IA: Striking Falcons

[hortanium]

Would it be reasonable that one of them would act as a temporary Chapter Master until he could be replaced by a marine from the new chapter?

[Allart01]

I'm not sure.

I can't see an Astartes getting deep into a Chapter's specific situation, logistics and politics as much as a Chapter Master, only to be sent back to be a Captain somewhere else.

A generation is likely to pass before a suitably experienced candidate steps forward, anyway.

Edited July 16, 2020 by The_Bloody

[Lysimachus]

Agreed, although it's not set in stone, but it seems most likely given the vast distances (and other issues involved in travel) that the cadre stays. Captain from parent Chapter becomes Master, Vt Sgts become Captains, etc. To go back would be a demotion. Not that it couldn't happen if a cadre had particular loyalty to their parent Chapter, but it just seems less likely.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Agreed, although it's not set in stone, but it seems most likely given the vast distances (and other issues involved in travel) that the cadre stays. Captain from parent Chapter becomes Master, Vt Sgts become Captains, etc. To go back would be a demotion. Not that it couldn't happen if a cadre had particular loyalty to their parent Chapter, but it just seems less likely.

 

 

I think that would depend on the character of the 'temp' Chapter Master. If he is humble enough, or if it makes sense in his story to step down, so be it.

 

For example, if an original training cadre had a Captain or (these days) Lieutenant got killed and the only surviving, ranking member was a Sgt and only stepped in to the role as a battlefield promotion, with a stipulation to stepping down when a suitable replacement was elected from the new generation of marines.

 

For his argument, he'd want the chapter to elect one of their own, rather than being forced to adhere to dead mens boots from another chapter.

[hortanium]

I have updated the first post with what I have written so far. Please provide any comments or critiques on what I need to improve.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

You're off to a good start. Some suggestions:

The homeworld of the Striking Falcons is Hercynia Minor. It is part of the “Hermes” system and is the smaller of the two habitable planets, the other being Hercynia itself.

To avoid confusion, how about renaming Hercynia "Hercynia Major", to further distinguish it from Hercynia Minor?

Hercynia Minor in particular has produced some very skilled and hardy individuals as a result of its coming of age tradition for adolescents. When children turn 16, they are sent into the forests for a month, provided only with a knife and a powerful bolt action rifle.

Unusually for a Space Marine Chapter, the Striking Falcons recruit their neophytes once they turn 16. This is done despite the increased chance of failure due to the coming of age tradition of their homeworld.

Why not reduce the age at which the children undergo the coming of age ritual, to 13? That should greatly increase the success rate for gene-seed implants.

[hortanium]

I thought about lowering the age but I find this lends a bit of something different. It also lends itself well to each SM being considered even more precious, which invariably has an impact on the Chapter’s tactics. I just need to flesh it out more to reflect that. That said, I might create a second coming of age ceremony that is for 14-15 year olds that explicitly want to become Space Marines, thus improving the success rate.

 

I’m also toying with the idea that over time the gene-seed mutates slightly to work better with older recruits. Just need to figure out what organ will suffer as a result. The chapter might also be far too young for a mutation to have manifested yet. Need to really figure that out.

Edited July 22, 2020 by hortanium

[Bjorn Firewalker]

I thought about lowering the age but I find this lends a bit of something different. It also lends itself well to each SM being considered even more precious, which invariably has an impact on the Chapter’s tactics.

Each Marine is precious... the way all children are precious, and should be cherished and protected, not sent off to fight and die in a war (repeating some comments real-world people made against the use of child soldiers)? I do NOT foresee the likely impact on the Chapter's tactics, as a positive one.

I’m also toying with the idea that over time the gene-seed mutates slightly to work better with older recruits. Just need to figure out what organ will suffer as a result. The chapter might also be far too young for a mutation to have manifested yet. Need to really figure that out.

If such a mutation was possible, Games Workshop would have stated so in a Codex or a Black Library publication. I doubt it's a good idea to play around with gene-seed this way; in addition to the in-universe risk the gene-seed will deteriorate the way those of the 21st "Cursed" Founding did, you face the real-world risk of others denouncing your IA Chapter as one of "Mary Sue Marines."

 

Lowering the recruits' ages will be the easiest way you can avoid those risks.

[hortanium]

The gene-seed idea was very wobbly. The idea of improved success for older recruits I was thinking would be no more than 10%. I didn’t want it to be drastic. I was also thinking it would be slowly brought on as a result of the bodies of the successful recruits. However, if I took that risky route I know there would have to be a corresponding malus that makes one or more organs less effective or useless. Admittedly, this probably won’t work because the chapter is too young, besides the other issues you mentioned.

 

Regarding tactics, I was thinking that the slower replenishment would push them to more heavily favor infiltration tactics and small strike teams, while avoiding large set piece battles when possible. I think if I explain it well it should work.

 

All that said, lowering the age would be simplest and consistent with the background. Are you able to point me in the direction of where I could find out how bad the success rate is for older recruits? I was able to find the ranges that implants are started, which puts 16 four years outside of the normal period for the first implant.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Regarding tactics, I was thinking that the slower replenishment would push them to more heavily favor infiltration tactics and small strike teams, while avoiding large set piece battles when possible. I think if I explain it well it should work.

The Chapter must remain capable of fighting set piece battles, in case they must defend a vital facility, e.g., their own fortress-monastery (remember the time the Red Corsairs raided the Marines Errant fortress-monastery and seized the gene-seed stored there), the shipyard where the Chapter's own ships are being berthed/built/refitted/repaired, manufactories producing materiel for Imperial armed forces, etc. Overspecializing in guerilla warfare tactics will see the Chapter wiped out- possibly via Exterminatus, when a better-equipped enemy loses patience.

[Allart01]

 

Re: recruits, I think you should refer to this chart.

 

Keep in mind that by age 16, the aspirant is already too old for the first FIVE implantation phases.

He's also at the end of the recommended Age limit for the rest of them... And as you can see from the chart, you are not supposed to just stuff all the different organs inside the candidate at the same time; they have to be let grow organically.

 

Only recuiting 16 years olds would be sub-optimal in the best cases, and catastrophical in every other.

Edited July 22, 2020 by The_Bloody

[Lord_Caerolion]

It appears that is at least somewhat able to be worked around, given the Blood Angel method of creation, namely being "implant everything at once, then stick 'em in a sarcophagus for a year".

[hortanium]

I was taking advantage of the use of the word “ideally” to be a bit more flexible with age range at the cost of slower recruitment and a higher failure rate.

 

That said, it does seem the consensus is that 16 is pushing it a bit hard, so I will really need to weigh this carefully.

 

Thanks for the responses thus far. They are being helpful.

Edited July 23, 2020 by hortanium

[hortanium]

First post updated. Recruitment age was changed. I still need to work on fleshing out the origin a bit more as well as how the homeworld has influenced the chapter.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

The revised OP is well-written. However, much of the text is near-invisible against the white background that is the website's default display setting for smartphones and other mobile devices.

[hortanium]

Thanks for the heads up. I think that came about due to having to change the text color to white to show up on the main page when I copied and pasted from word. Need to figure out how to fix that.

 

Looks like it's fixed now when I check on my phone.

Edited July 25, 2020 by hortanium

[gripschi]

Your Solution goes in the Right Direction. But feel for me a bit "Alien/easy".

 

In fromer Cultures on earth, the most children were deem adult around 14. 16 is there in my sight a bit old for such Trials.

 

Maybe just change it? Still bit risk but far less then 16.

 

 

Your Homeworld remind me of Caliban a bit, maybe a good source for further Expansion in this Sector.

 

Overall nice Chapter.

[hortanium]

Your Solution goes in the Right Direction. But feel for me a bit "Alien/easy".

 

In fromer Cultures on earth, the most children were deem adult around 14. 16 is there in my sight a bit old for such Trials.

 

Maybe just change it? Still bit risk but far less then 16.

 

 

Your Homeworld remind me of Caliban a bit, maybe a good source for further Expansion in this Sector.

 

Overall nice Chapter.

I’m glad you liked it and thanks for reading.

 

You’re not wrong about the solution be easy. I plan on trying to add more context around it so it seems somewhat less easy.

 

Question for everyone, is there much info on the night of a thousand rebellions, or is it just that much of the segmentum pacificus went dark due to chaos influence?

[Allart01]

Not much on the Night of a Thousand Rebellions other than what's in the rulebooks, I'm afraid - but it's a suggestive and interesting blurb, so expanding upon it to make your own fluff would definitely be welcome.

 

I have given this a re-read, so here are my toughts:

 

- I like the whole "reverence for scouts" idea. It's interesting and unique, and you should definitely expand on it.

 

- Recruitment: you incorporated the feedback you received here, which is good - what's more, you made it part of the story, which is double good. What I am not sure about is why the Falcons were allowed to "fail" in the first place - putting at risk their own Chapter's existance because of ideological reason would likely be met with resistance from the wider Imperium. I quite like the  that their limitations are based on advanced/juridic principles against recruiting children, and the fact that disregarding said principles would displease the population - altough we are talking about the Imperium and this has been their praxis for 10k years.

The comparison to Macragge as an "enlightened" planet is fine, but you should remember that Ultramar has 100 worlds worth of resources to spend on its own advancement and well-being. Hercynia sounds a lot more down in the mud with most other imperial worlds in this regard.

 

- Doctrine and Beliefs: the Chapter's method of warfare is informed by its own history, which is good. The Beliefs section, on the other hand, is in my opinion mostly redundant. What Astartes Chapter, after all, isn't extra loyal and doesn't hate Chaos? You don't need to stress that. The Falcon's displeasure for the wider state of the Imperium, on the other hand, can be something interesting to elaborate upon.

 

- There are two main "fixes" (in my opionion, and according to my very personal taste) this IA would benefit from:

A ) The Falcons need a flaw/setback/weakness/challenge. The recruitment issue belongs to the past - what are they struggling with now?

B ) The names should be homogenized. Some of them definitely feel too contemporary (Lawrence, McGregor...), and other are too heterogenous when put next to them (Hermes, Columbia...) The latter is definitely too on-the-nose as a Continent's name, and I usually like that kind of reference.

Overall, I believe your should focus on a coherent honomastic/toponomastic style, even better if it's not a very contemporary real-world one. The immersion and coherence of the Ia would, in my opinion, improve.

 

Hope this helps.

Edited August 10, 2020 by The_Bloody

[hortanium]

@The_Bloody. Thank you for the feedback and taking the time to reread the IA. It’s proving very helpful for focusing my ideas.

 

Regarding names, I tend to struggle somewhat with picking good ones. That said, I could definitely make the system and planet ones more uniform in place of the current mashup.

 

As for character names, I’m trying to use ones from the British Isles as that is the loose basis for the cultural background for the planet. I think my best option would be to alter spellings a bit. The trick is not copying Abnett haha.

 

As for the beliefs part, I agree with it being redundant with any other chapter re: Chaos. I may just take it out and work it into the relations with the Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy.

 

I do need to expand on the comparison to Macragge. It’s meant to be similar in the sense of governance, not in terms of wealth, and certainly not influence. Essentially, the planet has been left to develop on its terms.

 

When I finish fleshing out the recruitment I should be able to provide a better explanation. Essentially, the plan is the cadre came from the White Consuls. As they place a premium on good governance, they mistakenly determined that the risk of failure was worth paying to maintain good relations with the populace. I might additionally have it as an attempt by Cawl, having selected the most flawless gene seed he could, trying to get an idea how far age could be pushed for recruits.