Looking for Advice (1st time dad)

[Beachymike123]

Hi guys, its been a while. 

Life has thrown me a curve ball and at 36 I'm becoming a dad for the first time. I've been into 40k since late 2nd edition and I don't see myself giving it up, but with a baby on the way (due mid January ) I know my time will be put to greater use elsewhere. So, if any would be willing to share, how do you balance parenthood with this multi-faceted hobby of ours? I've got a rough idea, but I'm intrigued how others go about it.

Many thanks in advance. Death to the False Emperor.

 

Admin/mods: Hope its cool to post here. If not please move or nuke as you see fit. Thanks :) 

[Dolchiate Remembrancer]

I will let other fathers jump in with real life experience, but i have seen dads around me balance it one way or another. Me and a friend of mine have been 40k players since mid 3rd. He became a dad 4 years ago and although it has cut into his game time he does still make time for it.

The boy comes first however, and i would have it no other way!

[Ultramarine vet]

This is a great topic for me as well! I'll be a first time dad in mid September. Thanks for the post, I'll be very excited to get some advice as well.

[MegaVolt87]

Obligatory not a dad but my close friend is. So he actually quit 40k and tabletop in general and moved on to just vidya. His reasoning was he only has X amount of free time, so if he spent it painting + modeling, he wouldn't have enough for gaming and vice versa. So I guess your other hobbies would have to suffer if you want to do wargaming stuff, at least until they hit primary school. Or go to bed an hour later, and do hobby stuff for just an hour- easier said than done cutting sleep further though. 

[Lost2Requiem]

Hi,

Congratulations!

I’m a dad to a nine year old. Been into 40k since Rogue Trader, managed to paint and play throughout, to varying degrees of success!

I kept a single project on the go. Just a single Space Marine. Just had the bear minimum in a tub (paint, brush etc). You’d be amazed how many 10-15 minute slots of time you get. I mean, gone are the 5hr painting sessions, but it’s cathartic to just spend the time waiting for a bottle to warm, or sterilise, or a baby grow to dry, painting a backpack etc. I think I averaged a Marine once a fortnight, but at least I was painting! Once the baby is in a routine, it gets easier to get in a bit longer, so I expanded my projects slowly. Eventually I had a mobile painting station that I could move around the house with me so that I could fulfil my fatherly duties, and those to the Emperor!

Gaming-wise, I started playing HoR Kill Team (back in the day) and Necromunda, any small skirmishes games I could get in, really. I went to the store with a 9 month old and played for a couple of hours during a nap/quiet time. Just because you have a kid, doesn’t mean you are housebound! I found it was a matter of making a gaming routine around the baby/toddler. I was lucky, my daughter was a fairly hassle free baby (didn’t last...) so I could take her places and she’d happily sit and watch the miniature cabinet slowly turning.

Sorry, that’s a ramble. Hope it helps? Or at least reassures you that it is possible! Lots of people say “oh, that’s it, my gaming life is over!”, but I never found that the case. Reduced. Yes. Over. No.

Good luck!

[Kierdale]

Dad of a 7 year old here.

 

I haven’t gamed since my son was born. Recently I’ve been able to initiate him into the hobby and we’ve had a few games - instructional mainly, and often me letting him win -which is fine: I’m glad to have a bit of a game, and to see his face when he wins is priceless. And when he does lose, that’s a valuable lesson too.

 

Modelling wise I started painting/modelling at work in my lunch hour. Still do so.

After a year or so (my son wasn’t much of a sleeper, and was very much a cryer. High maintenance) I could grab some hobby time at home.

As Lost2Requiem said, grab what time you can.

[Dolchiate Remembrancer]

Great posts dads! Keep it coming!

[Halandaar]

My first was born in November and once things settled into more of a rhythm I was able to resume hobbying; as mentioned above there are a lot of little pockets of time here and there during naps and so on which can be great just to do a little bit of painting (once you're past the point of needing to sleep in those times yourself!).

 

I just focus on a single small project at a time and keep all the things I need for it in a little box that can move around the house with me as needed. So for example I'm just doing a 5-man Necron squad at the moment. Today I did the drybrush on the main body, yesterday it was the wash, the day before the base coat. Stuff like that.

 

As for gaming, prior to the whole Covid lockdown I managed to get a few games in too by way of arrangement with my wife where we'd give each other a night "off" every other week, so she'd go see a movie or something with her friends and then the next weekend I'd go visit a buddy and play a game of 40k. Even with ability to do stuff like that restricted at the moment (I do online gaming instead) it's important to give yourself that time to recharge your batteries and enjoy your hobbies.

[NTaW]

I took a step back from physically hobbying for a while at first but found time soon enough once we got past losing our minds a bit and into a sort of a schedule (see also, become accustomed to sleep deprivation). When I wanted to start getting back into it I made a little drop and go tray of paints and a model or two and would paint for however many minutes I would get sporadically throughout the day.

 

I too have been in the hobby since 2nd edition (and a bit before even) with many lulls in attention or ability to commit to regular hobbying. This will be just another of those times but with more crying and diaper changing (maybe?) :lol:

[N1SB]

1st of all, congratulations, daddies.

 

Sorry, that’s a ramble. Hope it helps?

 

That was no ramble, that was some heavy duty wisdom you laid down upon us.

 

And also from all the dads here.  What I've learned from reading is this:

• It's not the lack of time.  You do have time, but you spend a lot of it indoors.
• The problem is, it's just broken up, in bursts.  You don't get a long duration of continuous spare time
• You also choose projects more to scale to that

So it sounds like fatherhood is a very start-stop-hurry-up-and-wait affair.

 

My suggestion as an outside observe: consider moving more towards Contrast paints.

 

Contrast paints, due to their nature, is actually very fast painting, then letting it sit for a long time because they need to dry for their natural shading effect.  That didn't exist before.  It's a lot of start-stop-let-it-dry-do-something-else affair and might actually fit that your new time pattern.

 

The only thing I'd warn against with Contrast is, it works better with certain models than others.

[Gongsun Zan]

1st of all, congratulations, daddies.

 

Sorry, that’s a ramble. Hope it helps?

 

That was no ramble, that was some heavy duty wisdom you laid down upon us.

 

And also from all the dads here.  What I've learned from reading is this:

• It's not the lack of time.  You do have time, but you spend a lot of it indoors.
• The problem is, it's just broken up, in bursts.  You don't get a long duration of continuous spare time
• You also choose projects more to scale to that

So it sounds like fatherhood is a very start-stop-hurry-up-and-wait affair.

 

My suggestion as an outside observe: consider moving more towards Contrast paints.

 

Contrast paints, due to their nature, is actually very fast painting, then letting it sit for a long time because they need to dry for their natural shading effect.  That didn't exist before.  It's a lot of start-stop-let-it-dry-do-something-else affair and might actually fit that your new time pattern.

 

The only thing I'd warn against with Contrast is, it works better with certain models than others.

 

As a dad to a 11 week year old, I can vouch for this. I had to make some changes to my painting style to take full advantage of what contrast paint can offer, but it's really great at maintaining a sense of progress even with very limited painting time. 

[thewarriorhunter]

The Independent Characters did a great episode on this, From Diapers to Dice Bags: http://theindependentcharacters.com/blog/2014/09/episode-109-from-diapers-to-dicebags/

 

The go over this subject in depth and I think will really help to give some perspective. The hobby isn't over, but your priorities and time will need to shift.

[Grotsmasha]

I've never been much for the gaming, so how to fit in a game I don't really have too much advice other than try the smaller boxed games, Blackstone Fortress, Lost Patrol.

In regards to painting and hobbying;

 

1. A mobile paint station for quick setup and put away is a must.

2. A wet palette, this will allow you to quickly pack-up your station, but not waste your paints.

 

In a few (all too quick) years, those little grabby hands will become VERY interested in Daddy's small toys, so having the ability to quickly pack-up is massive.

[toaae]

My son is nearly 2 and a half, and for the first two years I was a stay-at-home parent. My son is an exceptionally easy child, and my wife is very supportive of my hobby, but i still think i can share some universal wisdom.

 

During my wife's maternity leave, I got a load of painting done. I know a few other parents that discovered the same thing. This is a blip, and while it can be nice to get some solid hours in, it's not ti be expected as the way things will go.

 

Set yourself a schedule. Try to carve out some hobby time in the morning before they wake up, during the kid's nap, or at night after the child goes to bed. Each child's sleeping pattern is different, and they often change, so you'll have to figure it out. But trying to make a routine will help you grab half an hour here and an hour there. Added up, you'll find a lot of progress can be made.

 

For gaming, you can probably get away taking the child to a game when they are in the "always napping" phase if you got an easy child. But for the most part, this is about working with your partner. And just like you need some time to do your thing, remember to reciprocate and offer to let your partner escape for most of a day to do their thing.

 

Being a working parent can be a strain on the hobby. It's not something that "gets better", because life just can't be the same after having a child. But it doesn't mean you can't hobby. It just means reorganizing and prioritizing your time, and being flexible with your goals.

[Panzer]

A friend of mine is father of a ~3yo, bought a house last year which still requires lots of work and got promoted at work which just means he has to work even more (but for more money).

 

When the boy was young it was mostly painting for him. You'd be surprised at how much freetime inbetween you can actually find. Gaming was a bit more difficult because once the boy required attention it meant a lengthy break which, depending on the time of the day, could end up in a nap for him while waiting for the boy to go back to sleep.

These days he can't really paint anymore because the boy wants attention in form of playtime, naturally (and because now he can open doors and stuff so you can never really leave him alone lol), however he's old enough to bring him to friends with children or to the grandparents to have an evening of gaming every few weeks.

The situation will change once more in ~3 years when he enters school and starts getting interested in stuff outside of the household, but the mad man already has a daughter on the way so there's that.

Edited June 9, 2020 by Panzer

[WarriorFish]

Same with anything; you don't get time you make time Early days are the easiest, put the little Scout down for a sleep and crack the brushes out quick! For gaming, as a 36 year old you're probably already used to needing to organise fun suitably in advance?

 

As BCC often says; 15 minutes a day paints armies. Even if that's 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there... and as mother always said it's about routine and staying on top of everything. Little and often wins the day whether its chores or hobby

 

Before you know it you'll be deciding what army they want to collect. Well, as much of a decision as collecting Guard is at any rate?

[Domhnall]

I had written out a massive long reply to this, but I accidentally lost it 

 

So to summarise what I said, is that I have a 4 and 2 year old. My hobbies took a back seat during the first year of each of them, so much so that I really didn't do any painting in that time, as any spare time was spent working/housework/meals/sleeping. 

 

The time will, and did come back, however most of my spare time is spent on the PS4, as it's the easiest with no set up / tidy away (I don't have dedicated workstation, and everything is locked away from little hands). I am trying to change that though. 

 

If you are in a situation where you don't have the time during baby time, don't worry. It will come back so keep following what's going on, and most importantly, prioritise your spare time better than I do! 

 

And enjoy what time you have with the baby. That time does go by very quickly and you will miss how 'easy' it actually was when they start growing up 

[Dwango]

Their reach improves faster than their appreciation for fragility.

Well that made me chuckle!

 

So I cant really add much to what's been said. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. What I learnt with the first is that you are in a constant state of change. Soon as you crack something and you think you're in a routine then something else comes along to throw you off (teething nearly killed me!). Every kids different so it's just about finding a groove that works with them and your partner.

 

I don't game, haven't done since the 90s but hoping to at some point. Probably when the kids get older. I actually found my painting time increased slightly as I now don't really go on nights out on evenings/weekends with friends etc. as much as I used to so I generally paint on an evening, between 1 and 3 hours (if I'm feeling reckless but I pay for it with lack of sleep).

 

The thing I had to learn is to try and not get too annoyed with any lack of progress. There were stages when I kept trying to get some painting in but as soon as I would sit down the kid would cry and need attention. Very frustrating at the time but it made me alter my tact by setting achievable goals. Small model count per project and aiming to get all base coats or dry brushing etc. done.

You'll soon see progress. Paint smart not hard as the adage goes.

 

Still a work in progress but I managed to get the 2year old on to papier mache crafting. He's helped me create a few craters and some sort of pumping station. Something good to come out of lockdown!

 

Congratulations on the new arrival and make sure you go easy on yourself. Parenting is hard but rewarding.

[Sloeberjong]

This is all good to read. I'm gonna be a dad in October, so this is helpful! 

[Leonaides]

Dad of a 7 and 4 yr old (by the end of the month at least).

 

My early days/nights were definitely shift-pattern baby care. Wife dealt with days while i worked, then in the evenings i would be up till about 2am to cover upsets/feedings/poo-splosions while she slept, then she would be responsible for any waking after 2 so we both got 4-5 hrs unbroken sleep. 5 hours sleep leaves you functional, but that meant lots of long hours late evening after she was in bed where i needed to be quiet, but awake myself so plenty of painting time if you feel up to it there.

 

Other than that, like others have alreayd said - try and give each other a night off each week/two weeks/whatever and on that night you could fit in a small game if you have a local gaming bud who can host, or (at the moment) maybe a zoom-painting session with your gaming circle? I dont manage to get too many games in frequently, but part of the deal is i do get to go to the ones that matter - occasional WHW weekends, local tournaments 3-4 a year etc. It helps that i live near 4 gaming mates and one is always happy to host/leave us keys to his shed if he is busy so games can be short 2hr quickies/necromunda/killteam up to multi-evening affairs with 2 turns a night maybe (or at least when lockdown ends again).

 

Children arent the end of gaming, but you have to keep the perspective that gaming is ultimately not that important.

[battle captain corpus]

Beachymike123.

What an excellent topic!

Ok...I have 2 small Astartes. Balancing the hobby can be tricky yes. But it’s a big part of my life and always has been. I have found the trick is to always make time for “you” time. It’s ok to need some time to paint/model/hobby etc as it keeps you sane/balanced! ;)

Keeping a tidier hobby area I’ve found is also great as is my age old adage of the 15 minute army. Have some hobby ready to go at drop off a hat and just do 15 minutes once a day. While the baths running, after kids are in bed etc.

 

BCC

Edited June 9, 2020 by battle captain corpus

[Wrath of Bruinen]

My little Primarch was born in February, and I can attest to all the great advice in this thread because I’m living it right now. I think it was probably a good month or two before I was able to pick up a brush, but the important thing is to remember that you will get a chance eventually!

The points about being fair and communicating clearly with your partner are so important. Your baby becomes priority number 1 of course, but you guys need to look after yourselves as well. Postnatal Depression isn’t just limited to mothers - fathers can go through it too. Just like it’s good to give your partner breaks and a chance to recharge doing things she enjoys, if hobby is helping with your mental health (which so many people have talked about elsewhere in relation to covid) then it’s good to try and keep it up. As long as you’re fair, and realistic (the 5 hour painting sessions are sadly long gone), you can definitely keep hobbying.

 

In my experience (which is really just a reflection of others’ comments on this thread), hobby time just changes. I try to spend 10 minutes in the evening putting a base coat or wash down. I save blending jobs and highlighting that take a while for days when I can have an uninterrupted hour or so - I try to give my parter was much of a break as I can when I’m not working, so she understands when I can’t change the occasional nappy because I’ve got wet paint!

 

Please do feel free to PM me if you want to talk about general fatherhood stuff. It’s an incredible journey but it’s also one you don’t have to walk alone

[Aramis K]

I'm a dad to a 1yo and a 4yo.

There is still time to paint and model, but I have to fit it around life.

 

If you're not painting for games it can be more fun - I paint a wide range of individual models I like rather than armies or units. Every mini a character.

 

I'd echo Grotsmasha's point on a mobile paint station you can open and put away easily. A toolbox or similar at the kitchen table. Wet palette to preserve paint. Brush soap to restore the hastily washed brushes.

 

Congrats on becoming a dad, it's great.

[_Valten_]

I've got a 4 year old, and a 12 week old.

 

I suppose it all depends what you want to get out of the hobby, and how supportive your partner is with the hobby.

 

For example, when just had our eldest and he was a toddler I was able to paint a couple of evenings a week and still go to the local GW for a Thursday night gaming session after work every few weeks.  My wife knows I love the hobby and if I couldn't do it that I'd do her head in.  I was even able to get away for a weekend or so a year for an event with the guys.

 

Now we've got our new arrival (plus the lockdown) everything changes.  We've got him into the routine of having a feed around 9pm, at which point he sleeps.  I then give him another 'dream feed' around 12:30am.  Our current routine is that I get to hobby most nights after the wife has gone to bed (around 10pm) and I do so until I do the dream feed.  It feels good to be able to paint for a couple of hours most evenings.

 

Now, gaming is another thing in it's entirety.  Post lockdown I'm hoping to still get some games in, but I know that it'll be few and far between.

 

I think one of the most important things to do is to talk with your partner about the hobby and come up with some sort of plan.  Family comes first, but it's still important that you get that 'me' time.  Just know that having a little one is unpredictable; especially when it's your first.  Be open to taking some time away from the main hobby completely - especially for the first few months.  Reading is good, as is watching / listening to postcasts and the like - as it's something that you can do whilst you're holding / cuddling your little one.  They feel safe and secure, and you still get to have one foot in what you love.

 

Hope that helps, and congrats on joining the #hobbydad team!

[ThePenitentOne]

I'm not a dad, but I've been a youth rec leader for just about every age group/ ability level, and now I teach.

 

I have used 40k in both rec programs and in the classroom. It has helped me engage children and youth through painting, building, playing and reading. The game is great for math and numeracy skills, as well as reading and literacy skills. I have seen at risk youth become lifelong readers because of 40k. As a new dad, it'll be a while before you can play 40k with your kid(s), but once you can... You'll be able to do the thing you love ALL THE TIME, and it will still count as good parenting! No concussions!

 

So a few things: in a recent WD or community post, I saw a parent download a marine colouring sample; he let his kid design the colour scheme, and then he painted it on a model and blew the kid's mind. GW also is starting to market kid friendlier stuff, from books to models.

 

Consider buying lots of small collections of different factions and become the dad who runs the Crusade Campaign for your kid and all of their friends. If you have enough small forces, you can supply models until the hook is set deep enough that the kid wants to buy a box. Crusade, started at the Combat Patrol Level is easier for kids too- small forces. Talk to parents too- the hobby ain't cheap, and some parents might not be happy if you get them hooked. If you've got a buddy who is also a warhammer dad/ mom, you're set.

 

Also: Blackstone Fortress won't be around for much longer. It is the slow walk into 40k, and thankfully, that's still true even in 9th. The kid gets to play a single miniature- one that is very characterful, and can be seamlessly integrated into 40k. The Blackstone character could even become the leader of the kid's Crusade army! The reason I recommend Blackstone so highly is that it is a cooperative game- it fosters teamwork, not competition; starting with a cooperative game is the best thing you can do to make sure your kid doesn't grow up to be :cuss. The box set, and every expansion comes with a sealed envelope which contains the reward for completing the campaign- built in positive reinforcement + delayed gratification!

 

Finally: It is true that your kid may rebel against you and not embrace the hobby if you push too hard. Be prepared for the gamer dad plan to fail. A little bit of reverse psychology works here, especially when they're young. Play where they can see it- kids can't help but love toys, so it's likely to attract attention. When the kid asks to play, just introduce them to your army like you're telling a story. But give them hobby related things to do before you let them play. Spend an afternoon building cardboard ruins- let the kid experiment with creating their own textured paint and stucco the cardboard with it. Then dry brush it with them. Then they get to play on the battlefield they built.