The Enemy Within -Reboot-

[Grand Master Aldric]

So, this is basically a reboot of my old Inquisition fanfic I started writing a while back (it's awful don't look) and I hope to do better this time. *fingers crossed* C&C welcome. Enjoy.

 

 

   It was night. A bright night with many stars that could be seen clearly even with the numerous lights coming from the capital city of Algoris; one of the Imperium Of Man's many pleasure worlds.  Two figures ran across the roof tops of this city; the first a short man in deep purple satin suit and the second, his pursuer was clad in decorative power armour mostly obscured by his long grey over coat. The first jumped down on to a glass roofed building and the pursuer followed quickly, the first man reached the far end and saw there was nothing to jump too and the second stopped 10 feet away from him and drew a hell pistol from inside his sleeve. The first figured turned auto pistol in hand, ''Drop it'' the second figured said from insides his helmet. Firing six rounds from his auto pistol while grinning the first figured didn't once hit the second man. The receiver of the fire stood puzzled for a moment and then heard cracking below him, ''Oh throne'' he muttered as he looked down and coming to a shocking realization; he was on glass the and the man he was pursuing was on the edge of the roof on the metal edging the glass and the he had been shooting at the glass. As the second figured just began to fall through the shattered armoured glass he fired off a shot from his hell pistol which hit the grinning man and toppled over after him. The man in the overcoat crashed into a golden light lit room where nobles had gather to have a party, security men with Las rifles approached the crash area and he got up from the wreck and put his hands up see the weapons being pointed at him. Slowly he reached into his coat and pulled an object the cause many to gasp, some to stare blank and others to faint, ''I am Inquisitor Loris of Ordo Hereticus.''

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's lots more to write this is just the beginning.

[Carrack]

This is a good way to start a series, with a dynamic chase and fight scene. I can't wait for more.

[Grand Master Aldric]

   Many hours later Inquisitor Trystan Loris paced impatiently back and forth in a small room in the local Arbites office, tapping his fingers on his armour in his crossed arms stance when a well built round faced, red-headed Arbites woman came in. ''Well? He half snarled. She handed him a data slate. ''this is everything for the physical examination, they have just started the autopsy.'' She said in a very serious manner. He took the data slate and read, as he did so the Arbites woman studied him. Loris was a tall man with tan sand coloured hair, he hand a strong, sharp but rounded face that would have been smoother if not for the strong expression of irritation on it. Next she looked to his armour, it was dark blue-steel all over, the shape of the arms and legs was liken to that of Sororitas armour while the chest and shoulders were in the style of the Astartes. She then noticed the decorations; on his right knee plate was the sculpted face of great bull with flaming horns and on the left the face of an eagle with starlight eyes. On his right shoulder; the face of a hound with a long snout like that of a wolf and on the left the symbol of the Inquisition, finally on his chest plate a great Aquila sculpted on, Over his armour he wore a plain grey trench coat. He looked up at her with his piercing grey eyes, nodded and said: ''Let me know when the autopsy is complete and when it is tell them to keep the body preserved.''  ''Of course sir'' she said and walked out. ''Any luck?'' said a very mellow voice. '' a little.'' Loris replied to the man who had just entered the room. Raven was a stocky man dressed in full all covering Kardonian pattern carapace armour of the Kardon-Ardon PDF with a Kardonian pattern las rifle stock up on his back, He had light brown hair and yellow-gold eyes and a face that look similar to Loris's but more smooth and relaxed. Loris slid the data slate across the the table to Raven as he sat down opposite Loris, he picked it up glanced at and sat it down. ''So all we know is his name is Grad Thorn and he got the mark on the upper leg signifying that he's a member of the cult?''  Loris nodded, Raven sighed. ''No better then we started'' Loris grumbled '' oh don't be so glum, we caught him at least right?'' Raven replied cheerfully. Loris Now saw the slush fruit drink in Ravens hands. ''decadent aren't we pleasure cultist?'' Loris chucked out sarcastically. Raven giggled and saw Loris's helmet upon the table; dark blue-steel like the rest it was in the shspe of a hound like the helmets of officers and senior NCO's from the Blood Hounds chapter of Astartes.

 

   Then the Arbites woman came back. ''They gathered his possessions for you to look through now sir'' she said.  ''Lead on'' loris returned getting up.

She led them to a large room where the cultists possessions were lying on the table; a card, an auto pistol, a few thrones, a cigar box,a sheet of paper and a packet of crackers. Loris picked up the paper, it was a small plain sheet and written on it was: At the normal place at the 20^th hour something big is happening cant wait. ''Could be a cult gathering.'' Raven said and went back to slurping his drink. Loris nodded and picked up the card. It was a purple care with white striping across it, and it had a bar code on on edge. ''A key of sorts.'' Loris stated almost to himself.  ''to what?'' Raven wondered aloud. ''to whatever the ''Place'' is I assume.'' Loris replied. ''I know it.'' the Arbites woman said. They both look at her. ''Where the card's from I mean.'' she said ''where? Loris asked. ''A club not far from here.'' she returned ''Take us there.'' Loris said moving away from the table. '' what''s your name?'' he added. ''Maria.'' she replied.

[Grand Master Aldric]

-Update- I fixed some things and added some info that was missing. Heres a changelog:

+Added Loris's trench coat to his armour description.

+Added a description of Loris's helmet by Raven after Loris comments on his drink.

+Made Maria's return to tell them they could look at the items it's own sentence.

+fixed multible typo's where it said ''possession'' instead of ''possessions''.

[Grand Master Aldric]

   They took an all terrain Jeep painted in Arbites colours with the Arbites symbol on the hood, As Loris got in his weight from his power armour cause the jeep to bounce. ''I almost expected it to break'' said Raven as he climbed in. Proctor Maria drove the jeep out of the Arbites Precinct garage and down the road. Algoris is a pleasure world unlike most others; rather then a few estates spread around the world it has cities like those on most imperial world with large roads and many buildings but all devoted to the entertainment of its visitors. As they drove on Loris studied the city; casinos, bar,clubs,hotels and all manner of other things covered in gaudy decorations, neon lights were everywhere lighting up the city, from a giant Aquila bathed in gold light to icons of the Emperor, signs and many other things. Another Algoris was a popular place because it has a rotation almost identical to that of ancient Terra. ''I hate places like this.'' Remarked Loris. ''The breeding pens of Chaos and corruption, it's even worse because one has difficultly discerning pleasure cultists of Chaos from every random person who comes to these places.'' ''the why are you here?'' asked Maria. ''why not just forget about this place and take a case somewhere else if you hate it so much?'' ''because an Inquisitors work often time must take him places he does not favour, if I were to simply pack up and leave who knows what might happen.'' Maria nodded in agreement and then stopped. ''Here we are.'' she said. The building was a smooth black block that shined in the light, its sign did indeed match the design on the card but it was turned off and no on was around. ''I suspect that the note was meant for tomorrow given that no one is around and its only 21 minutes past the 20^th hour.'' Loris stated. ''likely so.'' Agreed Maria. Raven climbed out of the jeep still holding his drink and walked across the street to the building. ''what are you doing?'' Loris asked him quietly, but Raven ignored him and walked on eventually reaching the door. Raven unclasped his helmet from his belt, put it on and started pressing buttons on the side. As he did so he went around the building, and then with a shake of his head he pulled off his helmet and jogged back over to the jeep. ''Thermals show no life signs inside.'' he said hopping back in.''Also, I'm pretty sure that building has walls on one way glass.'' ''what makes you think that?'' Maria asked him. ''I can tell.'' he responded. ''The important thing now is that we have another piece of the puzzle.'' Loris said staring off at the building.