IA: Equites Rhenus 2.0

[gripschi]

Chapter Name:...............................Equites Rhenus (High Gothic), Knights of the Rhine (Low Gothic)

Founding:.......................................delayed part of the 3^rd

Chapter World:...............................Rhenus/ Fleet Based

Fortress Monastery:........................Soldim-528, Arc Elenium-95 (Ramilies-Class Star Fort)

Gene-Seed (Predecessor):...............VII Legion (Imperial Fists)

Known Descendants:......................None

Origin

This chapter was a delayed addition to the 3rd Founding, created using ancient gene-seed from the VII Legion itself. Their origin is entwined with the rediscovery of a forgotten relic of the Great Crusade—a heavily damaged Ramilies-Class Star Fort that emerged without any warning near Terra.

The unexpected arrival of such a massive vessel in close proximity to Terra did not go unnoticed. A task force consisting of Imperial Fists and a Adeptus Mechanicus Detachment was swiftly dispatched to investigate. Upon boarding, they discovered evidence of a fierce void battle and violent firefights within the fort. However, apart from a few functional servitors, no living souls remained on board.

The task force succeeded in reactivating the core systems, enabling the Star Fort to complete its journey into a stable orbit. During their exploration, they stumbled upon a sealed stasis vault. Within this chamber, they found relics, equipment, and hundreds of sealed gene-seed pods. The remnants of the fort's data logs painted a tragic picture of its and the Astartes Legionarys final days.

The logs revealed that the fort had been part of a campaign against a now-forgotten minor human empire, assimilated into the Imperium of Man. During this operation, the fort suffered an unexpected and devastating attack from an unknown enemy force, sustaining crippling damage. Forced into an emergency Warp jump, the surviving crew hoped to escape destruction. However, during the jump, the ship was boarded by foul xenos.

The ensuing combat engulfed the entire fort in fierce close-quarters battles. The Astartes fought valiantly, but the conflict cost them dearly. With 90% of the crew, including the Navigators, lost, the surviving Astartes managed to purge the xenos intruders from the fort. Facing no means of escape from the Warp, they made the ultimate sacrifice.

Despite their near annihilation, the remaining forces aboard the fort had acted with foresight and discipline. They preserved their remaining belongings, which included relics, ancient equipment, and pure, uncontaminated VII Legion gene-seed. This trove of resources, sealed within stasis vaults, was a testament to their resolve.

Upon retrieval, the fort and its contents were subjected to intense scrutiny. The Inquisition argued for the immediate destruction of the fort to eliminate any potential threat. However, the Adeptus Mechanicus strongly opposed this, eager to study the ancient technologies aboard, particularly a mysterious "Zero Point Generator." This relic-powered the fort with seemingly no need for maintenance or external resources, sustaining its systems for millennia. The generator also enabled a form of warp travel that, while slower and less flexible, was significantly safer and more precise.

After much debate, a compromise was reached. The gene-seed, deemed pure and invaluable, became a pivotal factor in the decision. Though much of this genetic treasure would be tragically lost later during the War of the Beast, at the time, it offered hope for addressing genetic deficiencies in the Astartes Chapters.

Ultimately, the High Lords of Terra authorized the creation of a new Chapter at the joint request of the Imperial Fists and the Adeptus Mechanicus. This Chapter was tasked with garrisoning the Ramilies-Class Star Fort as its Fortress Monastery and charged with protecting the northern reaches of the Segmentum Solar. It is rumored that the Inquisition was compensated in some way for their reluctant agreement.

The Chapter achieved full combat readiness around 119.M32. In their early years, they faced no significant threats, operating primarily as a defensive force in their assigned regions. However, their legacy would be tested during the apocalyptic events of the War of the Beast, where much of their initial resources, including their pristine gene-seed, would be lost.

Gene-Seed Purity and Origins

 

The Chapter’s gene-seed originates directly from a preserved cache aboard the ancient Ramilies-Class Star Fort, shielded from degradation and mutation by the unique conditions of its stasis vault and the fort’s „Zero Point Generator“. Unlike other Imperial Fists successors, their gene-seed was preserved before the subtle but pervasive effects of Warp radiation and genetic drift began to degrade the VII Legion’s stock during the later years of the Great Crusade and beyond.

 

Upon recovery, this pure gene-seed became the foundation for the Chapter’s formation. Extensive screening by the Adeptus Mechanicus confirmed its stability, leading to the resource-intensive training of the first Apothecaries. These Apothecaries, under the guidance of the Mechanicus, meticulously documented the implantation process, refining the art into a science that would become a cornerstone of the Chapter’s practices.

 

They are among the few Imperial Fists Successors gifted with all Organs and Implants working since inception. Something that set them apart a step from their brethren.

 

Beliefs

 

Reverence for the Emperor

The Chapter steadfastly adheres to the ideals of the Imperial Truth, regarding the Emperor as the pinnacle of human potential rather than a divine figure. They strive to emulate his ideals through discipline, ingenuity, and unity, viewing his legacy as a guide to elevate humanity beyond superstition and blind faith.

Veneration of the 11th Saint

In stark contrast to their reverence for the Emperor as the pinnacle of human achievement rather than divinity, the Chapter holds the 11th Saint in a unique and profound regard. Her legacy is approached with nuance, focusing on her mortal ingenuity and tactical brilliance rather than any notion of divine intervention. Her teachings are seen as a guide to practical and strategic excellence in the art of war.

During the Siege of Agra Mundi, the 11th Saint radically reshaped the battlefield by emphasizing mobility, adaptability, and the strategic use of mobile artillery. Her philosophy of minimizing attrition through precision strikes and fluid tactics resonates deeply with the Chapter's own doctrines, which they still follow to this day.

Each vessel in their fleet carries a small shrine dedicated to her, adorned with tactical maps, excerpts from her writings, and battlefield records of her innovations. These shrines are not meant for the veneration of her as a saint but serve more as places of reflection for the Astartes, encouraging them to contemplate their tactics, purpose, and place in the Emperor's grand design.

Inside both of their monasteries, there is a grand shrine dedicated to her. These shrines function as libraries, housing her teachings and reflections upon them, preserving her wisdom as a core aspect of the Chapter's culture. Like the smaller shrines aboard the ships, these spaces emphasize pragmatism, self-reflection, and serve as guides for how the Chapter’s members should conduct themselves, both in battle and in life.

Battlefield Doctrine

Like all Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, they are proficient in all aspects of warfare. However, they are most skilled in Rapid Strikes with Mechanized Infantry, Siege and Counter-Siege Warfare and Attritional Warfare. Their doctrine reflects an unyielding focus on minimizing their own losses while maximizing the enemy’s, operating under the assumption that they are always engaged in a total war scenario.

Each aspect of their warfare has its own strengths and limitations, but common to all is the deliberate and precise application of overwhelming firepower and strategic mobility. Their motto: "Shells are cheap; Astartes are not!" reflects this deeply, alongside the belief that "If we don’t lose, the enemy doesn’t win."

The Chapter’s strength lies in aggressive tactics supported by a decentralized and flexible chain of command. In combat, they prioritize taking the initiative, aiming to strike first and decisively. Each lance or strike force is granted the autonomy to act on its own discretion, adapting to opportunities and shifts on the battlefield. Their goal is to bypass heavily fortified positions and target the enemy’s leadership, logistics hub, and command structures. By cutting off and disorienting the enemy, their forces are left uncoordinated and vulnerable to isolation and encirclement. These fragmented units are softened by artillery and airstrikes before Mechanized Astartes close in or allied Astra Militarum regiments start moping them up.

To enable rapid redeployment and maintain momentum, the Chapter makes extensive use of Rhino variants, bikes, and Thunderhawks. These allow them to reposition tanks, mechanized infantry, or Breacher Squads directly into the heart of battle to achieve battle objectives as the situation demands. This ensures that no opportunity is missed and no high-valuetarget escapes their reach.

In siege warfare, the Chapter is methodical and relentless. They begin by carefully probing the enemy’s defenses to identify weak points before unleashing devastating artillery barrages to break fortifications and sow chaos among the defenders. Once the enemy lines are softened, heavily armored Breacher Squads and Terminator units lead the charge, tearing through the breaches and paving the way for mechanized forces and infantry to secure critical objectives.

The Chapter is highly sought after for prolonged sieges, as they have consistently proven their ability to deliver decisive results with fewer casualties and less unnecessary destruction. When working alongside allied forces, they often assume command, reorganizing battle lines and troop positions. They oversee the construction of proper trenches, weapon emplacements, and a standardized light railroad network to optimize supply chains and maintain pressure on the enemy. With meticulous planning and calculated application of overwhelming firepower, the Chapter dismantles even the strongest defenses efficiently and with precision.

Despite their aggressive tactics, the Chapter values calculated restraint. Every operation is carefully weighed to determine whether further advancement or consolidation of gains is the most prudent course. Overstretching their lines is avoided at all costs, as is engaging in futile battles of attrition when the odds are unfavorable. Their doctrine ensures that each engagement serves a greater strategic purpose, eroding the enemy’s capacity to fight while conserving their own strength for the long war ahead.

Void Battle Doctrine

As a Chapter with a long history as a fleet-based force, they possess a diverse array of ships and highly developed tactics. Their fleet structure and methods often exceed Codex Astartes limitations, a fact that doesn’t trouble them much. Their ships, while less advanced than those of some other Chapters, are versatile and well-understood, allowing them to employ methodical and adaptable strategies in void combat. 

When breaking through blockades, the Chapter relies on overwhelming force and coordinated fleet movements. Battle Barges deliver devastating broadsides to shatter enemy formations, creating openings for their fleet's numerous Lunar-class cruisers and escort vessels to engage. The cruisers methodically strip enemy shields, allowing escorts to finish off targets with torpedoes or concentrated barrages. Ordnance craft are used for screening and opportunistic strikes, harrying enemy ships and exposing further vulnerabilities.

In prolonged engagements, they combine a deep understanding of their ships' capabilities with highly adaptive strategies. Strike groups typically initiate battles head-on, drawing the enemy into carefully planned kill zones or isolating them from their main forces. By methodically cutting off enemy routes and blocking their escape, they force their opponents into reactive positions, never allowing them to seize the initiative. This finely orchestrated dance, executed with precision and timing, allows the Chapter to outmaneuver and decisively defeat the enemy while minimizing their own losses, often achieving victory through attrition and tactical superiority.

 

Accompanying Campaigns/Sieges/Crusades

 

When operating for a longer time alongside other Imperial Forces, they deploy strategically Liaison Officers to facilitate better coordination and cooperation. Even assuming temporary locally Command if the Situation  warrant it.

 

During the extended Campaigns, the Chapters Star Fort is deployed as a essential strategically and logistic Asset. With careful reparations they can pinpoint the arrival at the desired coordinates. Boosting vast hangar bays and shipyards able to service cruiser sized vessels, they provide important assets to sustain the prolonged Campaigns. Equipped with enough Fire Power to rival whole Fleets, the Enemy cant carelessly engage it, providing a secure frontier base.

 

Under the watchful eyes of the standing garrison of Astartes and Chapter Serfs, other Imperial forces are granted access to the facilities of the Star Fort. Many commanders have set up their headquarters within its secure confines, directing operations from the safety and strategic advantage it offers. The fort’s resources extend beyond just military assets; it also houses well-equipped Lazarets, where wounded Guardsmen and other personnel can receive crucial medical care. These facilities have allowed many soldiers to rejoin the battle, ensuring that the Imperium's forces can remain operational even in the midst of prolonged conflict. The Chapter's Star Fort, therefore, serves not only as a logistical hub but as a lifeline for the Imperial war machine during extended engagements.

 

Organization

Over the millennia, the Chapter's organization has diverged significantly from the strict Codex Astartes framework. The most significant changes occurred after the War of the Beast, when the Chapter was left with roughly a third of its original strength. Faced with the challenge of rebuilding, the Chapter Master reorganized the Chapter, guided by the hard-earned lessons of that war and the insights provided by a rare copy of the Principia Belicosa.

During the „Culling of Delta IV“ Campaign, the Chapter suffered the loss of many Specialists and Officers, which were identified due the Markings on there Armour. To counteract this vulnerability, they switched to a internal insignia system. Which is updated regularly to ensure operational security at all times.

This restructuring merged elements of the ancient Terran Legionary organization with the Codex's core principles, ensuring that  they did not violate the Codex Astartes limitations on Chapter size. This allowed them to get not sanctioned by the Inquisition and still be able to operate with there more Orthodox Brother Chapters to varying degrees.

Current Chapter Organization as 111.M42, are as followed;

3 Orders of the Eternal Cross (1^st Company)

Each consist of 48 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii (Apothecary) and Trappearii (Tech Marine), further  divided in 4 Grand Lances, each is Part of a Chivalry Order Battalion, yet independent, to provide them with there Strength and Wisdom, fully equipped with Terminator Armour.

3 Ballei´s of Ellingen, Rothenburg and Winnenden (Battle and Reserve Companys)

each Consist of 240 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii and Trappearii which are further Divided in 5 Company's of 48 Astartes, divided in 4 Squads each.

2 Baiulus of Iron and Bastion (Logistic Company)

Consist of 96 Astartes, plus additional Hospitarii and Trappearii,
They rotate between Balleis engaged in Crusades or Campaigns, delivering supplies and deploying mobile forges to refit forces as needed. When capacity allows, they assist allied factions. Additionally, they transport the Chapter's rare super-heavy wargear, reserved for only the most critical engagements.

1 Ballei of the Questing Knight (Archeotech Seeking Company)

Consisting of 96 Astartes, supported by Hospitarii and Trappearii, this brotherhood operates beyond Imperial borders alongside Rogue Traders and Mechanicus Explorators, seeking lost archeotech and ancient relics to bolster the Chapter's strength and knowledge.

2 Kommende Protectors (Keepers of the Ramilies-Class Star Fort)

They consist of no line Battle Brothers and are instead staffed by a large contingent of Chapter serfs and support personnel. Both the Star Fort and the planet-based monastery house critical Chapter facilities, including vast hangars, stockpiles of supplies, aircraft, vehicles, a Geneseed Bank, an Apothecarium, forges, shipyards for maintenance and wargear production lines, as well as research and development sites.

 

Each Order is supported by a Strategicum Council, responsible for analyzing combat data and proposing strategic actions. These councils primarily consist of Chapter serfs augmented by servitors for data processing, with a small number of Revered Astartes overseeing their operations.

Fleet Composition:

Ballei´s’ Fleets: Each fleet comprises of 1 capital ship, 2 strike cruisers, additional Lunar-class cruisers, escorts, transport, and forge ships.

Baiulu´s Fleet: Each fleet compromise of 1 Galleass of War, supported by several cruisers and escorts, ensuring logistic and repair capabilities.

Order´s of Eternal Cross Fleet: Each fleet comprises of 1 strike cruiser, supported by 2 Light cruisers and escorts.

Errant Fleet: Centers around a heavily modified Exorcist-class grand cruiser, supported by escorts, transport, and forge ships to sustain its long-range exploration missions.

Ranks

Chapter Marshal (Chapter Master)

Knight Grand Commander (Leader of Eternal Cross Companies)

Knight Commander (Leader of a Ballei or Baiulus)

Knight Equerry (Second-in-Command of a Ballei or Bailus)

Knight Captain (Leader of a Company)

Knight Lieutenant (Second-in-Command of a  Company)

Knight Banneret (Leader of a Squad)

Knight Serjeant (Second-in-Command of a Squad)

Knight (Full Battle Brother)

Man-at-Arms (Scout)

Squire (Aspirant in Training)

 

Special Ranks

Knight of the Eternal Cross (Veteran who earned the right to wear Terminator Armour)

Hospitaller (Apothecary, including Grand Hospitaller as Master of the Apothecarium)

Trappitaler (Techmarine, including Grand Trappitaler as Master of the Forge )

Kommender (Non-combat officers like drivers, pilots, and specialists)

Grand Kommtur (Leader of Chapter logistics and fortresses)

Kommtur (Leaders of the individual Chapter Keeps)

Chancellor (Liaison officer and Codex Astartes expert, along other Imperial Guidelines)

 

Reclusiam

Lore Master (Chaplain)

Lore Keeper (Chaplain in Training)

Troubadour (Writes and sings of the Chapter´s deeds)

Scribe (Chapter Serf tasked with documenting Chapter lore and records)

Preceptor Guard

The Preceptor Guard is a necessary and mandatory step for any Battle Brother aiming for leadership roles. Only those who show exceptional promise both on the battlefield and in conduct are chosen for the Preceptor Guard, with their performance being evaluated annually to determine their readiness for potential leadership.

The PG serves as both honor guards and aides to the Chapter Marshal, and later to the Knight Commanders, learning through experience while protecting their superiors. Service begins with a formal ceremony, where each Battle Brother receives a new marking—a stylized quill and sword—symbolizing their dedication to the Chapter. This mark strengthens their bond not only to their officer but to the Chapter as a whole.

The service combines hands-on experience with intensive training in leadership, tactics, logistics, and planning. Lasting anywhere from 20 to 50 years, it starts with assignments alongside the Knight Marshal, where they observe and support Chapter-wide operations. After this phase, they are reassigned to their original Order, though they may be sent to another if the Chapter requires it.

Chapter Culture

Founded on the ideals of the Imperial Fists and the Imperial Truth, the Chapter began as a highly organized and secular force, eager to follow in the footsteps of their forebearers.

Over time, however, the Chapter developed a profound connection with their mortal serfs, recognizing their essential role in maintaining the Chapter's operations. The serfs, though regarded with importance and loyalty, are still ultimately seen as tools to ensure the Chapter’s success. The Chapter view them as indispensable cogs in the machine, but if necessary, they will not hesitate to send them into danger, treating their deaths as a sad but inevitable sacrifice for the greater good of the Chapter.

This complex relationship has fostered a sense of duty and discipline within the serfs, as many aspire to one day join the Astartes or earning the right for their offspring, seeing it as the pinnacle of honor they can earn. While the bond between serfs and Astartes remains strong, the Chapter’s leaders are always prepared to make harsh decisions required in times of war, viewing such sacrifices as essential to the survival and success of the Chapter and the Imperium.

The greatest shift in their culture came with the settling of their home world. In order to ease relations and ensure smoother Stewardship, the Chapter adopted many aspects of the local culture over time. Chivalry traditions and the ranks of local orders were integrated into the Chapter’s structure, helping to bridge the gap between the Chapter and the mortal population. The strict bureaucracy and militaristic culture of the local society fitted nearly seamless in the Chapter’s desire for order, efficiency and discipline, reinforcing the importance of both Astartes and serfs within the larger machine.

Outside of battle, the Battle Brothers don their power armor in favor of robes, spending their free time studying ancient texts on war or logistics and poetry. Similar to the bone carving tradition of the Imperial Fists, many choose to decorate their own urns or that of fallen Brothers they had a close bounds with. Others hone their skills through duels or war games, ensuring they are ever-ready for the next conflict and don´t take a rest.

Officers, while rarely engaging with there subordinates, focus on maintaining their troops and overseeing its administration and introduction of fresh recruits. In the sparse free time they have, most spent it with other Officers or in the solitude of their cabin.

Upon completing their training, each Squire is formally inducted into one of the many Company´s of the Chapter, through a ceremony steeped in tradition. During this rite, the Squire is branded with a sword on each shoulder and swears an oath of service to the Emperor. At this moment, they are granted the first parts of their unique heraldry, a visual representation of their life and deeds up to that point. Indicating they are now a full fledged Astartes of the Chapter.

The heraldry consists of the following elements:

1. Origin: A mark representing the Squire’s place of origin, signifying where they came from and their beginnings

2. Order: A symbol of the Ballei or Baiulu to which they now belong, marking their formal induction

3. Personal Choice: A symbol of the Squire’s own likeing to represent himself

4. Duty: A mark denoting their new role and responsibilities within the Chapter

5. Additional Markings: These are earned through deeds and completed campaigns, further reflecting the Knight´s contributions and accomplishments

This heraldry serves as a permanent record of the Squire’s progression, carrying with it the honor of their service and the weight of their vows. Each heraldry are added to tomes which describe each choice and tell the unique story of their owners.

The Chapter also upholds a rare tradition, allowing Battle Brothers to retire from active combat after demonstrating their worth through numerous trials and sacrifices. With the consent of their superior officers, these Brothers relinquish their power armor and join the ranks of the revered. From this moment on they offer their experience as instructors, strategists or work as a Kommtur of a Chapter keep. Still serving to ensure the future of there Chapter and it´s legacy.

To celebrate major victories or the conclusion of Campaigns in victory or lose, the Chapter holds tournaments over the course of several months, where Battle Brothers showcase their skills in various disciplines. These tournaments are typically held aboard the Chapter’s star fort or capital ships, creating an arena that mirrors the grandeur of the Chapter's traditions. The Chapter’s serfs and their offspring also participate, providing an opportunity to evaluate potential recruits and test their mettle.

At the conclusion of the tournaments, a solemn ceremony is held to honor the fallen. The names of the deceased Brothers are engraved on stone plaques, and their ashes, sealed in urns  are interred later in the catacombs beneath the Fortress Monastery on Rhenus, ensuring that their sacrifices are forever remembered and resting in peace.

Following this ceremony, the highest-ranking officer don several honor markings to the reward the deed´s of the Battlefield. Afterwards they promotes Squires to the rank of Knight´s, filling the gaps of the fallen Brothers and carrying the legacy of the Chapter from now on too.

Recruitment

The Chapter prioritizes quantity over quality when it comes to choosing recruits. Ensuring a steady influx of potential aspirants through a rigorous and systematic process.

On their Homeworld, Rhenus, with its harsh environment and constant feuds, serves as a fertile ground for aspirants, particularly orphans who struggle to to survive. Chivalry Orders and Bureau families, alongside the ruling noble houses are permitted to offer one male and feamle child per generation. Many of the wealthier families training their offspring rigorously in the hopes of securing their selection, gaining fame and recognition for them.

However, the Chapter primarily recruits en masse from the orphaned and the downtrodden masses, where struggling to survive is a necessity. The same goes for the surviving Orphans on liberated planets, this alone is enough to be recognized by the Chapter as potential recruits.

During the recruitment process, the chapter does not yet differentiate between females and males. They are trained and put through the same brutal curriculum. They are all organized in mixed gender Company`s and Squad`s like the Ballei`s. Instilling the Chapter Framework from the very beginning of the long journey. Subjected to go through grueling physical training, psychological conditioning and constant war games, all designed to push them to the limits. Quickly withering the numbers down and subject them to regular adhoc reorganizations. During this phase their minds and body's get broken and rebuild to the Chapters desired Standards.   

Upon reaching the Age of 10, a last round of War Games is hold, determining the most promising candidates of both genders. The selected males will be join the Chapter as Squires, beginning the long and dangerous road to become a Astartes.

The selected female ones, are offered to join ether the Chapter Serfs alongside all other failed but surviving recruits or being transferred to the Adeptus Soritas Order of the Cresent Rose. Which are close tied with their Allied Chapter the Knights of the Blood Oaks.

The chosen Squires undergo now the process of implantation of the additional Astartes Organs. During this time they will undergo training starting at the rear and slowly working towards the frontline. Learning the logistic needed to fight a war alongside other important rear duties. Upon successfully finishing training and surviving the Implantation of all Organs, they will be elevated to Man at Arms, the equivalent to Scouts of Codex Chapters.

Upon this they will be under the Command of a promising Knight and undergo their final Training. This allow them to learn with a experienced leader and allow them in turn to gain invaluable experience in leadership.  

After deemed ready, they will be sent on a Trial of Fire, given a Mission on the Battlefield they need to succeed in to fully join the Chapters Ranks.

Homeworld

In M36, after the Imperial Civil War reached its conclusion and the Imperium at large stabilized again, the heavily depleted Chapter choose to establish a permanent base to consolidate there Forces and start rebuilding.

During this time, they entered into a Alliance with the Mid Sized Rouge Trader Dynasty „Nebukadnezzar“; which helped the Chapter to maintain its dwindling resources. Upon discussing potential suitable Planets, they suggest a remote and forgotten World, located in the Northern Solar Segmentum Border Triangle. Covered behind dense Asteroid Fields and Stellar Dust and with the lack of major stable Warp Routes, lay the perfect Candidate.

Although the World´s Civilization regressed back to that of a feudal one, they boosted a surprisingly large and stable population. The remnants of the bygone Golden Age of Technology, offered the chapter a solid foundation to settle down and expand again.

History

First discovered during the Golden Age of Humanity, the Barren World was identified as a terraform  candidate to support a human colony. The exact reasoning behind this decision has been lost, buried in the decay of time and fragmented records.

From the sparse remnants of surviving logs and the faded stories of its descendants, it is understood that vast and ambitious projects were undertaken. Several dozen habitats were constructed in stable orbit—ranging from small stations to massive structures the size of star fortresses. These held shipyards, manufactories, and living quarters for the colonists.

On the surface, a fortress-like city was erected, intended to house the terraforming equipment and its operators. The city included vast silos for resources, situated in the northern regions of what would later become the planet’s main continent.

As work progressed, disaster struck—the rebellion of the “Iron Men.” Supply freighters ceased their deliveries, and the few that still arrived carried tales of unimaginable horror. Faced with dwindling resources and no other options, the scientists pushed forward, determined to create a habitable world with what little remained. The final result was imperfect. The terraforming succeeded, but without fully reaching the needed parameters. The planet would take millennia to stabilize into its nearly intended form, its environment as once desired but yet more unforgiving then hoped.

In their final desperate act, the settlers landed the remaining forge ships. These became the core of a struggling civilization, their vast hulls repurposed as shelter and industry.

The subcontinent, originally designed as a massive oxygen reservoir, grew wild over the centuries, its surface blanketed in dense, sprawling jungles.

 

Topography

Main Continent

The larger of the two, shaped like a half moon, the majority of it defined through crisscrossing rivers, where vast farming communities settled and dense forests act as barriers between them.  

A lonely mountain range act as a natural barrier toward the sea and run down into the northern fjord´s. Being the only accessible place to find mineral deposit.  

The northern Fjord region, is where the Fortress Monastery is located. It is beautiful and unforgiving, only accessible a few weeks the year. Most of the year relentless and bitterly cold storms claim the place for themself.

Second Contient

The smaller of the two, roughly shaped like a fist, it is covered in a dense jungle, sprawling its entirety. Even before the Chapter declared a ban, few manged to reach it and fewer even returned. It is seen as a green hell plane, crawling with deadly and aggressive flora and fauna, devouring the Expositions whole.    

Isles

The Majority scattered around the Main Continent in various sizes and environments mirroring it. A handful of the more remote and larger ones, are claimed by the Chapter. Function as training grounds and Research and Development Sites.

Culture

The world is a feudal-industrial society, where ancient traditions coexist with remnants of advanced technology. At its heart lie colossal industrial cities, once grounded Forge Ships, now clad in stone and iron walls. These cities are the lifeblood of the planet, housing both the working masses and noble families who govern through a rigid hierarchy.

The society operates under a system of Great Houses, Bureau Family´s, Guilds and Chivalry Orders, who oversee vast territories and settlements surrounding the cities. These Instances have maintained a delicate balance of power for millennia, avoiding large-scale wars but engaging in constant feuds, rivalries, and small conflicts. Limited proxy wars are fought under strict ancient regulations to preserve the delicate power equilibrium.

The Chivalry Orders serve as both warrior elites and tithe collectors, holding significant influence. Overseeing the Tithe Collection grant them enormous might, yet they are bound by a rigid corset of rules overseen by the Bureau Family´s. In between them are the Guild, which manage the settlements and outposts. Each hold power in its own right and keep each other in check with the Great Houses at the top.

The common populace lives modestly, scraping by through hard labor in the industrial complexes, farms,and resource-gathering outposts. Trade networks link the cities and surrounding lands, with guilds acting as intermediaries for goods and production. Scattered across the land are orphanages, where children ar sent when their parents or homes succumb to misfortune. These offer them a place of refuge but more often than not, they are barley scraping by too.

Every four years, the Industrial Cities host grand festivals and tournaments, rotating the honor of hosting among them. Attracting participants form the whole continent, in the Hope to gain honor and positions in the various Houses, Orders and Family´s. The surrounding settlements echo this tradition on a smaller scale with biyearly guild showcases and harvest festivals, celebrating both the finest craftsmanship and the fruits of their harvest and hard labor.

Wargear

The Chapter’s approach to equipment stems from the grueling siege on Agra Mundi, where the early loss of their advanced and heavy wargear necessitated resilience and ingenuity. This shaped their ethos to prioritize durability, multi-role functionality and ease of maintenance. While their wargear still requires upkeep nearly on par with standard Astartes Equipment, it avoids the complexity of more advanced technologies, allowing them to repair it way faster, escpically in the field.

Their Techmarines, trained on the Forge World of (not sure which beside Mars), adopt a pragmatic approach more akin to real mechanics than the dogmatic practices of the Adeptus Mechanicus. This divergence allows them to refine and retrofit their equipment with practical improvements, focusing on effectiveness over rigid adherence to tradition.

 

Power Armor

Mark VI Power Armor: The Chapter’s primary armor pattern, valued for its smoother movement and adaptability. While visually altered to resemble the bulkier Mark III Iron pattern, the Chapter incorporates chainmail and additional armor plates to reinforce weak points. Newer advancements are reverse-engineered and implemented, though slightly lagging behind standard upgrades. A redesigned helmet gauge, inspired by the Mark VIII offers better protection, reflecting their commitment to durability.

Mark III Power Armor: Extensively reworked over decades to address its historical shortcomings, this armor now serves as the mainstay for breacher squads and close-quarters combat. Seen as a replacement for Terminator armor, its reshaped design offers improved mobility while retaining its robust protection. The enhanced form, refined over millennia, is slightly less bulky but retains its intimidating presence.

 

 

 

Vehicles

Rhino Variants: The Rhino is the backbone of the Chapter’s mechanized forces, favored for its simplicity and adaptability. Numerous variants are fielded, including self-propelling artillery and light reconnaissance vehicles, inspired by layouts from the Imperial Army. Tactical configurations are adapted to suit environments; for example, additional side-sponson weapons and reinforced armor are employed in close-quarters battles.

Thunderhawk Gun-/ Transportships: A cornerstone of the Chapter’s rapid deployment strategies, corner Thunderhawks are employed in a variety of roles. They serve as troop transports, heavy gunships, and logistical lifelines. Their adaptability allows them to provide air support in sieges, supply mechanized forces in extended campaigns, or swiftly redeploy squads in response to battlefield conditions. These gunships are heavily retrofitted to align with the Chapter’s philosophy, enhancing durability while ensuring maintenance remains practical.

Bikes and Attack Bikes: Deployed in large numbers, these vehicles fulfill both combat and logistical roles, acting as rapid-response units and communication relays in challenging terrain. Their versatility ensures they are integral to the Chapter’s scouting and raiding tactics.

 

 

Weapons

Bolters: The Chapter has refined their bolter patterns over millennia, producing versatile designs that can be modified into various configurations, such as heavy bolters or sniper variants. Standard bolt rounds remain their ammunition of choice, ensuring compatibility and reliability.

Melta Weapons: While less advanced than plasma weaponry, melta weapons are preferred for their safety and relative ease of maintenance. These tools of surgical precision allow squads to infiltrate and eliminate emplacements, creating breaches critical for mechanized advances.

 

Voidcraft

The Chapter’s fleet reflects their practical philosophy, featuring retrofitted vessels with less advanced systems to ease repairs and reduce supply requirements. Prolonged engagements highlight the advantages of their simplified designs, allowing efficient field repairs and sustained operations.

While their ships lack the tonnage to compete with larger vessels, the Chapter bridges this gap through superior tactical execution. Their voidcraft are well-rounded all-rounders, with only smaller escorts fulfilling dedicated roles due to their size. Composite armor and point-defense layouts, inspired by Adeptus Mechanicus designs, enhance their defensive capabilities, making them reliable in both screening and frontline engagements.

In their homestead, the Chapter operates shipyards of various sizes, focused on repairing and retrofitting their fleet. Over millennia, they have salvaged countless vessels, which are disassembled in massive scrapyards to reclaim functional systems and armor parts.

 

 

Relations

Adeptus Mechanicus
The Chapter maintains a tenuous relationship with the Mechanicus, bound by ancient oaths but strained by their persistent modifications of standard equipment. Despite frequent conflicts over doctrine, the Mechanicus tolerates these deviations due to the Chapter’s contribution to recover lost archeotec and limited success in it. Still the majority of the more orthodox Forges are closed to them or only begrudging engage with them.

Deathwatch
The Chapter has supported the Deathwatch since its founding, consistently supplying recruits, primarily fresh Astartes who survived their first battles. These warriors, often forged in grueling conflicts, return with invaluable tactical insights. Although they can only share limited knowledge, it has significantly influenced and refined the Chapter’s strategies over time.

Adeptus Ministorum
Relations are fraught due to the Chapter’s adherence to the Imperial Truth and rejection of Ecclesiarchal authority. The liberation of an entire sector, including an Astartes Chapter under the Ministorum’s control, remains a lasting point of contention. Both sides maintain a strained tolerance but avoid overt conflict.

Codex Chapters
The Chapter’s divergence from the Codex Astartes fosters a cold relationship with more orthodox Chapters. To avoid friction, they employ liaison officers and adhere loosely to Codex structures like rank systems and operational guidelines when interacting with Codex-adherent forces.

Rogue Trader Dynasty Nebukadnezzar
An influential and well-established mid sized dynasty, they have been long a key ally of the Chapter, providing supplies and engaging in mutually beneficial agreements. They collaborate on Explorator missions, often accompanied by the Chapter’s Questing Knights, to recover relics and resources vital to the Chapter’s continued survival.

 

 

 

Edited Friday at 08:50 PM by gripschi

[Berzul]

Hey!

 

Ill try and comment later. When I am at my laptop.

 

But, for mobile, the color ypu used is almost impossible to read. Just FYI.

 

Again, as soon as I can sit at my laptop, Ill review it entirely.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

As Berzul noted, white text makes your IA invisible against the white background that's the default for the website's Mobile Version (for smartphones and other mobile devices), unless the reader highlights the text. You're also missing the blank lines used to separate paragraphs in *.html documents (remember, the tabs used to do so for *.txt documents are automatically omitted when the text is copied and pasted into an *.html document), making it a "wall of text" that's hard to read.

 

I also noticed multiple typos, e.g., describing "Iron Mens" ("men" is the plural for "man"). Is English NOT your first language?

[gripschi]

I will try to break Up the Text Wall later.

 

But how can i Set 2 Colours? Like White for regular and Black for mobile?

 

And yes, English is Not my first Language, and i know that there are enough typos..., Something i need more to adress.

[Berzul]

Founding: 3rd around M32.0100-200

Lineage: Rogal Dorn, Imperial Fists

Geneseed: Pure, no signs of Degeneration or Deficiency

Astartes Organes: Contray to there Lineage, they have a full working Set of Organs

Codex Astartes: Unique Organisation, only a Guideline

Strength: 1000 Line Brothers (currently at 70% Strength)

Homeworld: Founded Fleet Based on a DAoT Ramilies Fort, later claimed one

Located: Segmentum Solar, Northern Region, Active mostly in Segmetum Solar, but

ocassionally spotted in Pacificus and regular Patrols in Obscurus

Archenemy: Orks

Loyalty: Loyal to the Empire

Succesors: None

Belives: Beside 1 Saint, they adhere mostly to the old Imperial Truth, not denying the Foes

of the Archenemy

Affiliation: Moiare Adeptus Mechanicus, Rouge Trader Dynasty Nebucanezder,

Adeptus Administratum (sided during AoA), Adeptus Munitorum

Battle Cry: For the 11th Goddess! Glory to his Imperial Majesty!  (silence)

 

History of the World:

Explored during the Golden Age, the Planet was cove rd in Asteroid Fields and Solar Dust.Approaching proved difficult. But some lost in time Reasons, deemed a Colonization as necessary.In the close Days of the Golden Age, huge Habitats and Stations were constructed.

The Planet itself, undergo the delicate and ressouce demanding Terra forming Process. Its Technology largley lost, were centered on the Icy Regions to maintain the imense Heat easier. In the index chart, you describe the chapter as Fleet Based, but in the lore you jump right into describing what seems to be a chapter homeworld. At what point in time did they settle down on a specific planet? Perhaps you could go into more depth there, as to how the chapter began as fleet based, and what events led up to them settling down and fortifying a specific planet on a particular system.

Ultimately in the process, the constant Resource inbound failed. Soon the huge Depots of the Installation lay bare.

Few Ships arrived them, all full of Refugees and bitter stories. The "Iron Mens" rebelled. The System got away, due to some believes, no artificiality life were allowed.

The remaining logs indicate. That the Scientists try to finish the process so far, that Humans could Life there. Only partly sucessfull, few urban areas were completed.

After rebellions and Dispute, due to Material law and the small space, many descent to the surface. So, there was an orbital colony first, and they only touched down years after, once the land was terraformed enough? That actually sounds very interesting. What happened to the orbital colonies? Are they still around? Is there a particular dynamic between the surface inhabitants and the orbital colonists? Does this play into the dynamics of the chapter, now that they have claimed this world as the chapter homeworld? Forming the Population now in wide areas of the World settled.

The Civilization has lost most of its former Technology. Still they hold a level similar to the late Industry Time on Earth once. Remarkable is the huge variety of Tank Vehicles, similar to the Rhino.

The Population is in near constant War, due to the only partly Terr Forming attempt, the areas which allow settlement are are. Civil war? War with other planets? War with enemies of the Imperium? This is really good grounds for more detail in the story! I think a lot can be done here! If you were to tie it up with the issue with the orbital colonies, then maybe there is war between those living on the surface and those left at the planet's orbit, on their ships? I dunno, just, throwing an idea out there.

 

Organization

 

Once Codex Complaint, later drifted away, the lesson that it is a "Guide" Not a holy Decree, was payed with Blood and Iron.

The Chapter is divided at M42 following:

 

Instructor Unit

 

Consist of 144 Astartes, equipped fully with Terminator Armour. They are stationed on Rhine and there Space Moanestry as Guard. As far as I understand it in the lore, Tactical Dreadnought Armor (Terminator Armor) is a suit usually reserved for squads or companies focused on assault. As in, bringing the fight to the enemy. If so, is there a particular reason that the chapter has elected to keep those veterans able to field these suits of armor, in the Chapter Homeworld, as guards? Because, there very well can be reasons (my own Successor Chapter, for instance, keeps a lot of TDA Battle Brothers on the homeworld, albeit on rotation as they go out to hunt regularly). Training aspirants seems like one, but I wonder if there are more reasons for it. And, on that note, how do they interact with the planet? Is there a planetaryu defense force with which they allie themselves? Maybe one with which they clash?

Further they are tasked with oversee the Aspirants and forge them to join the Chapter.

They use a rare and old, Governor Class Grand Cruiser, if the need arise to operate outside the Rhine System.

 

War Division (3 Divisions)

 

Consist of 240 Astartes, divided in 5 Battalions to 48 Men.

Accompanied by an Apothecarium and Maintain Crew (Techmarine), to tend wounded Brothers and Equipment. Further to train and oversaw new Aspirants. If the Terminator Veterans stay behind in Rhine, and they are in charge of training the Aspirants, what sort of training and relationship with aspirants do the War Divisions have?

 

Each Division has One Battlebarge and 3 Strike Cruisers, along with an broad Array of Escorts and Supply Ships to maintain Independence from other Sources. This I like a lot. They were born a fleet based chapter, after all. Even if they now reside on Rhine, they maintain a culture of fleet-based independance in operations.

 

Supplement Division

 

Consist of 96 Astartes, divided in 8 Units of 12 Men. Additional Maintain Crews and few Apothecarii are on Board too.

There Task is to maintain the Chapters Vehicles which aren't used primarily. They accompany usually War Divisions which join Crusades, to prepare Supply's beyond the normal Consume Rate.

There Battlebarge is a early concept of the "Assault Barge", not as much refined in Design as the later. Consist of nearly twice the Hangar Bays as usually, able to hold plenty Supply's beside the Chapter needs.

Accompanied by 2 Vanguard Cruisers and several Light Cruisers and Escort Ships. The Barge itself contains large Numbers of Ordnance.

 

Void Division

 

Consist of 96 Astartes, divided in 2 Battalions of 36 and 2 Units of 12 Men.

They are a Mix of Maintain and Apothecarii, all tough they train Aspirants, mostly they Drill the Auxiliary Troops from the Rouge Trader. Again, I am curious as to how the training of the aspirants work. You have the Instructor Unit of Terminators at the planet, training them. But also each War Division doing so, and the Void division as well.

Instead of a Battlebarge, they use heavy modified and reinforced Exorcist Class Grand Cruiser. Buyed from the Solar Segmentum Fleet, now serving as Base for the Void Company. Most time operating in the Border Regions and Beyond. Accompanied by several Escorts.

 

Ranks

Chapter Marshall (Chapter Master)

Division Commander (Company Captain)

Battalion Commander

Wing Leader

Maintain Marine (Techmarine)

Medic (Apothecarii)

Instructor (Trainer of Aspirants)

Komtur (Leader of Chapter Estates of Recruitment Worlds)

Similar to Codex Chapters, they utilize the Ranks of Master of Forge, Armoury, Fleet and Apothecarium. But each Division has this Ranks, not like usually only once.

Keeper of Knowledge (Highest Librarian)

Librarian

Colour: Field Grey (Like German WW2) or Mud Green

Battle Cry: For the Goddess! For his Imperial Majesty! Glory to the Empire!

Faith: They still believe in the Imperial Truth, this lead to frictions with more religious Chapters and Organizations, they try to avoid Joint operations with such Elements. They see the Emperor as a Being, which represent the binnacle of mankind.

Along with believe in the Imperial Truth, they see the Importance of the Adminstratum. Which later lead to a Alliance against the Church.

Tactic: They are skilled Void Fighters and prevail in Boarding Actions too. A trait, they maintain since there Founding time.

Steel Rain

On the ground, they use large Numbers of Razorbacks and other Rhino Variants. To add Firepower they use Cybot Squads as Mobile Heavy Support.

Besides these Transporters, they field when possible Whirlwinds and Rhino Advancers with Basilisk mounted on them. Protected by Predators.

First Scouts act as fire observers, after a rocket Valley, they ident AA and AM spots. There they feed these points with regular Volleys. With constant front Feedback. Tearing the strongest Defensive in shreds.

Before the Last Shell hit, they all ready assault the lines.

 

Void Rain:

Able to surive the Void, entire Battalions launched prior to a Engagement, against stationary Targets. Only to open breaches and quickly overwhelming the Enemies when the Fleet engage.

Defensive: As long as possible they conduct a mobile Defensive. Is this no longer possible, the Knights dig a perfectly planned array of Trenches with Bunkers, Weapon Points and tunnels to move in this Position.

For the most Eyes it look Like a Maze. But for the known Eyes, its a Area with many Death Zones and Fallback Points. Easy to retake for the Defenders but horribly vulnerable to hold it as Attacker.

 

Relations:

The Relations to the Adeptus Mechanicus are cold. They accuse them as Heretics, for fighting on the Side of the Moiare Rebels, later to give them refuge. And therefore stealing of Technology.

To spoil the Relations further, the KotR ignore the holy decree to not alter Technology. Fielding own Variants of the Rhino Chassis and other Equipment as they deem it necessary.

 

Elicas Church: For not accept the Imperial Church, alone they tolerate it. But for formally Allied with the Adminstraum, they are in a mostly cold War.

 

Sons of Medusa: Bounded through the Moiare Shisma, both Chapters fought occasion side by Side. The Knights deliver occasion salvaged Equipment and Vehicles to them. In Exchange for Equipment and Parts, they need, but aren't able to manufacture yet in necessary Numbers.

 

Black Templar: Curiously they have good Relations. Beside the Question in Faith, they fought several time alongside. Outsiders assume there Relations are improved due both sides dint use Psykers and fought valiant against all foes in CQC. You listed a librarian position in the chapter structure. But, they don't use psykers? Maybe there was a mistake here?

 

Codex Chapters: As usually, most dislike there Break with the Codex. Mostly Cold and Business Like Relations. Usually a chapter that so strongly deviates from the codex would be a cause for concern. I'm thinking of how original chapters that have gone their own way (such as the Dark Angels) have had to have specific dispensation for their "original" structures. How did that work out for this chapter?

 

Equipment:

 

During the turbulent Years in M35 and M36, they chnaged there Vehicle Bay massive. Abbandon many of the other Types,

tthey startet using extensive Numbers of the Rhino Chasis. Quickly modify for the current Situation.

Its common to see them use parts from the Astra Millitarum, which they accompani often.

 

Rhinos with Leman Russ Cannons and Basilik Artillery arent uncommon.

 

They still use the MKVI Corvous Power Armour, but integreate some of the later improvments.

Noatably are the smaller Back Pack, somehow they managed to size it down.

 

For boarding Actions or Battles in small Environments, they maintain MKIII in decent Numbers.

Every Marine, is extensive trained in the use of Boarding Shields. Alltough few have built in Shield Generators. They are plates of reinforced Stell and Ceramit.

Its Common to see them with Shields on the Battlefield.

 

Gene Seed:

The Main Part, is cleary Imperial Fist Genes, but further enganced with at least 1 unknown Seed. All Organs working, no signs of deteration.

They carefully Split and maintain there Geneseed Banks. Rumors indicate that they have a Secret Stock, deep hiden inside the Adminstraum.

 

 

History:

The first Chapter Master, a true Son of Dorn, earned the right to lead a own Chapter, during

the Exploration and Cleaning of a Ancient Ramilies Fort. But soon after inhering If he was the first, then the position cannot have been inherited. Maybe there was a mistake here? the Rank

of a Chapter Master, distress maifested inside the Chapter. The proud Master and his new

Brothers dosent share the same Stubbornes and Determation usally displayed among the

Succesors of the Imperial Fists. Soon the Chapter was divided in 2 Factions, the Proud Son

of Dorns and the Pragmatic Sons under the 1st Captain. Wait, the chapter is composed of two factions? THis does not match the previous text.

 

To compensate for this, the CM valianty took evry Battle, in hope to awakeing the ture

Herriage of his men. A task which lead him ultimately to his End and nearly that of his

Chapter too.

 

After the Rebellions cool down, the Chapter patroled the Core Systems of the Solar

Segment. After sporadic fights against Orc Raiders, the Chapter heed to the Agriculture

System Rhine. The Logistic Hub which supply the sourondind Sectors, were captured form

Orcs, thearten a Food Emerengcy around.

 

Eagerly to fight them off, he orderd the enire Chapter to mobilise, expect for the 1

1st Company, which should protect the Moanestry and to get the Captain out of his way.

The 3rd Company which fought down a Rebllious Outburst was to this time on the Way

back to restock Supplys. Again, the text doesn't match what has been previously written. Suppossedly, the chapter does not work with traditional companies, but with divisions and batallions.

 

Nearly the entire Chapter and ist Fleet headed towards Rhine. The Moanetry following

but not expected to arrive sooner then 2 Weeks later. To show the Chapters Majority the

true Spirit of Rogal Dorns Sons.

 

After sucessfully take the Hub back, the Luck was no longer on his side. After merly few

days the Fleet couldn't longer handle the aprocahing Orcs. After the loss of a Strike Cruiser

and most Escorts they retreat to the Hub. Contrary to the Situation the Chapter Master

Ordered a throughout Fortification and prepare to hold out until the Orcs are repelled.

 

Disturbing Reports across the Entire Segmentum reached the 1st Captain, which urged him

to speed the Travel as much as possible up. After entering the Rhine System, he saw a

truly devastating picture. Most of there fleet destroyed around the Hub and a uncountable

mass of Orc Ships. After a fierce Conversation with his Chapter Master, he denied his

Order to join the fight, instead he broke a Corridor through the Encirclement to enable

the reaming Troops to flee. To the shock of the Chapter Master, many attempt to break

Through and escaping towards the Moanestry instead of fighting to the End.

 

After nearly 1,5 Commpany worth of Asartes Escaped, the corridor slowy closed. Cut of for

many the last way out. Over the Vox, they heard the last Words of there Leader. Cruseing

them for not fight to the End, for betray him and the Primarch.

 

knowing he would kill all reaming Asartes, the 1st Captain order the entire Wepaons of

the Moanestry to obliberated the Hub along with the Orcs and his Brothers. Crossing a

Rubicon of no return, he watch the Expolsion. After that they retreat to the Agrar World,

where various fragments of Imperial Forces arrived. Along with several Asartes Forces,

many Imperial Army Vessels stranded there, lost there Escort they were vulnerable.

 

In this Chaos the 1st Captain soon claimed Supremme Command and started organize

the various forces. Deemed the Planet as rally point and a increasing Orc mass incomeing.

They dig there lines along the largest River, the Rhine.

 

The follwoing 2 Years where a constant strugle to maintain the Orcs deadlocked and not

allow them to break through. Many untold deeds and sacrifies, allow them to hold out.

During this time, a young Woman form the World rise trhough the Ranks, soon leading

the entire army as second in command. Soon the troops saw in her a saint, even the

notorius Asartes aknowlegde in her a spark of the Emperor.

 

The date exact 2 Years after the downfall, a unbeliable strong Orc apeared, easyly breake

through Asartes. Only the intervention of the 1st Captain and the Saint, saved the World.

After cutting down 11 such impressive Orcs, the remaing lost there cohesion and start a

war for the sucession. Only leading to there anhiliation, inspired and enraged through

the sacrifie of the Saint, the remaing Defenders overrun the sartled Orcs.

 

Soon after the  the Siege, they lend forces to the Second Beheading Operation, later send

them to the new founded Death Watch.

 

After the Dead of the Beast, they undertook many Campaings to erradicate Orcs and re-

claim lost worlds for the Empire. Slowly they emabrk toward the Nothern Broders, only

to participate in the 4th Black Crusade. Which took a heavy toll on men and equipment.

 

Which lead to one of the Chapters turning points. On the Border toward Ultima, a new

Forge World were on the rise. Remote enough to escape the tight of Mars to some degree.

Faceing increasing Orc Raiders, they welcommed the KotR eagerly. In exchange for dealing

with the Orcs, they refitt the Chapters Equipment and even pull a pool of Aspirants out

of the Workforces under there Jurisdication. A nearly one Millenia holding Relation was

founded. Only to be overtrowhn in the Wake of the Moiare Shisma.

 

The Chapter which aided the Fabricator, through Contracts bounded, soon fought a

total war on the Forge World. After first Sucess, the true Enemy striked, Forces of the Dark

Mechanicus, which poured Oil in the Conflict between the Mechanicus Factions, envolped

the world in horrors. Unable to achive victroy, the Chapter started evacuaiting as much

loyal Forces and Technology as possible. Still leaving many of there Armoured Vehicles

back, to buy the dire needed time.

 

After the Evacuation they conduct Exterminatus over the World, denied the Dark Forces

there price, but deeply wounded as a twisted gift. The Enemy used the Markings of the

Codex Asartes against them. Leading to shortage on Officers.

 

To envolp the Situation further, a Punishment Fleet from the Mars, reached the System

few days beofre they reach the Left Point. Leading to dire Situation, the Mechanicus Fleet,

demanded the entire Mechanicus Refugees and boarding of the Chapters Vessels to

conduct these task. Which were declined by the Chapter Master, stateing that all traitors

were dealt with on the ground.

 

With no proof that they have Moiare Refugees, and a huge disperty in fighting abilitys. The

Mechanicus Envy, declared the Case as closed. But denied them the Acess to most Forge

Worlds, only to open it up after a pentied Crusade under there Eyes.

 

Wounded and abandoded by the Mechanicus, they lick there wounds, eagerly on the

search for a remote World as Chapter Estate. Who exactly they enage in relations with the

Rouge Traders is lost in time, or perhaps sealed off in the archive. But soon after that,

they found indeed a remote Human Colonie. Cut off from Major Warp Routes and shielded

behind Stellar Dust and Dense Fields of Asteriods. Forgotten long before the Empire reach

out to the Stars.

 

After etablishing of a Base of Operations they eagerly build Factorys and Ship Yards, even

a new Fortess Moanestry on the Ground. A steady inflow of new Recruits and Supplies,

after less then 100 Years, the first Divison was sent out again to fulfil the will of the

Emperor.

 

In the M36, the Church sized more power day after day. The Chapter saw in it a huge risk

for the future of the Empire. Soon they seek an Audience by the Lord of the Administratum

, the protocolls verify that such a meeting had indeed take place. The Details are unkown

to most, the Chapter was soon a common sight on Crusades witch were supplyed through

the Administratum. Steadly watching the Supplys flow and protecting it. Unlikey for most

Chapters, they act as Officers in the field. Reorganisation and leading various regiments,

which lead to the Nickname: Knights of Scribers.

 

This relationship was a thorn for the Church, which feel ist power dwilling, while they

emphase Logic over blind belive. Later duirng the hot war of both Organisations, a High

Cardinal seeked aid for his World. Through "luckly" circumstances they answerd first the

Call. Founding a Shrine World, ravged by endless Hordes of Demons and Cultists. The CM

denied a order to planetfall and batlleing the Enemey, he declared the World as allready

doomed and proceed a to launch Virus Bombs, quickly subjugate the entire World to death.

 

In despair the High Cardinal, orderd all faithfull remants, to attack the routhless Traitors,

even a battlebarge, was unable to hold the enemy on bay. Soon the Mariens and Crew f

found themselves in a endless Atrition Battle against near endless waves of Zealots. Soon

they lost ground, the sheer mass pushing there lines deeper inside the Ship.

 

The inbounding fleet of the Divison, found the Barge under siege, quickly they overhelmed

the enemy fleet and proceed to board the enemys capital ship. The Churchs Guard where no

problem for the Boarding partys, quickly breaking through. The Cardinal, despearte to

denied them victory, set a false distress call out and broadcast his own death to verify his

claims.

 

Soon after they cleaned up, a entire Chapter reach the System. Follwoing the distress call,

only to found a devasted planet and innocent refuges and church ships crippeld. With

holy fury they launch a attack on the "Traitors. Too there  surprise, the smaller fleet plung

head on inside there own ranks. Quickly they feel to Chaos, unable to operate as unit.

With despair they lost nearly half of there strength in this first clash.

 

Soon they regain some cohesion, they set there eyes on the damaged Barge, which was 

slowy gain distance to them. Such a venerable Ship, they guess, the Enemy would not

abandon. But the Enemy did exactly this, leaving the Ship alone behind. Quickly they

started boarding it. In one aspect they were right, they never intend to abandon it, they

gave it as Bait away. Only with other Defenders, then usally deployed, Terminator Troops

await them, ambush them as they succed in captureing the ship form behind.

 

To add more confusion, as soon as they started boarding with the majority of there Troops.

The Knights quickly attacked there fleet which formed a blockade and suceed in boarding

it. Even a few vessles they sized and used them to attack form inside.

 

After a solar day, the Chapter Master, to his own shame, surrender his roughly 300

remaing men, unable to risk more lives and the Chapters future. Unkown for him,

that they nearly won, only to fail in there last attemp. The Battlebarge, devasted

in and outside, would never see combat again.

 

The current Knights Leader, who adhere to the belive, destroy your enemy now, before

he bite you back later, but before he could destroy them, the Inquistion arrived. Lured in

by the Distress Calls over Demons. He quickly brought both sides to the table.

 

After lengthy deabtes, they found an agrement. The Knights got there Battlebarge as

replacemnt for there own. The sized vessels were added to them as well. With the

Ships they lost a huge part of there Armoury.

 

The Inquistor make clear, that such acts again are forbidden. The knights should clean

up this mess entierly before leaving the sector. Later was reported that the remaining

Chapter got lost in Warp.

 

 

I'm sorry. The story was hard to follow. I think it mostly comes down to the difficulty with the lenguage. I'll try to revisit this part later, and read it more carefully, to comment on it as best I can, but for now, I had to skip some of it.

 

Organisation:

The Chapter strolled away form the Codex, after the desatrous battle among the Forge

World Delta IV. The enemy had use the makrings dictaed by the CA, to priotize killing

Officers and Apothecarii, crippling the Chapter.

 

During the War of the beast, the Chapter introduced new Formations, they fielded

Companny of 50 Men, to ensure a higher Mobility and too spread further there crippeld

forces. Later they formed the entire chapter after it.

 

Usally the Chapter deploy his Divisons alongside ongoing Crusades and Campaings,

mostly they undertook great Strengths, to ensure open Supply Lines, allowing to

continue the Fights.

 

Born out of heavy losses and from there new Homeworld,they see the carefully

management of Human Lives as important. They prefer steady fights with

few but devastaing Strikes. Unnecessary Last Stands or honor driven Battles,

are for others. They let the enemy bleed out, at the End, they remain maybe

not as Victors, but nether as Losers.

 

Winning is fine, but if the price is anhilation, then it isnt worth it, remain

at the End standing, it is the goal.

 

Fist iam sorry for this Format, i write it later new from Scratch, importing out of a Email wasnt my best idea.

 

Lore to add:

Equipment Section built Out

Ship named

Map for both Rhine World and Bit more lore

Heraldy Card

How they joined Indominus Crusade

Polish the tactics

Chapter culture

[gripschi]

Thanks for the the input so far.

 

With the History youre right. The main problem is, i have reworte it recently. Add new things, dont think about the old one.

 

I will fix it up, one thing i saw, i should add Timestamps in the History, should also clear some points.

 

In response to the Homeworld (short summary): I image them to start out on the Ramilies for the next few millenias. Maybe i bound it to the moiare shisma, something like it is becomeing far difficult to maintain it. So they use it as stationary Defense now.

 

 

Again thanks, i will rework, some good points i have now.

[Messor]

If you choose the "Automatic" font color, it will be readable on both desktop and mobile.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

I'm reading this slowly, due to previously mentioned difficulties.

Affiliation: Moiare Adeptus Mechanicus, Rouge Trader Dynasty Nebucanezder,

Adeptus Administratum (sided during AoA), Adeptus Munitorum

"Affiliation" should inform us if this Chapter is loyal to the Imperium, to Chaos, to themselves (i.e., they're renegades who owe no loyalty to those outside the Chapter), to xenos and/or other third parties...

 

"Moiare Adeptus Mechanicus, Rouge Trader Dynasty Nebucanezder,

Adeptus Administratum, Adeptus Munitorum" should be listed as ALLIES. In the Administratum and Munitorum's cases, the organizations' sheer size should make it IMPOSSIBLE for your Chapter to be allied to them in whole- rivalry between various Astra Militarum regiments and their leaders regularly result in them fighting against each other, as the Gaunt's Ghosts novels demonstrate, so it's inevitable certain Munitorum factions will view the Knights as mortal enemies, even as other Munitorum factions view your Chapter as true friends- so you should specify which Administratum factions and Astra Militarum regiments are the Knights' allies.

Battle Cry: For the 11th Goddess! Glory to his Imperial Majesty!

Is the 11th Goddess a reference to Tanya von Degurechaff?

 

Anyways, the Ecclesiarchy recognizes no gods and goddesses besides the Emperor; certain Primarchs may be worshiped as gods on Chapter planets, but even that is barely tolerated, as demonstrated in the Fenris Incident. You should NOT refer to this individual as a "goddess," but as a saint; and reword the battle cry as "For the Emperor and the 11th Saint! Glory to His Immortal Majesty and the Imperium He built!" so the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition won't think you're showing the Emperor disrespect by honoring any non-Primarch befor Him (note "He," "Him," and "His" are capitalized when referring to the Emperor, as it is for God in the Bible).

[gripschi]

Hello, First sorry for the Lack of Feedback from me. I had a catch a cold.

 

I have read your answers. I have realized, i got somewhere away from a uniform IA.

 

Therefore, i will go back to drawing Board, correct some stuff and clear my mess Up :).

 

With Godess is indeed a refernce to TtE. With Saint it fit way better in the fluff.

 

With Affiliation, i mean allies, somehow i mess this up.

 

I have a few ideas and corrections, overall i will stick with the current but refine it.

 

Ideas:

The 2 Faction stuff will be removed. Maybe i alter it.

 

To reflect the Knights in the Name, i will edit the Organisation, as refernce i use the German Chapter i guess.

 

Remove the Moiare Part, or at least, find a other reason for a Bad Relation. Maybe the extensive modify of the Rhinos, spoil the mood.

 

The Rouge Traders, will remain, i Like the idea of this. As Well a solution to gain old out of service Ships and Equipment.

 

Adminstraum, they will be formal allies, forged during the AoA. Maybe early they enforce tiths of rebellious planets.

 

To specify, i harbour the idea of accompany the Munitorium Part of it, during Crusades and Campains.

 

With a doctrine of logistical Warfare, they indedd act as Special Ops, but enforce Open Supply Lines and target the enemies.

 

Gene Seed, when i remeber right, its possible that Clean Imperial Fist Seed still exist? With full working Organes.

 

Church, they harbour a mistrust towards tgem. Heated during M36 relegious wars. I Like the Idea, of a War somewhere this time.

 

Why a Homeworld? I Imagine them to start Fleet Based, but loses and missfortune, they seek a Safe remote haven to resuplly.

 

But they should maintain the fromer Idea of Indenpence of the Forces.

 

Stroll from Codex, during there First Battles, they took heavy losses. They alter only the Company size to increase flexibilty.

 

Later they adopt to the new Forces, build a Indenpent second "Division".

 

After a Battle against Part of the Dark Adeptus Mechanicus, they lost many Officers, Apothecarii and Tech Marines, which easy to ident through Markings.

 

Lead the Knights to break further, banish the colur and Markings.

 

So far my ideas for now. I will the Post edit next Week i think.

[gripschi]

Hello,

 

this weekend on work, i have use the time to overhaul the entire IA. With a far better Layout, i think.

 

The Colour of the Post should be readable, i choose the automatic one.

 

Later i will try to add colour, and make it a bit nicer to look at.

_

 

Again thanks for your input so far. Its still a WIP, iam sure i ahve miss some things to add.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the aftermath of this disastrous War, as a Crusader Chapter, labeled as Chapter 203 until, a name is chosen. Leading to following Theory:

 

They were indeed in the 4th founding, but their Officer Skeletal, was formed out of surviving Astartes from this time. Which brought there remaining belongings in the newly founded Chapter, leading to pieces of history somewhat alien to them.

Why such a complicated and confusing statement? You can say the Chapter's Librarius has journals from Marines who fought in the War of the Beast, while its Halls of Honor display trophies taken during this war, both evidence contradicting the Administratum's records of when the Chapter was founded.

 

Why the contradiction? Were the original Marines from the disgraced Fists Exemplar Chapter, or even Iron Warriors who fought to defend humanity in that war?

 

Nitpicking, with "[" and "]" highlighting recommended changes:

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the [a]ftermath of this disastrous [w]ar, as a Crusader Chapter, [designated] ["]Chapter 203["] until[ ]a name [was] chosen.

Note I removed the comma between "until" and "a".

They were indeed [of] the 4th [F]ounding, but [with a skeleton crew of surviving Astartes from this time becoming the rebuilt Chapter's officers]. Which brought [their] remaining belongings in the new[ly] founded Chapter, leading to pieces of [h]istory[ ]somewhat alien to them.

I removed the comma between "history" and "somewhat".

They are heirs to the proud loodline of Dorn. [T]hey patrol like [their] [f]orerunners [in] Imperial pace. During there beginning time, they fought many battles against the remnants of the [Orks][,] [l]iberating [w]orlds and bring them back [under] Imperial [r]ule.

I removed the sentence "Gifted with a Ramilies Star Fort," as it's redundant, considering you stated the same in a later paragraph. I also combined the last two sentences into one.

 

Note: "Ork" is the spelling used in Warhammer 40,000. "Orc", with a "c" in place of the "k", is the spelling used in Warhammer Fantasy.

In [remiss] of [their] unknown [o]rigins, they took [a] great [deal] of work[ ]to ensure [an] ongoing [chronicle] of [their] [h]istory[,] [a] [t]radition[ ][that] remain [until] today. [Despite] [their] best efforts, [many records] [were] lost over time[,] due [to] [w]ar, [d]estruction[,] or simple failures.

Note I combined the first two sentences into one.

They [were gifted] [an] old Ramilies tar [f]ort as [a] [m]onastery, equipped with [a] [Dark Age of Technology] [g]enerator, which grant enough [p]ower and function over [millennia] with no need of [maintenance].

Other board members may understand "DAoT" means "Dark Age of Technology," but the Imperial citizens will not; as you're writing this IA from the latter's point-of-view, it's best to spell out such acronyms.

In high [morale] and fever[ish] to burn [their] name in[to] Imperial [h]istory, they seek battle after battle against the [Orks].

"Morale" and "moral" are different things.

Edited October 15, 2019 by Bjorn Firewalker

[gripschi]

 

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the aftermath of this disastrous War, as a Crusader Chapter, labeled as Chapter 203 until, a name is chosen. Leading to following Theory:

 

They were indeed in the 4th founding, but their Officer Skeletal, was formed out of surviving Astartes from this time. Which brought there remaining belongings in the newly founded Chapter, leading to pieces of history somewhat alien to them.

Why such a complicated and confusing statement? You can say the Chapter's Librarius has journals from Marines who fought in the War of the Beast, while its Halls of Honor display trophies taken during this war, both evidence contradicting the Administratum's records of when the Chapter was founded.

 

Why the contradiction? Were the original Marines from the disgraced Fists Exemplar Chapter, or even Iron Warriors who fought to defend humanity in that war?

 

Nitpicking, with "[" and "]" highlighting recommended changes:

The exact date is lost in time. The few remaining pieces, indicate action during the “War of the Beast”. Contrary to it, the Chapter was officially founded in the [a]ftermath of this disastrous [w]ar, as a Crusader Chapter, [designated] ["]Chapter 203["] until[ ]a name [was] chosen.

Note I removed the comma between "until" and "a".

They were indeed [of] the 4th [F]ounding, but [with a skeleton crew of surviving Astartes from this time becoming the rebuilt Chapter's officers]. Which brought [their] remaining belongings in the new[ly] founded Chapter, leading to pieces of [h]istory[ ]somewhat alien to them.

I removed the comma between "history" and "somewhat".

They are heirs to the proud loodline of Dorn. [T]hey patrol like [their] [f]orerunners [in] Imperial pace. During there beginning time, they fought many battles against the remnants of the [Orks][,] [l]iberating [w]orlds and bring them back [under] Imperial [r]ule.

I removed the sentence "Gifted with a Ramilies Star Fort," as it's redundant, considering you stated the same in a later paragraph. I also combined the last two sentences into one.

 

Note: "Ork" is the spelling used in Warhammer 40,000. "Orc", with a "c" in place of the "k", is the spelling used in Warhammer Fantasy.

In [remiss] of [their] unknown [o]rigins, they took [a] great [deal] of work[ ]to ensure [an] ongoing [chronicle] of [their] [h]istory[,] [a] [t]radition[ ][that] remain [until] today. [Despite] [their] best efforts, [many records] [were] lost over time[,] due [to] [w]ar, [d]estruction[,] or simple failures.

Note I combined the first two sentences into one.

They [were gifted] [an] old Ramilies tar [f]ort as [a] [m]onastery, equipped with [a] [Dark Age of Technology] [g]enerator, which grant enough Power and function over [millennia] with no need of [maintenance].

Other board members may understand "DAoT" means "Dark Age of Technology," but the Imperial citizens will not; as you're writing this IA from the latter's point-of-view, it's best to spell out such acronyms.

In high [morale] and fever[ish] to burn [their] name in[to] Imperial [h]istory, they seek battle after battle against the [Orks].

"Morale" and "moral" are different things.

 

 

To be honest, i didnt image a better way to "conclude" there Founding. But your one is far better. I think i will go with it. I like the Idea better then my =)

 

Thanks for the Grammar Corrections, i will inplent them in the near furture.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

More nitpicking:

The Rhine Agra Sector, which [was] spared in the “War of the Beast”,[ ]was now a nearly invaluably asset to supply the [neighboring] ystems with enough [f]ood.

I added a space between "Beast" and "was".

 

Is the "Rhine Agra" a sector, or a star system? The things it "neighbors" should be the same as it, i.e., if it "supplies neighboring systems with enough food," Rhine Agra should be a star system, and vice versa.

 

In elementary school, my teachers considered the use of "got" a sign of casualness, and consequently, poor manners and education; you should also avoid it in an IA.

Due a immense lack [of] [armed] forces and ongoing [f]ighting, the World was reinforced with second[-]string Imperial [Guard] [r]egiments and outdated and green Navy [fleets].

IIRC, the Imperial Army was separated into the Imperial Guard (commanding all ground forces) and Imperial Navy (commanding all aerospace forces and Warp-capable ships) after the Horus Heresy.

Unable to cope with increasing [Ork] [r]aids, they cried for help. The first to arrive [were] the 203rd Astartes Chapter. In a [risky] attack, they retook the [o]rbital [d]ocks, but soon it should be a failure, with more resistance and a lack of [supplies], the Astartes were soon in Close Combat. After[ ][retreating] [from] battle, the fleet destroyed the [d]ocks, preventing the [Orks] [from] [using] it. Due to [their] tar [f]ort, they [managed] to hold superiority in the Void[,] ut[ ]were unable to fully intercept all [aerospace] [craft] [before the latter] [made] [planetfall].

I rewrote "After a retreat battle," as "After retreating from battle," and combined the last two sentences into one, with "But they were unable to fully intercept all Crafts which make a planet fall," rewritten as "but were unable to fully intercept all aerospace craft before the latter made planetfall." I also made "planetfall" one word instead of two.

Soon a bloody [w]ar on the [g]round [was waged, the once-mobile Astartes now forced to engage in] trench [w]arfare along the huge River Rhine. Under huge [l]osses they managed to stop the nvasion[,] and hold out[ ]until [r]einforcement arrived.

Note I rewrote "Soon a bloody War on the Ground emerged from a mobile battle, to a trench Warfare" as "Soon a bloody war on the ground was waged, the once-mobile Astartes now forced to engage in trench warfare", and relocated the comma from after the word "out" to after "invasion".

 

Why is the word "Rhine" reused for the sector, a planet within it, and river on the planet itself? It seems overly repetitive.

Edited October 18, 2019 by Bjorn Firewalker

[gripschi]

Thanks again.

The overuse of Rhine is a good Hint. I think i go with the River alone.

With Star System, Sector vice versa, you have a valid point. I rework that too.

That the use of "got" is poor manners is new. But my Englisch Teacher, was usallly half of the year sick. I am afraid that some basics, still didnt Made it in my head.

 

Edit:

 

I have implemnt your corrections so far.

 

To your Question with Fist Exemplars and Iron Warriors.

 

I dont intent to go on the Rail of Traitor Geneseed. The Chapter is definitely a Sucessor of the Imperial Fists (wich was my first Chapter, in Wh40k i liked most, its a bit a sentimental choice).

 

The Fist Exemplars (which i didnt know until now), is a very intersting choice, which i maybe took.

 

I have the Idea, of Pure IF Gene seed, is found along the Star Fort.

Edited October 16, 2019 by gripschi

[gripschi]

Just a short Life sign :)

 

I add in the next days new stuff. Around 2000 Words. I feel Like, i Put togehter slowy all it need.

 

I expand the Recruitment Process, along with Equipment and some Things Here and there.

 

A New Battle, where i Pick Up the Church.

 

I Work Out a WIP Relations Part. I assume i rework it later, for the Moment it is a rough Idea.

 

Still i need to adress the Point regarding the Star Fort and Home System.

 

For the second one, i maybe go as addition with it, a concept from the Last Trisolaris Book. A Star System Coverd in a Black Hole.

 

Which i Lack complety at the Moment are "Important Persona". I have few ideas, but nothing written down.

[gripschi]

Update is Live.

 

Iam sure there are new typos inside, sorry for that, i have try to avoid them as much i can. (Sadly i guess it is still not enough)

 

Few things still need atention:

 

Star Fort, Indominus Crusade, a Enemy Section, Persona Important,

 

Besides this, most should inside now, leading slowy to a full (but not finsihed Draft).

 

Greetinmgs and Thank for Critic and Questions

[gripschi]

Short Lifesing from me.

 

I Update the IA next Week, in my free time in Work i reworked many Details.

 

Add a first Draft for Home World Culture. Equipment is on the List.

 

Iam currently thinking about the Ramilies Star Fort, i tend to change it to a Capital Ship like the Sidonia (from Knights of Sidonia) or more Like Atlantis (Stargate) for Example.

 

A good New YEAR from me to all of you.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Ok, I have two immediate comments that I can bang out without having read too far into it.

 

Apologies, my feral kids are going, well, feral this morning.

 

One, the formatting. I understand it may have been different before, but the font choice and size is irritating to read. Despite what some might say, formatting matters quite a lot to how easy your work is to read. I like the standard formatting that the B&C has, and at least until you're happy and finished, I'd stick with it.

 

Two, the Rhine. The more real world-places and names you put in your IA, the harder you make it for the reader to suspend their disbelief. Now, it is conceivable and possible that there is another world with a river also named the Rhine, but in an age where the older countries, continents and peoples on Terra have been forgotten and misremembered over the millennia, it seems unlikely that a simple name for a landmark would survive intact and recognizable to us now. Doubly so for the DaoT, Age of Strife and then all poor imperial record keeping afterwards.

 

It's not that it's impossible, it's just that that link to our real world pulls me right out of your work as 40k related and slams me back into the real world. That's not what you want.

 

I'll try to actually read more later. When my kids are placated, or imprisoned, either way.

[gripschi]

Ok, I have two immediate comments that I can bang out without having read too far into it.

 

Apologies, my feral kids are going, well, feral this morning.

 

One, the formatting. I understand it may have been different before, but the font choice and size is irritating to read. Despite what some might say, formatting matters quite a lot to how easy your work is to read. I like the standard formatting that the B&C has, and at least until you're happy and finished, I'd stick with it.

 

Two, the Rhine. The more real world-places and names you put in your IA, the harder you make it for the reader to suspend their disbelief. Now, it is conceivable and possible that there is another world with a river also named the Rhine, but in an age where the older countries, continents and peoples on Terra have been forgotten and misremembered over the millennia, it seems unlikely that a simple name for a landmark would survive intact and recognizable to us now. Doubly so for the DaoT, Age of Strife and then all poor imperial record keeping afterwards.

 

It's not that it's impossible, it's just that that link to our real world pulls me right out of your work as 40k related and slams me back into the real world. That's not what you want.

 

I'll try to actually read more later. When my kids are placated, or imprisoned, either way.

One: i wrote the IA in a WPS Sheet. I will adress the formating in the near Future. Maybe i find a blanko or so.

 

Tow: I know, but as far my memory reach,Rhine is the only "Real World" Name i use. Which remain as Chapter and River Name

 

But why coldnt the River be named Rhine? I dont say that they know why IT IS named Rhine. It is just the River Rhine.

 

To be honest, i didnt understand your "catapult Out". Many IA based losley on Real World Cultures and utilize Names.

 

My thoughts to your reply.

 

Greetings

[Marshal Rohr]

Rhine etymologically approximates 'that which flows', so perhaps a word that encompasses that same meaning?

[gripschi]

Rhine etymologically approximates 'that which flows', so perhaps a word that encompasses that same meaning?

Hmh, thats a good Idea. Maybe i tie it, that Rhine is the Short form.

 

Iam Not Sure that it is in the next Update, but i will remember this Idea.

[Brother Lunkhead]

Sorry, I'm late to dinner on this one But, so much to read and so little time. I did a quick readthrough and I like what I see so far. I'll do a more careful read this week and try to give you a more thorough and thoughtful critique later.

 

On the subject of your chapter's name and the river Rhine battle, I don't see any real problem here. The planet could have been settled during the age of great expansion during the golden (dark) age of technology by nostalgic minded folk from that part of Old Earth. We humans are often attached to old names and places. Here in the U.S. of A. just to name a few places: New York, New Hampshire, Rome (I can't tell you how many places big and small are named Rome). So I say staying with Rhine is fine

 

Should you feel at all uncomfortable about it, you might consider just changing the spelling a bit.... Rine, Rhyne, Ryne, Ryn,..... you get my point. Or, maybe Rhine..... just a thought

 

Even though your grammar is a bit rough, your meaning comes across just fine. I would suggest you concentrate on the subject matter for now and we can help you smooth out the rough edges of grammar at the end. I completely empathize with English being a second language for you. I think you're doing an amazing job, so don't worry about it.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Rhine is spelled "Rhenus" in Latin, "Rhein" in German (it's Rheinmetall's namesake), "Ren" in Polish, "Reno" in Italian, "Reyn" in Turkish...

 

I'm sure you can use one of the spellings found when reading the Wikipedia article in other languages.

[gripschi]

Rhine etymologically approximates 'that which flows', so perhaps a word that encompasses that same meaning?

 

 

Sorry, I'm late to dinner on this one But, so much to read and so little time. I did a quick readthrough and I like what I see so far. I'll do a more careful read this week and try to give you a more thorough and thoughtful critique later.

 

On the subject of your chapter's name and the river Rhine battle, I don't see any real problem here. The planet could have been settled during the age of great expansion during the golden (dark) age of technology by nostalgic minded folk from that part of Old Earth. We humans are often attached to old names and places. Here in the U.S. of A. just to name a few places: New York, New Hampshire, Rome (I can't tell you how many places big and small are named Rome). So I say staying with Rhine is fine

 

Should you feel at all uncomfortable about it, you might consider just changing the spelling a bit.... Rine, Rhyne, Ryne, Ryn,..... you get my point. Or, maybe Rhine..... just a thought

 

Even though your grammar is a bit rough, your meaning comes across just fine. I would suggest you concentrate on the subject matter for now and we can help you smooth out the rough edges of grammar at the end. I completely empathize with English being a second language for you. I think you're doing an amazing job, so don't worry about it.

 

 

Rhine is spelled "Rhenus" in Latin, "Rhein" in German (it's Rheinmetall's namesake), "Ren" in Polish, "Reno" in Italian, "Reyn" in Turkish...

 

I'm sure you can use one of the spellings found when reading the Wikipedia article in other languages.

 

I like your Ideas. They will get in some form implement later. I think i go with High and Low Gothic Names., there i can adress it further i guess.

 

The Name Rhine did i like out of several Reasons, i like his historical meaning in Peace and War, iam a Fan of Tanya the Evil. So i have choosen it to incoperate it. Along with my faszination over Knights.

____

 

Besides that, i have inseret the Update, i have formated it a bit, hopefully it is good to read. A proper Formating will follow later.

 

I have reworked many Parts, mostly Equipment and add a Home World Culture. The other Parts get mostly minor Changes.

 

For help with Failures and Problems, i say thanks in advance.

 

Greetings

[gripschi]

Some Life Sing. I Run in a Kind of Blockade. Many Ideas and still unable to bring them down.

 

Currently i will redo them partly. I Image to rework there Training and Homeworld a bit.

 

The Homeworld get the 3 Factions removed. Honestly iam Not satisfied with it.

 

Current Idea is to remain the Star Dwellers and replace the Planet Population with a Feudal State System similiar to Europe. There i can embrace Castles, Castles and Castles :).

 

The Star Dwellers should still trade "Technolgy" for Food and Goods. Only the richtest posess a few Laser Weapons.

 

The Planet Moanestery is the only Heavy Industry Place there.

 

The Knightly Theme will remain but reduced, i try to embrace a more Military Theme, with it as a Framework.

 

The Lance System will Swap with Mixed Training Companys. Like Millitary do it.

 

I try to introduce a New Unit, Lancer. They ride on Bikes with Something Like Melta Spears. Specialized in Anti-Armour and Harrasment Tactics.

 

The other Chapter from me, get His Attention later. They will adapt from my Knights here after the Rework.