Quick story Prologue

[Brother Captain Achilles]

Just wanted to share something I whipped up while bored on break at work.

 

Would love any thoughts and critques anyone has!

 

++++++ 9.486.111.M41 Sidereal ++++++

 

The skein of space tore, harsh actinic light poured out into the blackness of the void. A massive form began to translate into reality. If there had been an observer present a sharp eye they might have been able to make a note of the decrepitude rampant across the hull of this vessel. Her once proud spires and battlements were long ago marred and much of the surface showed nothing but the signs of a millennia of war and the weathering of extended time spent within the empyrean. Emblazoned across her prow was the name "Artemesia" named after a great battle of near- prehistoric Terra. But few in her crew whom now manned her would know such an erudite and trivial detail. Long ago she had cast off ornamentations such as her history. Her once resplendent blue hull was now blackened and burnt. The only Iconography now showing her allegiance was a large yellow eight pointed star with a single red eye glaring from the center painted at the center of her ram and on the flanks of her engine housings.

 

The mouth to the warp closed behind the ship and slowly her main real-space engines rumbled to power and began to propel her towards the star system that was positioned beneath her keel. The prow tilted down and after a few hours of plodding through the void they broke into the outer edge and into the Sargaso Veridia as it was known to the inhabitants of the worlds engulfed in its blanket of stellar debris and gas. A back water system, sensors showed no intrasystem patrols plying the spaces between worlds. No deep void listening stations to give away the slow approach of doom. The Cicatrix Maledictum pulsed and the skies of Sargassus Primus were bathed in an unnatural lavender aurora that left the planet's astronomers without a clear explanation.

 

From the bridge of the Artemesia only the disfigured and twisted faces of the menials working the ships various control stations could be clearly seen. Pale blue tinted light revealed the horrific degradation that had all but wiped away their once human features. From a command throne placed high on a dais at the back of the room a figure sat like a carving made from stone. Motionless as he watched the hololithic projection of his ship’s approach into the system. A sickeningly slick and moist slurp announced the approach of the ships first officer to the commanders throne. His legs long ago replaced with a mass of mechadendrites which served as his primary form of locomotion. He whispered to his master in a soft phlegmy tone; “At current power and speed, we will be in high orbit above the capital world within 27 hours.” The figure opened his eyes and a pale blue light emanated forth and accentuated the hard line of his brow and nose. A smile crept across the scarred and leathery skin of his face and he spoke so softly only the genetically augmented ears of his brothers would have heard it against the background hum of cogitators and crew at work on the bridge of the Artemesia. “Welcome home Kleyon.”

[Tarvek Val]

This is a good start to a story. I have a lot of questions after the first segment regarding characters and the story setting - I hope there are more segments forthcoming!

[Brother Captain Achilles]

Thank you! I plan on working on it a little more over the weekend. Stay Tuned!