Legion of the Iron Lion (rough)

[jbaeza94]

hey guys and fellow DA players, ive been brewing up a chapter for a while now based on the unforgiven. i have named them the Legion of the Iron Lion.  They will have strong roman influence, and here is where we get to the fun stuff.

 

Legion and cohorts:

-The Chapter identifies itself as a legion, being composed of 2 cohorts. Each cohort is composed of 6 centuries. each century is composed of 10 8 man Contubernium. This is roughly 960 Astartes.

 

-The Chapter Master holds the rank of Legion Legatus. Each cohort is led by a Primus Pilus, Centurion of the First Century (Deathwing) and the Primus Prior,  Centurion of the Former Century (Ravenwing), these 2 senior officers were the face of the cohort when representation was need, but still counted on the 4 other centurions to decide what the cohort should do.

 

-All centurions and the Legion Legatus are part of the senatus, this is obvious to all Astartes, as it is they who decide the future of the Legion.  there is a second layer to this all (they are DA after all) however. The Senatus deals with all matters pertaining to the hunt of the fallen, and other hidden truths that must be kept under wrap.

 

-Why have the legion in 2 identical parts?  This is where I think my DIY chapter is unique.  when the DA Supreme Grand Master petitioned the High Lords of Terra to create a new successor chapter,   he had a vision of a chapter who could operate in force, dedicated to the hunt where ever it may be, in two places at once.  This chapter would be able to employ terminators, bike squads, land speeders and many other fast attack options while still supported by battle companies, and do so without compromise.  the choice weather to deploy the first company and second here or there isn't an issue anymore, as there is 2. (please input for this, if there is any way I can make it more believable id really appreciate it)

 

The Iron and The Lion

-The homeworld of the chapter is near the sector of a forgeworld. as such many practices of the mechanicum are common on the homeworld, such as high honor for the Omnissiah, but especially replacement of flesh. obviously they don't replace theyre whole body, nor do they go to the extent of the Iron Hands, but it has become tradition in the world, when one move up in status, one adds iron to the flesh to commemorate the new found strength, represented by the iron. this has passed on to the Astartes, who have key milestones,  Decanus (squad leader), entry into the first or second century, centurion, and Primus Pilus/Prior. The Oracles (librarians) have the same through the 3 ranks, and once an Astartes reaches the rank of Arbiter (chaplain) he will add iron to any part he desires but will not remove his right arm. If the astartes reaches the rank of Prime Arbiter, and makes a fallen repent, he will replace one digit on his right hand with iron. The Armicustus (tech priest) are highly revered, as theyre the ones who provide the Omnissiah's iron when an Astartes has been promoted.

 

-There is a strong bond between the forgeworld of Exorbita Triatrii and the Iron Lions. One not always appreciated by other DA. The forgeworld was the main supplier to the Iron Lions of armor and vehicles.  However this bond wasn't always so strong. a witty tech priest stumbled upon the hunt while searching for STC's. before confronting the Iron Lions, he had his memory backed up, just in case the Lions decide just to kill him. After a battle to secure the warhound titans strange powerplant from the Fallen and his warband, the tech priest thanked the Liegion Legate for his support in his quest for knowledge, and as they were about to part ways, he made a remark on how they whisked away a Dark angel in black  mkii power armor, and that they tried to keep it hidden. instantly this drew the Legates attention. he threatened to kill him if he did not explain what he saw.  the tech priest calmly explained what he saw and said multiple times his memory was backed up and on its way to other exploratory ships in case he blew up his fleet.  this put the chapter in a bind.... or did it? All magos explorators desire is knowledge to bring back to their forgeworld and are not above black mail to get it.  this means glory for him, and for his forgeworld. and that is what he wanted. he agreed to keep his mouth shut, and pledged his fleet to the hunt, if and only if, the Iron Lions shared their technology with the forgeworld, and all new technology found to be immediately surrendered to him. this did not bode well with the Legate, but after all, only the tech priest would know, all the skitarri can be simply mind wiped... yes this could work. after consulting with the 6 centuries at hand, they agreed to the terms, but swore an oath that this treaty never leave the Senatus, no one besides the highest echelons must know. that means no other chapter must know. (any ideas I could add to this?)

 

Romans of the year 40K

The Astartes of the Legion of the Iron Lion are multi colored. three animals represent them.

 

The Silver Bulls, The First Century

    -They are the First. The Elite. The bull represents aggression, and a furious charge towards the enemy. Their size is imposing and their strength  unreal. They most commonly employ tartaros terminator armor, as that is the stc Exorbita Triatrii has had since its earliest days. they do have a few indominus pattern gifted to them by the Dark Angles when the chapter was first founded, and they also have 3 Sets of Catphractii, one for each Primus Pilus, and the Legion Legate.

    - They bear the color of Silver, their left shoulder pad either red for Cohort Leonus, or black for Cohort Ferrus. Right shoulder pad bears the squads color, blue for Oracle, or black for Arbiter

 

The Bronze Eagles, The Former Century

   -They are speed. Vicious birds of prey, who swoop in for the attack, and as fast as they arrived, they are gone, only to make another hit and run a few seconds later.  They employ many bikes with powerlances, and land speeders. They're Screaming Falcon provides are superiority while the Lighting Hawk employs warp energy. they posses 9 jetbikes. the first belonged to a traitor space marine who had become warlord of a planet. The tech priest of Exorbita Tratrii were able to reverse engineer the bike, but only to a certain extent. most failed, and those 8 that worked, don't have all of the grace of the original. they belong to the 2 Primus Prior, and they're escorts. the 9th bike is kept in the fortress monastery. 

    -They bear the color of Bronze. their left shoulder pad either red for Cohort Leonus, or black for Cohort Ferrus. Right shoulder pad bears the squads color, blue for Oracle,  black for Arbiter, Orange for Armicustus.   the wing shape on the wings of the Nephilim/Dark Talon are the color of the cohort they belong to.  Land speeds have the accents in the color of their cohort.

 

The Iron Lion, the Battle Centuries

    -They are furious and strong. the symbol deathless courage, strength, fearlessness, bravery and royalty. They are the enforcers of the Emperors will. they employ 8 man squads, the marks of armor vary greatly from mkii to mk8. Leaders often bear a crest on their helmets. The Iron Lions have a fondness for plasma. They drive the battle line forward in a wedge, and employ bounding and cover techniques well.

    -They Bear the of color Gray. their left shoulder pad either red for Cohort Leonus, or black for Cohort Ferrus. Right shoulder pad bears the squad color, company number,  blue for Oracle,  black for Arbiter, Orange for Armicustus
 

 

so this is what I have. what do you guys think? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give feed back into how I can improve on this chapter. I am actually looking to make this into a playable chapter, lots of forgeworld probably, so I want to have good fluff to explain to my opponents.

[Doctor Perils]

Hi, this seems quite interesting ! I'll have to have a good read into this later, and give a detailed response.

 

Have you thought about entering these into the Liber Challenge - VII ?

 

I think the first question you have to try and answer, is why they don't follow the Dark Angels' structure or the Codex Astartes ? And this mustn't be an answer as to how effective it would be compared to the others, but a fluff reason behind it not being the same. (This is pretty much always the first question to answer when creating a codex-divergent chapter.)

[markham82]

Hail Brother

 

Have you thought about having the Lions give the titan to the tech priest as a gift. wouldn't this foster a stronger bond than black mail, after all us Astartes value honour above almost everything?

 

You explanation for the arrangement is a good one though. 

[jbaeza94]

Lord Thorn.

One reason i decided to not make then like other DA, most obviously rule of cool. I like the Idea of 2. It represents both the iron and flesh, 2 working together for a goal. Also, they are able to provide 2 smaller yet equally effective task force to hunt the fallen. Lastly is the Roman heritage. Their military pre astartes was similarly organized, with cohorts maniples and legions. This carried over to the astartes.

[jbaeza94]

Markham82, I'm sorry I didn't flesh out the story too much. But yes, the Tech Priest was in fact only after the power plant of the Warhound. The Lions would help secure it and the mechanicum would help quell "the rebellion". Obviously the closing moments were not what the Lions expected. And although it was black mail at first, it was the only way the tech priest could secure his life, but they both are able to see the merit of the deal. At all times the tech priest gives off that he's helping them while dropping hints that has untouchable. He's smart and cocky, but not entirely stupid.

[Doctor Perils]

Lord Thorn.

One reason i decided to not make then like other DA, most obviously rule of cool. I like the Idea of 2. It represents both the iron and flesh, 2 working together for a goal. Also, they are able to provide 2 smaller yet equally effective task force to hunt the fallen. Lastly is the Roman heritage. Their military pre astartes was similarly organized, with cohorts maniples and legions. This carried over to the astartes.

This is why I meant a fluff reason: it's all well and good for you to say you want this for Rule of Cool, but you need an in-universe justification for the chapter to be different.

[jbaeza94]

I thought I did? The needs of the supreme grand master of the time and special heritage carried by the homeworld. What do you suggest I could add? I'm open to ideas

[Doctor Perils]

Weeell, the Dark Angels' supreme Grand Master would likely not have all that much to say in the matter of the new chapter: it is specifically stated that the Disciples of Caliban are highly unusual in the fact that the DA supreme Grand Master petitioned the High Lords of Terra for a chapter to be founded according to his specifications.

And technically both the Codex Astartes and Dark Angels' organisations freely allow a chapter to split in two or more parts, according to what is needed at the time: that's why only the battle companies fight as a unified whole on a general basis, and the other companies second their squads to the battle companies when needed. Which means that the Deathwing and the Ravenwing aren't deployed in this place or that place as you suggest, but DW squads or RW squadrons are generally deployed independently.

Because of this, the DA Supreme Grand Master, even if he has got any say in the matter, or the first Supreme Grand Master of the Iron Lions, would likely stick to organisations that they know work. This is where you need to find a reason.

Unfortunately, I can't necessarily help you for this part , as I'm already struggling to find a reason for my own Codex Divergences, even if they are mainly cosmetic.

[jbaeza94]

This is tough but you make valid points. I'll have to look into it and see what I can come up with. I will update asap

[jbaeza94]

Sorry for the slow update, fluff update coming within the next 3 days. in the mean time here is the color scheme for the Legion of the Iron Lion

Cohort Ferrum, Legionary of the First Century the Silver Bulls, 1st Contubernium

Cohort Leonus, Legionary of the First Century the Silver Bulls, 1st Contubernium​

Cohort Ferrum, Legionary of the Former Century the Bronze Eagles, 1st Contubernium​

​Cohort Leonus, Legionary of the Former Century the Bronze Eagles, 1st Contubernium

Cohort Ferrum, Legionary of the Iron Lion, 1st Contubernium

Cohort Leonus, Legionary of the Iron Lion, 1st Contubernium

[Kelborn]

Hey,

 

I like your ideas.

 

But to be honest, your color schemes remind me of the following:

 

Silver Bulls = Space Wolves

Bronze Eagles = Minotaurs

Iron Lion = pre heresy Word Bearers

 

Maybe you should rethink them. If you want to stick with them, do it. It is your chapter! Those were just my thoughts.

[jbaeza94]

The silver bulls will be runefang steel, it's hard to represent silver on the painter, so on the tabletop they won't look like the space wolves. I will agree though about the minotaurs and the word bearers.

The reason I chose bronze for the Eagles is for a couple of reasons. The chapter has heavy Roman influence, and bronze and silver is what they would use for the Aquila or to adorn. I thought, why not have bronze space marines with silver Aquilas and silver with bronze Aquilas? I choose bronze for the Eagles because they will be primarily bikes and land speeders, maybe 3 birds. Also they won't all have yellow shoulder pads, there will be 10 different colors, one for each of the 10 squads in a company, so they won't be exactly the same. I did not want the Bulls to be bronze because of the minotaurs and since the bulls mostly infantry , so that's how I decided who was going to be what color. Another reason for those 2 colors is they are symbolic of redemption (silver) and judgement (bronze).

 

The gray for the Battle Centuries is because I want some sort of tie to iron, but not too close to the bulls.So i went with Stormwivern Fur. Also I think gray looks great. And black Is overused and too close to iron hands.

[jbaeza94]

Homeworld: Invictumos

 

The origins of Invictumos is no secret to the planets inhabitants. It is known, that many millennia ago, before the stars fell, there was a mighty empire who simply… disappeared. They were, the Romani. The empire conquered the world, but was above reproach. They were in love with thought and art, exemplifying traits of both knowledge and martial prowess. The tales of the mighty legions led to war against its foes, the amazing creatures that inhabited the world, and above all, the mighty Casari, the emperors of the Romani. Nothing is known about their sudden disappearance, only that it was the wrathful stars who silenced them.

++COMFIRM IDENTITY… PLACE HAND ON GENTIC SCANNER…

+SCANNING… IDENTITY CONFRIMED

+WELCOME ORACLE PRIMUM AGUSTUIN BRERRIA… ACCESSING FILES REQUESTED…

+FILE: THE GREEN INVASION ACCESSED… FILE: FALLING STARS ACCESSED… 2 FILES FOUND TO BE CORRUPTED SINCE LAST ACCESS… CAUSE… DEGREDATION…

+RETRIEVAL COMPLETE. CLOSING.

The Green Invasion

It is known to space marines why Orks appear time and time again on planets that has seen them destroyed. They are the cancer left behind hundreds or even thousands of years prior by a passing WAAGH. However, known only to the highest echelon of the Oracles, and some of the more history embracing and curious Legion Legatus of the past, there is a small fragmented collection of files concerning the WAAGH that sought to destroy Invictumos. As time goes on however, these files become more and more fragmented, until they are no longer readable. As is common, little is known about the Age of Darkness, but the Legion has seen a glimpse into the past.

 

Little known about Invictumos' origins. What is speculated however, is that Invictumos was a very very young colony, and was never really given the opportunity of really growing to its full potential. What is known, is that shortly before the star fell, the green ones descended on the planet. The brave men fought with all their might and technology, but they were no match for the Orks' resilience and number. However, the men of iron fared much better. And so they made war. Not many details exist, but what has been pieced together is most of the colony was ravaged and destroyed by the orks, only the iron will to survive and the men of iron's superb war making abilities saw man come out victorious, but this victory was short lived.

 

Falling Stars

How much time passed between the Green Invasion and the day stars fell is unknown. But it has been estimated from a couple of months, to a couple of years. It is stated that most fighting age men died, and the autonomous robots were brought down to a couple thousand.  No one knows why the men of iron betrayed mankind. Fragmented information has shown that from the start, man was losing. One file has shed light on the closing days. On the edge of annihilation, and not wanting to go without a fight, what was once regarded as a legend, was confirmed.  This is what has been heard:

… pushed us… our last bastion is being overu… we will not survi… manity is master of… own fate… it will ra… fire from he heave… tars will fall… they will joi…  in oblivion…

And with that, the conclusion has been made that humanity loosed all of its weapons upon itself and the men of iron. The manner of these weapons is unknown, some have guess they pulled asteroids from space and brought them upon themselves, others have speculated that all manner of missile was employed.

 

Humanity rose from the ashes to a ravaged planet, and although all seemed lost, man found a way to prosper. Tales upon tales were told and passed down about the days before the stars fell.  They spoke of a mighty empire, of great wars against xenos, of wondrous species and how everything was almost…  perfect. With time though these tales became corrupted, each orator or writer adding his own flare, eventually, it was said that the empire was theirs on their very planet.  Many generations passed, and the many inhabitants grew believing they were once great, and every leader who would rise, would say he would bring about that mighty empire once again. Then they found the book.

 

Library of Ashes

In a yet "unexplored" part of the planet a collection of books was discovered amongst the ashes by one of the feudal lords explorers. Many of these books were damaged by time, weather, or the fires that once burned. Amongst these were writings of things they did not understand with odd diagrams, collections of poetry, stories of fact and fiction. Many were collected and taken back, the ones deemed unreadable or undecipherable were left behind, only to be destroyed by later developments.

 

The Romani

Upon examination of the masses of books collected by the feudal lords most gifted men, they came upon one particular collection. It spoke of empires. It spoke of wars. It spoke of a perfect society. It spoke to them. It spoke of them. The desire of man to be significant, allowed them to force who they thought they are onto this history of something so distant from them. They made connections where none could exist, seeing the world described all around them, and imagining where certain things happened. This single collection of books led a political, martial, and philosophical revolution. The empire of their dreams had taken a face, it had taken a name, and it took their hearts. In a matter of a few centuries the inhabitants had become a state that put emphasis in martial prowess and knowledge. They sought for all to learn, because to not, meant you would be a nobody. The Senatus was established in smaller states, and each would send a representative to the Primum Senatus, and a democracy mimicking the Romani's was established. They then claimed the land would be called Invictumos (The Invincible), because they survived the stars, and they will not fall into oblivion like the Romani.

 

Before this however, massive wars were fought as to who would rule. Claims of bloodlines were often stated. It was initially thought that the Romani empire would never be again. Until one man found a reason to bring them under one banner, the Orks… 

 

 

and this is where I stop. I plan to write briefly about the campaigns against feral orks, and up until the decent of angels.   PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment on thoughts on how I can improve my homeworld's current history.

​

[Doctor Perils]

I think those colour schemes actually look pretty great. The Yellow pad offsets most similarities for me, and despite having different colours, I think they could look pretty cohesive when bunched together.

 

Would you have some kind of gold colour for the officers or specialists ?

[jbaeza94]

I hadn't really thought of it, but it sounds like a great idea. I'm guessing the base color could be standard for the cohort and century type, eagle bull or lion, but since the centurions don't belong to a squad but rather century, their right shoulder pad could be gold, and maybe their command squad could too. Better yet, as of now first squad is always yellow, which is close to gold, and it could symbolize there status as veterans and how near they are getting to the ranks of command. Our something along those lines. Thanks for bringing it up because I have thought about gold, but it just clicked how I could paint shoulder pad on the centurions.

 

Edit: also, fancy trimmings may be gold on IC, depending where it is located

[Father Mehman]

I'm finding it hard to follow all the Latin terms/ideas mixed with iconic animals and colours. I feel perplexed by the Roman names and I'm glossing over what I think is good content for the Chapter because of it. Maybe it's just me. This will sound slightly absurd (because it does to me) but could we get a chart or something that has the Roman rank, a Codex-compliant equivalent rank, the colour of the rank, and then what animal they are under- for lack of a better term. I would like to picture the Chapter correctly so that any comments I make are accurate.

 

That said, I like your main ideas for the Iron Lions. That they are a duality is interesting- employing both the iron of will and their flesh/mind. As has been said before, I hope to see why they are divergent from the Codex Astartes in such a big way.

[jbaeza94]

@Mehman, I made this chart, I realize it can be hard to follow, I hope this helps. in it, I gave a Codex equivalent to everything, and what the shoulder pads would look like on a space marine. Both Cohorts are nearly identical at full strength.

[Father Mehman]

I thank you very much for the chart as it has answered all of my questions relating to the Roman-style Rankings. Now, let's see if I get it correct. A battle-brother of the 1st Company will be silver as he is part of the Silver Bulls. His right shoulder indicates squad and his left the colour of his Cohort. A Sergeant or Veteran Sergeant would have a coloured tabbard that parallels with his Cohort, I guess?

 

Yes! That is great! The Librarians are Oracles and the Chaplains are Arbiters. See, now I get what you were saying earlier. Wow, although you did all the work, there is a sense of accomplishment when I got it correct. I truly believe that there will be people that will follow the Iron Lions because there is a little work involved and they like sorting out, using your chart, how things work. Sadly, there will be others that won't want to put in any effort but reap all the gain. That is what I see as not a critique but as a truth.

 

In the morning, I'll sit at my computer and look at your Chapter with fresh eyes, now that I know what is going on. Excellent stuff, my friend. You can take these Successors as far as you want and I think, with a little help and guidance from those interested, you'll go very far.

[jbaeza94]

That is absolutely correct. I'm glad that cleared things up a bit, it was very fun putting my paint skills to the test.

 

I hope to have some me fluff updated by the end of the week. I have a few ideas, they just need fleshing out.

 

Oh, just noticed it is the end of the week. Well in the next 2 days. Synopsis of what I'm brewing. Feral orks grow (?) and start raiding. Humanity must band together or face defeat. This lays the grounds for the military structure of the coming centuries. Then the great crusade arrives. That's where i plan on ending. But basically, it's similar how the Order fused with the DA. Militaristic traditions. And since their main enemy will be orks (I'm planning the Beast as part of their reason for their creation, still need to do more Founding research), it makes sense for them to hold on to what they know works. That's the basic idea

[jbaeza94]

Hey guys. In doing some research i found out the Waaagh! known as the Beast occurred roughly 544.M32. This puts me at either a 3rd Founding 001.M32 or 4th Founding approx mid M32 to early M33. Here's where I need help. I know foundings take centuries to go from planning to having Astartes on the battlefield. But is the founding date the day the planning starts? This would make a 3rd Founding ideal, since the Lions could be one of the last chapters completed, and making fighting the Beast their proving grounds. If the founding date is when the chapters start rolling out, I imagine this would be roughly a century time span depending on how many chapters, 4th founding would be ideal. Although this time they would be more clean up duty, and part of the rush to replenish all the Astartes lost during the war. How do you guys think it happens? Any other ideas?

[Father Mehman]

That is a really good question about the Founding Date. I think with my Chapter I've just taken it as they were ready for deployment so why not give them the Founding? Well, looks like I see something that needs work now . Thinking about it, I recall reading a discussion about this very question. There didn't seem to be a real consensus as to the answer. Let me tell you what I remember happens for a Founding and then we'll figure it out from there.

The first way it can happen:

The High Lords of Terra see a problem in the galaxy. Maybe a Sector isn't protected enough, there may need to be some back-up due to recent Chaos incursions in a certain area, they feel the number of Space Marine Chapter is dwindling from attrition, etc. Whatever the reason, the High Lords decree a new Founding should occur.

Forge Worlds ramp up production of war materials, the gene-banks on Mars begin to choose and collect the necessary progenitor Chapter's nineteen organs needed to build an Astartes based on the High Lords' recommendation of said Chapter.

The Chapter that will be split collects the Veterans and Commanders, not to mention newly inducted battle-brothers, that will go to form the new Chapter. Part of their recruitment will go towards this new daughter Chapter.

Somewhere in all of that activity a Founding Date has been issued from the High Lords of Terra and then, a hundred or so years later, the newly formed Chapter can stand on its feet. I would guess the decree comes at the first.

The second way it can happen:

A Chapter has a schism within its ranks. The section of the Chapter that has the most divergent beliefs from the rest of the Chapter is given leave to do what it feels necessary until a new Founding Date is chosen. At that time, the steps from above happen but the selection for the new Chapter has already been decided. Word is sent to the High Lords that, if they wish, there is a new Chapter that can be formed with little cost to them.

That's all I can remember about it right now. I may be completely wrong about the second way a Founding Date works but the first way shouldn't be too far off the mark.

[jbaeza94]

ok so let me see iof i get this. here is a sample timeline. dates are all for the purpose of explaining.

900M31 High lords decide a new founding is needed.  begin planning, logistics and all that good stuff.

950M31 High Lords decide 001M32 is the founding date

001.M32 The first chapters start to roll out to do their thing.

 

That's how the first way you explained would look like right? This would work great for them being 4th founding, after all, the Beast did bring Space Marine chapter numbers down quite a bit, and it would be necessary for numbers to be replenished.  Maybe they wont get to fight against it like I hoped, however, Invictumos could have been selected as the home planet for a couple of reasons. First, they are a warrior culture, who have lots of experience fighting Orks, even before the arrival of the Great Crusade. Second, although they put up a strong fight against the space marines in the Great Crusade (and lost obviously), they have embraced compliance well, showing dedication to the Imperium. Third, they had contact with a lost Forge World before the arrival of the Imperium, making a cultural bond with them. So when recruiting planets were being searched for by the Mechanicus, naturally they looked at Invictumos, found them genetically suitable, and logged their information for later use.

 

I feel the second way would not work for my chapter. They're different not because of ideology of the parent chapter, who is yet to be determined, but because of their history as a civilization before and during the Imperium. I initially wanted them to be petitioned, like the Disciples of Caliban, but I realized that's a bit selfish of me. I want the Iron Lions to be unique, with a rich history, but not special Marie Sue's who do everything great because they're my creation.

 

Also, I need help with a parent chapter. They are part of the Unforgiven, but I want them to share some principle ideas with the parent chapter taught to them by the veterans. mainly on the Hunt since I know not all chapters are as zealous as the Dark Angels. The Iron Lions do embrace the hunt, not because they seek forgiveness, but because of duty to the Lion, to see those who wronged him brought to justice and his honor redeemed.

 

*Almost done writing about the orks and the first wars against them on Invictumos, should be up tomorrow.

[Father Mehman]

To the best of my knowledge you have it correct on how the Founding process works. Your ideas about the Ork scum and the valiant Imperial attrition sound great. Also, the bit on having Invictumos' people know how to fight the Ork menace as they have previously faced them, their history stretching back to the Great Crusade (and denial of the Emperor), and also explaining their ties to the Mechanicum sound very solid. That's a really good direction to grow with more writing and backstory. It makes me want to know more as a reader.

 

Walking the line of the Mary Sue Rottenbottoms can be hard. I really get what you're saying about making them special and unique. It comes down to quirks, my friend. The question to ask yourself is this: "Why would someone want to read about my Chapter when there are so many out there already? Why are they worth someone's time?" That helped me out when I was figuring out if I even wanted to make a DIY Chapter.

 

Anyway, allow me to talk a bit about quirks. What I'm saying comes from a different post but it is definitely appropriate here, as well.

 

"The way it's been explained to me a long time ago is that we are the way we are because of our small, and sometimes large, differences- quirks. These can range from a certain accent that we have via birthplace, the way we view outsiders versus friends, and even the differences in our skin colours or religions. How different is my Chapter compared to yours? What sets yet another Chapter of Space Marines apart from any other of the hundreds out there?"

 

I repeat what I said in this post here, but that's because it's so very important. Really, your Iron Lions are going in the right direction and have a few quirks already: the replacement of their flesh with iron to show status, their home world's mirroring of the past that is shown in the Chapter by its different naming structure to the Codex Astartes, and also their ties with the Mechanicum. I would encourage you to create even more of these quirks until you have a list of them that you like. The number of quirks isn't important- that you are happy with how many you have is important. Then take your list and start marking through the ones that sound too cliched or perfect for the Chapter. This is a variation on the literary tool called Murdering Your Darlings. You take a line, paragraph, or chapter that you think is the best in the work and then you erase it from the final version. Why would someone do this? It's to cut out your bias on your own work. Just because you think it's great probably means someone else, the majority of people, in fact, will find it contrived and cliche.

 

In all things, try it out. There is no one correct way to do anything. If you try it and you don't like it, no problem. At least you have a new experience and tool to use later if you wish.

 

Now, as for your time of Founding, I would stay clear of the early dates because we need to let the parent Chapter grow and find out what it does the best. Not saying you can't have an early Founding. Do so at your discretion. The more time a parent Chapter has to grow by itself the better experience and battle scars it has to pass down to its progeny. You could liken it to wine, I suppose. Yes, you can drink a wine right after it has been bottled and it will taste fine. Wait a few years and it will taste better. And if we wait a little longer than that it will taste even better.

 

I hope that helps some.

[jbaeza94]

I'm so sorry for the slow update, I hope this makes up for it. what do you guys think?

 

 

About 1000 years has passed since the Falls of Stars. Humanity has relearned how to farm, domesticate animals. They have also relearned how to work metals, which brought more complex tools, weapons, armor, and large scale war. Small states under a feudal lord have sprung up over all but the highest mountains and harshest deserts. Each state had its own stock of weapons and armor ranging from leather and crude spears in the less wealthy states, to metal overlapping plates and bows in the larger states.

 

When the book came to light, news spread like wildfire through the trade routes. In the matter of years, the furthest edges of the planet knew who they came from, the Romani. This also brought the first wars however. Lords would rise, saying

"I am the descendant of the last Casari. I he am who should rule the new empire"

Others would claim territorial inheritance, and others would say they came to them in dreams. But the simple fact is, nobody wanted to be ruled. After many campaigns, only three States continued to fight for power, all the rest either being destroyed, absorbed into the others, or simply too far from reach. It seemed no one would win.

 

The first reports of beast men came from the heavily forested east most nation state. Reports of strong, loud, iron willed beasts, not easily killed, seemed the stuff of legends. Many heroes flooded these areas in search of glory, but of course, non ever returned. The thing is, most people didn’t realize the beasts numbered in the thousands, most villages didn’t survive to tell the tale, and only those who ran into them by chance in the forest and hid away saw one or two at a time. It was not until a major city was utterly obliterated that the enemy was truly revealed. The beasts  were green and large, very muscular, and were even said to be able to regenerate, but this was just speculation.  They wielded spears, clubs and axes, but once in a while they employed bows. They spoke in grunts and growls, or at least that what the people thought.

 

Initially the nation state tried to mount defenses against the beasts, but no matter how they tried, they were always outnumbered and outclassed. The other two states took advantage of this weakness and began a large offensive against the eastern state. Needless to say, they were involved in a war they could not hope to even fight. When the southern forests of the northern state began to be raided, immediately they dropped the campaign to try to defend itself. But sadly, they were not enough either. The western nation began to worry, it knew it could make a decisive blow against the other two nation states, but knew the day would come, and it would be soon, when they would have to face the beast men. They abandoned the campaign of conquest to set up defenses. 

 

As city after city fell to the beast men, the population of the eastern nation ran to the north and the west. Neither state wanted to take in the refugees, but they could not stop them all. One man, simply known as the Oracle, rose from among the population, claiming to have seen into the future. He claimed, the Romani were great, not because of their great military, philosophy, or leaders, but because of their ability to unite under one banner despite how different each smaller nation composing the  empire was. He said he saw two futures, when where Invictumos saw victory, but only through the destruction of the three states, and one where the three states remained, but Invictumos falls to the beast men. His message spread, but not all were accepting of it, especially the north. The believed themselves to be a strong nation, powerful enough to defend itself, calling the man insane to believe in visions of the future. The west was mostly in favor, but not all, which led to xenophobic movements amongst the citizens.

 

After a temporary alliance was forged by the eastern and western sates, a mass exodus of all woman, children, master builders, and men no longer considered fighting age occurred to the west. All men from the west who where above 17 but below 30 were drafted into the military, all others where sent to fortify the edges of the state. 2/3 of permanent military and 1/4 of drafted military were sent aid in the east. The goal was to slowly pull back while dwindling the beasts and gaining experience fighting them.  Quickly it was learned, that they can not face them one on one. Range is best, bowman on winged mounts could dispatch bigger beasts. Mounted spearman in groups of three could dispatch of any beast quickly. It was necessary, for the infantrymen to fight  four against one, one would carry a lance to weaken the beast at range, the others would go in for the kill. With this strategy, they no longer needed to fall back. In fact, they were overwhelming the beasts. Word was sent back, to send reinforcements and supplies, that they no longer would be falling back, but pushing forward. After Eight months, the east had no more beasts. The west never saw any beasts. The northern state however, lay on the brink of defeat. Five months later the northern state hierarchy was no more and as such, neither was the northern state. Eight months after the newly founded Emprius Invictumos  had wiped all trace of the beast men.

 

After much turmoil, debate, and rioting, the Emprius Invictumos founded its Senatus, where each household of a territory that has been under the Emprius' rule for at minimum eight years could cast a vote in its district. Each district was equal in the Primum Senatus. This is how most business was conducted. Everything was not always great, nor was it bad, but it was the people empire.  The oracles would appear suddenly, and they were seen as omens of prosperity, but were always followed by a beast uprising.

 

As time went on, culture grew, studies advanced, science and technologies brought many wonders. They even made contact with the servants of the Omnissiah. They enjoyed life until one day, men larger than life fell upon Invictumos, and a god of war brought the empire to its knees…

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which legion brought the world to submission? who do you guys think it should be?