THE LIBER CLUSTER II

[Conn Eremon]

As with the first thread, the Liber Cluster II will start off with everyone's favorite faction: Space Marines. I invite anyone interested in joining this project to make their mark on the setting by creating a Primaris Marine Chapter, a Chaos Marine Warband, or a Renegade Marine Force. With space being at a premium, this is on a "first one in wins" type of scenario. There are nine slots available for each of type of submission. An example has already been written by some other Liberites to serve as examples, bringing the full total to ten. As long as the submission meets the criteria to be listed below, it's accepted.
 
 
Criteria

• The submission must be either a Primaris Chapter, a Chaos Warband, or a Renegade Force
• One submission per person
• A minimum of 500 word count
• A B&C painter image or painted model

For veterans of the first thread, welcome back! We spent quite a lot of time together, building up this Cluster and fleshing out its state in the 36th millennium. Now I hope we will have an equal amount of fun tearing it all apart. For those of you that submitted one of the Liberite Chapters from the first thread, I ask that you please refrain from submitting your own contributions at this stage, and instead assist newcomers with developing their own ideas.
 
Please note that the Liber Cluster is open to being expanded in all sorts of ways. If you'd like to contribute an idea that is outside of the scope of this assignment, please do so! 
 
 
 
Primaris Marine Chapter
This can be a Primaris Chapter created in the wider Imperium that made the trip to the Liber Cluster, or one created from scratch in the Cluster itself.

• The Angels Exultant, contributed by Teetengee
• The Argent Claws, contributed by Kelborn
• The Sons of Morrigan, contributed by @Machine God
• The Oathkeepers, contributed by @Jape
• The Warshields, contributed by @Ace Debonair
• The Golem Fists, contributed by @WG101
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN

Chaos Marine Warband
A band of traitors attacking the Liber Cluster at this point in time, whether they had been a threat for a while, an extension of the 13th Black Crusade or otherwise new arrivals.

• The Corsairs of Azahan, contributed by Ace Debonair
• The Singala Cadre, contributed by Fat Necron
• The Followers of Mabinos, contributed by @Machine God
• The Abyssal Stalkers, contributed by @Beren
• The Blackened Fist, by @Kelborn
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN

Renegade Marine Force
A mysterious collective seeking to pry the Cluster from the Imperium's grip, each created from stolen gene-seed including the primaris strain. The shadowy cabal leading this renegade faction will be revealed once all slots have been filled!

• The Oneiroi, contributed by SanguiniusReborn
• The Gravewalkers, contributed by Dizzyeye
• The Wyvernspawn, contributed by Beren
• The Jus Naufragii, by Machine God
• The Enlightened, by @Teetengee
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN
• OPEN

If you have any questions, please ask!

Edited June 4, 2018 by Lord Thørn
Updates

[Conn Eremon]

The Angels Exultant

 

 
* GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR) - Blood Angels
* FOUNDING - Ultima
* CHAPTER MASTER - Nominally God Emperor, functionally none/rotating
* HOME WORLD/BASE OF OPERATIONS - Fleet Based (Primary Recruitment originally from Gathalamor)
* OBSERVED STRATEGIC TENDENCIES - Rapid Insertion, Massed Melee Assault, Shock and Awe
* BATTLE CRY - “Redemption in Death!”
* CURRENT STRENGTH - 600
* KNOWN DESCENDANTS - None.
 
The refounding of the Angels Exultant during the Ultima founding was due to a suspicious glitch in Imperial records. A doubling of name, progenitor, and even Ecclesiarchal influence in the training cadres and recruitment methods conveniently left the Ecclesiarchy with the means to erase the shame of the previous chapter’s recently confirmed fall into perdition. All those involved with the mistake were found to have been executed for laxity in duty, preventing a full investigation.
 
The chapter itself was recruited primarily from the inhabitants of shrine and cardinal worlds in Segmentum Solar, particularly Gathalamor, before being sent to the Liber Cluster according to their founding mission. It was not until their arrival in the cluster that the truth of their namesakes was fully and horribly understood.
 
With seemingly precognizant timing, an assault on the Angels Exultant flagship began as soon as it translated out of warp space. Those fighting the cluster newcomers were not xenos, but traitors wearing their same colors and screaming hymns while fighting alongside witch and daemon. As well timed as the assault was, it was poorly organized, more a desperate last gambit from a starving animal than any coherent military strike. The fallen thanked their killers as they lay dying, words of praise to the Emperor on their lips, even as the foul symbols of chaos gleamed upon their armor.
 
Once the enemy was repelled or slain, then Chapter Master Mikhael Karras ordered, much to the concern of the sanguinary priests, an evaluation into the gene-seed of the assaulting forces. When the chaplaincy finished their report, Karras called together the captains of the 1st, 3rd, 4th, and 5th companies (the second company captain having been slain in the fighting). The gene-seed had been found to be of minimal taint, as far as the tools aboard their fleet could determine. More importantly, it was certainly of blood-angels origin, and the other tests run against armor and body revealed these fallen warriors had once rightfully been known as Angels Exultant themselves, a guilt hidden beneath misinformation and bureaucracy.
 
Having seen the Flaw already begin to manifest in soldiers caught amongst the heaviest fighting. Having seen the hubris of factions who would try to hide their sins. Having seen the risks of the fall, and the shame of his chapter’s name, Karras declared that no one individual save the Emperor himself would command the full obedience of the Angels Exultant. Stepping down as Chapter Master, Karras took the captaincy of the second company, and from that point forward the five captains of the veteran and battle companies collectively decide on the course on which to lead their chapter, or on whether any among them is worthy of censure. In times of battle when a single leader is needed, the Tarot is consulted to determine who shall take command in the temporary role of dictator, but in all other aspects, the five captains are considered equal.
 
In order to manage the flaw, and in order to manage the sin of their creation, the Angels Exultant have put great faith in their chaplaincy (which, like many Blood Angels successors, performs dual roles as guardians of both the faith and the blood.). But this is not the blind faith of their namesake, regardless of what outside observers might see. It is a critical faith, one of apologetics within the halls of fleet vessels and an unyielding correction of self and of others. 
 
Not out of a sense of superiority, but out of a solemn duty to correct the sins of their past, the Angels Exultant embrace a culture of continual improvement through critique and practice, often finding themselves at odds with those forces they fight beside when the habit extends to others. Ever eager to help any who swear themselves to the God Emperor, the Angels often find fighting alongside planetary defense forces and guard regiments to be much smoother than alongside the mechanicus or other astartes chapters.



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-= The Corsairs of Azahan =-

"We were giants once - feared, renowned, exalted! And here 'neath these fresh stars, with these weak worlds, we will be giants once more!" - Lord Alaxin






The Corsairs of Azahan were once a warband of great infamy in the Eye of Terror, known equally for their ferocity and their unpredictability. Claiming for themselves the daemon world of Azahan, the Corsairs were no strangers to war, always vying with rival warbands or waging war on Imperial forces, building their reputation and their strength, one victory at a time.

Time, however, took its' toll on the Corsairs. As the centuries passed, the mighty Lords who commanded the Corsair hordes they grew complacent, content to squabble amongst themselves and exalt in their own sense of power, rather than scourging the servants of the Corpse-Emperor from the galaxy. The mighty warband degraded and became a shadow of itself, coasting on their past reputation.

Until the day the Black Legion came for the Corsairs. The Despoiler's men offered the Corsairs a simple choice; serve us or die. Grudgingly, the Corsairs swore themselves to the service of the Black Legion, though many amongst them chafed at the thought of subservience to a power other than their own, no matter how great or terrible.

When the Black Legion called upon the Corsairs to take part in the 12th Black Crusade, the Corsairs largely ignored the commands of their "shackled" Lords. Instead, they tried to seize more loot and power for themselves by raiding the now-undefended worlds of their rivals, before falling to infighting once-more as the Lords sought to regain their authority.

These treacherous actions did not go unnoticed by the Black Legion.
Nor did they go unpunished.

In the years following the end of the Black Crusade, the Black Legion sent a punitive force to confront the Corsairs. They arrived suddenly, killed the Corsairs' Lords and those who had instigated the attacks on the other Warbands' territories, and commanded the Corsairs of Azahan to leave the Eye of Terror or face total annihilation.

The Corsairs would be sent to seek their redemption by investigating curious rumours about an Imperial realm beyond the edge of the galaxy. If this place existed, the Corsairs would find it, subjugate it in the Despoiler's name, and offer it as tribute, or else there would be no place in the galaxy or beyond it where they could flee the wrath of Abaddon.

With no other option, the Corsairs once more bowed to the wishes of the Black Legion, and subjected themselves to the ardours of exile. They raided a wild, unpredictable path across the galaxy, striking at nigh-undefended worlds to gain the supplies they needed to make the voyage to the far reaches of this supposed New Imperium.

Now, arriving in the Liber Cluster at the dawn of a new era, and hardened by a long lifetime of constant conflict, the Corsairs of Azahan look to conquer, plunder and rule over the Cluster.

Gone are the soft-willed Corsair Lords who once bickered and squabbled amongst themselves. The perilous voyage across the galaxy has seen the Corsairs unified under Lord Alaxin, an imposing, bitter veteran who burns with the desire for conquest and the glories of old.

If they can conquer the Liber Cluster, the Corsairs will prove to the galaxy at large - and to the Despoiler - that the Corsairs of Azahan are as strong and merciless now as they have ever been.
 


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The Oneiroi

 
http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@hlegc_hbAR5.hh7aD_____@@hXT3ThabiW.@@__@_@@@__@@______@@@@@@@@@@..@@@h1VNS@@_@habiW____.iakk7&
 
Summary:
 
* GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR) - Unknown (suspected to be a mix of stolen gene-seed)
* FOUNDING - None.
* CHAPTER MASTER - Lord Grey (theorised)
* HOME WORLD - Unknown
* OBSERVED STRATEGIC TENDENCIES - Assassination/Capture of HVTs, Sabotage, Infiltration, Surprise Assaults, Small Unit Tactics, False Flag Ops, Insurgency Warfare.
* BATTLE CRY - None, Oneiroi fight in silence, speaking only via encrypted vox-channels
* CURRENT STRENGTH - Unknown
 
In the dire centuries leading up to the birth of the Cicatrix Maledictum and the resurrection of the Roboute Guilliman, the Liber Cluster was plagued by an unprecedented series of rebellions, terrorist attacks and assassinations. While the majority of these events were merely the usual local independence movements or labor uprisings, members of the Inquisition with clearance and keen minds could spot the exceptions, like fleeting glimpses of a great spider's legs reaching out from the shadow. These incidents, upon closer inspection, bore the telltale signs of involvement by the enigmatic anti-Imperial organisation known only as Penumbra. Worse still, evidence also suggested the involvement, however distant, of renegade Astartes bearing the crescent moon of Penumbra.
 
What intel has been gathered on these mysterious Astartes, dubbed the Oneiroi, comes from the subject
[REDACTED], captured by Battle-Sisters of the Undying Light Order during the attempted assassination of the Arch Cardinal of Terminus Crux by Penumbra assassins. [REDACTED], proved remarkably resilient to all conventional methods of interrogation, forcing interrogators to attempt a psychic probe. This backfired however, triggering a psychic trap that unleashed a discharge of psychic power, burning out the brains of both the subject and the psyker performing the probe.
 
Despite this setback, the following autopsy and examination of the wargear found on the subject's person revealed disturbing information, foremost being the subject's blasphemous nature as a Replicae, or Clone. Examination of the subject's genetic code alongside that of it's slain brethren revealed not just identical sequences but clear evidence of significant gene-tampering, presumably to weed out genetic defects and produce maximum viablility for Astartes augmentation, although it has also resulted in albinism. This confirms the alarming possibility that Penumbra, or a party in league with them, have stolen the knowledge to create Astartes of their own. The thought of Penumbra producing Space Marines is a chilling one, and a task force of Inquisitors from a variety of the holy ordos has been assembled to counter this threat.
 
Despite the arrival of the Indomitus Crusade to bolster the Cluster's defences, the rate of Penumbra attacks has only grown, the most recent attacks are listed below:
 
* Raptus Space Elevator Bombing, estimated tens of thousand of tons of cargo are lost and the Elevator will take years to repair.
* Penumbra Infiltrators introduce chemical weapons into the atmospheric systems of Velmghart's Mega-Hive, estimated death toll: 26,000,000 fatalities.
* Penumbra unleashes an EMP in Vorden's capital, killing thousands of Arbite-soldiers via their cybernetics.
* Catastrophic malfunctions sweep Forgeworld Sefaris, resulting in widespread destruction and vast amounts of lost war material.
* Penumbra infiltrates Krineland and stirs up the planet's rivalry with the Void Colony Es'viener, within a year Krineland and Es'viener are at war.
 
ADDENDUM:
There have been unconfirmed sightings of hulking armoured figures among the Oneiroi that loomed over even the Astartes. While these were dismissed as Ogryns like those once employed by the Sereikei Lions, the latest Penumbra attack has proven this false, footage from the attempted assassination of the Administratum Master at his Gardenhome mansion show what are unmistakably Primaris Astartes leading the Oneiroi's assault against the defenders, unfortunately no cadavers could be recovered to ascertain their origins. Until one is recovered for examination we must assume Penumbra now have the means to produce Primaris as with the original Oneiroi, likely making them responsible for the plunder of the Biologis vessel Valiant Rule transporting the first batch of Primaris gene-seed to the Cluster, if so, then they are a bigger threat then we ever dared believe.

[Conn Eremon]

With the start of Liberalia Martiale (for this guy in the Pacific timezone at least), the Liber Cluster II thread is fully live!

 

I look forward to seeing what kind of content the Liber creates, as I know from past experience it will be very good.

[Nomus Sardauk]

(crashes through the virtual wall at the prow of a 18th Century Ship of the Line) AHOY BROTHERS! Welcome home my fellow Liberites, join us and help shape this magnificent new era of the Liber Cluster!

[Kelborn]

(crashes through the virtual wall at the prow of a 18th Century Ship of the Line) AHOY BROTHERS! Welcome home my fellow Liberites, join us and help shape this magnificent new era of the Liber Cluster!

Funny that You mentioned 18th century.

 

I'd love to participate with a 18th century / East India Company / british inspired Primaris chapter, the Star Lords.

I'm intending to expand their fluff, including a small sub-sector. Maybe this can be a Part, as well? :)

[Conn Eremon]

Certainly! Our least explored subsector, Subsector Sindhi, was created with that kind of lore in mind. A Rogue Trader leveraged his Writ to his advantage, tying hereditary lordship of Subsector Sindhi to his own dynastic line. This leads to the subsector being developed into something of a trade empire, with Imperial authority and manpower to back it up.

 

As I said, it's the least explored of our subsectors, without even any worlds claimed to it. So it's ripe for some expansion!

[Fat Necron]

Well I'm down for getting in on this. However, I'm wondering if anyone wants to do a cooperative Renegade Force. Any takers for teaming up and taking the fight to the Corpse Emperor?

[Kelborn]

Awesome!

I already got some ideas for Nassau and the likes, which would tie in very well. :)

 

After contributing in BLs contest, the Star Lords will br my main focus. :)

[Conn Eremon]

Are the Star Lords already a DIY of yours, or something you intend to develop outside of the Cluster? If so, I'd ask that you think of other ideas. The Cluster is intended for concepts created fully for it, and remain within it.

[Nomus Sardauk]

 

(crashes through the virtual wall at the prow of a 18th Century Ship of the Line) AHOY BROTHERS! Welcome home my fellow Liberites, join us and help shape this magnificent new era of the Liber Cluster!

Funny that You mentioned 18th century.

 

I'd love to participate with a 18th century / East India Company / british inspired Primaris chapter, the Star Lords.

I'm intending to expand their fluff, including a small sub-sector. Maybe this can be a Part, as well? :)

Well, the reason I mentioned it was because that also the theme for the Scarlet Sentinels, my DIY Chapter I made for the first Liber Cluster thread, great minds huh? :p

[No Foes Remain]

Looking forward to see what fraters come up with, enjoyed reading the first and hope to enjoy the second.

[Kelborn]

The Star Lords are a DIY concept of mine basing on a Lost Legion concept of Thorn.

I intended to give them something like a Warzone-ish setting, etc.

But I'd rather like to see them bring part of something bigger. Those mentioned ideas are just that, ideas, which might ne decent enough for the Cluster. Think it's more fun and creative to work with others on tour chapter than simply alone.

Sangi: Do You remember Thorns concept? Would they ne too similar to yours?
If so, I got an Eskimo, focusing on infantry / mix between DG, Iron Snakes and White Scars chapter at hand, which can be upgraded to Primaris.

 

 

After thinking about it, I'd like to join with my Argent Claws, a DIY, for which I just finished the key facts / the basement. It's the mentioned Eskimo chapter.

Edited March 17, 2018 by Kelborn

[Nomus Sardauk]

Looking forward to seeing it Kel. :)

[Beren]

A Renegade Chapter is assembling.

[Nomus Sardauk]

I await it with glee Beren. :)

[WG101]

How do you make a submission for this?

 

Got a chapter I recently created I would like to add to the mix

Edited March 17, 2018 by WG101

[Nomus Sardauk]

I refer you to the top of this page, also check out the preexisting articles for the "veteran" chapters if you want a visual example of how you might want to format things.

[Ace Debonair]

~ LIBER CLUSTER II : THE CLUSTERING ~

(coming soon to a forum near you)

 

How do you make a submission for this?
 
Got a chapter I recently created I would like to add to the mix

I believe the guidelines last time were, roughly, 300-500 words and a space marine painter image of your chapter.

 

 

We don't want every single detail of the Chapter hammered out at the beginning - in fact the point is for each of these Chapters/Warbands/Renegades to be developed by the community at large, not a single person.

 

For an example of how they might turn out, look at how many people contributed to the Conflagrators' article on the first page.

 

I definitely have my own inspirations and ideas for the Corsairs of Azahan (Which I'll share if asked when the time comes to develop them), but I'm very interested to see which directions the community take them in.

 

 

That said, I'm feeling awfully creative and have already taken part in the Build-a-Warband process, sooooo....

 

Conn, with permission, I'd like to start detailing more worlds for the various subsectors in the Liber Cluster.

 

You never know when you'll need more battlegrounds / recruitment worlds / springboards for other ideas, right?

[WG101]

~ LIBER CLUSTER II : THE CLUSTERING ~

(coming soon to a forum near you)

 

How do you make a submission for this?

 

Got a chapter I recently created I would like to add to the mix

I believe the guidelines last time were, roughly, 300-500 words and a space marine painter image of your chapter.

 

 

We don't want every single detail of the Chapter hammered out at the beginning - in fact the point is for each of these Chapters/Warbands/Renegades to be developed by the community at large, not a single person.

 

For an example of how they might turn out, look at how many people contributed to the Conflagrators' article on the first page.

 

I definitely have my own inspirations and ideas for the Corsairs of Azahan (Which I'll share if asked when the time comes to develop them), but I'm very interested to see which directions the community take them in.

 

 

That said, I'm feeling awfully creative and have already taken part in the Build-a-Warband process, sooooo....

 

Conn, with permission, I'd like to start detailing more worlds for the various subsectors in the Liber Cluster.

 

You never know when you'll need more battlegrounds / recruitment worlds / springboards for other ideas, right?

Ok do I just post it to the tread or Do I have to PM it to the OP

[Ace Debonair]

I'd say just post it in the thread for now - if that's incorrect I'm sure we'll find out shortly.

 

Besides, seeing other people's ideas is a good way to get your own ideas going - who knows what your Chapter might, in turn, inspire?

[WG101]

I'd say just post it in the thread for now - if that's incorrect I'm sure we'll find out shortly.

 

Besides, seeing other people's ideas is a good way to get your own ideas going - who knows what your Chapter might, in turn, inspire?

Going to post it now then

 

Golems Fists

“We stand for those who cannot”

Geneseed (Predecessor): Imperial Fists

 

Founding: Ultima

 

Chapter Master: Egain Starseeker

 

History: The Golems Fists Chapter were created at the end of the Indominus crusade during the breakup of the Unnumbered Sons Primaris Legion in the decades following they have shown themselves to be masters of siege warfare and have provided themselves as backup for multiple other chapters including a now missing primaris chapter whom they competed with to gain a Homeworld within the Liber Cluster.

 

Their Chapter Master has a set of morals not commonly seen amongst Space Marines and absolutely abhors slavery of any kind and has threatened members of the Adeptus Mechanicus to provide his ships with Automated Systems or Servitors to crew the ship instead of serfs and slaves with the exception of volunteer serfs many of whom were aspirants that were found to not be compatible with the chapter's gene-seed and others being hired for periods of time depending on what position they fill in, serfs born into servitude have a choice to remain or to leave and forge their own lives upon the Chapter's Homeworld or world they wish to live on within the cluster. However if the serf is found to be compatible they are given the extra choice of becoming an aspirant of the Chapter. The chapter has also got plans to restore the Remembrancer Order to compile a history of the chapter and the greater Imperium however unlike the Remembrancer Order of the Great Crusade era these artists are also trained to be able to survive the front lines of warfare and they are to be trained to resist the temptations of Chaos.

 

The chapter is codex compliant as of the most recent observations and utilize codex formations and tactics. However, with their most recent engagement being with #REDACTED# they may have begun to diverge from the codex as their allies and enemies within this conflict both utilised unorthodox stragagems. 

 

They are Currently en-route to the Liber Cluster to select a Homeworld.

 

Chapter Symbol:

Chapter Colour Scheme:

Homeworld:

Fleet Based as they select their Homeworld

 

 

Beliefs:

The chapter has become heroes of sorts after they took up a set of beliefs that state that they should not keep slaves and that they must protect the innocent and those who cannot fight for themselves.

 

Current Strength:

1000

 

Known Decedents:

None

 

(just a first Draft will edit to give it more words soon)

Edited March 26, 2018 by WG101

[Beren]

Well, that dragged out longer than I expected. Early draft.

The Wyvernspawn

GENE-SEED(PREDECESSOR) - Ravenguard

FOUNDING 8th Founding

CHAPTERMASTER Unknown, last known to be Caleeran Heydonik

HOMEWORLD Unknown, last known to be fleet based.

OBSERVED STRATEGIC TENDENCIES Infiltration/Decapitation attacks using Psykers. Rapid aerial assault.

BATTLECRY None.

CURRENT STRENGTH Unknown.

The Scions of the Dawn, were a 37th millennium founding chapter. Their purpose was to act as mobile response force within their Sectors of operation, crushing emerging invasions and raiders before they could become a true threat. This began to increasingly fuel their personality and combat doctrine. They were forced to both crush threats quickly -so that they might respond to others elsewhere - and at the same time conserve their strength for other foes. As the myriad attacks on their domain grew they became evermore cautious and pragmatic. When they began to abandon entire worlds to their fate so that more pressing enemies could be fought, they were accused of cowardice. When they became increasingly reluctant to divide their forces they were accused of dereliction of duty. The fact that they seldom lingered in one place for long garnered them few allies.

In order to stem the tide of enemies assailing them the Chapter became evermore willing to embrace unorthodox tactics and equipment. Disparaging a fixed homeworld as just another location to be defended, they strived to remain as mobile as possible. An additional repercussion of this was that they recruited primarily from the survivors if xenos raids and heretic uprisings, candidates who as a result became increasingly pragmatic regarding measures of survival.

It is believed that all this took a toll upon the Scions psyche. Compared to Chapters who lead gallant crusades against the Apostate, ore ones who fought heroic last stands upon bastion worlds, their honours were few and far between. All a Scion of the Dawn ever saw from their initiation to their death was Imperial Worlds ruined or under siege. Their history became one of countless rushes to quench a blaze in one place, only for countless others to spring up elsewhere. Their strikes gave little concern to the plans of other Imperial forces, launching attacks to cripple foes withoit concentrated from their slower allies. Where possible they would do the minimum damage required to reduce a threat to manageable levels and leave the mopping up to other forces. This only added to a false illusion of unreliability. They only solace that the Scions found was in the dead space between stars as they rushed from one battle to another. Over time this period in transit gained an almost religious aspect. Soon, Scouts were also dispensed with. New Tactical Marines were rushed into play almost immediately, and high density infiltration and assassination missions once carried out by unblooded initiates were better handled by experienced veterans. Such attacks were vital to minimising casualties and maximising effect. As the years drew on the Chapter became increasingly willing to obtain resources of suspicious origins, or loot a colony they had been too late to save for supplies. Now, not only were they seen as unreliable cowards, they became carrion crows feasting on the corpses of those they should have saved. Even with all the worlds the Chapter had saved, the Chapter hung on the brink of condemnation.

Eventually, their salvage of an ancient grav-suspended fortress they dubbed 'The Mausoleum' led to accusations of Tech-Heresy that no one had the means it the will to block. To avoid persecution the Chapter fled into the night that is the void, and we're presumed lost amongst the stars .

Edited March 18, 2018 by Beren

[Ace Debonair]

Righto, advice time.

Not done this in a while, let's see if I still have the knack.
 

IMPORTANT NOTE:

Please don't take this personally, I'm trying to help you both make your Chapters better, the only way I really know how: by picking holes in all the bits that I think need to change.

My apologies if you feel my methods are harsh or heavy-handed, but I'd rather you both hear this now than after you spend weeks working on the wrong things.


WG101:

What we actually need is a 300-500 word summary of the Chapter's character.

What you've got so far is a list of their toys.


It's an easy trap to fall into, but a list of equipment is just that - a list of equipment. People don't love the Ultramarines or Blood Angels for having different guns or fancy Chapter Relics - they love them because the Chapters have personality, be it 'paragons of efficiency' or 'fancy renaissance artist vampires'.

Tell us about the Umbral Spectres as a Chapter - what motivates them, what makes them fight all the horrors the galaxy can throw at them, what they swear their allegiance to, where they live, and why they believe what they believe.

 

Beren: 
 
The post you made above this one is currently 1194 words.
That is more than twice the size of what a submission at this stage should really be.

I'm all for giving a bit of leeway in the number of words, but that's excessive.

 

Trim it down, drop all the section titles, and give us an overview of who the Wyvernspawn are.

Cut it right down to the bone if you can. Having too few words is always much better than having too many.

 

As an example, you could sum up three of the last four paragraphs as: "Accused of Tech-heresy for developing what appears to be a type of airborne fortress they dubbed 'The Mausoleum', the Scions of the Dawn fled from persecution, re-emerging in the Liber Cluster centuries later under a new name: Wyvernspawn."

[Dizzyeye01]

Alright, this took a bit of time but here's the first draft of the Gravewalkers, a renegade space marine force. I will refine this and get a scheme sorted once I'm on my PC but for now I should probably get some sleep

 

The Gravewalkers

 

During the Horus Heresy, it is unknown how many forces splintered from the Legion Astartes and became Blackshields; space marines who formed their own path during the turmoil of the 32nd Millennium and swore their allegiance to either Horus, the Emperor or to themselves. Such is the case with the Gravewalkers where nobody could determine where the force truly began.

 

Some remembrancers believed their core to be of the 36th Iron Warriors Company who held the title as an informal insult used by their human attachments while others believe it to be a coalition of Salamanders, Iron Hands and Raven Guard who survived the Istavaan V Massacre. Others hold them to being Night Lords, noting the death masks and skilled incorporated into their helmets. Whatever their origin could be, it did not stop the Imperium hunting them during The Scouring, sending them reeling back with every lose before they disappeared, leaving behind them broken dreams as they left the Imperiums’ focus.

 

From what can be gathered by Inquisitors’ of the Liber Branch within the Liber Cluster, the Gravewalkers fled into the Deep and have since preyed on the scraps and resources wherever possible, ranging from firepower to that of men. It should also be of note that that many outcasts and traitors have reappeared in the ranks of the Gravewalkers, including members of the now destroyed Sereiki Lions though exact numbers are difficult if not impossible to find out. More worrisome is the giants that have been rumoured through the Cluster have appeared in the ranks of the Gravewalkers however in far less numbers than ‘regular’ Adeptus Astartes. The warband has been known to sell out its services though those that have tried to double cross them have paid back in blood. This has been one fact that has stayed with the warband

 

The warband itself has been hard to track due to how they operate and the loyalty they have to one another. More often than not, lightning raids are conducted while in the void, hitting their weak points before securing any precious cargo and disappearing without a trace. Outside of the void though, the Gravewalkers avoid open conflict where possible, launching hit and run attacks as squads harass their opponents. Such tactics not only show the conservative nature of the Gravewalkers but also the professional prowess that is usually not seen in a renegade force.

 

As for the appearance, a Gravewalkers’ armour is in the gunmetal grey, covering up any signs of their former legion or chapter. It is also heavily scavenged, usually show the makeshift attempts at repairs along with patterns not blessed by the forges of the Omnesiash. Along with this, runes can also be seen scratched into the armour, usually on the shoulder pads, knees and so forth. Attempts at deciphering the runes on their armour have come to nothing though it is believed that these runes are to show a marines’ squad and strike force. Finally, another common feature is the death mask forged into each helmet. Inquisitor Atronr believes that once inducted into the Gravewalkers, each remember must craft this mask to represent what they have become. Each mask varies, ranging from clean and sanguine to hideous and inhumane.

[WG101]

Righto, advice time.

Not done this in a while, let's see if I still have the knack.

 

IMPORTANT NOTE:

Please don't take this personally, I'm trying to help you both make your Chapters better, the only way I really know how: by picking holes in all the bits that I think need to change.

My apologies if you feel my methods are harsh or heavy-handed, but I'd rather you both hear this now than after you spend weeks working on the wrong things.

 

 

WG101:

 

What we actually need is a 300-500 word summary of the Chapter's character.

 

What you've got so far is a list of their toys.

 

 

It's an easy trap to fall into, but a list of equipment is just that - a list of equipment. People don't love the Ultramarines or Blood Angels for having different guns or fancy Chapter Relics - they love them because the Chapters have personality, be it 'paragons of efficiency' or 'fancy renaissance artist vampires'.

 

Tell us about the Umbral Spectres as a Chapter - what motivates them, what makes them fight all the horrors the galaxy can throw at them, what they swear their allegiance to, where they live, and why they believe what they believe.

sorry about that had to go and ran out of time to finish it making edits right now based off your feedback