. 

 

Now, changing from a Codex arrangement is all well and dandy, but I would advise changing the reason. The size of their vessel being a limiting factor doesn't ring true - I would advocate saying devastating battle losses was the primary factor. Perhaps the command cadre of the chapter had been destroyed, leaving the chapter with only line officers in charge (the sergeants). One would evidently have to rise to a acting command rank (perhaps Captain, perhaps Chapter Master) but the manpower would need to be restructured to maintain a fit fighting force.

 

Maybe something closer to the Black Templar way of organisation, than anything truly new. There would be precedence for the make up of the chapter, then.

 

-the chapter only has about 250 battle brothers left. However, their ties with mars are still very close, so their armoury is in an excelent shape

 

In light of my prvious suggestion, I would drop the number by a hundred. Two-hundred and fifty seems large enough, to me, for the chapter to stay with the codex organisation from before.

 

 

Hope these help. I must admit that I am not well informed on the Rogue Traders.

 

I do believe Knight Houses are quite different to Rogue Traders, brother. ;)

[Welcheren]

And here I was, just thinking I had most of the lore under control.

I'm just going to quietly slip away, pull a Dobby and bang my head against the wall, , then beg the Khan and my Chaplains for forgiveness.

Until my penance is paid... great comments worth taking note of.

And I thank you for the education Brother.

[maartendp]

Thanx fort the feedback Guys.

Progenitor and geneseed are unknown because I wanted tot be able tot use different tacticus fort different lists and battles.

It is a worm in progressieve as said, so thans fort the comments. Close bonds with the knightly house werd put in tot give me a reason tot use my Knights in battle.

Must admit that i starter writing this from a practical viewpoint as my knowledge of the lire isn't that extensive.

As fort the founding, as i understood what I read the AM have the knowledge to do a founding, liked for my chapter to have a somewhat shady reason for existence, besides I do believen that in an organisation as big as the empire a certain house would have the power and connections tot pull something Like this.

As for the size of the chapter, when my collection will near completion I will have about 250 marines in my cupboard. Nut 250 can hardly form ten companys NOS can they?

Search does sound beter then pursue.

I'll also chance the conflict with the eldar as sugested.

Again thanx fort all the feedback, back to the writing tabel for me

[Olis]

Progenitor and geneseed are unknown because I wanted tot be able tot use different tacticus fort different lists and battles.

 

You could still technically do that and have the background represent a firm lineage. I would hope the members of whatever club you play with are not the sort that would pooh pooh using differing tactics for a DIY. Although I would advise against doing this to gain advantage - it would be perceived as power playing.

 

Close bonds with the knightly house werd put in tot give me a reason tot use my Knights in battle.

 

As fort the founding, as i understood what I read the AM have the knowledge to do a founding, liked for my chapter to have a somewhat shady reason for existence, besides I do believen that in an organisation as big as the empire a certain house would have the power and connections tot pull something Like this.

 

Close bonds are one thing, being the reason for a Founding is quite another. Do bear in mind that chapters are founded by the authority of the High Lords - secret foundings for the benefit of one branch of the Imperium would be severely frowned upon. If you do pursue this line of thought then I would suggest writing in the consequences of such an action. The chapter would likely come under scrutiny of the Inquisition (by the authority of the High Lords no less), and the Adeptus Mechanicus would likely have it's ties pruned with the chapter at some point - all for the sake of politics and internal security within the Imperium.

 

Must admit that i starter writing this from a practical viewpoint as my knowledge of the lire isn't that extensive.

 

That's okay, brother, we Liberites are more than happy to help you refine your idea into something cool and grim. ;)

 

As for the size of the chapter, when my collection will near completion I will have about 250 marines in my cupboard. Nut 250 can hardly form ten companys NOS can they?

 

Perhaps not ten companies but certainly some semblance of the 'line companies' - as in the first four or five companies. At a depleted capacity, of course. But, I must say, your current force does not have to be representative of the exact moment the chapter was devastated. Perhaps they went down to one-hundred and fifty and are back up to two-hundred and fifty (and rising) at the time that your models represent your chapter.