The Sister and the Slave to Darkness

[Teetengee]

Jacinda made a challenge to write some short sister of battle fiction. I figured I would put mine up here as well, since I am considering coming back to it at some point. Before entering please be warned, this got a lot darker than I first intended and may be unsuitable for some audiences.

 

 

     “Ssssoo, tell me, where isssss the relic?” hissed the creature before her. It’s prehensile forked tongue darted in and out licking at her wounds. Aila could feel the ache in her arms from her suspension. She could feel the ache in her body from the hooks that held her there. She knew she was going to die.[/size]

     “I grow impatishhhient of your refussssalsss, a-dep-ta ssso-ri-i-taaa,” Bacchin accentuated the last syllables with a jab from his knife in her belly ending with the dagger digging between her lowest two ribs with a slow twist. Aila gritted her teeth and grunted in pain. She focused on the being in front of her, looking for any kind of way out.[/size]

     At eight feet tall and three and a half wide at the shoulders, even if he was untainted she would never have a chance of overpowering him alone, especially in her current state. The foul symbols and garish colors of his defiled armour began to shift in her vision, though whether they were actually changing or it was just the effects of whatever drugs laced the knife she had no way of knowing. His feet ended in short talons, somehow muscles had grown down to them from his shins. He wore a tabard of skin streaked in blood. Around it were strapped various weapons, few she recognized, although Aila was eminently clear on their purpose. Raising her eyes to his chest she saw that one half was some sort of mesh cutting into his flesh. The other still bore an eagle in cruel mockery of this creature’s past service. “Blasphemy,” she muttered.[/size]

     “What’s that my little bird, chirp louder I can’t HEAR YOU,” Bacchin shouted in her ear so loud she felt a small trickle of blood escape while her ears, and the room, rang. He danced away from her swirling and cackling, the sounds of his steps beating a mad bass drum solo across the floor like some grotesque child. As he spun closer his arm snapped out and grabbed the knife in her torso, ripping it sideways and scraping along the bone till freed.[/size]

     Aila screamed as the knife shaved down her bone. He ran forward and punched her in the exposed region of her right side again and again. She could feel her bones shattering and her kidney pulped as his frantic staccato of blows shook her like a flag in a storm. The force of his blows tore her right arm’s chain free from the ceiling and whipped it screeching across the slick floor. Finally he backed up, screaming in frustration. “I wouldn’t need to keep hurting you if you would jussst tell me what you know!” he barked out. The glint in Bacchin’s eyes and his cruel smile were slowly replaced by a confused expression when he noticed her quiet choking laughter.[/size]

     Spitting out teeth and blood, Aila raised her head with a grin almost, but not quite, as monstrous as his. Lifting her right arm, she pointed to a grenade affixed to the eagle on his chest.[/size] Bacchin looked down to his chest, then his belt, then back to Aila with a snarl. “Purge the unclea-” her words were quickly silenced by the explosion that tore Bacchin to a thousand pieces. He peeled like a lemon before coating the room in a mix of shrapnel and flesh. The force of the blast destroyed what remained of Aila’s bonds and sent her hurtling across the stone. Ichor sizzled on her skin as she struggled to get up. Coughing up a foul black fluid and fighting fatigue, pain, and drugs, Aila half crawled and half slid to her armour in the corner of the room. She scanned the room for options as she screamed her way into the suit. Finally standing at the center by merit of will and servos she steeled her resolve and pressed the activation rune on her power sword, “One down, five to go.”[/size]

[Carrack]

I liked the story and it definitely has the foundations to develop into a longer piece. The torture was dark and grim, but in my opinion did not cross any boundaries of decency. I mean I wouldn't read it at storytime at the children's library, but it didn't evoke the sickening feeling I get if I read something that I think borders on sadism.

One critique I have is when the grenade detonates in my mental picture, Bacchin is still fairly close to Aila. If it kills Bacchin it should probably at least wound Aila. An alternative might be to have Bacchin turn an try to toss the grenade out the cell, only to have it blow up in his face, but his body shield Aila from the blast. Aila could then use one of Bacchin's weapons to free herself. But it's your story, and a good one write it how you want.

[Teetengee]

Thanks for the input.
Perhaps if I had him stumble back a bit? Although since it was an affixed grenade it was more of a shaped charge and most of the energy would go into the target rather than blow backward. (like a melta or krak). Also, I had the thought that it did injure Aila, she just was so messed up all ready that it didn't really warrant more writing on it.