THE LIBER CLUSTER II

[golfdeltafoxtrot]

@ Dizzyeye: Awesome, thanks. Had a quick look through and there doesn't seem to be a lot of Raven Guard successors so hopefully I won't run into too much trouble.

 

I've got some names floating around my head and tried a quick colour scheme on the Painter. I'll see how it comes together overnight and maybe get something more concrete down tomorrow.

[Dizzyeye01]

Glad to hear. If you do run into some problems or have anymore questions then ask away :)

[Ace Debonair]

Can my Warband have a mixture of Traitor Guard/Lost and Damned?

I might not be someone running the show, but I'm going to tentatively say 'go for it' - I know I certainly plan to have mortal allies (and some Dark Mechanicus assistance) for the Corsairs of Azahan.

 

But I'd also say try and keep the focus of your summary on the Warband itself, rather than their allies. Once all the submissions are in, there'll be plenty of time to develop your warband's associates later.

[Conn Eremon]

Okay, it's finally time for me to jump in and respond more fully!

 

 

 

@Kelborn

 

The Argent Claws sound interesting. An Inuit-based Chapter would have a very distinct visual appearance I'm sure. Thanks for putting the Star Lords on the back burner. The intent of the rule is to make sure that nobody feels they have full say over what happens to their contributions, and I'd rather apply such a rule universally rather than on a case-by-case scenario.

 

"As part of the Ultima Founding did, the force, later known as the Argent Claws, awoke in an Imperium asunder. "

 

I'm not sure what you mean by the first part, I assume it's a combo of autocorrect and/or missing words? I'm also not really sure if the paragraph detailing their 30k history is necessary. I think it distracts from the whole, and might be better served taken out.

 

Other than than that, apart from some needed edits to clean up the language and grammar, it's pretty much good to go.

 

As far as continuing, I'd say you can continue working on your contribution in the form of editing what's already submitted, but hold off on further expanding it. You can provide C&C and encouragement to others developing their ideas, or look at expanding the Cluster in other ways, as Ace has mentioned.

 

 

 

@WG101

 

The Umbral Spectres are pretty good after the edits. As Ace mentioned, it's pretty big and still kinda is. What I'd do is cut everything out but the History, the name and the colors. That'll put you at about 350-400 words. You can cannibalize some of the other stuff to boost the count up to 500, but stick close to that. We don't want to develop everything right off the bat, we want to leave plenty of room to allow others to do so.

 

I did some editing of my own below that you can steal (it's 340 words):

 

 

Umbral Spectres

“We are shadows in the eternal abyss”

Gene-Seed (predecessor):
Ultramarines

Founding:
Ultima

Chapter Master:
“I am old, yet young, a relic of an age gone by. The cold darkness a constant reminder of my loss, I fight for a purpose in an age of constant war… I will fight to bring back the peace I was born in, so that humanity can finally know what our ancestors had experienced.”

Chapter Master Umbra (moniker, ture name unknown)

History:
The Umbral Spectres chapter is an Ultramarines Successor Chapter founded at the end of the Indominus Crusade and the breaking up of the Unnumbered Sons primaris legion. Their behaviour patterns changed drastically in the decades following; showing themselves to favour stealth, unique units and ever-changing company compositions depending on the battlefield conditions.

Their Chapter master goes by the moniker Umbra. The unknown nature of their lord and the Chapter's differing ways is a matter of some debate among the Inquisition, some of whom wish to investigate the Chapter for potential heresy. When pressed about his past the Chapter Master refuses to answer.

The Chapter after it’s activation has gained a reputation for holding no serious casualties and ablatant disregard for the Codex Astartes, treating it like as suggestions rather than the holy document it was considered to be by their progenitor-chapter. This sentiment has caused some friction with other Chapters, particularly where cooperation was required between two or more chapters.

Their first and most recent campaign was against the Tau Empire. Their recent expansion efforts during the campaign was turned as the Chapter capitalized on multiple weaknesses within the Tau Battlesuits. Through that victory, the campaign turned into a deadlock. The Spectres left after another Chapter came to reinforce, launching a full scale counter-attack to drive the Tau out of the system.

En route to the Liber Cluster, having been granted a home world within, they began to stage large scale reforms among accompanying Astra Militarium regiments, providing them with weapons and vehicles atypical of guardsmen usage, such as Land Raider.

 

 

 

 

 

@Beren

 

I think, with the least tweaks, the Wyvernspawn could make a very good Chaos Warband. It's currently Just under 600 words, so it could serve to be edited down a tad more, but it's good. That said, Dizzyeye's recommendation also certainly works! 

 

Once I know what kind of category the Wyvernspawn fall under, I'll drop them in the list.

 

@Dizzyeye

 

Absolutely beautiful, love the newly edited version. Lot of character, but still massive amount of room to explore and expand.

 

 

 

@golfdeltafoxtrot

 

The first page has an index, including each Chapter already in the Liber. Outside the Liber, there is the Tabula that Dizzyeye mentioned, as well as various wikis like Lexicanum. There certainly does seem to be a preponderance of the type of Chapter you're interested in making, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it. It just adds to the challenge of developing each of the ideas to be their own, unique take.

 

 

 

@FatNecron

 

Of course! A mixed cultist/astartes Chaos force is always welcome. Ace provides good advice, though you can certainly mention their presence to sort of "seal them in," while later expansion providing more information on the manner of it.

 

 

 

 

@All

 

Once again, really happy with the strong, early showing. If I didn't respond to every question, it's because another Frater's response (particularly looking at Ace Debonair and SanguiniusReborn) said everything that needed to be said.

 

Once we've got all slots filled, we'll start on the next phase. I'll introduce more information on the state of the Cluster at this point in time, such as the nefarious power behind the renegades. Then I get to the really fun part, and mix and match all the contributions with our current roster of contributors.

 

 

 

Edit:

 

@No Foes Remain

 

I hope you come back with your idea. I'm sure whatever it was could be reworked to better fit, and we'd all be glad to help.

Edited March 20, 2018 by Conn Eremon

[WG101]

 

 

@WG101

 

The Umbral Spectres are pretty good after the edits. As Ace mentioned, it's pretty big and still kinda is. What I'd do is cut everything out but the History, the name and the colors. That'll put you at about 350-400 words. You can cannibalize some of the other stuff to boost the count up to 500, but stick close to that. We don't want to develop everything right off the bat, we want to leave plenty of room to allow others to do so.

 

I did some editing of my own below that you can steal (it's 340 words):

 

 

Umbral Spectres

“We are shadows in the eternal abyss”

Gene-Seed (predecessor):

Ultramarines

 

Founding:

Ultima

 

Chapter Master:

“I am old, yet young, a relic of an age gone by. The cold darkness a constant reminder of my loss, I fight for a purpose in an age of constant war… I will fight to bring back the peace I was born in, so that humanity can finally know what our ancestors had experienced.”

Chapter Master Umbra (moniker, ture name unknown)

History:

The Umbral Spectres chapter is an Ultramarines Successor Chapter founded at the end of the Indominus Crusade and the breaking up of the Unnumbered Sons primaris legion. Their behaviour patterns changed drastically in the decades following; showing themselves to favour stealth, unique units and ever-changing company compositions depending on the battlefield conditions.

 

Their Chapter master goes by the moniker Umbra. The unknown nature of their lord and the Chapter's differing ways is a matter of some debate among the Inquisition, some of whom wish to investigate the Chapter for potential heresy. When pressed about his past the Chapter Master refuses to answer.

 

The Chapter after it’s activation has gained a reputation for holding no serious casualties and ablatant disregard for the Codex Astartes, treating it like as suggestions rather than the holy document it was considered to be by their progenitor-chapter. This sentiment has caused some friction with other Chapters, particularly where cooperation was required between two or more chapters.

 

Their first and most recent campaign was against the Tau Empire. Their recent expansion efforts during the campaign was turned as the Chapter capitalized on multiple weaknesses within the Tau Battlesuits. Through that victory, the campaign turned into a deadlock. The Spectres left after another Chapter came to reinforce, launching a full scale counter-attack to drive the Tau out of the system.

 

En route to the Liber Cluster, having been granted a home world within, they began to stage large scale reforms among accompanying Astra Militarium regiments, providing them with weapons and vehicles atypical of guardsmen usage, such as Land Raider.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the feedback I'll use your edit for the updated version

[golfdeltafoxtrot]

@ Conn Eremon - thanks for the feedback. I've no doubt that my idea isn't spectacularly original, but I wanted to start with something that speaks to me on a fairly basic level, then develop it from there. I've had an idea in the meantime that I hope will differentiate my chapter from the other RG-based stealthy dudes. I've got a Chapter badge in the works too, and I'm hoping to have time to jot some ideas down today.

[golfdeltafoxtrot]

I’m sure it’s rubbish, and I’m more than willing to take on board any comments or criticism from anyone who’s kind enough to provide it.

I present for you the first draft of my Primaris Chapter, the Grey Ravens.





Grey Ravens

* GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR) – Raven Guard
* FOUNDING – Ultima
* CHAPTER MASTER – Nirsori Coloeus
* HOME WORLD/BASE OF OPERATIONS – Plegolis, Subsector Colvin
* OBSERVED STRATEGIC TENDENCIES – Zero-G Warfare, Counter-Boarding, Stealth Operations
* BATTLE CRY – None
* CURRENT STRENGTH – 1000
* KNOWN DESCENDANTS – None

Origin
One of only a handful of Ultima Founding Chapters created from the geneseed of the Raven Guard, the Grey Ravens are newly assigned to the Liber Cluster. They bring with them the proud heritage of Corvus Corax and the famed Raven Guard aptitude for stealth and precision strikes, but apply their skills to a more unconventional style of warfare. Their heraldry - based on their grey power armour with the Chapter badge of a swooping white raven borne on the left shoulder pad - is consistent with that of their predecessor, incorporating company colour on the right shoulder pad rim and squad number on the left knee.

Homeworld
The Grey Ravens recruit from the hive world of Plegolis, a densely populated planet of sprawling manufactora and cramped hab-towers in the Colvin subsector of the Liber Cluster. Their Chapter Fortress, the Mororium, is a large and heavily fortified orbiting station from which the Grey Ravens periodically send down delegations of recruiters to Plegolis to retrieve the brightest and strongest of the hive citizens for service with the Chapter. Already used to tight quarters and hazardous environments, the Grey Ravens have found the youth of Plegolis a more than satisfactory resource for recruitment.

Combat Doctrine
Although able to muster a fighting force for any kind of operation, the Grey Ravens are specialists in non-planetary warfare. Using stealth, misdirection, and surprise assault, the Grey Ravens have developed an uncanny proficiency in fighting aboard starships, void installations, and space hulks. Typically called upon to retake captured Imperial warships or to prevent the invasion of orbital facilities, Grey Ravens Inceptors deploy directly onto hulls from nearby strike craft and blast their way in through hatches, while Reivers quietly infiltrate bridges and enginariums to decapitate enemy leadership. In one of their first significant engagements in the Liber Cluster, elements of the Grey Ravens' 4th company were able to retake the Imperial Navy Lunar-class cruiser Heraldus Rex from the hitherto unidentified heretic Astartes warband which had captured the vessel some 22 standard days previously. A force of Reivers let by Lieutenant Carak infiltrated the bridge and eliminated the warband's leadership element, preventing any co-ordinated defence of the ship and allowing other Grey Ravens forces to retake the vessel with only 37% of the human crew lost.

Organisation
Adhering to the Codex Astartes is a point of debate within the Grey Ravens. Though the Chapter leadership recognizes the benefits of following the tenets within, and the updates made over the millennia since it was written, they are aware that the Liber Cluster, and the wider Imperium itself, have changed substantially in recent times. Accordingly the Grey Ravens make use of fewer heavy vehicles than might other Chapters, preferring instead to maintain a larger-than-normal complement of void-capable craft including Thunderhawks, Stormravens, and their own variant of the Stormraven known as the Voidraven. From these craft they deploy the full spectrum of Primaris battle-brothers, showing that the Codex is not completely ignored, merely under review.

Beliefs
The beliefs of the Grey Ravens centre on the Emperor and their Primarch as guiding stars within the dark void. With the power of the Astronomican providing a clear-cut example, the Grey Ravens believe that all sufficiently powerful warriors can provide light and direction within the blackness of space after their death. The Chapter’s Chaplains lead ceremonies from the outer hull of the Mororium or from the open landing bays of the Chapter’s voidcraft in order to receive the guiding light of the stars. The Librarius studies the patterns of the stars for omens and portents, and are constantly on the lookout for the appearance of newer and brighter stars which may represent their lost Primarch.

Edited March 21, 2018 by golfdeltafoxtrot

[Fat Necron]

Hello everyone, I'm going to be introducing my Chaos Space Marines known as The Singala Cadre. They're more a Warp-Aligned/Chaos Undivided faction as opposed to worshiping one deity alone. The idea is to step away from the brutal tyrants and warlords into a more stoic, imposing demeanor. So I'm going to do my best not to get lost in nitty-gritty details such as force numbers and that non-sense. I'd rather keep them ambiguous until absolutely necessary. 

If this rough introduction is allowed I'll go into further detail about their creation, warp connection and combat doctrine. Expect oodles of mutants, Warp Spawns and other chaos related beasts. 

So without further ado let us visit The Realm of Black Iron.
 

 

 

Either by purpose or ignorance there exists a world unseen and unknown by the vast, all encompassing Imperium. The Crusade to bring the rich worlds of the Liber Cluster into compliance came with great success, despite their struggles. Tyrants wishing to carve out their own empires fell beneath the millions brought against them. Thousands of loyalists Astartes marched beside innumerable guardsmen against the Mutant, the Xeno's and the Heretic. Humanity would be enlightened by force of will... Or force of arms.

 

One world shall never comply compliance.

 

There's a story about a world that can't be seen by human eyes. Cogitators register its location, scanners prove its existence yet seldom can it be perceived by mortal eyes. Ship masters stare into an empty void, never the wiser of the dark entity before them. Adapts from the Cult Mechanicus attempt to indulge their perceived defective scanners and cogitators. Numbers are never wrong, so what mortal eyes can't see the numbers must see. Why, they will ask in a sudden bluster, why does the Machine deceive me, deceive it's most devoted of servants? Because humanity would never except the transcendent Realm of Black Iron.

 

The Singala Cadre

 

 Theorizing Their Summons: Mutants, abominations, unfortunate souls from across the Liber Cluster die ignoble deaths for the sin of existence. The God-Emperor the Ecclesiarchy preaches so fervently has betrayed them, denied them life. His very angels, the Adaptus Astarte's emerge from the heavens not as benevolent saviors but purgers. By bolter and flamer, chainsword and fist, thousands, tens of thousands perish in weeks. His angels, those depicted as saviors become executioners. As the suffrage of these unfortunate souls escalates, a crescendo of agony where cries turn to desperate prayers; They Will Be Received.

 

   Each consecutive engagement, though far and in between, have occurred suddenly. The Liber Cluster Ordo in conjunction with [Classified] Chapter have a dozen hypothesis but few solid theories. What evidence is presented to them is bizarre, to say the least. The only current pattern is they appear suddenly during times of famine, genocide; times of considerable suffering. Mutants are most definitively the prime suspects, especially those particular mutants known as Tzeengors.
  Most notably is their presence is brief, estimated to be days before disappearing as suddenly as they appeared. Their disappearance isn't as perplexing as to the masses that disappear alongside them. Inquisitors suggest their appearance heralds an exodus, of sorts. Each appearance has seen small populations of mutants and heretics vanish with them. 

 

  Closer inspection into the industrious worlds of their sightings uncover darker secrets. Such secrets cannot be spoken, whispered or uttered. To give heresy a voice invites damnation, banishment from the God-Emperors light. Do not fall into the enigma behind the Singala Cadre as You Will Be Received.

 

  What Little Is Known: Seldom have these bastardized Astarte's been seen. Insane soldiers tell exaggerated tales of daemons while loyal Astartes struggle to comprehend exactly what stood before them. The only reliable sources are the Astarte's themselves as madness usually consumes those of lesser fortitude. What comes to mind is the melancholy for these grim reflections of themselves. An exposed tube replaces their helmets mouth grill, presumably to assist their breathing. Lights flicker across the mechanical mess of crude, cumbersome power armor. Every breath tells a tale of agony as they exhale heavy, exhausted rasps of breath from their helmets. 

  To date only one specimen regarding these malformed Astarte's has been recovered; at a hefty cost. Apothocaries from [Classified] Chapter have discovered a multitude of abnormalities within their biology. Most notably their progenoid glands are withered, dried organs. The gene-seed utilized to genetically modify aspirants into Astarte's remains inconclusive. One hypothesis states these Astarte's don't originate from any of the original legions, in fact, they're a separate entity all together. This would explain the irreparable decay of the progenoid glands and extensive organ failure, however, that only raises more questions. Who made them, where does their gene-seed come from, who's arming them? 

 

  Engage With Caution: Despite the multitude of failing organs these broken Astarte's operate with an eerie decisiveness. Alone they're weak, easily overcome by their physically superior cousins but their dangers lies in the squads. Cryptographers couldn't intercept their vox links for there were none. They operated with a preternatural cohesion, reacting quicker than orders can be received; an innate knowledge of action in engagements. This doesn't mean they're perfect soldiers, quite the contrary. From the few accounts recorded dealing with these anomalies it's advised to either A) Bring to bare insurmountable fire power or B ) Meet these bleak Astarte's in melee combat. Be advised bravery before tactical acumen guarantee's a decisive end.

 

  The Warp Spawn Anomaly: Chaos Spawn are commonly associated with berserk tendencies. They're enamored by the prospect of violence and death, possibly even relishing in the suffering they inflict... Usually. 

  The Singala Cadre's presence heralds a spike in warp influence. Chaos Spawn and Beast follow these grim Astarte's passively, not as frothing beast. Footage from one particular encounter depicted a Singala Astarte's feeding a wounded Chaotic Beast. An interesting development in the mystery behind this unknown force. Similar to the Mutants and Heretics they protect, the beast who follow their appearance are treated no differently. What's more disturbing is a loyal Astarte's account after being revived from a sus-an coma. 
  After twelve consecutive of conflict hours of heated fighting, of the twenty Astarte's dispatched only one remained. He was met by a lone Singalan Astarte's. A single Singalan who held three leashes of thick, rustic chains attached to three slobbering Chaotic Beasts. A restrained, albeit forced calm settled across these creatures, that was, until their leashes were dropped. Before the chains could thud against the grated floor they were rending the armor from the loyal Astarte's flesh. 

  Shortly after he recalled his traumatic death his secondary heart, as the other was punctured, failed and he died on the apothocaries table.

  This bizarre relationship between Astarte's and Daemon is unheard of. [Classified] Chapter and Inquisitors have uncovered, months after an encounter, the presence of Warp influence. This same influence mutated a handful of innocent humans into abomination. After such a tragedy, a hypothesis was brought to bare; The Chaos Spawn and other Warp Beasts found in the same vicinity are purposely created. All accounts regarding Warp related creatures presents a completely different picture as ravenous monsters. What if mutant and beast give themselves over willingly, to take another step into devotion by surrendering their body to the powers that be? Would this allow said creatures an inkling of sentience beyond base instincts? 

Edited March 21, 2018 by Fat Necron

[Kelborn]

So did I understood that correctly in saying that they are cyborg-ish / Dark Mechanicum themed Chaos Marines?

 

Unfortunately are your pics not displayed, at least for me. Could you please have a look on this? :)

[Fat Necron]

So did I understood that correctly in saying that they are cyborg-ish / Dark Mechanicum themed Chaos Marines?

 

Unfortunately are your pics not displayed, at least for me. Could you please have a look on this?

That's the gist of them. They're gonna be a blend of Rubric Marine/Warp Talons manufactured for devious deeds. Hehe , don't want to say too much more.

 

https://preciteran.deviantart.com/art/Super-Mutant-Cyborg-642537422

 

That' the link to the devientart where I found the picture. Until I can decide on a color theme I'm using that pic as a place holder.

[Fat Necron]

Huge update slowly but surely made. I'll sit on what's presented for a few days, hopefully gather oodles of criticism/feedback and jump back on the grind.

[Beren]

The Wyvernspawn

Long have the planets of the Deeps claimed those who sought to conquer it. Recently the tally of the lost has only increased. Much of this was attributed to the Lions, until the tattered remnants of an exploratory fleet returned bearing tales of a fortress suspended in the sky and bearing Astartes corpses in their hold. The vast majority of these bore gene-seed akin to that of the Oneiroi, confirming this to be a thrall chapter of the Penumbra, but a single diminutive and yet high ranked veteran bore far older gene-seed. Analysis of tactics, equipment and heraldry bear similarities to a Chapter once thought lost in exile.

Further research has identified that the 'Wyvernspawn' may have been responsible for a disconcertingly large amount if both Chaotic and Imperial losses in the Deep. As far as can be determined they have no home world hold little qualm about abandoning worlds they have previously defended. Attempts at securing accurate intelligence have been frustrated by this mobility in addition to their prospensity seldom launched but overwhelming attacks. Furthermore, multiple reconnaissance teams were eliminated by some form of Primaris based psyker assassin, often acting as harbringers of impending assault.

For ease of referencing all information regarding the aforementioned lost Chapter has been added to this file.

The Scions of the Dawn

GENE-SEED(PREDECESSOR) - Ravenguard

FOUNDING 8th Founding

CHAPTERMASTER Unknown, last known to be Caleeran Heydonik

HOMEWORLD Unknown, last known to be fleet based.

OBSERVED STRATEGIC TENDENCIES Infiltration/Decapitation attacks using Psykers. Rapid aerial assault.

BATTLECRY None.

CURRENT STRENGTH Unknown.

A 37th millennium founding, the Scions of the Dawn's purpose was to act as mobile response force and crush emerging invasions and raiders before they could become a true threat. They were forced to both remove hostiles quickly -in order to respond to others elsewhere - and yet conserve their strength for later conflicts. As the myriad attacks grew they became evermore cautious and pragmatic. When they began to abandon entire worlds to their fate to eliminate foes elsewhere, they were accused of cowardice. When they became increasingly reluctant to divide their forces they were accused of dereliction of duty. Their lack of permanent ties gained them few allies.

To stem the tide of violence assailing Imperial worlds they embraced unorthodox tactics and equipment. Disparaging a fixed homeworld as another location to be defended, they strived to maintain maximum mobility. An additional repercussion of this was that they recruited primarily from the survivors of worlds they 'saved', candidates who were increasingly pragmatic regarding measures of survival.

This took a toll upon the Scions psyche. Compared to Chapters who lead gallant crusades or fought heroic last stands, their honours were few and far between. All a Scion of the Dawn ever saw from their initiation to their death were worlds ruined or under siege. Their history became one of quenching a blaze while ten others still raged. Their strikes gave little concern to the plans of other Imperial forces, launching attacks to cripple foes without aid from their allies. Where possible they would do the minimum damage required to reduce a threat to manageable levels and leave the mopping up to other forces. This only added to false illusions of unreliability. The only solace that the Scions found was in the dead space between stars as they rushed from battle to battle. Over time this period in transit gained an almost religious aspect. Scouts were also dispensed with. New Marines were rushed into play almost immediately, and high risk infiltrations and assassinations once fulfilled by unblooded initiates were better handled by experienced veterans. As time passed the Chapter became increasingly willing to obtain resources of suspicious origins, or loot a colony they had come too late to save. To others they became carrion crows feasting on the corpses of the fallen. The Chapter hung on the brink of condemnation.

Eventually, salvage of an ancient grav-suspended fortress dubbed 'The Mausoleum' led to accusations of Tech-Heresy that no one had the means or the will to block. Fleeing judgement, the Chapter departed into the void, presumed lost amongst the stars .

Edited March 21, 2018 by Beren

[Machine God]

@Fat Necron - It will definitely need trimming down to a manageable size as it is a Bit big for an entry as WG101 and Beren were told earlier.

[Ace Debonair]

Criteria

• The submission must be either a Primaris Chapter, a Chaos Warband, or a Renegade Force
• One submission per person
• A minimum of 500 word count
• A B&C painter image or painted model

...Is that supposed to say 'a minimum of 500 words'?

 

I thought that was the maximum last time around.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Well knock me down with a lasgun, it WAS 500 word minimum.

...Sorry about that, everyone.

 

I have given bad C&C and, by the rules of the Liber, must cut off a limb in penance. I will be in the Shame Room deciding which leg I need the least.

Edited March 20, 2018 by Ace Debonair

[Machine God]

 

Criteria

• The submission must be either a Primaris Chapter, a Chaos Warband, or a Renegade Force
• One submission per person
• A minimum of 500 word count
• A B&C painter image or painted model

...Is that supposed to say 'a minimum of 500 words'?

 

I thought that was the maximum last time around.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Well knock me down with a lasgun, it WAS 500 word minimum.

...Sorry about that, everyone.

 

I have given bad C&C and, by the rules of the Liber, must cut off a limb in penance. I will be in the Shame Room deciding which leg I need the least.

 

That's what Conn Eremon said, but then did a U-turn after forgetting what he post - See below.

 

Okay, it's finally time for me to jump in and respond more fully!

 

@WG101

 

The Umbral Spectres are pretty good after the edits. As Ace mentioned, it's pretty big and still kinda is. What I'd do is cut everything out but the History, the name and the colors. That'll put you at about 350-400 words. You can cannibalize some of the other stuff to boost the count up to 500, but stick close to that. We don't want to develop everything right off the bat, we want to leave plenty of room to allow others to do so.

@Conn Eremon - So what is the criteria for a post:

 

1) A minimum of 500 words?

 

2) Or up to 500 words?

[Conn Eremon]

Machine God,

 

I believe you might be misreading my post, so let me clarify. The minimum for submissions is 500 words. WG101's post was in excess of that, but could be easily cut down to a single section of about 350 words. If he could then boost this section's word count, up to the 500 word minimum, it would be right as rain.

 

 

 

Everyone, I do apologize for the confusion. I attempted to mirror the previous thread's opening challenge, but this time around we have people whose quick writing necessitates a maximum word count as well. So here it is:

 

All initial submissions shall be 500 - 700 words in length.

 

Any development beyond that limit must be held until after the challenge has concluded and new assignments given.

 

I am very happy to see such enthusiasm nonetheless, and I hope you all stick around to put it to use once the real work begins.

[golfdeltafoxtrot]

In which case I think I need to add a few more words. My original was somewhere near 500 words, so I can add a few more without issues.

[Fat Necron]

Stupid photo bucket keeps fudging up my awesome grimdark pictures... Such is life.

Alright, who wants to help me summarize my kurfufle above? I haven't the slightest of clues how I'm going to cram that into 500-700 words.

[golfdeltafoxtrot]

Edited my above introductory post for the Grey Ravens, made it to 613 words as per the clarified guidance.

 

Opinions welcome.

Edited March 21, 2018 by golfdeltafoxtrot

[Reyner]

Oh lord. It returns! Now I am torn between a Primaris Chapter or a Chaos Warband... like full on sacrifices to awaken their sleeping god...Ph'nglui mglw'nafh!

[Fat Necron]

Edited my above introductory post for the Grey Ravens, made it to 613 words as per the clarified guidance.

 

Opinions welcome.

There isn't much criticism being thrown around in this thread. I was genuinely hoping to read some in depth criticism regarding my own crap and that of others. It's amazing how insightful an unbiased opinion can be.

 

So I'm going to give throw out my two-cents about your chapter of Raven Guard successors, and I'll start with my gripes about them.

 

Alright, I understand the Raven Guard are the ninja chapter for the Loyalists and arguably the counter to the Alpha Legion; you'll get no argument there, but does your Chapter need that same aspect? Honestly it feels like you're literately throwing them into the shadow of their founders, more so than anything else. 

My suggestion is extrapolating later, down the road as to how they go about their stealth operations. If that needs to be a feature I'd recommend taking a different route as opposed to Steal Tactics. Make the Tech-Marines particularly skilled with cryptography, communication jamming, that sort of thing. They don't need to be necessarily stealthy cause, well, they're power armored mass-murderers. A knack for communications, in general, maybe even linguistics gives them an edge above everyone else. They can plan counter to the enemy, if they hack them properly... But that's food for thought.

 

Another gripe is Counter Boarding. My immediate thoughts on that is 'Something has gone terribly wrong if an Astarte's vessel has been boarded'. To add on that, they're specialists in countering said boarding. Seems more vindictive and pity, personally.

While I want to give genuine criticism about this tactic, I can't think of anything actually helpful. I made a few attempts but they personally felt half-assed. To me, I feel this shouldn't even be a tactic. What I can suggest is you scratch this out and mention something along the lines of counter measures. You might consider making them more humble than other Chapters, as in they'll plan for potential failure. Astarte's or not, they can fail and it'll add a bit of character... Err, so I think.

 

Quietly Infiltrate Bridges and Enginariums. Again, giant power armored mass-murders. There's nothing particularly quiet about Astarte's, this also seems like standard practice. Taking out the Bridges and Engines are obvious targets when retrieving a vessel.

This is where your potential knack for communication, if you do nab up on that idea, might come particularly handy. You could intercept vox traffic to get a better idea of the ships movements and whatever the command staff is plotting and plan around that. Hell, you could even go deeper and create an algorithm of vox traffic giving a rough estimate of who will be where and when depending on conversations and/or orders given. A lengthy process but if timed and used properly could make the surgical strike exceptionally easier.

 

With all my griping, bitching and general moaning done lets visit the parts I genuinely enjoy about your chapter. (I'm still in deep denial of Primaris Space Marines, so I choose to ignore their very existence.)

 

The idea of Zero-G combat is a woefully under appreciate concept in 40K. As the name 'Space Marines' suggest, space and the universe are still relevant. Who's to say artificial gravity is still functioning on those Space Hulks you're so inclined to explore? That asteroid mining facility fallen to Xeno's deviancy, they don't care the slightest for gravity. So where other Chapters are bumbling around in the void we enter your chapter, who maximize the considerable flexibility such environments provide.

 

I personally adore this concept and will challenge anyone to Mortal Kombat if they attack it.  

 

From my understanding your Chapter doesn't use many tanks and I doubt they care much for Land Speeders; I like it. Your fixation on void conflict might be a little too niche yet I'm still feeling it. You're designing a more specialists Chapter for otherwise abnormal situations. It isn't every day you read about Astarte's mucking about in the void and such. There's that one bit in the Night Lords book but that Raptor mutilated said loyal Marine.

My suggestion, and it's just that, a suggestion, is think about a larger contingent of Cestus Rams (Spelling?). They're ships meant to literately punch into enemy crafts to deploy the psychotic Marines. As it's generally known among 40K fans, Space Marines tactical prestige comes from the sheer shock and awe of their arrival. I doubt it's every day your fighting fellow Astarte's of loyal or chaos alignment. Those unfortunate enough to deal with your Chapter might come down with a sudden case of brown trousers when they come storming through the hull.

 

That's all... For now. Hehe

 

I'd go on and on but I've got my own crap to condense.

Edited March 21, 2018 by Fat Necron

[Dizzyeye01]

@ Conn: Thanks for the compliments, I'm glad I could give a good submission for the Cluster. It'll be interesting to see where they fit into all of this :)

 

As well as that, I'll see about giving some feedback once I get back hone and have access to my PC.

[Fat Necron]

A little above 700 words (716) but I'm sure it's forgivable... I hope. I'm attempting to maintain and air of uneasy mystery and terror to these guys. So after whipping out my editing machete, I've lopped it down to this.

Popped over to the Chaos Space Marine painted and ehhh... I'm liking the general scheme but it'll probably have minor changes in the future.

I hope you enjoy my cryptic, perhaps annoyingly so, Singala Cadre!

 

The Singala Cadre

 

 Theorizing Their Summons: Each consecutive engagement, though far and in between, have occurred suddenly. The Liber Cluster Ordo in conjunction with [Classified] Chapter have a dozen hypothesis but few solid theories. 

  Most notably is their presence is brief, estimated to be days before disappearing as suddenly as they appeared. Their disappearance isn't as perplexing as to the masses that disappear alongside them. Inquisitors suggest their appearance heralds an exodus, of sorts. Each appearance has seen small populations of mutants and heretics vanish with them. 

 

  Closer inspection into the industrious worlds of their sightings uncover darker secrets. Such secrets cannot be spoken, whispered or uttered. To give heresy a voice invites damnation, banishment from the God-Emperors light. Do not fall into the enigma behind the Singala Cadre as You Will Be Received.

 

  What Little Is Known: Seldom have these bastardized Astarte's been seen. Insane soldiers tell exaggerated tales of daemons while loyal Astartes struggle to comprehend exactly what stood before them. The only reliable sources are the Astarte's themselves as madness usually consumes those of lesser fortitude. What comes to mind is the melancholy for these grim reflections of themselves. An exposed tube replaces their helmets mouth grill, presumably to assist their breathing. Lights flicker across the mechanical mess of crude, cumbersome power armor. Every breath tells a tale of agony as they exhale heavy, exhausted rasps of breath from their helmets. 

  To date only one specimen regarding these malformed Astarte's has been recovered; at a hefty cost. Apothocaries from [Classified] Chapter have discovered a multitude of abnormalities within their biology. Most notably their progenoid glands are withered, dried organs. The gene-seed utilized to genetically modify aspirants into Astarte's remains inconclusive. One hypothesis states these Astarte's don't originate from any of the original legions, in fact, they're a separate entity all together. This would explain the irreparable decay of the progenoid glands and extensive organ failure, however, that only raises more questions. Who made them, where does their gene-seed come from, who's arming them? 

 

  Engage With Caution: Despite the multitude of failing organs these broken Astarte's operate with an eerie decisiveness. Alone they're weak, easily overcome by their physically superior cousins but their dangers lies in the squads. Cryptographers couldn't intercept their vox links for there were none. They operated with a preternatural cohesion, reacting quicker than orders can be received; an innate knowledge of action in engagements. This doesn't mean they're perfect soldiers, quite the contrary. From the few accounts recorded dealing with these anomalies it's advised to either A) Bring to bare insurmountable fire power or B ) Meet these bleak Astarte's in melee combat. Be advised bravery before tactical acumen guarantee's a decisive end.

 

  The Warp Spawn Anomaly: Chaos Spawn are commonly associated with berserk tendencies. They're enamored by the prospect of violence and death, possibly even relishing in the suffering they inflict... Usually. 

  The Singala Cadre's presence heralds a spike in warp influence. Chaos Spawn and Beast follow these grim Astarte's passively, not as frothing beast. Footage from one particular encounter depicted a Singala Astarte's feeding a wounded Chaotic Beast. Another disturbing account comes from an Astarte's revived from a sus-an coma.

  After twelve consecutive hour of conflict hours of heated fighting, of the twenty Astarte's dispatched only one remained. He was met by a lone Singalan Astarte's. A single Singalan who held three leashes of thick, rustic chains attached to three slobbering Chaotic Beasts. A restrained, albeit forced calm settled across these creatures, that was, until their leashes were dropped. Before the chains could thud against the grated floor they were rending the armor from the loyal Astarte's flesh. 
 
  This bizarre relationship between Astarte's and Daemon is unheard of. [Classified] Chapter and Inquisitors have uncovered, months after an encounter, the presence of Warp influence. This same influence mutated a handful of innocent humans into abomination. After such a tragedy, a hypothesis was brought to bare; The Chaos Spawn and other Warp Beasts found in the same vicinity are purposely created. All accounts regarding Warp related creatures presents a completely different picture as ravenous monsters. What if mutant and beast give themselves over willingly, to take another step into devotion by surrendering their body to the powers that be? Would this allow said creatures an inkling of sentience beyond base instincts? 

[golfdeltafoxtrot]

@ Fat Necron - thanks for taking the time to read and critique, I really appreciate it.

 

I get what you're saying about the Raven Guard mimic thing - I suppose my love for stealthy things overtook my good sense. The cryptography/hacking angle is good though, and it creates two nice aspects I think; firstly, more intelligence= better planned operations, which is very Raven Guard; and secondly your enemies can't respond efficiently to attacks if you've cut off their vox-links.

 

I suppose counter-boarding isn't the right term, and it's probably something that all Astartes are good at anyway. I was searching for a snappy phrase to summarise how they're good at taking back captured starships and space stations but that was as good as I could manage. I'm sure there's a better way of phrasing it.

 

I'm glad you like the zero-G aspect. So much of 40K is based on people fighting on the ground, but there must be a lot of environments that don't have sensible gravity and if a Chapter of SPACE Marines aren't the best in those environments then I don't know who is. That might tie back into the Techmarine skills from earlier - perhaps they deliberately target gravity generating systems to put defenders on the back foot.

 

I'll have a think about deployment methods. The Caestus Ram is a bit more brutal than the finesse approach I was hoping to cultivate (hence the introduction of the Voidraven) but as you say, they are hulking power-armoured killers so there's only so much finesse they can achieve.

 

I like your Singala Cadre, very mysterious. I'll try and get a more solid critique down later, but I'm wondering whether they might be a little too mysterious.

[Fat Necron]

@ Fat Necron - thanks for taking the time to read and critique, I really appreciate it.

 

I get what you're saying about the Raven Guard mimic thing - I suppose my love for stealthy things overtook my good sense. The cryptography/hacking angle is good though, and it creates two nice aspects I think; firstly, more intelligence= better planned operations, which is very Raven Guard; and secondly your enemies can't respond efficiently to attacks if you've cut off their vox-links.

 

I suppose counter-boarding isn't the right term, and it's probably something that all Astartes are good at anyway. I was searching for a snappy phrase to summarise how they're good at taking back captured starships and space stations but that was as good as I could manage. I'm sure there's a better way of phrasing it.

 

I'm glad you like the zero-G aspect. So much of 40K is based on people fighting on the ground, but there must be a lot of environments that don't have sensible gravity and if a Chapter of SPACE Marines aren't the best in those environments then I don't know who is. That might tie back into the Techmarine skills from earlier - perhaps they deliberately target gravity generating systems to put defenders on the back foot.

 

I'll have a think about deployment methods. The Caestus Ram is a bit more brutal than the finesse approach I was hoping to cultivate (hence the introduction of the Voidraven) but as you say, they are hulking power-armoured killers so there's only so much finesse they can achieve.

 

I like your Singala Cadre, very mysterious. I'll try and get a more solid critique down later, but I'm wondering whether they might be a little too mysterious.

PHEW! You'd be surprised how many people aren't too keen on actual criticism. Later on, and if you want, I can post more.

 

If it makes you feel better I've got the entire mystery worked out in a very Warpy fashion. 

 

I'll point out they have no terminator armors or advanced weaponry such as Plasma Weapons and Power Weapons. There vehicle pool is quite lacking, as well but that's why the Warp gave us oodles of nasty monsters to supplement that!

 

BUT NO MORE INFORMATION!