Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa : Star World Warriors

[ojibwe242]

Rough Draft... Criticisms Appreciated

Note the Chaper is based off of (my) the Ojibwe-wanishinaabe (ojibwe) culture. Many of the beliefs and traditions present are actual Ojibwe beliefs.

Chapter Name

Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa : Star World Warriors

Savage Knights

Origins

Geneseed

Jaghatai Khan

Founding

Unknown

Homeworld

Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa - World of Fierce Warriors

* Worlds are named in the ojibwe language, to make it easier to understand official imperial names have been provided*

Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki - Black Stone World - Ferrum Primus

Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa - World of Fierce Warriors - Ferus Mundus

Akingetegichioodena - World of Great Cities - Civilis Polus

System History

History is broken into Fires or Ages

1st Fire - Age of Migration

During Dark Age of Technology

Colonists settle on the three habitable worlds in system

Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki - Black Stone World

Resource rich world, mining begins in preparation for colonization of other worlds

Akingetegichioodena - World of Great Cities

Capital of system and second world to be colonized, trading with nearby systems begin, Hive World

Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa - World of Fierce Warriors

Feral World and future home to Savage Knights chapter

2nd Fire - Age of Old Summer

Dark Age of Technology

3rd Fire - Age of Long Night

Age of Strife

System cut of and trade ends, Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki(Ferrum Primus) once a mining world becomes a prison world as violence breaks out on Akingetegichioodema (Civilis Polus) due to rationing and shortages.

4th Fire - Age of New Day

Great Crusade, trade resumes and system prospers due to prison mining at Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki(Ferrum Primus)

5th Fire - Age of Schism

Horus Hersey, Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki(Ferrum Primus) revolts and turns traitor. Loyal forces destroy any ships capable of interplanetary travel stranding them and traitors on plant. Outnumbered loyalist guards use massive nuclear devices to purge planet. Traitor forces now heavily mutated survive. Planet suffers exterminatus from in-system expedition fleet. Astroid belt from planet forms in-system.

6th Fire - Age of Winter/Terror

Cases of mutilation and cannibalism occur at Akingetegichioodena(Civilis Polus). Cult of Wendigo, based on ancient stories, forms.Slight mutation in cultists are recorded at state hospitals. Enforcers begin suppression operations. Riots between cultists and enforcers in the underhive occur. On Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa (Ferus Mundus) rumors of Daemons spread. Cannibalism and mutilation recorded. PDF begins extermination operations,cult of wendigo is labeled as an enemy of the people and anyone suspected of belonging to cult is killed and the body is dismembered along with their biological relations. On Akingetegichioodena ( Civils Polus) Mobs form as citizens rally to fight the terror at their doors and open warfare erupts between cultists and PDF/Mobs. On Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa(Ferus Mundus) the greatest warriors are chosen by a council of nations to lead tribal armies against cultists and daemon identified as Wendigo. Nine warriors duel Wendigo in close combat. Wendigo is slain when Akingetegichioodena(Civils Polis) PDF forces tug asteroids in the orbit of Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa(Ferus Mundus) and rain them upon the battlefield. Wendigo, hundreds of cultists, the nine warriors and thousands of tribal warriors die. Cultists are hounded nearly to a man and killed.

7th Fire - Age of New Summer

Current age, marks formation of Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa Space Marines

8th Fire - Age of Judgement

Age fortold as the end of days by religious leaders

Homeworld

The Homeworld of the Savage Knights is dominated by hundreds of warring nation/tribes. The world Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa(Ferus Mundus) was settled by the more fundamental nations who expressed the belief of living close to the world and the need for warfare to attain honor and increase in social status. Over the ages Akinaakwaadiziogichidaas(Ferus Mundus) twin planet Akingetegichioodena(Civils Polis) has attempted to uplift the world with marginal success while some tribes have access to more advanced weapons in the agreement they would settle between the other tribal nations and Nibooodena - the dead city. The dead city was Akinaakwaadiziogichidaas(Ferus Mundus) only city/trading port and was captured by the cult of wendigo and was were many of the worlds ogichidaa - warriors died fighting the cultists before it was bombarded by warships in low orbit. The world still suffers "wendigo" attacks were people become infected and turning starving, cannibalistic monsters. Scavengers who loot the dead city for anything of value are often infected by an unknown source and succumb to the infection. These monsters always come from the dead city in the heart of winter. Thus the chapter and the more advanced tribes must every winter combat wendigo incursions.

Organization

The Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa maintain 9 companies including training company in honor of the 9 warriors who stood against the daemon Wendigo. The chapter then must have 111 brothers in each chapter to maintain full combat capabilities.

Beliefs

The chapter and system belief is that for ones spirit(soul) to attain peace after death ones body must be recovered. This is why the cultists and all enemies bodies are torn apart, they are forced to endure never ending suffering. Their own dead however must have death ceremonies that last for three days and end with the body being buried in a sitting position facing the system's star. The person's soul ready to spring to the defence of their world once more.

Chapter History

Officially titled The Savage Knights on account of the warrior society's that dominate the feral world that the chapter is based the title Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa stems from the local belief that human beings arrived at their world from the stars (which they did). The tribes people see the Adaptes Astartes warriors as living proof and with their strange armor and weapons they protect the world Akinaakwaadizogichidaa.

Armor Scheme

[Harlan Skorus]

If you're going the Index Astartes route, the History section is generally used to detail the history of the Chapter, not of the Homeworld. It's only a formatting thing, but the first time I glanced through it I got very confused and thought you were trying to say your Chapter was already founded by the time of the Horus Heresy. :P

 

The long names are interesting and unique but ultimately not functional - I can't help feeling that even if those names are still used by the natives of the planet, the Imperium would have opted for a 'nickname' or designation that is far easier to pronounce. Culturally sensitive the Imperium is not. You've already done it with the Chapter being the Savage Knights, that kind of thing.

 

The organisation thing is a cool little thing. Does it mean that full strength is 900 marines compared the the 1000 of other (Codex compliant) Chapters? What happens to the extra? Why did they not just name the 9 veteran/battle/reserve companies of marines after the heros, and use a different name for the Scout Company (who are, in a sense, still working to become heroes)?

 

On the Chapter's beliefs - the Warp in 40k is a very real thing. Is that the other realm they refer to? Because it's the big reason for cultists being all mutated.

 

Some good ideas, needs a little more fleshing out - mainly to detail the Chapter rather than their homeworld.

[ojibwe242]

Thank you. Have included imperal planetary names and included homeworld section.

[Messor]

As brother Harlan mentioned, your names are fantastically unique, but ultimately a stumbling block to enjoying the article. A pronunciation guide, rather than a translation, might help, but I don't think it's a guarantee. You might be better off trying to find names the layman like myself can handle. You're off to a good start, though.

[ojibwe242]

Looking at color schemes and stuck on final two, your thoughts

Or

[incinerator950]

First of all I find the long names stemming from your culture fascinating.  Second of all, you seem to have already picked the second scheme, but I prefer the first simply because the red makes it looks too much like Blood Angels, you're from the Scars.  It won't make much of a difference, but you can also descend your Chapters geneseed from one of the Scar's founding chapters, like the Marauders or Mantis Warriors.

I would suggest not removing their real names, but adding nicknames and common tongue names.  It'll make it easier to reference for people and it will fit in with Imperial designation as they're culturally insensitive to begin with.  Much like the Carcharodons and people calling them Space Sharks. 

[BrotherCaptainArkhan]

I've also used certain elements of Ojibwe culture in my DIY Chapter so I'm interested to see someone else go down this route. In your case you've exclusively gone Ojibwe though, whilst mine are a hybrid of Anishinaabe and Norse cultural themes. I also incorporated the Wendigo myth, but they're actual xenotic beasts plaguing the sector around my Chapter's homeworld. Be interested to see how this shapes up :) I think some basic reformatting would make this much more readable (and probably thus gain a greater response) - using BBCode headers to delineate each section, for example.

 

There's one bit that stood out as weird to me - when the nine warriors go to fight Wendigo, it reads like the planetary defense forces have access to orbital bombardment weaponry (!?) which is normally the exclusive reserve of Imperial Navy and Adeptus Astartes units, unless the planet has an orbital defense grid, I guess. It also reads like when the Nine are obliterated in the blast, tens of thousands of "their brothers" (e.g. other Space Marines) die too - you may wanna rephrase that as I'm guessing this isn't a full-strength Legion running around ;)

 

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with next :)

[Olis]

Personally, I would use the first scheme. If you're set on using the second scheme, brother, then perhaps it could be good for veterans/the 1st company?

Anyway, onto critique:

Chapter Name

Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa : Star World Warriors

Savage Knights

Just for clarification, is the name used by the wider Imperium the 'Savage Knights'? If this is so, then you could stand to expand the 'native' name from just the name and it's literal translation to a small paragraph on why the locals use this name and what it means culturally to them.

Origins

Geneseed

Jaghatai Khan

Ah, it's good to see some of the less popular gene-seed being used - all too often do we get descendants of the Ultramarines or the Imperial Fists around here. That's not to say they can't be done well with those gene-seeds, it's just that other gene-seeds feel like a breath of fresh air.

Founding

Unknown

Now this we see waaaaay too often. Is there any particular reason for the Founding to remain unknown or have you just not yet decided on a particular era? If you fancy keeping things in line with your current 'history' I would suggest a Founding somewhere between, say... number eight and number twelve. Why? Well, the Age of Apostasy was a grand Imperium-wide event and if the Founding was made prior to that then it's possible that the Age of Apostasy wouldn't be made a 'Fire' as the events would be kept secretively from the general population of Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa.

Or, now here's an idea, maybe you could add in a lost 'Fire', where records of the Age of Apostasy were expunged - it would literally say "Age of Apostasy - RECORDS EXPUNGED". This way the character and the history of the chapter would be given a dark secret without overtly making them out to be bad guys. Feel free to not use the idea - it's your IA after all.

Homeworld

Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa - World of Fierce Warriors

* Worlds are named in the ojibwe language, to make it easier to understand official imperial names have been provided*

Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki - Black Stone World - Ferrum Primus

Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa - World of Fierce Warriors - Ferus Mundus

Akingetegichioodena - World of Great Cities - Civilis Polis

Those are some very Gothic names there, brother. Could Civilis Polus be a Hive World, perchance? It would make for an abundant supply of neophytes and offer a touch of contrast that simply a 'Civilised World' won't. It would certainly make for interesting contrasts in outlook between marines recruited from the other world in the system (that's assuming that you wish for them to recruit from both of the remaining worlds).

System History

History is broken into Fires or Ages

Interesting idea, separating out the history into 'Fires. Is this something adopted from the Ojibwe culture?

5th Fire - Age of Schism

Horus Hersey, Apisiziwajiasinmitigoogaki(Ferrum Primus) revolts and turns traitor. Loyal forces destroy any ships capable of interplanetary travel stranding them and traitors on plant. Outnumbered loyalist guards use massive nuclear devices to purge planet. Traitor forces now heavily mutated survive. Planet suffers exterminatus from local PDF. Astroid belt forms in-system.

I would suggest swapping out who committed the Exterminatus from 'local PDF' to an 'Expedition Flett', if not an element of a Loyalist Legion. Local PDF don't really have that sort of firepower available to them, even in the age of the Heresy.

6th Fire - Age of Winter/Terror

Cases of mutilation and cannibalism occur at Akingetegichioodena(Civilis Polis). Cult of Wendigo forms. Mutation in cultists are recorded. PDF begin suppression operations. Riots between cultists and PDF occur. On Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa (Ferus Mundus) rumors of Daemons spread. Cannibalism and mutilation recorded. PDF begins extermination operations, anyone suspected of belonging to cult is killed and the body is dismembered along with their biological relations. On Akingetegichioodena ( Civils Polis) Mobs form and open warfare erupts between cultists and PDF/Mobs. On Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa(Ferus Mundus) the greatest warriors unite and lead tribal armies against cultists and daemon identified as Wendigo. Nine Warriors duel Wendigo in close combat. Wendigo is slain when Akingetegichioodena(Civils Polis) PDF force begin orbital bombardment of battlefield, the nine warriors and tens of thousands of their brothers die. Cultists are hounded nearly to a man and killed.

At this point in the Imperium, it wouldn't just be the PDF attempting to contain the population - there would also be the Adeptus Arbites. The PDf would be drafted in after open fighting and apparent warfare amongst the citizenry become to much for the Arbites to contain.

I would perhaps tone down the destruction caused by the orbital bombardment - instead of tens of thousands dying, I'd say just hundreds would be a more realistic expression, given the tribal nature of the natives.

7th Fire - Age of New Summer

Current age, marks formation of Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa Space Marines

Aha, the important event itself. I think more details are needed at this point, as this feels very much like a footnote.

Also, depending on when the chapter was actually Founded in the Imperium's history, I think you're going to need to put in a couple of extra Ages to represent the important events.

Homeworld

The Homeworld of the Savage Knights is dominated by hundreds of warring nation/tribes. The world Akinaakwaadiziogichidaa(Ferus Mundus) was settled by the more fundamental nations who expressed the belief of living close to the world and the need for warfare to attain honor and increase in social status. Over the ages Akinaakwaadiziogichidaas(Ferus Mundus) twin planet Akingetegichioodena(Civils Polis) has attempted to uplift the world with marginal success while some tribes have access to more advanced weapons in the agreement they would settle between the other tribal nations and Nibooodena - the dead city. The dead city was Akinaakwaadiziogichidaas(Ferus Mundus) only city/trading port and was captured by the cult of wendigo and was were many of the worlds ogichidaa - warriors died fighting the cultists before it was bombarded by warships in low orbit. The world still suffers "wendigo" attacks were people become infected and turning starving, cannibalistic monsters. These monsters always come from the dead city in the heart of winter. Thus the chapter and the more advanced tribes must every winter combat wendigo incursions.

Question: Is this Wendigo a daemon? Is it influenced by the warp at all? Either way, this is a significant detail that'll have wider ramifications for the chapter.

Organization

The Ahnunggokwan Ogichidaa maintain 9 companies including training company in honor of the 9 warriors who stood against the daemon Wendigo. The chapter then must have 111 brothers in each chapter to maintain full combat capabilities.

I take it this organisation changed, over the years, from the standard Codex organisation? Was there any particular Chapter Master who made this change or was it a result of reorganisation after severe losses in battle?

Beliefs

The chapter and system belief is that for ones spirit(soul) to attain peace after death ones body must be recovered. This is why the cultists and all enemies bodies are torn apart, they are forced to endure never ending suffering.

What happens after the body is recovered? Is it placed within a tomb or a crypt? Is it cremated? Is it treated in a more exotic manner?

[Welcheren]

First off, I'd like to echo Brother-Moderati Olisredan: nice to see the White Scars founding a chapter.

 

Next, personally I would also pick the first colour scheme.

 

Perhaps you could add some more information on whether the Savage Knights were founded directly from the White Scars, or from a successor chapter.

 

Do the Knights' retain some of the elements of the culture of their founding chapter?

 

If the original command core of this chapter was derived from White Scars veterans, are they not likely to be so proud of traditions such as facial scarring that they would desire passing them on? Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating the retention of facial scarring - in fact, I think it is worth guarding against just copying such practices SIMPLY BECAUSE they are a White Scars successor. But this is a question that has often plagued me. If the command cadre stem from White Scars who are charged with shaping the chapter cult of new inductees, I can't help but wonder how a scarred veteran simply does not consider it an honour to pass the practice on to a new chapter. I'm just curious as to how you think your way through this, if you wish to. 

 

Just two other things. First, perhaps I lost track between the long names (which I do like, but copy earlier comments), but I was confused by the Civilis Polis PDF bombarding the Wendigo-fighting warriors on Ferrus Mundus. With the PDF engaged not only with cannibal mutants, but also mobs, how/why did they manage to turn their attention to matters on Mundus? It depends on how epic you want the struggle on Civilis Polis to be, i.e. if you want the mobs and mutants to very nearly have the PDF on the ropes - unless is really was (as suggested elsewhere) a different faction who effected the bombardment. 

 

Second, you mention that wendigo outbreaks still occur - specifically when victims are infected. To copy earlier comments, the nature of this infection and its relation/non-relation to the Warp might be expanded, but also: you mention that outbreaks always occur from the Dead City in the heart of winter. Does that mean that people are only infected in winter? Does the infection have an incubation period? Presumably no one lives in the Dead City. Do the infected travel there first, and muster for attacks? If so, would it not be easier to shoot any person approaching the Dead City?  

[ojibwe242]

Thank for all the feedback I can feel the fiction starting to focus

Second of all, you seem to have already picked the second scheme, but I prefer the first simply because the red makes it looks too much like Blood Angels, you're from the Scars. 

Actually I made the second design completely forgetting about the Blood Angels. I made the first one (also forgetting about the white scars) because I was looking at space marine art and saw a picture of the Blood Ravens (I had a version of the second scheme that even had a white shoulder) of course all I could say was Da** it and start over on the first one.

 

Interesting idea, separating out the history into 'Fires. Is this something adopted from the Ojibwe culture?

Yes we (not so) coincidentally organize our history into eight fires.