WIP Chapter (C&C Appreciated, Need a better Name)

[EesiOh]

So today I was just reading another Fraters enjoyable DIY called the Tarantulas Chapter about Space Mexin Gangsters (http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/313295-the-tarantulas-chapter/) and I loved the originality of it, so I thought what else is something not many/no one else will have thought of. Then it hit me... Space Aussies. As a Proud Australian I cannot let my country go unnoticed in the 41st Milenium, so without further ado...

 

System

They come from the system of Nullius on the very rim of Northern Imperial Space. The system is made up of two planets and 4 suns.

 

Planets

Areas Rock (named after the Explorator Areas Viln) later renamed to Uralù when it was rediscovered by the space mariens. has a similar make up to mars and is used as a manufacorium 

Anzark The larger of the two planets, also where the chapter gets its initiates from. Both worlds are considered death worlds as they are desolate boilding desserts where every life form has evolved spessifically to kill each other (and any settlers) 

 

Chapter Colours 

 

(laying out the barebones, will be given many updates once the current liber challenge ends) 

[Olis]

Small query - if your Chapter is an Aussie chapter, why not make the colour scheme the same as your national sporting colours? :)

 

 

(Green and Gold, iinm.)

[EesiOh]

Small query - if your Chapter is an Aussie chapter, why not make the colour scheme the same as your national sporting colours?

(Green and Gold, iinm.)

Yes dont worry dear Olis, I know perfectly well the colours of my olympic sporting teams. I thought about it but overall dont like that combination of bright green and gold. And again. This is written with a combination of an idea that needs fleshing out and very limited time. I shouldnt even realy be doing this right now tbh

[Doctor Perils]

So are you thinking about going down the aboriginal route or the penitentiary world ?

[EesiOh]

So are you thinking about going down the aboriginal route or the penitentiary world ?

probably going to end up being both. Either in equal measures, but if not a straight 50/50 I still plan on incorporating ideas from both 

[Olis]

So are you thinking about going down the aboriginal route or the penitentiary world ?

 

Funny thing - I hadn't considered either theme myself. It'd be interesting to see how you implement them, EesiOh.

[Kelborn]

How about:

 

Areas Rock = new imperial colony with mechanicum outpost because of rare resources (penitentiary world)

Anzark = aboriginial people who are the progenies of the original settler surviving a specific catastrophe; some kind of techno nomads who worship the machine spirits as their ancestors or spiritual leaders in a way more obscure and mystical than even the normal mechanicum does

 

Techmarines and Dreadnaughts would be their ultimate connection to those spirits, maybe even act as their chaplains?

 

Just a few thoughts.

[Lord-Captain Cepinari]

In befo-

 

"WITNESS MEEEEEEEE!!!!"

 

...  Never mind.

[Olis]

In befo-

 

"WITNESS MEEEEEEEE!!!!"

 

...  Never mind.

 

Already done it. :P

[EesiOh]

How about:

 

Areas Rock = new imperial colony with mechanicum outpost because of rare resources (penitentiary world)

Anzark = aboriginial people who are the progenies of the original settler surviving a specific catastrophe; some kind of techno nomads who worship the machine spirits as their ancestors or spiritual leaders in a way more obscure and mystical than even the normal mechanicum does

 

Techmarines and Dreadnaughts would be their ultimate connection to those spirits, maybe even act as their chaplains?

 

Just a few thoughts.

exactly what i was thinking ;) 

[EesiOh]

In befo-

"WITNESS MEEEEEEEE!!!!"

... Never mind.

Already done it.

jesus christ that gave me a very good laugh.... Do the chaplains teach that when you die you shall greet Him on Terra who is all shiny and chrome?

[Olis]

jesus christ that gave me a very good laugh.... Do the chaplains teach that when you die you shall greet Him on Terra who is all shiny and chrome? 

 

Probably not. I'm trying quite hard not to go completely bonkers with the theme. It's a struggle. ^_^

[EesiOh]

jesus christ that gave me a very good laugh.... Do the chaplains teach that when you die you shall greet Him on Terra who is all shiny and chrome?

Probably not. I'm trying quite hard not to go completely bonkers with the theme. It's a struggle.

Fair enough, the same goes with this really too. I dont really want my chapter to all be running around in power armoured singlets punching heretics to death and saying struth....

[Olis]

Or referring to battle sisters as 'Sheilahs'. :lol:

[EesiOh]

System

They come from the system of Nullius on the very rim of Northern Imperial Space. The system is made up of two planets and 4 suns. Both planets in the system are parched sunbathed planet classified as deathworlds due to their lack of readily available water and the large predators that roam the waste land 

 

Planets

 

Areas Rock: (named after the Rogue Trader Areas Viln) later renamed to Uralù when it was rediscovered by the space mariens. It has a similar make up to mars and is used as a manufacorium. On the surface it appears to simply be a large red dustball with many strange geolithic forms. On closer inspection these forms harbour within them very large supplies of Adamtium. This has led to the world being converted into a QAUSI-forgeworld

 

Anzas'Ark: The larger of the two planets, also where the chapter gets its initiates from. Both worlds are considered death worlds as they are desolate boiling desserts where every life form has evolved specifically to kill each other (and any settlers) 

Despite all this the planets were already inhabited by human settlers from the age of expansion. Due to the extreme conditions their skin has been blackened. Causing them to be the only naturally black humans that exist within (imperial knowledge) 

 

Recruitment

 

The chapter recruits from Anzas'Ark, meaning that all the chapter initiates have black skin. The recruits are tasked with bringing back to the chapter the heads of 1 of the 5 greatest predators that roam the planet. From their they are initiated in a similar manner to other space marine chapter though becoming a fully fledged battle brother from the position as scout once again requires the aspirant to go hunting. This time to bring back the heads of the 4 other animals.

 

Geenseed

 

The geenseed of the Death Adders is mostly stable, though their has been some mutation on the Betchers Gland, believed to be because of the intense radiation the Sun in the Nullius system gives off. Due to this the Spacemarines of the Death Adders Chapter cannot spit venom but instead bite it with poison filled hollow fangs that grow in place of Canines.

Chapter Colours 

 

(a more clean version. Still needs MUCH work) 

Who should these guys be descended from? I want to say Fists maybe, but I already have a Fists successor and i dont want to make another one... 

[Olis]

There's a few things I'd like to pick up on brother, foremost is the quasi-forgeworld statement. The Adamantium on Areas Rock, if it hadn't been discovered and mined extensively already (it's a valuable resource for the Imperium), would be utilised by the Chapter as it is their domain. Allowing the AdMech to convert one of their homeworlds into a quasi-forgeworld would be an overlap of sovereign territories - something I don't recommend pursuing unless you are willing to explore this problem throughout the article.

In regards to talking about the wildlife, I'd suggest starting with statements such as "Ambush predators and parasites are common" - if you're looking to show the reader that your home worlds are indeed death worlds. What is the nastiest and most deadly things you can think of? Usually, they're insects or arachnids of some description. Maybe you could infest the oceans (such as they are) with some kind of super-toxic jellyfish - perhaps the population is forever blooming so going to sea is not only difficult but a deadly prospect. You don't want to fall in and get stung... You need to mention neurotoxins, poisons, species with venomous spikes all over them and little buggers that like to burrow under the skin. And what about wasps that lay their eggs in you?

Talking of the natives - maybe if you mention melanin, that'll make the explanation easier to follow. :)

[EesiOh]

There's a few things I'd like to pick up on brother, foremost is the quasi-forgeworld statement. The Adamantium on Areas Rock, if it hadn't been discovered and mined extensively already (it's a valuable resource for the Imperium), would be utilised by the Chapter as it is their domain. Allowing the AdMech to convert one of their homeworlds into a quasi-forgeworld would be an overlap of sovereign territories - something I don't recommend pursuing unless you are willing to explore this problem throughout the article.

In regards to talking about the wildlife, I'd suggest starting with statements such as "Ambush predators and parasites are common" - if you're looking to show the reader that your home worlds are indeed death worlds. What is the nastiest and most deadly things you can think of? Usually, they're insects or arachnids of some description. Maybe you could infest the oceans (such as they are) with some kind of super-toxic jellyfish - perhaps the population is forever blooming so going to sea is not only difficult but a deadly prospect. You don't want to fall in and get stung... You need to mention neurotoxins, poisons, species with venomous spikes all over them and little buggers that like to burrow under the skin. And what about wasps that lay their eggs in you?

Talking of the natives - maybe if you mention melanin, that'll make the explanation easier to follow.

The reason I called it a Qausi-Forgeworld is because it turns out the Death Adders cant share their toys, originally they send their techpresits to be trained at mars just like everyone else. But then they discovered the adamantium (plus maybe something else...) and refused to share with the techboys, resulting in a ban of their marines from mars. So it has fallen on techmarines to teach each other the ways of the Omnisiah. (TL:DR Forgeworld is chapter owned. Mechanicus and Chapter on v bad terms)

As for the wildlife im thinking lots of snakes, probably a few spiders too. also how does Jellyfish that float on the air currents seem to you? >:)

[Olis]

Hmm. Seems a touch fantastical to me, if I'm honest.*

And if the Chapter owns and runs these manufactorums, then I suggest two things - drop the use of the word 'forgeworld' (it's a Mechanicus thing, no exceptions) and explore what owning manufactorums has done to the Chapter. They need manpower to run the manufactorums, so have they co-opted the populace? If they have, what does that speak of their character? Are they potentially meaner than originally intended?

* But it did lead to an interesting idea about floating, photosynthesising balloon-plants (with trailing roots) and those being farmed because there's precious little other greenery...

[EesiOh]

Hmm. Seems a touch fantastical to me, if I'm honest.*

And if the Chapter owns and runs these manufactorums, then I suggest two things - drop the use of the word 'forgeworld' (it's a Mechanicus thing, no exceptions) and explore what owning manufactorums has done to the Chapter. They need manpower to run the manufactorums, so have they co-opted the populace? If they have, what does that speak of their character? Are they potentially meaner than originally intended?

* But it did lead to an interesting idea about floating, photosynthesising balloon-plants (with trailing roots) and those being farmed because there's precious little other greenery...

.

what and 99.9% of what happens in 40k on a regular basis isnt? I see what you mean but Jellyfish are quintessentially Australian. And I want this to be a desert desert, no beaches or anything like that. And yeah thats why I called it a qausi-forgeworld, though i will think of a better name fore it. as for enslaving the population, Im going to make this chapter Brutal, Blunt straight to the point and very pragmatic. The planet they live on and the area they are situated in dont really lead to any other nature. as such if they think enslaving half the population is the most efficient course of action, then they will do it. (this could be where the penal world idea comes in? all the people working in the manufactorum are doing it as prison service?)

[Olis]

No oceans, then. I see. Hmm. Short of making them gas-filled creatures (not quite like balloons but similar in principle), getting them to float would be a difficult prospect to explain. Alright then. Are they actively predatory or fairly docile things?

[EesiOh]

No oceans, then. I see. Hmm. Short of making them gas-filled creatures (not quite like balloons but similar in principle), getting them to float would be a difficult prospect to explain. Alright then. Are they actively predatory or fairly docile things?

i imagine them being literally flying jellyfish. Gas filled creatures with little to no sentience, they float through the air ensnaring anything foolish enough to get in its way. If its too big it simply moves on and leaves the corpse for whatever scavenger gets to it first. If it is small enough it then proceeds to eat the creature. Also what did you think about the bit where they have fangs? fitting or maybe a touch overkill? 

[Olis]

Fangs? On jellyfish? Nah. They're not exactly big on chewing, so they don't really need them, I think. 

[EesiOh]

Fangs? On jellyfish? Nah. They're not exactly big on chewing, so they don't really need them, I think. 

i meant to say fangs on my marines... then it somehow got deleted. No i KNOW fangs on jellyfish is beyond silly 

[Doctor Perils]

System

They come from the system of Nullius on the very rim of Northern Imperial Space. The system is made up of two planets and 4 suns. Both planets in the system are parched sunbathed planet classified as deathworlds due to their lack of readily available water and the large predators that roam the waste land 

 

Planets

 

Areas Rock: (named after the Rogue Trader Areas Viln) later renamed to Uralù when it was rediscovered by the space mariens. It has a similar make up to mars and is used as a manufacorium. On the surface it appears to simply be a large red dustball with many strange geolithic forms. On closer inspection these forms harbour within them very large supplies of Adamtium. This has led to the world being converted into a QAUSI-forgeworld

 

Anzas'Ark: The larger of the two planets, also where the chapter gets its initiates from. Both worlds are considered death worlds as they are desolate boiling desserts where every life form has evolved specifically to kill each other (and any settlers) 

Despite all this the planets were already inhabited by human settlers from the age of expansion. Due to the extreme conditions their skin has been blackened. Causing them to be the only naturally black humans that exist within (imperial knowledge) 

 

Recruitment

 

The chapter recruits from Anzas'Ark, meaning that all the chapter initiates have black skin. The recruits are tasked with bringing back to the chapter the heads of 2 of the 5 greatest predators that roam the planet. 

 

Geenseed

 

The geenseed of the Death Adders is mostly stable, though their has been some either mutation or genetic tinkering with the Betchers Gland. The Spacemarines of the Death Adders Chapter cannot spit venom but instead bite it with poison filled hollow fangs that grow in place of Canines.

Chapter Colours 

 

 

(a more clean version. Still needs MUCH work) 

 

I haven't necessarily got much to add for the moment but:

• Death Vipers might sound more menacing then Death Adders ?
• Hum... four suns in a system... I may have been corrupted by Slaanesh, but this sounds more like you're compensating for something here... A binary solar system (two suns), is quite enough for most sci-fi purposes.
• People generally give their surnames to things, not their first names. The only example of someone giving their first name I can think of is Mercedes Benz, and that wasn't even Mercedes herself that chose to give her name to a brand of cars. Contrary to popular belief, the name America probably does not come from Amerigo Vespucci...
• An eco-system needs equivalents to plants and herbivores to function correctly I think
• Since when are there no naturally black people in the Imperium ?
• Why do they have to bring back two heads of predators ? go with either one or five. One is nice because it is simple, five is nice because you could detail each kind of predator and say what their strengths are, and then say that your initiates have to best them through a variety of skills... Two seems to try for a compromise that doesn't really work...
• Don't suggest genetic tampering so blatantly, because it should get your chapter purged. Mention that there is mutation, and if you want, say that "some have suggested darker reasons for this".

[EesiOh]

 

System

They come from the system of Nullius on the very rim of Northern Imperial Space. The system is made up of two planets and 4 suns. Both planets in the system are parched sunbathed planet classified as deathworlds due to their lack of readily available water and the large predators that roam the waste land 

 

Planets

 

Areas Rock: (named after the Rogue Trader Areas Viln) later renamed to Uralù when it was rediscovered by the space mariens. It has a similar make up to mars and is used as a manufacorium. On the surface it appears to simply be a large red dustball with many strange geolithic forms. On closer inspection these forms harbour within them very large supplies of Adamtium. This has led to the world being converted into a QAUSI-forgeworld

 

Anzas'Ark: The larger of the two planets, also where the chapter gets its initiates from. Both worlds are considered death worlds as they are desolate boiling desserts where every life form has evolved specifically to kill each other (and any settlers) 

Despite all this the planets were already inhabited by human settlers from the age of expansion. Due to the extreme conditions their skin has been blackened. Causing them to be the only naturally black humans that exist within (imperial knowledge) 

 

Recruitment

 

The chapter recruits from Anzas'Ark, meaning that all the chapter initiates have black skin. The recruits are tasked with bringing back to the chapter the heads of 2 of the 5 greatest predators that roam the planet. 

 

Geenseed

 

The geenseed of the Death Adders is mostly stable, though their has been some either mutation or genetic tinkering with the Betchers Gland. The Spacemarines of the Death Adders Chapter cannot spit venom but instead bite it with poison filled hollow fangs that grow in place of Canines.

Chapter Colours 

 

 

(a more clean version. Still needs MUCH work) 

 

I haven't necessarily got much to add for the moment but:

• Death Vipers might sound more menacing then Death Adders ?
• Hum... four suns in a system... I may have been corrupted by Slaanesh, but this sounds more like you're compensating for something here... A binary solar system (two suns), is quite enough for most sci-fi purposes.
• People generally give their surnames to things, not their first names. The only example of someone giving their first name I can think of is Mercedes Benz, and that wasn't even Mercedes herself that chose to give her name to a brand of cars. Contrary to popular belief, the name America probably does not come from Amerigo Vespucci...
• An eco-system needs equivalents to plants and herbivores to function correctly I think
• Since when are there no naturally black people in the Imperium ?
• Why do they have to bring back two heads of predators ? go with either one or five. One is nice because it is simple, five is nice because you could detail each kind of predator and say what their strengths are, and then say that your initiates have to best them through a variety of skills... Two seems to try for a compromise that doesn't really work...
• Don't suggest genetic tampering so blatantly, because it should get your chapter purged. Mention that there is mutation, and if you want, say that "some have suggested darker reasons for this".

 

this is the kind of quality CC i was looking for (DW Olis, your stuff is great too. just you always seem to do it in tiny increments) I will answer 99% of those question tomorrow morning for now i will just say 4 suns because Australia is bloody hot and whats bloody hotter than 2 suns? 4 (im thinking 2 per planet ^~^)