Regimental Bosspoles

[Petitioner's City]

So a wee archive of all the Bosspole fun. I love the second, on Dakka:

 

 

Your Guide To Dakka

FEATURED Your Guide To Dakka

Lissen, up, ladz!

Dakka! Since Orkish history began,* all of Ork-kind have looked for more of it. But what iz Dakka? Grobnek tells me a lot of you boyz used to be feruls, so still fink choppas and pointy sticks is the best of teknology.** Well, Dakka makes da pointy bitz go towards your enemy fast and you don’t even need to be next to ‘im.*** ‘Ere’s a guide to help you out:

NORMAL DAKKA

AKA: Sluggas, Shootas

Normal Dakka isn’t flash, but it getz da job done. Bullitz go in da bullit hole, deff comes out da deff hole. Big bullitz make big deff. I dunno how it works. Ask a mek or somefin’.

RATING: 10/10

HOT DAKKA

AKA: Beamy bits, Lazers

Hot Dakka is Dakka that uses big square bullitz**** and is flashy instead of loud. It’s dead good at krumpin’ tanks and has lots of uses.*****

Some ‘umies carry hot dakka called “lasguns”. We don’t know what it’s for but Wazglab finks that it’s for pointin’ out people to krump. You can strap one to yer slugga as a lazer sight.

RATING 10/10

BLASTY DAKKA

AKA: Rokkits, Bomms, Fat Squigs

Blasty Dakka is probly da best Dakka. Fings like rokkit launchas, squig gunz an’ stuff. Just be a safe distunce away when you fire it.******

RATING 11/10

FAST DAKKA

AKA: Snazzy Shootas, Mek Speshuls

Fast Dakka is great ‘cos even if you can’t hit anything wiv da first bullit, the rest usually do the trick. Also more bullitz iz better bullitz.

RATING: 10/10

SQUISHY DAKKA

AKA: Bitey Guns, Crawly Shootas

Some of da boyz from Octarius got their mekz to loot some of da dakka from da tirry-nids. Works pretty well if you keep ’em fed. You can get sum from Ulg Lotsarms and his boyz, just smack ‘im in da gob if he keeps talkin’ about “Gork and Mork but wiv four arms for hittin’ people” and “the patriork” and uvver rubbish.

RATING: 10/10

WEIRD DAKKA

AKA: Deemon’s Gubbinz, Chatty Bits

Rememba when da ladz got togetha and put all da skullz in a pile and did a dance for a laugh and da sky went all red and Ozgob said “Da Time Of Blood Has Come” in a funny voice and a bunch of red ladz came through da walls and we had a fight and it woz great? Some of the big wunz had gunz. They’z good and they whisper fun stuff to ya’ about killin’ and battles.

RATING: 10/10

Thatz it, ladz! Enjoy shootin’ stuff up.

++ ORK FOR THE DAY: Ghazghkull. He’s a Goff so a bit borin’ but he’s a good lad. ++

* Last week, when the runtherdz remembered how to remember things, and invented “weeks”.
** Choppas are still ded good.
*** But it helps if you do stand next to ‘im.
**** Sometimes they’re called “battrees” becoz they’re good for batterin’ people wiv.
***** Just don’t clean yer boots with it, unless you want new legz from the mek. So maybe clean yer boots with it.
****** Couple of steps back should do the trick.

The first is also excellent!

 

 

Introducin’: Ded Kunnin’ Taktiks

FEATURED Introducin’: Ded Kunnin’ Taktiks

Attenshun Boyz!

We’z taken control of da ’umies’ secret weppun – “The Regimental Standard”.

Da Mekz ’av been analysin’ it dead carefully. ’Ere’s what we’ve found out:

– It’z a magic paper with glyphs wot make da ‘umies fight harder.

– You can krump somewun wiv it, but it takes yonks and makes da glyphs ’ard to read ’cos of da blood.

– Dat’z it.

Me – Blood Axe Stormboy Orgruk Badfragg – ’az worked out da secretz of da Regimental Standard, and ‘av looted it.*

Introducin’:

Ev’ry week,** I’z gonna bring you know-wots from da world of da ’umies, startin’ wiv da basics.

I know you ladz wanna run in all da time but da ’umies ’av invented somethin’ called “Taktiks”.*** We got der speshul book and I’ve used my know-wots to turn it Orky so even da squigbrains can understand.

The Codex Waaagh!-startes

Be choppy ‘coz your boyz iz da best.

Be kunnin’, den be choppy.

Get yer mates to yell at da enemy so da Lootas can blast ’em.

Dunno.

Fink this one iz wrong. ’Old on.

Better.

Wiv dis knowledge, da Orks will be unstoppable!

Come back next week, when I’ll show ya how Dakka workz.

++ORK FOR THE DAY: Bogreb, ’cos he made dat ’umie wiv da big hat swallow a stikkbomb then fed ’im to a squig. Rest in pieces, Bouncy – you woz a good squig. And delishus.++

* Well, ’e’z yellin’ at a grot to write it, but don’t tell ’im I told ya’ dat – Snivlit

** Until I get bored of it, anywayz.

*** Lots of it iz “fix bayonets”. ‘Umies are a lot betta than I thought.

**** Space Marine iz what da ’umies call der Nobz. Dey’z a lot more fun than normal ’umies but hurt yer teef if you don’t peel ’em before eatin’ ’em.