Chief Captain Redd Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 (edited) He felt the warm blood of a quickening heart hit his cheeks as he saw her again from across the war camp. A strong hand firm with callous clapped the giant's back."I don't have to read your mind son to know what you're thinking, so when are you going ask her?" The hand belonged to a King amongst men, god touched and gifted, a master artist as well a master of the blade. He was chief Noodin Niimkiikaa and he was the father of a demigod."Heh, I know she loves me; but this? All of this? I'm not simply asking her to be my wife, I'm asking her to lead, to rule by my side, to carry the weight, the hopes and dreams, and the sorrow of Trillions" The voice responding was impossibly deep, it carried the bravado and gravitas of a god, yet the humility of a man; he is Daer'dd Niimkiikaa."You know son, for someone as wise and smart as you are; you're an idiot. It's been a decade since Huron and she's been by your side this whole time, you'll die before she leaves your side, and you're immortal best I can tell. Grace has undergone genetic therapy and painful surgeries not to be the finest warrior, no! She did it so you would know she can stand by you!" Noodin spoke in a way only a father could to a son.Daer'dd smiled at this train of thinking… real profound happiness; all he ever needed was her. Before the thought could finish they heard the call from the Ghost Walkers, the Knights and Titans moved against them in the dark.It took himself only a moment to don his warplate, he grabbed his belt of tomahawks, a phase spear and shield and moved, quickly his retinue followed in his steps his cousin Damon first and finest amongst them.Flares illuminated the first wave, half a dozen Warlords, with a score of Knights about their knees."They must of heard the God of War himself comes for them" Damon spoke with a chortle."You know I don't like being called a God"Daer'dd spoke with stoicism."You? No! Me cousin! I'm better with a blade than even you!" Damon replied."Will both a' ye shut the feth up?! We got Titans to hunt!" Yoxer spat in the harsh tongue of the Copper Isles.And they did, in a step they moved out of cover and towards the behemoths, with the next step and bang like thunder they were gone, wrapping spacetime around themselves they teleported. They split into three, the retinue of six in half and Daer'dd by himself. They bypassed the might of iron and the strength of void shields completely, to warriors like them the crews of God Machines were easy prey; and in but a few moments each fell silent at first, then the rupture of detonations from inside, all save for the lead Titan; it would be left as a warning, a hollow tribute, a decapitated shell of a once mighty war machine, a visual reminder of what the true God King could do. Edited December 1, 2017 by Lord Thørn Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/327007-tale-the-paragon/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
simison Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Glad to see this thread, but have some critiques. You always start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. I'm honestly confused who is talking to who here. You would also pair up dialogue with dialogue markers. e.g. "Are you listening?" I asked. You wouldn't put the dialogue marker on the next line. Do those two things and the writing will look much better. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/327007-tale-the-paragon/#findComment-4537170 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Captain Redd Posted October 19, 2016 Author Share Posted October 19, 2016 Thanks Simi! Honestly shouldn't have posted at all last night as I had a lovely bit of Absinthe and was trying to break this writer's block. But that being said I cleaned it up. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/327007-tale-the-paragon/#findComment-4537449 Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikhalLeNoir Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Posting drunk is a bad habit....welcome to my world^^ Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/327007-tale-the-paragon/#findComment-4537510 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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