GrandMagnus Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Hi brothers/sisters, I started writing some fiction that will be based around a Great Crusade force I have been planning. The first part of the fiction I have created is written as if it where a data log being opened by an astartes, containing information regarding the death of the force I will later be creating. So I have two ideas for doing it: The first idea would be to write each "chapter" as an entry in a data report about the exploration of a planet. So, for example, entry. nº1, date: X..., and then writting as if an astartes was narrating in first person from his perspective about the whats happening. I think this would give a nice character development, as you would see how he evolves as time goes on, but there would be absolutely no action as such, because you cant give a report and fight at the same time. (a diary basically) The second idea, is for each entry to develop into the story, so it starts more or less the same as he first, but then moves on to a more traditional 3rd person all knowing narrator, that way adding a bit more action and room for more scenic descriptions of the story. I am not an amazing written, (although I did study written word here in Spain, rather than math), so Im looking for some advice, suggestions, ideas and the like from those of you who are more experienced than me. Thank you for your time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Son of Carnelian Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 If it's in the form of a diary or mission log written after a battle, then you can absolutely describe the action in first person using the past tense. This happens all the time in first person narratives, with the speaker recalling what happened during the fight. I would recommend Talon of Horus if you haven't already read it. It utilizes a similar framework and is a superlative piece of power armor fiction told in the first person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 If it's in the form of a diary or mission log written after a battle, then you can absolutely describe the action in first person using the past tense. This happens all the time in first person narratives, with the speaker recalling what happened during the fight. I would recommend Talon of Horus if you haven't already read it. It utilizes a similar framework and is a superlative piece of power armor fiction told in the first person. Thank you for the reply, I havent had the pleasure of reading Talon of Horus yet but I have heard a lot of good reviews. I will keep writting and see what I like the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 I just thought of something I could use some help on. Considering its 30k, science fiction, you can imagine that an astartes report/journal/datalog would not be written but rather spoken. How would you incorporate outside sounds into the text? Like explosives or gunshots so the reader knows whats going on around the character. Obviously the character could comment on it, but are there any other good ways to represent it. Maybe putting it between parentheses, such as (gunshot) or (loud explosive in the background), and the continue with the narration? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EesiOh Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I just thought of something I could use some help on. Considering its 30k, science fiction, you can imagine that an astartes report/journal/datalog would not be written but rather spoken. How would you incorporate outside sounds into the text? Like explosives or gunshots so the reader knows whats going on around the character. Obviously the character could comment on it, but are there any other good ways to represent it. Maybe putting it between parentheses, such as (gunshot) or (loud explosive in the background), and the continue with the narration? yeah you could do it as a kind of Transcript, find an action movie, google a transcript for it and see what they use when referencing explosions and stuff, and just do it like that. Also your idea sounds good so far so I cant wait to see the actual story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 I just thought of something I could use some help on. Considering its 30k, science fiction, you can imagine that an astartes report/journal/datalog would not be written but rather spoken. How would you incorporate outside sounds into the text? Like explosives or gunshots so the reader knows whats going on around the character. Obviously the character could comment on it, but are there any other good ways to represent it. Maybe putting it between parentheses, such as (gunshot) or (loud explosive in the background), and the continue with the narration? yeah you could do it as a kind of Transcript, find an action movie, google a transcript for it and see what they use when referencing explosions and stuff, and just do it like that. Also your idea sounds good so far so I cant wait to see the actual story Thanks, I will look for the transcripts. I will be ordering bits soon to create the main character of the story, the marine who is narrating the story. If I have enough written material, it will be posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 While this is definitely possible, I'd recommend you not writing the whole thing under the form of a transcript, at least with sound effects all over the place. It might be more interesting for you to write under the form of a diary as you said in the beginning with inclusions of "excerpts from battle transcripts" for the action parts, if you absolutely have to have them. Otherwise, just talk about "battle reports" or "debriefing", which could explain more action. The idea seems pretty good, I look forward to what comes out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 While this is definitely possible, I'd recommend you not writing the whole thing under the form of a transcript, at least with sound effects all over the place. It might be more interesting for you to write under the form of a diary as you said in the beginning with inclusions of "excerpts from battle transcripts" for the action parts, if you absolutely have to have them. Otherwise, just talk about "battle reports" or "debriefing", which could explain more action. The idea seems pretty good, I look forward to what comes out of it. You gave me an idea. I have always thought that space marines had some sort of recording device in their helmets, like some current day soldiers have, so space marines can if necesary they can include the images and videos in their battle reports. Since I am writting it like a digital recording of the marine narrating, as a sort of log, I guess he would add battle reports to this log for documentation. So, for example: Hes narrating the location, which forces were engaged in the battle and other elements of the battle field. When done giving this information the marine inserts a video element of the battle. Then the story enters either a transcript pattern or a 1st person narration, as if you were seeing it from his own recording, maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 What rank is this Space Marine going to be ? I don't think it would be completely logical for him to be a "simple" battle-brother, a sergeant or higher would make a lot of sense though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 What rank is this Space Marine going to be ? I don't think it would be completely logical for him to be a "simple" battle-brother, a sergeant or higher would make a lot of sense though. Siege-Master of his grand battalion (siege-breaker, so equal or above the rank of centurion). So, he is not in command of a particular company or cohort, but rather an adviser to the warsmith, but if necesary he has enough rank to take control of the force. Note: The rank is not fixed, I just wanted a siege breaker for the army. I might give him another rank, but use the same rule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Cool, if it's an Iron Warrior I'll be waiting even more impatiently ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Cool, if it's an Iron Warrior I'll be waiting even more impatiently ! It is. I'll keep writting. Each chapter will be an entry in the log (entry nº1, entry nº2, etc). When I feel good about the first 2 or 3 I will go ahead and post them on the Age of Darkness forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulJam Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 all just my opinion... i) As Lord Thorn implied a higher rank would probably have more cause to write such a diary, but i think it's an interesting idea to write it from a line troopers perspective. The novels i've been reading recently view the plot from several alternate angles. though they are normally characters with (perhaps limited) insight into aspects of the 'big picture'. ii) Optional and depends on the size of your project... taking the time to create a timeline may help maintain the order of events. doesn't have to be publishable, can be as simple as a bullet point list, but keeps your internal logic sound. with a diary this might be important. and saves you having to reread through entire document(s) to find "when did i say xyz happened again?" then you can shuffle the storyline to break up the narrative flow * because you've got a strong reference guide... * like on tv shows when they show something that happens right at the end before though you're only on the second episode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 all just my opinion... i) As Lord Thorn implied a higher rank would probably have more cause to write such a diary, but i think it's an interesting idea to write it from a line troopers perspective. The novels i've been reading recently view the plot from several alternate angles. though they are normally characters with (perhaps limited) insight into aspects of the 'big picture'. ii) Optional and depends on the size of your project... taking the time to create a timeline may help maintain the order of events. doesn't have to be publishable, can be as simple as a bullet point list, but keeps your internal logic sound. with a diary this might be important. and saves you having to reread through entire document(s) to find "when did i say xyz happened again?" then you can shuffle the storyline to break up the narrative flow * because you've got a strong reference guide... * like on tv shows when they show something that happens right at the end before though you're only on the second episode. All opinions are good opinions. 1. As I said, he is centurion rank officer, not a line trooper. The only insight from other characters will be things quoted by the narrater, such as "he said that...", "he believes that...", "he insists on..." etc. 2. Creating a timeline is not a bad idea, it will also help me to plan exactly how long it will be. I won´t be shuffling the story line because that would imply the character can see into the future, which does not make sense. I can tell you that the story is about the 104th Expeditionary fleet (a small fleet by most standards), who have encountered an unknown planet and so on. Im trying to keep a bit of mystery in the story, Im a fan of H.P. Lovecraft and Im trying to get something along his style of mystery and horror, which I think fits the warhammer universe. Im currently having an issue with the writting. Each log is only, so far, 3 or 4 paragraphs long so Im having some issues with filling out the text. When I read it, the chapter are only about a minute long and i just seems too short. Any ideas how I can fill out some of the space? I'm used to writting in an all knowing 3rd person narrator which allows for a lot more explanation and filler, but this 1st person view of an astartes who doesn't know all and can only talk about what he knows is a bit rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulJam Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 How long would a real life diary entry be anyway?Try 'stranded in fantasy' on 1d4.... its a diary style story though set in dd type universe. Kept me hooked for hours recently.Edit: Just be aware other site doesnt bother with family friendly considerations. Dont be afraid of short. Edit: novels are great and everything, but without shorts you wouldn't have your single serve black and white phantom style comic books. Although these often string together into a series (especially in modern form), the old weekly hit of single plot can be entertaining too. it's certainly possible to expand on different aspects of a character's personality through several such articles/stories. (rhetorical) why be in a rush to blat out everything in a single novel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 How long would a real life diary entry be anyway? Well that's the thing, right? And this isn't as much a personal diary as it's a marine doing his duty, making reports of the operations on the planet that can later be kept in the legions archives, so you would imagine he keeps it rather straight forward (being a legionary of the IVth and all) and logical. Later in the story, as things develop, so too will the way he is narrating change. It will become more personal and start to look less and less like a simple report. Thanks for the "stranded in fantasy", I will read it, it could be helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulJam Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Sorry to bombard you... perhaps have the character keep two diaries and compare. The official log vs his personal diary. Same day... public face and duty vs morals misgivings and feelings... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 Sorry to bombard you... perhaps have the character keep two diaries and compare. The official log vs his personal diary. Same day... public face and duty vs morals misgivings and feelings... No need to worry, you are coming with some good ideas. Keeping two logs could be good idea, I´ll consider it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 So after some writting, Ive been stuck. The whole journal thing is interesting, but its not really catching the spark I had hoped for. Im currently rewriting the story from a first person perspective, seen from the eyes of the main character, with his personality, opinions and knowledge. So far its going better, I have more or less finished the first chapter. If anybody is interested in reviewing and helping me perfect it I can send it privately to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EesiOh Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 So after some writting, Ive been stuck. The whole journal thing is interesting, but its not really catching the spark I had hoped for. Im currently rewriting the story from a first person perspective, seen from the eyes of the main character, with his personality, opinions and knowledge. So far its going better, I have more or less finished the first chapter. If anybody is interested in reviewing and helping me perfect it I can send it privately to them. Yeah, I would be totally happy to read your work. Honestly im also not surprised that you aren't doing the journal, in my opinion its generally a lot of hard work to write in that style and there isn't much payoff for writing like that either. In the Damocles collection of short stories one of the authors writes like that and it never really feels like it has a point other than as a gimmick. So I think going first person will suit you much better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Perils Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I'd also be willing to give this chapter a quick look for editing. I think it's a bit of a shame [not doing it in the log format], but not completely surprised either. However, you could have a short log as the beginning of each chapter (where some books put different quotes and such); Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 Alright, I'll send it to both of you :) as always B&C never fails to be helpful. I like the idea of a small intro in log formta, I can try that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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