Another Alternate Heresy (with no fallen Primarchs)

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Contents/Overview.

 

Hello and Welcome. I have always been hooked by 30k and have always wanted to portray my own version of the Heresy. Too me the Primarchs have always been the linch pin's of the 30k Universe and the thought of half of them turning in some way or form to the Dark god's annoys me. When the warp is capable of elevating any individual into daemonic greatness a Primarch (although a good asset to have by any means!) is not necessarily required. This allows me to explore other possibilities. 

 

However, due to the sheer scale of fluff and only being half way through the Novels I have designed my own instances to try and cover fluff gap's wherever possible.  

 

General idea

 

Malcador Seek's the Emperors Throne. In my version of this Universe Malcador is actually a blood descendant of the Emperor. Using his trusted position, Malcador is able to spread corruption and subterfuge via the use of the Warrior Lodges. Also as Master of Assassins he His influence is also wide spread and far reaching. Playing of The Primarchs character weaknesses and by promoting discord Malcador uses the Influence of the chaos gods to his own ends but with a hidden agenda. Upon the Death of the Emperor he also hopes to sacrifice the Blood children of the Emperor. Hoping to usurp his power and lay claim to his very Soul leaving him free to carve his legacy across the stars as he sees fit. 

 

 

 

Terra- High Council Chamber – Meeting of the XVIII

 

 

It had been a long day. The scent of wine and mead filled the air, varied foods of exotic origins lined the over a thousand tables. Menial workers and Imperial officials plied the great halls with endless supplies of variety for which the astartees could feat upon. Though despite the feast that could see a continent of old earth well fed. very little was eaten. That which should of been a joyous occasion, a gathering of all XVIII existing legions and every primarch accounted for the mood could not of been more dour. The great Hall of the Imperial palace, high above the clouds of the Himalayas saw the heraldry of every single legion displayed upon great landing platforms and banners of great iconic heritage strewn from the palace walls up to a mile long and presented as great art works blew in the evening twilight and swayed in the gentle breeze.

 

All the legions were present a thing easy to see. For all kept to their own ranks. Though the manner in which they gathered was not formal an atmosphere of impending aggression had otherwise filled the great space they occupied. Were it not for their masters presence less than a grand edifice of a blast door away even so much as a disrespectful glance could open the gathering to animosity the likes of which never before seen.

 

Only the first companies were present in the grand hall. All sat in silent martial discipline, Dark Angel, Thousand son, Death Guard, all legions present sipped and grazed at the opulent feast before them.  Light from grand chandeliers above bathed the Legionnaires in a warm glow. None were armoured all wearing the cultural robes or attire of their Homeworlds. Around them the glint of gold clad warriors stationed around the perimeter of the grand hall stood vigil. Ever watchful of the slightest sign of violence not a single custode betrayed the slightest sign of animation. Not a breastplate rose with the motion of gentle breathing, such was their diligence. As the evening wore on and the silence continued, it was almost a relief when the bloodshed began. Yet it was not what any were expecting.

 

“Dam it Russ!” Yelled a voice wrought in stubbornness “You knew of this and yet you tell us nothing!?”  - “Hold your tongue, I am not a chieftains of those bestial clans you claim to be your company captain Ferrus, should you wish to impose upon my integrity I suggest you look to your own indiscretions and the men you trusted who now hold the axe to my legions neck!”

“Enough! Should you two make argument of the same issue yet again I fear we shall lose every foot hold we have gained in mutual trust. The fact of the matter still stands, they hold the advantages of Warp travel where we no longer do. I am Sorry Russ, truly I am but we cannot warrant any more surprises of this nature. Ferrus’s concerns are well warranted at this point.

 

“Do NOT seek to condescend to me ”Brother” should it be that our fathers favourite speaks to us as though we cannot grasp the basic situation at hand” Growled the Wolf lord, his hostility felt by all his brothers in the chamber.  Glaring at the Warmaster Russ had arisen from his seat, fists clenched bearing down into the ancient oak of the round table all the primarchs sat around.

“I speak not to you all Brothers. I speak to you alone Russ. News of what transpired could have prevented the bloodshed between your legion and the Angels of Baal.  What has transpired cannot be undone. Let  it serve as an example of what distrust between brothers can yield. And that is lesson to us all” Horus’s words were stalwart, calm and open yet direct enough to pierce the heart of the matter. Where those of his brothers who supported the use of Librarians sat on his left those who did not sat to his right. Recent circumstances had been severe at best between the loyalists but each day that passed saw new challenges to the loyalty of all the brothers. Each legion affected by the touch of chaos or some seemingly dubious prophecy. The strongest of allegiances tested of late and the cracks were indeed starting to show.

The lion stood beside Russ, placing a hand on shoulder “Remember what mistrust can breed brother. The simplest of actions can bastardise us all, no matter how noble the intent” The Wolf King let out a deep breath, heading his brothers words he retook his seat and re composed himself. A few moments passed and the meeting continued. “Pertuabo, what do we know of those who have left your fold? Who hold the garrison world’s providing the supplies to these.....False Astartees who would use our own blood against us?”  Of all the Primarchs in the room, Pertuabo was the only one in full war plate. Pertuabo had never been seated. He stood awaiting the inevitable question that had just been fired at him and yet his armour bore him no comfort from the blow.  “Engage overlay” As he spoke a dim blue light shone at the centre of the round table.  A tactical overlap grid mapped out recent military conflicts as well as a plethora of logistical supply routes being established in the absence of warp space. “The fortress worlds if xia, kelgs fore, trithane and danus are still under the traitors sway. Recent intelligence also suggests these positions have been heavily fortified in recent months and that neighbouring systems loyal to our father are being suffocated with trade route disruptions and constant harassment from the Enemies growing fleet” .Pertuabo remained silent for several long moments, when he found his voice the words he spoke rang hollow. “By my own negligence I have overseen the greatest element in our enemies arsenal come to fruition and by my own design the Iron noose they clad around our necks is indeed unbreakable.” 

 

“Come now Pertuabo” Bellowed a red eyed giant. Thunder hammer shaft beneath both hands as its master crafted dragon head lay at rest on the chamber floor. “They are but four worlds; four worlds in a system spanning a great many millions, how should these planets and whatever ample reinforcement hinder us from our primary goal?” The Giants words were steady. Ready to contemplate the response yet to be heard but no matter how much he had tried to hide the bitterness from his tone, he knew the response before it had even left the iron titans lips. “Those four worlds Black smith” Spat Pertuabo  “Represent the arteries of the north, south, west and eastern sectors allowing for military deployment in real space.  An issue born of recent events. Without the Emperors guiding light, Warp travel hinders us from anything but the most direct route of military intervention. Should a fleet even SURVIVE the armada and growing plague of demons that trouble our dwindling loyal systems they would face an obstacle of such immense well-provisioned opposition that to take the planet would require something even greater than the Sons of Vulkan could ever muster in an eternality of service in Emperors name. Not that he would notice what his most disfigured sons have accomplished!” Vulkans grip on his weapon tightened “The last time I checked it was not I or any number in my legion who had turned their back on the Emperor” Pertuabo waved a fist through the air and the Holomap bought up Icons relaying the Salamanders know positions through real space. “Maybe not, but it appears it’s not only your legions gene seed that is slow to act. Several loyal systems and not a single company dispatched to offer aid in reinforcing the Emperors will? Please do tell how you intend to remedy the situation” Snarled the Iron Lord stepping closer to the table, his armoured form seemingly filling the room. “Now now, you know the actions agreed upon were made in haste. To attack or to analyse has been the crucible of all of our legions in these months past” Lorgar’s words rang through the air. Pertuabo and Vulkans standoff easing a little in the face of the cold truth. Lorgar arose to his feet and slowly began to circle the table. “Heresy is upon us all and the cliché of time wasted only aids the enemy is very real” Lorgar wore a robe of grey with a scarlet hood to mask his features, scaring still present of the on what little of his face was visible from the recent removal of the word’s he once preached. “Our father still sends no word of what he would have us do and it is only natural that our tempers flare” Lorgar continued circling around the backs of his brothers. A voice that teemed with natural born Anger yet laced with newly found self-controlled tore through the air. “You speak of self-control and being mindful of our tempers, yet are we to forget of Aquillon or Valador and the actions carried out by your orders” Loragar maintained his poise and composure “Aquillon understood that of which I asked of him, he and his custodes met their end but in doing so ensured the escape of my legion from the hands off my former father. Their passing is still at the forefront of my mind”  “HA!” bellowed the scared and defaced warrior. “You speak of a noble sacrifice in the survival of your legion, yet if memory serves your distain for them was the only notable form of emotion to be reported!” 

 

Lorgar’s pace did not lessen. Walking past Horus, Mortarion and then Corax he came to stop at Angron who was already half facing him.  He wore a bronze Mail tabard than past his waist but leaving his forearms exposed, simple fatigues of charcoal black and steel edged boots laced with dry blood adorned his frame. Looking up at Lorgar he still felt as though he towered above him. For all the certainty, the sons of the Emperor had in their own martial abilities there were few brothers that doubted the certainty of Angrons.  “Six days Lorgar. Six day’s we waded through the blood of these so called “Word Bearers” your serpent of an adoptive father forced upon us.  Creatures of unimaginable affliction, blood crazed red skinned blood drinking abominations” Angron’s word’s grew louder as did his anger “I though the horrors of my early life to be the worst thing’s too overcome me. Even the betrayal of our father snatching me before I could do battle alongside my first brothers, but now this…...and to learn of what Khârn has become…...” The true matter of the Angron’s Greif reviled.  Corax placed a hand upon Angron’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. No sign of sibling rivalry or triviality in the expression he portrayed. “We have all lost friends and comrades Angron to the despicable acts of the turn coats in our ranks. The most we can hope for now is the chance to offer them a swift and just retribution”. Corax lowered his arm. Anrgons retort was blunt but bore no signs of disrespect. A deep-throated Grunt of understanding reverberated from his scarred form.  Angron had heard the stories of what Coarx had suffered. The gene tampering, the nightmarish escape from his home world.  Alone and hunted by the monster children designed and deployed by his own hand. He saw how the shame weighed him down. A chance to unravel and use the traitors own means against them. Yet an experiment bore with a lack of insight showed him just how dammed the traitors were.

 

 

============================================Update post==================================

 

“Corax speaks the truth” came a deep and raspy voice with a toxic edge.  “We must seek to engage our enemies while on whichever fronts we can” The death lord wore his rebreather as always.  Finished in a matt black, wisps of grey smoke emitting from the sides yet they still bore more colour than that of Mortarions skin.  A white shadow with pupil less eyes that drew the attention of all as he spoke “A display of force is required in order to show our enemies that we are willing to challenge them openly but most importantly our allies shall see that we are not so easily overcome. The opening stages of this war may have been in the enemies favour but they have made it clear they are not simply trying to put us down. They have all had ample opportunities to betray us and turn us upon one another further, yet they have not” Mortation drew a deep breath. “They seek too rule all we have conquered, to brand us as tyrant’s and assailants and to win the trust of an empire they would then throw into damnation”.  Corax nodded slowly as did a few of the other brothers.  “My ravens are scattered but ready. Those of which who have been able to make contact are in key locations. My only fear would be to strike now may expose any advantage we have or tracking the traitor’s movements in the northern sector” Horus placed his hand on a silver chalice filled with a wine of deep crimson. Slowly he raised the chalice and began to swirl around the content. “Indeed, right now knowledge of the traitor’s movements is vital. Whilst the warp continue to stir in ways only our strongest astropaths can now even barely fathom, our greatest effort will be in bringing the traitors to battle on our terms, and in order to do so we must draw them in from the warp that would offer them shelter” Horus placed the chalice to his lips and drank deeply.

 

Konrad laughed at what Horus had proposed. “Maybe you would goad them into an open battle Horus but I will strike them from all sides; I shall use the shadows of their believed strongholds against them. I shall render those foolish enough to of sided with the Sigilite and his core of cronies into despair. All systems that sided with him and HIM alone on the value of his Honorable word shall be turned into bloody examples of vengeance in our father’s name!” Konrad had spoken the words calmly, every word carefully chosen and spoken with fluidity. His left eye was missing. Wearing a facemask of midnight blue and arterial red only his right eye was visible. The mask shielding his features and the eyeless socket from view.  “You shall have your chance,” retorted the Lunar Wolf. “But you shall wait until we are all ready to strike, to draw attention to the turncoat systems who believe themselves above reproach may thwart what little tactical advantage we possess in terms of warp deployment” Konrad’s gaze bore straight at the Warmaster. “I lived in the shadows Horus until the Emperor bought me into the light and yet it is you who are shadowed in mystery, does proof of our presence not serve to justify our loyalty”  Horus turned his head to the crimson king, a golden glow emitting from his  very being, eyes of infinite depth reflecting only oceans of stars bathed the same golden light that bathed his form.  A curt nod from Horus followed his stare and the Crimson king did speak. “As you all know, I am bound to our father not only by blood but now by my very soul” Magnus’s form spoke and his image wavered in the chamber light though he was present in mind his body sat distant from all of his brothers. His absence was understood by all, for the nature of what he now endeavored would occupy every waking moment of his existence whilst interned upon the golden throne. Those of the Librarians from all legions who bonded with the Emperor, as I did, have become beacons in the warp. They offer guidance to those who would make warp travel, yet when active they shine like lanterns in the dark that draw all those capable of seeing them near” All the primarchs headed his every word with great interest. “Should we remove this veil the turncoats have cast over us, we will be able to strike accurately and swiftly with minimal interference.”  The Lion was the first to speak “And you are sure of this? Would the enemy not also gain a severe advantage should they locate these Librarians and seeks to use them as bait?”  Magnus regarded his brother with deep sympathy. “Such is the mind of an astartee that once bound to the Emperor it is all but unbreakable, yet” The Crimson King spoke his next words wisely “I believe you should turn your attention from those of your warriors on Caliban, that world is as blind to me as those that have openly declared their rebellion to fathers  empire.”  The Lions face was solemn, a flash of annoyance sparked across his features but nothing  more.

 

Update

Apologies for grammatical and spelling errors. will go over this with a fine tooth comb at some point, 

 

“Malcador has given the order” Came a deep and grated voice “The Emperors favoured pawns are deep in converse, we are to strike now!”  With that, the Assassin masters took a moment. Their escape routes secured their forces in position, their eyes unseen to the astartees before them and even those of the Custodes. The master of the Callidus Temple held up a detonator switch in her hand.  And with a simple press of her still shape shifting thumb, the great hall holding the companies of space marines was ablaze, with the detonation the pathway into the chamber where the Primarchs discussed their plans for war was sealed, to all except the 100 assassins from the Callidus, Evesor, Vindicare and Callidus temple who were mere seconds from entering.

 

As soon as the blast had detonated in milliseconds, the Primarchs were on their feet, weapons in hand or fighting stance adorned.  The dim lights in the chamber were now a feint red warning light, that flashed intermittently swathing the Primarchs in an eerie red glow. “I do not like being boxed in” whispered the Khan. Drawing a long steel sabour from his hilt and peering with hawk eyed precision around the interior of the chamber. Blinding light or eclipsing darkness mattered not to a Primarch, all of their eyed had adjusted and monitored their surroundings. “I refuse to be trapped in a fortress of my own design” Spitted Dorn through Gritted Teeth, slamming his fists against the entrance to the chamber , the whole room shook but they were indeed trapped. Alpharius came to the Warmasters side “This is impossible. I have been monitoring every last aspect of internal security since the traitors made their intentions known” Alpharius took a deep breath “How could they hit us, here and now!”  Horus’s eyes were narrowed but not a single bead of sweat present on his brow, “The temple will be on high alert, we need to get back to our Legions, before they assume the worst and yet more loyalists die”. Magnus’s form was distorted, a spark of electricity bolted through all the Primarchs and before even a word was thought the Assassins entered the room.

 

Detonation packs exploded and from four points of the chamber, the Evesors were the first to Enter, blood crazed and frantic they charged in, launching themselves at their targets executioner pistols blazing, their rounds found their targets. All but one primarch were unarmoured. The first rounds hit Fulgrim and Roboute, both held up their arms to shield their faces and as quick as the rounds were being discharged darted for their targets. Vulkan and Dorn were close behind. The four Primarchs engaged there would be murders with cold hostility. Fists and Neuro gauntless collided, Dorns Chain Sword roared into life, his targets were nimble and fought without elegance but a brutal certainty. Death would visit them all this day. Three Evesors were on him, Neuro Gauntlets meeting his flesh and needle rounds bearing into his flesh. The pain hardly registered, Dorn caught an Evesor’s  arm below the Elbow a stream of arterial blood spread over the other two still engaged in their quarry.  The blood covered the visor of one of Dorns attackers, it took but a moment for the drug fuelled killing machine to correct himself but in that moment his fate was sealed, the Emperors praetorian was before him and with a twin handed blow bought his chainsword straight down, cleaving the Evesor in Half.  “GET BACK DORN!” Sanguinius lept, wings outspanned and hauled his brother back from the bisected carcass. A detonation followed, the explosion reverberating from the chamber walls magnifying the shock wave.  Angron was engaged alongside Corax as Callidus assassins had entered sporadically through the blasted entrance holes. Twin blades danced around the Gladiator and the Raven. Angron had no concern for grace or balance as he began to tear into the Callidus assassin before him. Expecting a ballet of death the Assassins training had betrayed her and was now cornered by a being that relished a chance to exact horrific vengeance upon any traitor. The assassin bore her two swords through the gladiator’s stomach, his red rope now adding two more notches, In an instant the champions hands were around the shapeshifters forearms, before she could draw her next breath those same arms had been removed from their sockets. A brutal kick followed up the vicious mutilation, straight into the rib cage, pulverising all internal organs.

 

Roboute had downed two further Evesors rendering them unconscious as not to allow their internal detonation packs to trigger. “Pertuabo” roared the stoic Gene Sire “Can you clear a path!?” With that, the armoured colossus gave a curt yet sharp nod of acknowledgement. Bearing his Thunder Hammer in his gauntlets Pertuabo began to assail the entrance doors. Each hammer blow delivered rendered a gargantuan hole through rock and ceramite. A round snapped straight of the side of Pertuabos helmet, using the momentum of the round he spun around to trace the source of the shot. Another round bounced of his chest straight over his primary heart, yet his armor held. “Keep to your task brother!” Screamed the Lion “We shall see your efforts undisturbed” seconded Ferrus. Two Vindicares had taken position in a blast entrance and had targeted the Iron Warrior as soon as they saw the intent of his actions.  Seeing the twin effigies of fury bearing down upon them each vindicare had targeted their victims, Turbo penetrator rounds traded for molecular acid, both fired simultaneously, certainty in their skills evident, yet not enough. The Lions fierce speed and reflexed bought his sword around and calved the round in half, the molecular acid fizzing and spitting on the power field of his sword. Ferrus bought up his palm, the round smashing into the alien metal that made his flesh its home.  The assassins emptied their clips but to no effect, their weaponry no match for the focused reflexes of the demi gods now upon them, bullets split by sword or blunted by iron fell to the ground, as now did the vindicares foolish enough to accept this mission.

 

Magnus’s form flickered and wavered, ice and frost filled the space around him as he scanned the aether for his enemies. He left the battle of the material to his brothers. For there was another foe in his projected presence. This would have been a simple task, were his body not upholding the light of the Astonomican.  Culexus assassins were present. Their seeming lack of existence became evident to Magnus when he realised none of the others had attempted an assault upon him. Was he the intended target?  Closing his mind’s eye and relying upon his physical senses, he braced himself for the inevitable. Animus Speculums whirred into life, bolts of negative psychic energy, strengthened by Magnus’s own power tore into him. For every blow delivered, his presence faded and his mortal form upon the throne bore evidence of injury.   There were six of them, casting the skill of their evil trade upon the primarch, writhing in pain, the red giant had but one choice. Charging the energy within him and pulling his attention away from the Astronomican his form changed from a golden light to a seering white heat that engulfed his form, yet the assassins did not yield, their weapons drawing more power from the primarch. A shriek of agony erupted from two of the Celexus assassins, a blade taken from a callidus protruded from the chest of Russ’s target, bearing his fangs into the assassins helmet the Vlka Fenryka king ragged his prey around like a putrid vermin in a predators jaws. The other Celexus had been hoisted into the air, gripped around his ankles by the Warmaster , born aloft and then launched full force into the marble floor of the chamber. A bloody smear, the only evidence of the null assassins’ existence. Pulling the full-diluted essence of the warp into his being, the remaining four null’s equipment began to spark and burn. The torrent of energy to much of the Animus Speculums to bear. They melded onto the heads of their wielders. Screams of agony and pain bellowing from mouths, now being forcibly rendered shut.

 

All the Primarchs were still engaged in their individual battles,  Konrad and Lorgar had both torn an Evesor in half, the explosion following his death sent them both realing into the walls of the chamber, cracking the ceramite walls with the impact of their bodies. Mortarion had managed to seal a blast hole and had proceeded to stand guard over Pertuabo, who had come under futher vindicare and callidus assault. As pertuabo managed to breach the wall, he charged his bulk into the weakest point, creating an opening. Yet the view that filled his sight filled him with a cold dread and disgust despite the raging fire that burned before him.

 

The Grand hall was ablaze, rubble, and space marines littered the ground. Blasted debris, half-alight cast smoke and confusion into the hall. Fine tapestries burned as the severely injured warriors of the god Emperor struggled to orientate themselves to the situation.  Today the loyalists suffered together.

Edited April 2, 2017 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

!

Edited October 11, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

!

Edited October 11, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Feedback WELCOME! 

[MikhalLeNoir]

I like what i read, but for proper feedback I need more^^

But you forgot the Gwalchavad and the XIth^^.

[calgar101]

Enjoyed the read and quite a cool idea that would be good to see expanded. You just need to improve grammar/ spelling but on the whole good job.

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Next update Sunday (Continuing on from the present meeting) I also apologize for my grammar and such, I do find reading and spelling very difficult. These are just rough draft's but they will be tidied up.

 

Thank you though. And don't be scared to be brutal. Makes me up mah game :^)

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Update. (under update section) I have written a lot more I just need to alter it slightly.

 

Hope you enjoy 

 

Kind regards, 

 

TSOD

 

BTW if an admin could please change the title of this post to "yet" another alternate Heresy that would be great. Typo. 

[paulJam]

You can change the title yerself. Look for full editor option which includes title textbox.

 

Ps. While im here. Feedback on fanfic is often sparse. Doesnt mean it's not read though. Keep at it, the more there is the easier it is (imo) to relate to your concepts.

 

Pps im curious as to what kind of madman would goad the emp plus primarchs plus unified imperial forces into battle.

Edited October 16, 2016 by paulJam

[The_son_of_Dorn]

much obliged.

[Carrack]

I like what you have written. I would suggest that when you add to the story, just make a new post in your thread. This makes it easier for the reader to pick up where he left off without having to scroll down through a wall of text looking for the update break. That being said, it might be better if you sunk your hook in a little deeper in the first chapter / post. There is a lot of potential in this, but you are starting it out with what amounts to an argument at a dinner party. I'm guessing you wanted to quickly establish many of the main characters, but a little action, like maybe a single account of an incident that the primarchs are gathering to discuss, might be a better way to start. Your first post is going to be what people read and decide if they are going to follow along with your story, so don't worry so much about getting the characters established, there will be plenty of time to develop them later. These are just my suggestions, and I'm no expert writer by any means. In any event I like what I've read and am looking forward for the next one.

[MikhalLeNoir]

Another way to add something in the first post is by adding spoiler tsgs for every update you made.

 

Part 1

i have written no story, but the wardens of light are the best of the best. Especially their good looks. Shame on you fulgrim for your boring outfit^^

 

 

So u can add the story in every new post and habe it in the first post as well. So new people cam read all mew stuff from the start withput bothering with our comments while those who like to see how the story evolves thx to our comments have the post structure.

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Heya guy's 

 

Thanks for the feedback. i will attempt to structure this a bit better and will take on board what has been said. This first entry scene/scenario is very very long for the purposes of setting the scene and making one thing very clear. All Primarchs are alive and loyal but there is indeed tension between brothers. The end of this first section will be rather dramatic but saying that I really don't wanna say anymore as I don't want to reveal the surprise. All I can say is the meeting will not end peacefully but it will not be the primarchs fighting between themselves that cause it. Each chapter will be drip fed a section to tease and prompt other scenarios. (Some of which I am still working on) 

 

I have edited and made the relevant changes to the first post. 

 

Thank you all

Edited October 17, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[bluntblade]

Another good thing to do is to use your first post as a contents

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Heya guy's. 

 

Been a tad inactive due to starting a new job. Updates this week. Edited the contents slightly to give an idea of what I am aiming to achieve. 

 

Thank you all for the input and feedback. 

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Moved to spoiler 3

Edited December 14, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

3 Edited December 6, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

2 Edited December 6, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

1 Edited December 6, 2016 by The_son_of_Dorn

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Criticism welcome

[The_son_of_Dorn]

Help

[ShasVa]

Thus far I like what I'm reading. That all 18 of them unite as one force would be a terrifying event to behold! Keep going, brother! :D

[The_son_of_Dorn]

-small update-

 

The grand hall was ablaze. Smoke and ash rose up to meet the Primarchs as they made their way from the chamber. One by one they could pass, the hole rendered by Pertuabo’s Warhammer allowing enough room for 4 men to pass, or one Primarch a time. Pertuabo defended the breach he had made in his brothers design but there was no twisted pride in his actions. With his primary goal completed he focused on his next task. The Lion and Ferrus were still engaged in their quarrel against the assassins. The Iron lord was eager to move towards his brothers, but 4 times he had defended his position against various assassin attacks seeking to seal his efforts shut. Ionised adamantium had collided with the assassins. Blood, bone, flesh all rendered to a formless paste.  A Warning light flashed up on pertuabos internal visor. His back pack had borne damage, as had one of his greaves, “—armour integrity, 22% reduction—“ For a moment the Olympian was bemused, no attacker had come close to inflicting such damage, least of all on the armoured colossus that had left a ring of death around his chosen position.  Less than a calculated nanosecond later he had formulated the truth and grunted “Vinidicae…..”

 

 

 

Mortarion watched his brother, 3 more bolts and sparks pierced the dim light of the chamber. They had followed the first two with deadly precision. In a bounding leap the Death Lord has vaulted two callidus assassins who had made their way towards him. Deaths shadow cascaded over them momentarily in the red gloom.  Turning on their heels the assassins turned ready to persue their quarry yet they found their way blocked by Alpharius, blades clashed and yet more blood was spilled, yet the attackers were losing momentum. Less than a third of the assassin’s first wave remained yet still they came. Mortarion had collided into Pertuabo, Knocking him clear of the Vindicares deadly accuracy.   Seeing his chance the Khan made his move, Russ close behind. Exiting into the hall from the chamber was like stepping into hell. Fallen sons from all the legions lay strewn upon the ground, flesh and ceramite had melded together yet there was no time to for sorrow to take hold. The wolf lord and the white rider’s eyes had already made out the feint movements of the snipers who held them in their sights.

 

The vindicares eyes widened, the iris in his pupil has dilated, adrenaline hammering hard into his body. Amidst the heat and smoke his gear had compensated, allowing his to witness the initial detonations that tore the legionaries apart. With grim precision he had followed his orders down to the letter. –Burn the great hall, ensure none survive, none are to live-“His rifle, armed with the highest quality armour penetrating rounds loaded with molecular acid had made easy work of the astartees who had survived. The demo packs that had taken the lives of so many, a red hue glowed from his barrel, he had scored a hit against his target, as had a fellow vindicare, the three that followed had missed their mark, The vindicare felt deeply troubled, one round should have been enough to kill its prey, yet two had failed and the enemy now knew of their existence. Attempting to track the two primarchs who had made their way from the breach was near impossible, their speed and agility made tracking a nightmare; any other target would have been met with an unbreakable confidence in the assassins training. Any living form was a target that could be removed, no enemy was beyond the reach of the vindicare, yet it appeared it could be outrun, One by sniper vitals went quiet, it had been an extremely unorthodox approach yet one they had been forced to adhere to. Today the assassins were forced to act as a squad. Monitoring each other’s positions and firing lines they were the Elite of all murders, 24 of the best, lined up to ensure no escape was viable. The glow of his rifle dimming the Snipers attention turned to his monitor, 24 had become 23, 23 had become 22, 2 0……19…….18 one by one shots fired and missed their marks, the elite were being picked off by superior predators. The marksman could not predict his targets’ movements, the enemies form and abilities eluding his senses that had been honed to a razor sharp edge. The environment was extreme, yet the subterfuge had been rigged in the marksman’s favour. Even so, to perform against enemies of this calibre was something else.  Upon the initial assault by the assassin clades, ionised powder had been released into the room. Coating their targets, it should have been able to allow for signature tracing even in such extreme temperatures. The Primarchs should have been identifiable…….”should have been” Muttered the Vindicare. The Numbers had dropped lower. 11,10….9.  The crackles of flames and the smell of burning debree filtered through the Snipers helmet yet now the wet thud of flesh being pulped or the feint smell of blood filled his senses as the other vindicares near his position started to vanish of the radar on his HUD.

[Jagus Kumkani]

I like it. What needs to be expanded upon in the first part of this is the antagonist. Malcador.

What did he do exactly? What is him and his forces doing that is thwarting 18 Primarchs?

[The_son_of_Dorn]

This is something I have been working on for a while. With the release of the Primaris marines and 8th and further progression of the 40k fluff I have been stealing ideas and trying to mold them to my own vision of the "malcalite heresy" I initially intended to write Malcador as a brother to the Emperor. ( Like a twin left with some of of his brothers power) Rather than follow the path of human dominance over terra then over the galaxy itself, Malcador was content to be a "normal man" During the unification wars on Terra he would re emerge following the destruction of his home, death of his family etc at the hands of the Emperor.  I am at present toying with the Idea of making Malcador a scion of the Emperor as it would better suit his emergence closer to fluff (well......kind of)

 

I'll be posting more in the week as I finally have a little free time to sit down and self indulge my delusions of being a grand writer. Will probably knock some more out come Thursday.

 

P.S. thank you for the kind words and show of interest :)