Setting Aside Biases - Character/Campaign Help

[Fat Necron]

Hello fellow Warhammer fanatics, I've come to you finest of chaps with a slight dilemma. 

Since I've started collecting miniatures (Iron Warriors and Death Guard) the campaign I've been picking away at has, unsurprisingly, become biased. Where the focus has centered around their conflicts, triumphs and defeats, I've failed to acknowledge the Astra Millitarum. 

My Iron Warriors Warsmith is a slightly empathetic and pragmatic. A bit too human by Astarte's standards but uses it to his advantages. He's infamous for decimating the numerous Astarte's Chapters in orbital conflicts to avoid getting bogged down in ground campaigns. During the first engagements, he successfully ambushed and slaughtered 400 Astarte's... And sent their bodies back. In a sense, he was establishing a sort guidelines of war.

He's great and all but I feel his character and accomplishments become hollow without a superior rival. 

So instead of making everything about the Space Marines and Traitors fudging each other up, I've decided to split the entire campaign into two separate parts. The first section would cover how the sub-sector, late in the 41st Millennium, secedes from the Imperium. You'd have this chain smoking, mid-forties, vaguely decorated general who'd lead the defense. His hand picked staff and politically inclined friends would later put him into a position where he could make a difference. There'd be obvious loses, retreats but that's to be expected.

In a sense... I'd want to create an unorthodox character. Someone who isn't pious, who dedicates no victories to the Emperor but to those beneath him. He'd be a brilliant general who plans several steps ahead yet his lack of piety and low-born demeanor would be his undoing.

Now this is where you guys come in. I'm thinking despite his successes to maintain the foothold despite losing worlds and colonies, Astarte's arriving to reinforce undermine him. Where there's an obvious superiority complex the numerous Chapters can't seem to grasp how well he's done considering his resources and opposition. He'd shine again after a grizzly massacre of Astarte's by a new faction; the Iron Warriors. A miraculous victory over this remarkable Warsmith would lead to his own assassination. 

I like to believe this fat old general stained the Astarte's honor; he won where they couldn't. So, and maybe not the Astarte's, another kills him.

The idea is for an individual on the Imperial side to cast a shadow, so to speak. I personally love the idea of some smhoo out foxing the all menacing Warsmith, and in sense, wounding him. The Warsmith in question will never have a chance to rectify his lose. As the conflicts drags on there's a sort of bitter sweet development in his psyche. He'd never admit but deep down part of him knows he'd lose... He'd lose everything if that fat bastard was alive today. 
An admiration bordering obsession might surface. The Warsmith might review past conflicts with the now deceased general and learn to admire him, even going so far as to implement that general's old strategies. 

There's obvious a whole lot more at play here but I felt this was kinda crucial to the story. It feels so perfect the Imperium's institutions and demi-god Astarte's overshadow this key figure. All the while this Warsmith, over the course of decades, secretly laments this mans death, his only equal.

Part of me is sold and not sold on this dynamic. I'm not sure if it fits within the Warhammer universe or not... All up in the air.

I'm hoping you fine chaps can throw me some idea's, suggestion, criticisms (Both literary and plot wise) to help iron this all out.

Thanks in advance,

Fat Necron

[Mileposter]

From reading what you have, the first thing that jumps out at me is that you have this role you're looking for too well defined. There's no room for a character to grow here, because you have everything about them already written. How they win. How they lose. What their attitude is. Where they gather their strength.

 

What were to happen if this story were to be written from the point of view of this Militarum General? How would they grow? How would they become what they are? How would they react to what this antagonist, the Warsmith, brings against him? How does the usurping of his authority by the arrival of the Astartes change his tactics?

 

How does this man exist if your Iron Warriors never came across his path at all?

 

While I don't dabble in the written word much anymore, an exercise that really helped me generate key characters was to write a 'day in the life' segment where they dealt with their usual environment far outside of the story being told. Sometimes this became a 'prequel' of sorts for that character. That might help you round out this amorphous concept you're looking for and start to forge a character in its stead.

[Marshal Rohr]

Hello fellow Warhammer fanatics, I've come to you finest of chaps with a slight dilemma.

 

Since I've started collecting miniatures (Iron Warriors and Death Guard) the campaign I've been picking away at has, unsurprisingly, become biased. Where the focus has centered around their conflicts, triumphs and defeats, I've failed to acknowledge the Astra Millitarum.

 

My Iron Warriors Warsmith is a slightly empathetic and pragmatic. A bit too human by Astarte's standards but uses it to his advantages. He's infamous for decimating the numerous Astarte's Chapters in orbital conflicts to avoid getting bogged down in ground campaigns. During the first engagements, he successfully ambushed and slaughtered 400 Astarte's... And sent their bodies back. In a sense, he was establishing a sort guidelines of war.

 

He's great and all but I feel his character and accomplishments become hollow without a superior rival.

 

So instead of making everything about the Space Marines and Traitors fudging each other up, I've decided to split the entire campaign into two separate parts. The first section would cover how the sub-sector, late in the 41st Millennium, secedes from the Imperium. You'd have this chain smoking, mid-forties, vaguely decorated general who'd lead the defense. His hand picked staff and politically inclined friends would later put him into a position where he could make a difference. There'd be obvious loses, retreats but that's to be expected.

 

In a sense... I'd want to create an unorthodox character. Someone who isn't pious, who dedicates no victories to the Emperor but to those beneath him. He'd be a brilliant general who plans several steps ahead yet his lack of piety and low-born demeanor would be his undoing.

 

Now this is where you guys come in. I'm thinking despite his successes to maintain the foothold despite losing worlds and colonies, Astarte's arriving to reinforce undermine him. Where there's an obvious superiority complex the numerous Chapters can't seem to grasp how well he's done considering his resources and opposition. He'd shine again after a grizzly massacre of Astarte's by a new faction; the Iron Warriors. A miraculous victory over this remarkable Warsmith would lead to his own assassination.

 

I like to believe this fat old general stained the Astarte's honor; he won where they couldn't. So, and maybe not the Astarte's, another kills him.

 

The idea is for an individual on the Imperial side to cast a shadow, so to speak. I personally love the idea of some smhoo out foxing the all menacing Warsmith, and in sense, wounding him. The Warsmith in question will never have a chance to rectify his lose. As the conflicts drags on there's a sort of bitter sweet development in his psyche. He'd never admit but deep down part of him knows he'd lose... He'd lose everything if that fat bastard was alive today.

An admiration bordering obsession might surface. The Warsmith might review past conflicts with the now deceased general and learn to admire him, even going so far as to implement that general's old strategies.

 

There's obvious a whole lot more at play here but I felt this was kinda crucial to the story. It feels so perfect the Imperium's institutions and demi-god Astarte's overshadow this key figure. All the while this Warsmith, over the course of decades, secretly laments this mans death, his only equal.

 

Part of me is sold and not sold on this dynamic. I'm not sure if it fits within the Warhammer universe or not... All up in the air.

 

I'm hoping you fine chaps can throw me some idea's, suggestion, criticisms (Both literary and plot wise) to help iron this all out.

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Fat Necron

A good story will function in a 3 act structure, where the first act establishes the rules and introduces the main players, the second act builds tension and makes the protagonists struggle or lose significantly culminating in a final hurdle they must get over, before resolving the whole thing as briefly as possible. Unlike real historical campaigns, narrative campaigns need to tie up any lose ends. Mention the macguffin early in the campaign if you’re using deus ex machina. If you’re not using a macguffin remember. Remember Chekovs Gun. If you bring it up, it needs a role and purpose in the campaign. It’s also not necessary, but it is useful to treat the campaign fluff like a DND campaign. Provide a map and reference material. Planet summaries, dramatis persona, and build a world in your head that may never make it into the story, but is just there for your own completeness.

[Fat Necron]

So I though I replied to this thread but apparently not. I'm popping into the Liber to read some delicious chaos and month later I realized I didn't actually reply. Had the idea of keeping this thread dead buuuut I honestly felt like a prick ten minutes after said idea... My bad.

Besides my screw up, I've taken your guys criticism to heart and scrapped the idea entirely. There's too much focus on two characters and the campaign I want is scattered, sporadic even. That said, it needs to follow the key points you (Marshal Rohr) pointed out. So I've taken away scope and focus more-so on a handful of colonies and a few industrious planets. 
When you say tie-up loose ends, I'm a little on the fence about that. I like to think this random campaign might be a precursor to something bigger; not exactly sure. That said, you're not wrong and I should keep in mind a possible conclusion. 

Miles, I sat down a little while ago and tried to answer those very questions for myself... And wow was I ham-fisting it. Maybe that's my own critique but nothing exactly stood out. There were some neat idea's here and there (Err, I thought they were neat) but as a whole, everything just didn't piece together very well. So I've essentially scrapped the entire idea, nabbed up on the idea prompted from your questions, and starting again. 

Don't think I've given up, quite the contrary. You asked crucial questions and helped flesh out glaring plot holes, which I appreciate it. 

Thanks Marshal Rohl and Mileposter for taking the time to respond to me. Reeeeeeal sorry for the uber-late response. Yet again, I thought I replied a long time ago. I guess cursing my laptops machine spirit on a daily basis is starting to take its toll. Hehe