CommissarZac Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Greetings fellow Guardsmen. I present you Private Carl. Yes everything you have heard about Private Carl is true. His list of infractions is long and varied. I ask you what punishment do you think would be fitting for Private Carl? We are short on manpower So we humbly request the Commissars not use the sacred "BLAM" and instead come up with the most carziest 40K inspired Non-Judicial Punishment. I hear his Sargent has recommended Bulgryn Latrine Duty for a month.http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3XRUG08sT-U/UTAB6p6q23I/AAAAAAAAAEM/YhSKS22AkR0/s320/2192000-rifle_snow_skull_laser_warhammer_40k_dawn_of_war_imperial_guard_40000_desktop_1680x1050_wallpaper_166116.jpeg Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorFish Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 He can repaint the barracks a nice shade of green. It has to be the right green though, the commissariat is very discerning. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4008763 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sviar Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Really I've heard a lot :D Make him clean every Lasgun and sharpen every bayonet. Or let him be the designated driver when his company is on leave. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4008881 Share on other sites More sharing options...
elmo Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Move that pile of heavy bolter shells, one at a time, from this side of the parade ground to the opposite side and back again. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4008894 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Antonius Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sweeping the ashes from the Ash Wastes of Armageddon. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4008925 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Lee Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 He must sneak over to a fellow regiment in the same warzone and "borrow" the commanders infantry uplifting primer for his commissar. Lord Lee. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4008943 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrik_Ironfist Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Oh wow, where to begin? I'm assuming given the nature of his infractions I'm going to assume a regimental level NJP, since he's such a collossal gold brick. To start, Additional Duty for 1 year, consisting of digging all of the regiment's fox holes for the next FTX, he will be on Latrine duty for the entire regiment to inspection standards every day with a tooth brush, and the Chow Hall has been instructed that the menu will consist of a rotating schedule of Mexican, and Chinese until the additional duty period is over. He will be the DD for the regiment while they all get weekend Liberty, he will pull doubles on the 96's and all DONSA's (Day Of No Shceduled Activity, for those of you who don't know what that is). He will clean every weapon in every arms room in the regiment, to inspection quality, without the use of the parts washer (my regiment still uses autoguns, which we all know can become very dirty...). Further more, he will suffer a reduction in rank to the grade of negative E9 (I had to invent 9 more ranks below private just to demote him down as far as I could so he will actually be paying us...), complete forfeiture of pay (which means his paycheck will be in years of his life rather than money, and I will have further time to torment him for being a massive up...), and last, but certainly not least, He will have a permanent assignment to the Commissar's orderly room, as the Commissar's personal , I mean enlisted aide (Read: man servant, for those non military reading this). Also, Immediate decertification from all duties and warrior tasks. How's that for turning it up to 11? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009019 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyderPirate Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 [Note to self - Don't upset Ulrik] Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009025 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vel'Cona Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Ever seen King Kai's training on Dragonball Z? OK, for a 40k flavor: 1. Grease a Ratling and have Carl try to catch him and pin him down. 2. Swat a Tyranid Gargoyle with a trenching trowel. 3. And finally, subsist on nothing but mess kit rations (MREs) and do all this in a high-gravity environment (probably on the troopship before the next warzone). Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009034 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chefzilla Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Issue him a ball-pein and he must check for soft spots in the armor for each vehicle in the 2nd ACR. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009037 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrik_Ironfist Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 [Note to self - Don't upset Ulrik] Carl is the only one with anything to fear. I think that there is nothing an NJP can fix, that a little Blast-Fence Training wouldn't do better. I got an NJP a day before my birthday, 5days before an ACL surgery, and it was the veteran's day 96 hour Libo, and I was on post restriction for 5 days. Worst month ever... Lets not forget the additional duty for a month that wasn't actually laid out in my Article 15, and the decertification from my core tasks, and reduction in rank (and resulting forfeiture of pay). Yeah, I may be taking cues from the Officer I had, and that's bad... On a 40k related note, That was punishment for his cumulative infractions. I'll address my favorite, late to formation. Go dig holes, starting from left to right, in a series of ten. but not just any holes, holes 5 feet deep, and the dirt must be thrown to the left. The next hole must be to the right of the one you just dug, so that the dirt from the hole you're digging fills in the hole you just dug. Then you must cart the dirt from the first hole to fill in the last hole you just dug. He will do 10 holes for every minute he is late... Alternatively, Carl will do 10 x the Unit number of pushups for every minute he is late (Sucks to be you if your unit number is three digits...) there is no bank allowed... All pushups must be completed by COB... Being more than an arm's length from your weapon. Results in pushups, repeated offenses may result in your weapon being dummy corded to you, to your everlasting shame... And pushups. Dirty weapon? Intensive training in how to properly maintain your weapon, and pushups. Repeated offense? Clean all the weapons in the Company arms room, after an end of quarter range or FTX (so they get really dirty). Alcohol Related Incident? Blast Fence Training, and pushups, No off post liberty for a month, daily room inspections for contraband (i.e. alcohol). Repeat offense? indefinite suspension of off post libo, and daily room inspections for contraband. I would have the entire company hating him, especially the NCO's and his roommates. I would not be surprised to see Carl on profile for broken bones and internal bleeding, nor would I care. His stupidity would make him either very strong, or very broken. Issue him a ball-pein and he must check for soft spots in the armor for each vehicle in the 2nd ACR. Send him to find the HMMWV keys, or gather exhaust samples,,, Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009091 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommissarZac Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 I'm running out of likes LOL Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009491 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chefzilla Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Ulrik, It's more about squelch juice or a box of grid squares. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009538 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrik_Ironfist Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 send him out for 1500 feet of flightline, or a bucket of rotor/prop/jetwash. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009562 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chefzilla Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 And while he's going for that prop wash. Have him pick up 50# of main gun barrel grease. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009715 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Mehman Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Make him repaint the barrack walls. Since he's already done them green, make him paint a khaki stripe...and I'm bad at this... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009721 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrik_Ironfist Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Make him clean out the mooring hooks on the flight line (they rarely get cleaned). I still like the old standby, blast fence training (taking him out behind the blast fence and beating the hell out of him), you army guys might know it better as wall to wall counseling. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009776 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kierdale Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 If this is out of the question... Then it's the lash! And lay it on hard! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009809 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommissarZac Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Out of likes for the day man, Emperor help the goldbrick that lands in any of our regiments. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4009957 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrik_Ironfist Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 If this is out of the question... Then it's the lash! And lay it on hard! Nah, We don't need the lash. The Commissar doesn't need to be bothered with this. Solve problems at the lowest level of leadership, let his Sergeant handle him (with a beating), and then go to the PSG when that fails, PL next, 1SG, CC, SGM, and then to the Colonel. If that hasn't solved it, then the Commissar can get involved. At that point he might as well get shot, 'cuz I've done everything I can, time to put old yeller down... MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD TO: PVT CARL FROM: COL ULRIK IRONFIST RE: PERFORMANCE The Beatings will continue until Morale improves. That is all. Message ends. FROM THE DESK OF: signature ULRIK IRONFIST, COL, IMPERIAL GUARD COMMANDER, 2 SSF Before you say it, yes, I have written more than my fair share of these things... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4010335 Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorFish Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Colonel Ulrik you say? Yet I look at your signature and find no ranks of the regiment displayed... ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4010415 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chefzilla Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Colonel Ulrik you say? Yet I look at your signature and find no ranks of the regiment displayed... He's Chair Force. They're all Colonels or Generals. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4010419 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrik_Ironfist Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Colonel Ulrik you say? Yet I look at your signature and find no ranks of the regiment displayed... He's Chair Force. They're all Colonels or Generals. It's my Brigade, I can do what I want. So I don't have any fancy awards for showing well at inspection. Haven't you ever heard that no Combat ready unit ever passed inspection, and no Inspection ready unit ever passed combat... We're from a little backwater world out on the eastern fringe, we fight Tau and Necrons, standard Imperial doctrine and regulation gear just gets in the way. We do whatever it takes to hold the line... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4010421 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bjorn Firewalker Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Anyone remember the scene in 'Airplane!' where a person tries to calm a hysterical woman by slapping her in the face, fails, and the person behind him tries to do the same thing, fails, and then we see a long line of people waiting their turn to calm the hysterical woman WITH BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA? Lets put Pvt. Carl in the hysterical woman's position, and have EVERYONE IN THE REGIMENT slap him as an insult as well as a punishment. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4140396 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyderPirate Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Anyone remember the scene in 'Airplane!' where a person tries to calm a hysterical woman by slapping her in the face, fails, and the person behind him tries to do the same thing, fails, and then we see a long line of people waiting their turn to calm the hysterical woman WITH BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA? Lets put Pvt. Carl in the hysterical woman's position, and have EVERYONE IN THE REGIMENT slap him as an insult as well as a punishment. Surely you can't be serious?! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/306151-a-fun-little-thought-challenge/#findComment-4140468 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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