[IRON GAUNTLET] Ouroborus Perdition - Two IA's

[Legionare]

Great IA, enjoyed reading it a lot, although at least on my PC some of the pictures made it hard to read some of the text.

 

About mostly using "older-style" armor: Is there some specific reason behind this? For example did the Ronin do something that made them lose the support of the mechanicum? Just an idea i had not that i have anything against you having older marks of armor, heck i even like it, since having older ornamented armor just fits your theme, but i just couldn't help but to wonder about whats behind it.

 

I will try to come by later and read the Night Viper part, but since i'm now in a hurry so i can't do it thoroughly. But i would like to say that the fact that they recruit from the Freebooters and Pirates sounds very fascinating. 

[Minigiant]

Impressive!

 

Is that background just an example or did you choose it for a certain reason?

 

Thank you. I can do any background (as long as I can find a suitable image; I am not talented enough to create my own background). I was going for a database look to it. Pity I cannot find a way of making the pictures any bigger

 

Maybe you'd answered this earlier. If so, sorry for asking.

 

Why would a boy from a buccaneer, pirate, outlaw societey would want to become an Astartes, which stands for order, discipline, etc.?

And why would he walk across a lethal zone in order to become one?

 

Imagine our own golden age of piracy in the 18th & 19th century. Cannot imagine that a young boy, born on Tortuga or another center of pirates would like to become a law following man.

 

I have not explicitly written it, tried to just imply it. As it is not something that is particularly pleasant to think about for too long. I see the freebooters also trading in children. (Simplified) I can trade this child to the Vipers, and get all this in return. It is only the people who reside on the planets surface who have to make the trek. They search for a better life, from the hive cities. To become a viper you have to stand out, and the peoples living on the planets surface only way of doing that is a feet of physical and mental endurance

 

Your letter of marque way of recruiting fits way more, imho. It's something I came up as well after reading your stuff. As such, the Vipers do have a very large fleet, right? Would they act as some form of a pdf fleet, answering to the Viper's call?

 

I have thought about this, there would indeed be a pdf force on the planet surface. Could the Vipers call upon all ships to defend the station and planet, probably. I worry if I write this, it creates more questions than it answers

 

The background is beautiful, but when set against TEXT, it becomes an annoying distraction. I saw too many webpages where letters are indistinguishable from the background colors, making words difficult to read.

 

I know what you mean, I was ideally looking for a border more than anything else. Pity I could not find anything suitable

 

Great IA, enjoyed reading it a lot, although at least on my PC some of the pictures made it hard to read some of the text.

 

About mostly using "older-style" armor: Is there some specific reason behind this? For example did the Ronin do something that made them lose the support of the mechanicum? Just an idea i had not that i have anything against you having older marks of armor, heck i even like it, since having older ornamented armor just fits your theme, but i just couldn't help but to wonder about whats behind it.

 

I will try to come by later and read the Night Viper part, but since i'm now in a hurry so i can't do it thoroughly. But i would like to say that the fact that they recruit from the Freebooters and Pirates sounds very fascinating. 

 

The pictures was just an experiment. Page one has it all in written form

 

There is no reason other than it fits the theme. They are a relatively early founding so would have had access to it. If anything they would have a closer relationship the the AdMech due to the Ouroborus stars.

 

Be warned, the Night Vipers currently have a lot of work in progress bits, as well as a lot of moving parts. Its not great, but the flesh is on the bones I will say

[Minigiant]

Significant update to the Night Vipers on page one. Just got notable members to go (On BR), and a rework on some of the art work

[Minigiant]

Finished! Now I wish I had better quality artwork (and more of it) for both chapters. Guess I can begin working on the main story now. Think I may make seperate threads for the two chapters, just to keep organisation. Getting a bit 'busy' already

[Brother Emund]

 

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Index Astartes: Black Ronin

"I’ll give you the answer to the question “What is most important to the heart of the Emperor?” The answer is, “To desire with one’s very soul every second of every day to accomplish His aim.”"

 

[

 

As part of their dedication to the Emperor and their mission, the Black Ronin swear fell oaths of faith and protection. Before a battle, it is considered customary to renew one of these oaths, the particular vow serving as a focus on the particular aspect of their duties considered to be necessary to ensure success.

 

I am confused? I take it these are the standard 'Oaths of Moment' that ALL Marines take before a battle?

[Minigiant]

 

 

 

 

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Index Astartes: Black Ronin

"I’ll give you the answer to the question “What is most important to the heart of the Emperor?” The answer is, “To desire with one’s very soul every second of every day to accomplish His aim.”"

[

As part of their dedication to the Emperor and their mission, the Black Ronin swear fell oaths of faith and protection. Before a battle, it is considered customary to renew one of these oaths, the particular vow serving as a focus on the particular aspect of their duties considered to be necessary to ensure success.

 

I am confused? I take it these are the standard 'Oaths of Moment' that ALL Marines take before a battle?

Yes, I wanted to reinforce it. Suits the theme

[bloodhound23]

I want to express agreement with other responders: namely that you should absolute not worry about the "overdone" nature of Samurai-themed chapters.

 

It's true that GW totally overlooked (as someone else has already mentioned) a historically unique (in part due to Japan's geographic isolation) warrior culture. Beware of false equivalence: how many chapters are influenced by the Knights Templar, or by Vikings, or by Roman or Greek soldiers? There's no reason you can't make a contribution toward building an army making any use of that theme without it automatically becoming derivative. I say go for it.

 

I also want to express that I would worry about how close the Night Vipers are to the Alpha Legion. Subterfuge is not theirs alone, but they do sort of stand out among the Legions. Toughness (IF, DG), brutality (WE, BA, NL), tactical precision/planning (IW, SoH, UM) are all characteristics embodied by several of the First Founding Legions. The level of subterfuge that AL engages in, however, is pretty unique, and thus makes it an easy archetype to fall into and it seems like you're ripping off GW. 

 

I don't think it's impossible, however, and I do like the themes you're working with. You'll just have to take some care (and time) to think about where within the structure you've created you have natural sort of "gaps" in the story you can exploit to make them unique. 

 

I think it might take some time, but I like the idea overall and think you should push forward to try and (slowly, if necessary) distinguish the Vipers from the AL, by whatever means work for you and the picture of them you have in your head. 

[Minigiant]

I also want to express that I would worry about how close the Night Vipers are to the Alpha Legion. Subterfuge is not theirs alone, but they do sort of stand out among the Legions. Toughness (IF, DG), brutality (WE, BA, NL), tactical precision/planning (IW, SoH, UM) are all characteristics embodied by several of the First Founding Legions. The level of subterfuge that AL engages in, however, is pretty unique, and thus makes it an easy archetype to fall into and it seems like you're ripping off GW. 

 

I don't think it's impossible, however, and I do like the themes you're working with. You'll just have to take some care (and time) to think about where within the structure you've created you have natural sort of "gaps" in the story you can exploit to make them unique. 

 

I think it might take some time, but I like the idea overall and think you should push forward to try and (slowly, if necessary) distinguish the Vipers from the AL, by whatever means work for you and the picture of them you have in your head. 

 

Thank you. Well the big thing is, they are Alpha Legion successors. That is their curse. I dropped a few hints, the biggest being their mode of operation. The other hints are the founding chapter masters name, letters rearranged makes Alpharius. The other being their gene-seed. I of course have made them a lot smaller scale of operation than the Alpha Legion. Trying to disguise them as Space Pirates. Then going for the whole ghost ship feel. I was hoping by them having a codex mode of operation when engaged in naval combat, again makes them one step removed from Alpha Legion

 

'Gaps' could you please expand?

 

Edit: I had to create separate topic posts for these two IAs, was struggling to keep myself organsied between the two

 

Night Vipers

 

Black Ronin