IA: Howling Brothers (poss.) Need some advice

[Traitor in Jeans]

This is bare bones right now so please pick apart at your leisure. Suggestions would be much appreciated though. This is my first delve back into chapter creation for a good 10 years I think so please feel free to show me the door if anything sounds exceptionally wobbly.

I'm trying to go for a try hard ecclesiarchy inspired chapter with roots of blind savagery based in the shortcomings of their gene seed. A sort of battle choir, though suitably grim dark and not just coming off as space marines who sing (Oh god I hope not).

Lot's of room for Inquisition finger pointing here!

 

Okay, so here's some ideas for names:

 

Howling Brothers (Brothers Ululate) (Howling Fraternity) (Fratris Ululate) (Brothers Clamatis) (Fratris Clamatis) (Scream Brothers) (Fratris Rugitis) (Brothers Roaring) (Roaring Brothers) (Fiolios Ululate) (Howling Sons) (Howling Jaws) (Emperors Hymnal) (Howling Cantillates) (Cantillate Brothers) (Canto Fraternis) (Chanting Sons) Hurlant Jaws

 

Chapter Symbol:

Bear trap symbol (similar to world eaters, minus the traitor. Possibly with another symbol/number in the center)

 

Origins

White Scars

The chapter was one of the many created during the 21st founding. A so called cursed chapter, the geneseed they use is unstable and they lack a number of crucial zygotes that go toward making them fully fledged astartes.

 

The geneseed is believed to be that of the White Scars, though no records have survived to back up the claims. The chapter was founded as a bulwark for imperial faith and military might in an area of space sufficiently vulnerable to warrant the creation of the chapter. To this end they have become a symbol of might and stout wardens against the frequent attacks from the eye of terror. Their creation was for the most part a mystery. Though perhaps in some way they hoped to make wholly loyal astartes on a genetic level by removing the need for hypno conditioning and strengthening the bond between purpose and pride. How they exactly attempted to achieve this and whether it was a success is still not known for sure, however the chapter is known for being fanatically loyal to the Imperial ideals set out by the emperor to this day. The zygotes for the Omophagea gland, Oolotic Kidneys and Preomnor implants are all essentially missing. The Occulobe is also highly stimulated meaning that marines can see especially well in darkened environments but struggle in regular/high levels of light. This ability to see light in even the darkest of spaces has been proposed as a source of great devotion for the chapter and methods of meditation in self titled chantry chambers are led by the chapters apothecaries.

 

(The emperors light is always with us)

 

The extensive tampering with the chapters gene seed has led to numerous genetic deficiancies that gradually worsen following implantation. The main ones being changes to the initiates speech and extreme aggression in combat. An officer of the Mordian Iron Guard commented on seeing a chapter assault force aid them in the defence of an agriworld -

"It was as if a hail of stones had fallen from the heavens and from within rushed forth packs of beasts. howling a rhetoric to chill even the most devout members of my infantry. To say that my men lacked courage would not be so bold a claim after looking upon the astartes as I saw them that day. We as mere men can only hope to match such a level of pure, ferocious, faith"

It is one reason why rituals such as the apothecary guided meditations have become so important to the chapters cult followings. Everything up to their practice of imperial hymnals is all an effort to stem the consequences of their flawed gene seed.

 

 

Brothers in Battle.

 

 

Hive World Homeworld: Ice planet

Mordian System

Adjacent to Cypra Mundi

 

Links to Port Maw through the chaos invasions of the 13th black crusade.

Distrust built up through complications in relationships with Cypra Mundi.

Chapter Master accuses the port of withholding it’s fleets to aid the Mordian system as well as denying Cypra Mundi reinforcements. 

The Chapter is Spread thin defending the sector of space surrounding their homeward leading to a full 5 Company’s being destroyed as well as the 1st Company’s captain in a warp accident (needs specifics). The Chapter is particularly crucial in ensuring the guarding of a number of mechanicus technologies from falling into traitor hands. This forges a strong relationship between the chapter and the tech priests of Cypra Mundi. 

A large amount of the chapters requisitioned gene seed is stolen by a mysterious force. The deficiencies present in the chapters geneseed begin to worsen and the apothecaries of the chapter commit themselves to the task of restoring and maintaining stocks as best they can.

 

-Monestary stationed on the adjacent moon

 

 

Deeply religious homeworld with a stout belief in the might of the astartes.

 

Recruits from the chapter are derived from a number of warring gangs that make home in the planets sprawling hive networks. These gangs aren’t troubled by wars of wealth and power but conflicts of faith (however, they are none the less vicious). As a result, the gangs presence has a somewhat beneficial effect on the populace as they all strive to outproduce their opposing sectors based on aggressive religious motivations which are in turn enforced by the dominant ecclesiarchal forces in a particular sector. The most promising and devout members of these warrior cults are inevitably inducted into the chapter by means of brutal raids, ensuring an atmosphere of fear and respect for the occupying astartes as well as ensuring the gangs themselves will never achieve complete dominance of a hive.

 

Hive sectors are regularly filled with the chanting of imperial litanies by masses of workers. It is thought that this type of behaviour is stirred up by specific gangs as propaganda for their cause, with variations in message and tone, though it’s also rumoured that this is the work of the chapter themselves. Claims such as these are soon to be dismissed by those with any influence on world. 

 

Outside of the hives themselves are desolate wastes. Too cold and inhospitable for imperial settlers. (needs expanding)

 

Origins of the planets inhabitants and Astartes Occupation: (tbc)

 

Combat Doctrine: Terror

 

Extensive use of drop pod assaults. Modified drop pods. 

Drop pods are fitted with distorting vox casters on the exterior shell of the vehicle, projecting the fearsome and barbaric cry from the marines within to deafening levels. This only adds to the terror generated by the surgical swiftness with which drop pods as a whole are implemented. 

The first three companies use drop pods almost exclusively, believing them to be the most divine method of insertion available to the astartes, with no equal, even among the plethora of land and air based transports as they provide the most efficient and direct means of engaging face to face with the enemy side by side fellow battle brothers.

 

Progenoids

 

The degradation in their gene seed leads all but a few members of the chapter to lose the ability to speak without technological aid due to a withering of the voice box, theorised to be linked to the loss/corruption of several zygotes. Marines with partial loss of voice will be given amplifiers and those with complete loss of voice will have their vocal chords replaced completely. An extension of their drop pod modifications is their use of suit installed vox distorters in assault marine squads. The marines will  continually chant cries of devotion to the imperial truth as they storm into combat, howling their praise to the emperor as an insult to their enemies disgrace. The use of distortion creates a terror inducing buzz across the battlefield to rival that of the tyrannic swarms. Without distortion (Often demonstrated in the fortress monastery during times of relative peace) their cries merge to become a hymnal mass of echoing revelation, reminiscent of the chantry servitors that hum throughout the imperial palace on Terra. The use of ones voice as both a weapon and a tool plays a crucial role in the chapters cultural rituals and combat doctrines. Their emphasis on these set of spiritual rites may also be a prideful attempt to overcome this flaw of which many view with contempt. The priests of the adeptus mechanicus however have a much more favourable impression of the astartes genetic defects. This has been sure to draw the ire of a certain imperial organisation (Inquisition?) because of the strengthened connections with their neighbouring forge world. 

 

The Emperor Above All

 

Foes: a chaos aligned group

 

 

 

A series of Chapter battle Cries and saying (something of great importance to it's members)

 

If all else fails cry his name

 

Si non aliud nomen clamare

 

 

Benedictus verbis laudis

 

Praise be to the actual words of praise

 

 

Loquere anathema

 

Speak Accursed

 

anathema to the traitor

 

anathema proditor

 

Accursed Traitor

 

 

Those who cannot speak, given voice in faith

Eos qui fari non potest , dedit vocem in fide

 

The emperor speaks for us all

Imperator loquitur pro nobis omnibus

 

Ego ero fidens in pugnam

I will put my trust in the fight

 

Praise in action, Praise with voice

Laus actu laus vocibus

 

Cantemus afflíge inimícum

Sing to crush the enemy

 

 

Tandem cum impossibile , pugna cum omnes perdidit

Pray when impossible, fight when all lost

 

 

Mortem ad falsum orator

Death to the false orator

 

 

Carminibus fides, in fide imperator

In song there is faith, in faith there is the emperor

 

Debilitata est fortitudo portantis et exclamavit Scream spei , verum Scream

 

He had the strength of the bearers of burdens , and he cried out a Scream of hope, and the truth of the Scream

was faith

 

 

The strength of the bearers of burdens , of truth, of hope

Debilitata est fortitudo portantis , et exclamavit

 

Bear the burden of scripture to crush thy enemy

Onus scripture opprimendus hostis

 

Scribendi onus afflíge inimícum

The burden would crush the enemy

 

All of these latin translations were simply plugged from google translate but I think they fit the theme quite well and will look good on banners/heraldry when I get round to building the army irl.

[Olis]

Greetings brother - as might tell, many amongst the Liber are preoccupied with the festive period but nonetheless, I apologise for the lack of reply until now.
 

Howling Sons

 
Of all the options you've provided, this one seems to me like the best one, with perhaps the Howling Brothers a not-very-distant second.
 

Chapter Symbol:
Bear trap symbol (similar to world eaters, minus the traitor. Possibly with another symbol/number in the center)

 

I would suggest, for a symbol, something that is not based on what the traitor legions had. Maybe something derived from the Ecclesiarchy's symbol of office:

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/b/bf/Adeptus_Ministorum_Symbol.jpg
 
How about a skull within a halo? Your Chapter, your choice. I just think a World Eaters symbol is not the best icon to emulate for a loyalist Chapter.
 

Origins
White Scars
The chapter was one of the many created during the 21st founding. A so called cursed chapter, the geneseed they use is unstable and they lack a number of crucial zygotes that go toward making them fully fledged astartes.

Though I'm not one the generally pooh-pooh an idea, what exactly does being a Cursed Founding Chapter bring to the IA? What does the Chapter gain in character for being amongst the 21st Founding besides having difficulties with their gene-seed?

You aim to tie this Chapter to the Ecclesiarchy and the creed of the Emperor's divinity - being of the Cursed Founding, having problems with zygotes and their implantation doesn't help explore this relationship or further explain their character. If you were to lose these details overnight, what exactly would be lost for the IA?

If you are serious in including difficulties within the Chapter's apothecarion, then you will need to explore the details more deeply over the course of the article and not just include a disreputable founding because it's easy. I realise that you make mention of the problems they have with their gene-seed zygotes repeatedly but it doesn't really go further than surface details. How does it make them feel, to have deficient genetics? 
 

The geneseed is believed to be that of the White Scars, though no records have survived to back up the claims.

You will have to explore why no records have survived. What happened? How do you explain the regular tithe to the Mechanicus? Are the records deliberately locked away? Is the Chapter keeping these tithes from the Mechanicus for some reason?
 

The chapter was founded as a bulwark for imperial faith and military might in an area of space sufficiently vulnerable to warrant the creation of the chapter. To this end they have become a symbol of might and stout wardens against the frequent attacks from the eye of terror. Their creation was for the most part a mystery. Though perhaps in some way they hoped to make wholly loyal astartes on a genetic level by removing the need for hypno conditioning and strengthening the bond between purpose and pride. How they exactly attempted to achieve this and whether it was a success is still not known for sure, however the chapter is known for being fanatically loyal to the Imperial ideals set out by the emperor to this day. The zygotes for the Omophagea gland, Oolotic Kidneys and Preomnor implants are all essentially missing. The Occulobe is also highly stimulated meaning that marines can see especially well in darkened environments but struggle in regular/high levels of light. This ability to see light in even the darkest of spaces has been proposed as a source of great devotion for the chapter and methods of meditation in self titled chantry chambers are led by the chapters apothecaries.

Most of this section can be reduced down to perhaps three or four sentences. There is quite a lot of redundant wording here that imparts little information. Try to reduce the amount of words you're using by about, say, half for this. By doing so, it helps you cut away extra wording and boiling down long sentences to better and more efficiently explain things with less words.

I would also like to point out that the usual function of the Occulobe pretty much invalidates your supposed flaw. Marines can quite easily see in the dark and, if I recall correctly, can also perceive infra-red. I would advise either dropping this 'problem' altogether or finding something else that is wrong with it.

Now, essentially, these missing zygotes to me imply that your Chapter does not have the same level of immunity to toxins and poisons as their cousins do. This is something I think is worth looking into, more so than any problems with their sight. Personally, I believe this particular point could prove to be useful in defining how your marines think and act. 
 

The extensive tampering with the chapters gene seed has led to numerous genetic deficiancies that gradually worsen following implantation. The main ones being changes to the initiates speech and extreme aggression in combat. An officer of the Mordian Iron Guard commented on seeing a chapter assault force aid them in the defence of an agriworld -
"It was as if a hail of stones had fallen from the heavens and from within rushed forth packs of beasts. howling a rhetoric to chill even the most devout members of my infantry. To say that my men lacked courage would not be so bold a claim after looking upon the astartes as I saw them that day. We as mere men can only hope to match such a level of pure, ferocious, faith"
It is one reason why rituals such as the apothecary guided meditations have become so important to the chapters cult followings. Everything up to their practice of imperial hymnals is all an effort to stem the consequences of their flawed gene seed.

 
I'm going to have to ask - while marines are suitably aggressive to start with (they're all pretty much psychopaths from the get go), what exactly is the point to them being "extremely aggressive"? It clashes somewhat with the idea that this Chapter is meant to be stout defenders of the Imperium and it does not filter into the rest of the article.

It seems to me you are adding a lot of ideas to the article but not exploring them beyond the surface explanation (as I have hinted at before). One thing you do seem to return to is the speech thing - I get that this is delving into the theme, per se, but this idea also needs to be broken down and looked at in detail for the IA. Sure, they solve the problem with augmetics and vox implants but what does this say about the marines themselves? Are they uncomfortable sounding like Cylons all the time? Have they developed a culture, like the Iron Hands for example, that sees the loss of the original body part as a blessing?

My advice is to decide what you believe to be the strongest elements of this IA and ditch the rest. What is essential to your theme and what is not? Once you begin to pare away the unnecessary stuff and focus on what is left, you'll have a stronger article that won't seem quite so scattershot. There is nothing wrong with a strong theme.
 

Hive World Homeworld: Ice planet
Mordian System
Adjacent to Cypra Mundi

 
Here is something I definitely advise against for a DIY Chapter - placing them in a known system in canon and referencing it will not help this article or define the character of the Chapter. Ditch Mordia and references to her, this I suggest. It pretty much classifies as a name drop - something that is done to add false credibility to an article. Your IA must stand on it's own two feet and not rely on any crutches from canon references (this includes the quote from the Mordian officer earlier).
 

Links to Port Maw through the chaos invasions of the 13th black crusade.
Distrust built up through complications in relationships with Cypra Mundi.
Chapter Master accuses the port of withholding it’s fleets to aid the Mordian system as well as denying Cypra Mundi reinforcements. 
The Chapter is Spread thin defending the sector of space surrounding their homeward leading to a full 5 Company’s being destroyed as well as the 1st Company’s captain in a warp accident (needs specifics). The Chapter is particularly crucial in ensuring the guarding of a number of mechanicus technologies from falling into traitor hands. This forges a strong relationship between the chapter and the tech priests of Cypra Mundi.

 
The advice above applies here, too, for Cypra Mundi. You don't need the name drop and getting rid of the reference will strengthen your article.
 

A large amount of the chapters requisitioned gene seed is stolen by a mysterious force. The deficiencies present in the chapters geneseed begin to worsen and the apothecaries of the chapter commit themselves to the task of restoring and maintaining stocks as best they can.

 
Imho, you can cut this from the article and no one would be any the wiser. Given that the Chapter is experiencing all sorts of problems with their gene-seed, why would anyone bother to steal it? If they are capable enough to steal it, then they should be capable enough to know what exactly they are stealing. Not to put too fine a point on it but... they can get better stuff elsewhere for the same risks.
 

Recruits from the chapter are derived from a number of warring gangs that make home in the planets sprawling hive networks. These gangs aren’t troubled by wars of wealth and power but conflicts of faith (however, they are none the less vicious). As a result, the gangs presence has a somewhat beneficial effect on the populace as they all strive to outproduce their opposing sectors based on aggressive religious motivations which are in turn enforced by the dominant ecclesiarchal forces in a particular sector. The most promising and devout members of these warrior cults are inevitably inducted into the chapter by means of brutal raids, ensuring an atmosphere of fear and respect for the occupying astartes as well as ensuring the gangs themselves will never achieve complete dominance of a hive.
 
Hive sectors are regularly filled with the chanting of imperial litanies by masses of workers. It is thought that this type of behaviour is stirred up by specific gangs as propaganda for their cause, with variations in message and tone, though it’s also rumoured that this is the work of the chapter themselves. Claims such as these are soon to be dismissed by those with any influence on world.

 

Why would gangs care about production? Production is not their concern at all, if indeed they are actual gangs. Gangs care about power, personal wealth, territory and seeing their rivals die horribly. Unless the production directly puts cash in their pockets (like, say... drug production or racketeering), of course. I think you may want to rewrite this section.

 

The idea that the Chapter 'recruits' by brutally press ganging the most pious with raids (implying that people die as a result of this) sounds pretty cool. I think keeping that bit would be nice.

  
As for the many battle cries and sayings - you don't really need to mention them. Pick one for the Chapter motto and that'll be enough.

 

So, in my opinion, there's a fair bit to be critical about. I think a refinement of your theme and the amputation of extraneous ideas might go a long way to tightening up this article. While some of the recurring ideas have merit, they need further thought and polish to really shine.