Kongou Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 The blood of thousands stain my chain axe skulls hang limply at my side while I look for tougher prey to send to the blood god's side I wear the bright crimson armor of the blood of those I sent before whose skull decorates the brass throne Blood for the blood god skulls for the skull throne death to the imperium and the emperor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bjorn Firewalker Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I like it, overall. Nitpick 1: It should be "To send to the Blood God's side" (note the apostrophe to indicate possession, and the capitalized words). Nitpick 2: It should be "WHOSE skull decorates the Brass Throne" (emphasis mine; note the capitalized words), instead of "Who's skull decorates the brass throne". Good grammar is important to making text understandable to readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kongou Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 I like it, overall. Nitpick 1: It should be "To send to the Blood God's side" (note the apostrophe to indicate possession, and the capitalized words). Nitpick 2: It should be "WHOSE skull decorates the Brass Throne" (emphasis mine; note the capitalized words), instead of "Who's skull decorates the brass throne". Good grammar is important to making text understandable to readers. Thank you for the feedback, I'm not that good with english, as it is not my native language. The correct grammar and what not will be fixed by servitors. Again, thank you for your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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