Green by chance

[Isghamor]

This is part 1 of a shorty I am working on. It's supposed to be funny so it might not be super lore accurate(especially the MC, but that's another story )

let me know what you think

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Atestia was pissed. Really pissed. She boarded the thunderhawk, slammed down the straps and puffed. Nothing had gone the right

 

way. First she had cursed for hours trying to fix her bolter, which kept jamming. She hasn’t even considered to simply replace it. She

 

loved that plowing bolter and she’d rather have to use it as a club than letting it go. Then the lieutenant stepped in… obviously she

 

had to :cussing say it: “Why don’t you take another one?” Well, let’s say Atestia might have chosen her answer poorly and this brought

 

her to the current situation: Hunting for recruits.

 

Hell, she hated that task. Hours digging through rubble to look for survivors. Even if they found one, and she met the requirements,

 

the poor bastard would probably die during the inception.

 

What pissed her even more was that they were talking of orks. How the  does anyone even survive that?

 

 

 

They eventually arrived in position and got the green light to launch. Everything was fine until the left engine of her jump-pack broke.

 

Shouting blasphemies unheard ‘till that day, she begun to veer left. It was also worth mentioning that signals were jammed by the

 

strong magnetic field on that :cusshole of a planet. After her most gracious landing, where bounces and curses where both abundant

 

and on a one to one ratio, she found herself in what looked like a forest. She got up, shaking off chunks of dirt from her once-white

 

armour, and slammed the jump pack against a tree, making sure its machine spirit properly received her verbal commendation.

 

In these situation most people make the fatal mistake of wondering What could happen worse than this?

 

She would swear that she perceived a :cussty squiddy laughter somewhere inside her mind.

 

 

 

She ventured deep in the forest and the stench of smoke and wastes filled her nostrils. It was the unmistakable smell of an ork

 

encampment. She didn’t knew how big was that dump or how far. Her legion’s speciality was hunting, though and orks made a

 

wonderful quarry. Stupid as an animal and big enough to be still dangerous. She reached the edge of the camp without being seen.

 

Very expectedly of orks, they were fighting among themselves in multiple brawls while grots managed bets on the winner. Time for

 

some trickery she thought. She took the appearance of a medium sized ork, neither big enough to grab the attention nor small

 

enough to be bullied, and she infiltrated the camp keeping some distance from the others.

 

 

 

 

Just talk like a damn retard, think worse than one and it’ll be okay. She told herself. She overheard a conversation, if it could be

 

called so, where two orks were talking about “ummies” spotted on the site of their previous pillage. She passed beside one of the

 

brawls, to get near the two orks and hear better, when one of the contender flew past her. The other was too stupid to notice that she

 

wasn’t the same “boy”, who went straight KO. She had to defend herself, and she did it pretty well. She parried the choppa and

 

thrusted the spear inside the ork’s heart.

 

 

 

“Oi, ‘Dat iz not a choppa...” complained the ork

 

 

 

“Az if I kare.” she answered, mimicking the idiot-speech of her opponent.

 

 

 

“’Dat boi knowz how ta uze itz pointy stick but me iz betta.” shouted another ork.

 

 

 

Soon enough she found herself as their current challenge. Apparently orks couldn’t fully grasp any style of combat which wasn’t

 

focused on sheer strength and brutality. She downed one, two, three… twenty! She was tired and she had to think of something

 

since nobz were taking an interest in what was going on. She tried to explain to the grots that an ork had to reach her record of kills

 

before it could challenge her. To her surprise, she learned that grots can actually think and she didn’t have to explain it twice.

 

 

 

Satisfied with the solution, she was walking away, planning to look for other clues on her sisters’ whereabouts.

 

 

 

“Oi, ya git. I beat ya record now ya hav to face me.”

 

Hell, that was :cussing quick… she thought.

 

Behind her, in the improvised ring, stood a massive, bulky, stinky son of a mushroom. He was bragging about how he was “Da

 

greenest and da baddest” of them all.

 

She saw its muscle flex as the beast sprinted towards her. With a quick though she sent psychic energy in the tip of her spear before

 

smacking the ground and releasing it all. The shockwave lifted a cloud of dirt obscuring her from sight. She threw herself to the side 

 

avoiding by a small margin the green train, who trampled many of its species before realizing he missed its target.

 

 

 

 

“Kome ‘ere ya git” it spat bracing its rudimentary great-axe two-handed.

 

The situation quickly became dire for Atestia: She couldn’t find a way to counter-attack without risking to be split clean in half. She

 

was quick enough to dodge but that mountain of didn’t give any sign of growing tired anytime soon. Looking around she noticed

 

that the bookie grots were standing on round yellow barrels. Strangely enough the beast used caution when she was near them. And

 

she knew pretty well it wasn’t for the grots below.

 

In that moment of distraction she failed to dodge a kick and she was sent flying against the crowd loosing her bolter which broke free

 

from the mag-lock at her belt. The armour absorbed most of the hit yet she had some difficulties to breathe. She recovered just in

 

time to roll forward avoiding a deadly overhead strike which pulverized the ill fortuned orks standing there. When she raised her

 

spear she noticed the illusion had vanished. It wasn’t anymore a chunk of wood with a metal head held in big green hands. It had

 

returned to the refined and ornate weapon it was.

 

 

 

“Oi, ya looted the ummies’ armours. If ya weren’t green I would think ya iz a ummie.”

 

 

 

Thank the Emperor’s rotting balls they are really stupid. She thought. The boss noticed the bolter laying on the ground. It picked it up

 

and tried a shot.

 

 

 

“Thiz iz loud, I like thiz.” it said, sliding the weapon between its harness.

 

 

 

Atestia was grinning her teeth with so much anger she would swear they were on the verge of shattering. Her look bounced from her

 

beloved bolter to the boss’ ugly snout.

 

 

 

“THAT’S ME :cussING BOLTER!” she had charged her blade’s tip and she was walking around the ork eager to smash it’s face and

 

drink its blood from its skull.

 

 

 

“No, iz mine, now.” replied the boss with a childish laughter. She got triggered and charged in. The rotting carrion had looked down

 

on her once more as she felt the cold metal of the axe caressing her head. She was now under the ork and she wanted to hurt him,

 

badly. Still on the run she smashed the spear on its crotch releasing the energy. The poor thing fell on its knees howling but Atestia

 

didn’t lose time. With the servos of her armour screaming from the strain, her own muscles aching like hell and grunting like a proper

 

ork she lifted the beast’s own giant weapon and slammed it down on the its neck severing it.

 

 

 

 

Once the dust settled, she realized that a dead silence had fallen on the orks. One of the grots, pulling out of nowhere a pair of

 

glasses, was about to say something.

 

 

 

“By da orky tradishunz da baddest an greenest o' us az da roight ter ruul. Dis ork ad killed Choppa Splidda who was da boss. Awl 'ail

 

da nyoo boss.”

 

[Tarvek Val]

This was an interesting read, and I enjoyed going through it. I'm not sure if the format is what you intended, but it comes across as somewhat choppy and difficult to read - on my computer, at least. There are extraneous gaps between sentences, lines, and paragraphs that make most segments tough to read.

 

I enjoyed the storyline, and especially liked the ending - it was a nice twist, and unexpected as well! Is Atestia supposed to be a type of female Space Marine? That's my assumption upon reading the story, but I could be off.

[Isghamor]

Yeah I am struggling to understand web format. Btw yup Atestia is supposed to be of the XI legion(it was born mainly to trigger a friend of mine with femarines but in the end I liked how they turned out)