WIP - Storm Furies

[rookster]

Hi all, I'm working on a still very WIP White Scar successor chapter that I'm calling the Storm Furies at the moment.

The theme culture I'm running with for them is North American Plains Indians mostly using Cheyenne and Arapaho traditions as a reference.

I'm still in the early stages but

The details I have set down so far are as follows:

• A 4th Founding chapter, whose founding members were veterain Ork fighters from the War of the Beast.
• Chapter homeworld: Feral world of Haykonost made up of a single supercontinent, located in the Segmentum Tempestus.
• The world was settled by the imperium during the Great Crusade only to become isolated by Warp Storm for over 500 years, in which the colonist reverted to a feral nomad tribal society in which horses play an important part.
• Initial founding members will have come from the Bloodrider Brotherhood (8th company) and the Stormbolt Brotherhood (9th Company)
• First Chapter Master was Nachin Khan former Master of Steeds of the Bloodrider Brotherhood. He lay down the teachings in the Book of Storms from which the tactics that the Chapter still use today are found.
• The Chapter, like their parent chapter makes full use of quick moving and hitting units, specializing in hit and run missions, however they also make use of heavy ambush tactics, using quick attacks for quick moving units to gall the enemy into chaseing them into well well prepared ambushes where slower moving but hard hitting units can be used with devistating effect.
• Specialized in fighting orcs and Dark Eldar pirates, though will not hesitate to meet any other threat to the imperium.
• Believe in returning lost technology and stolen gear to the imperium based off the tribal traditions of taking the possessions of defeated enemies.
• Refer to the Jaghatai as the Warhawk and themselves as the Sons of the Warhawk.

I will add more in the future though as I continue to flesh them out, at the moment I need some help I'm trying to flesh out some of the founding members at the moment so I can work out how they helped shape the identity of the chapter, however from looking online there is very little detail of what the White Scars were up to in the gap between the Disapearance of the Great Khan and the War of the Beast, I in no way plan to have any of them be old enough to have ridden with the Great Khan but they also certainly weren't Neophytes when the fighting started either. as such if people could give me some ideas (cannon if they exist, or not) I'd be super appreciative.

More to come in the Future,

Brother Rookster

++++++++++++++++++++++

CHAPTER NAME: .............. ...Storm Furies

FOUNDING: ............................4TH [M.32]

CHAPTER WORLD: ...............Haykonost

FORTRESS MONASTERY: ....No`oto-uxoo (Brewing Storm) Keep

GENE-SEED: …………...........White Scars

KNOWN DESCENDANTS: .....NONE

Allegiance: Imperium of Man

Chapter Master: Arrow Keeper Enok-Evhano “Swift Death”

Size Estimate: 800 to 900

Specialty: Fast Attack, Ambushes, Asset Retrieval, Tracking and Pursuit Actions, Ork and Dark Eldar specialists

Colours: Grey and Dark Grey Blue

Symbol: Downward pointing serrated arrow

Battle Cry: "Storm and Fury in the Warhawks name” translated from the Haykonost dialect

Current colour test and Chapter Symbol can be found below.

Origins:

In the destructive aftermath of the War of the Beast, Lord Commander Maximus Thane, decreed the 4th Founding to shield the imperium with the iron will of hundreds of new chapters. It was amongst these new chapters that the Storm Furies would arise. Carrying the Geneseed of the Khagan, these swift and hard hitting sons of the Warhawk, have become renowned throughout the Segmentum Tempestus, for their zeal and fury in their assaults upon their enemies.

Chosen by the Great Khan for his long and unmarred service to the chapter and his leadership qualities, Veteran Captain of The Bloodrider Brotherhood and Master of the Steeds Nachin Khan, was rewarded with the honour of being the first Chapter Master of the newly formed chapter.

Though the chapter follows the Codex Astartes, they are far from being of Guilliman’s brood and have altered its teachings to be more fluid in combat situations. From the lessons learned from his experience in fighting the Dark Eldar pirates and the recent harsh lessons of The War of the Beast, Nachin would shape the nascent Chapter to meet these threats, penning the Book of Storms, which laid down the approaches and tactics that the Chapter still follow to this day.

History:

WIP

Notable Campaigns:

The Purging of Strixian Rift [//633.M32-638.M32] Widespread predation and raiding on the rich asteroid belts and trade routes surrounding the Strixian Rift by Dark Eldar pirates leads to a small Imperial Navy fleet of 4 light cruisers and escorts being sent to the region to deal with the threat. Lured into an ambush in the Rift itself, only a single badly damaged Sword Class Frigate Officium Est managed to escape the Rift Reporting the Dark Eldar pirate fleet to be much larger than expected. A much larger Imperial Navy fleet was gathered, and a call for assistance was directed towards nearby Astartes forces. Not yet even numbering five full Lodges (companies) Arrow-Keeper Nachin Khan led nearly the entire Chapters fleet and three of its four Lodges out to answer the summons, it would be the Chapters first real trial by fire.

The Strixian Rift was a large hellish green dust cloud whose properties greatly restricted augor range, making it the perfect place for pirates to hide, and strike at the surrounding regions.

Led by the chapter flagship, the Battle Barge Eye of the Storm The chapter fleet and Strike Force Nagariath would patrol the area fighting a series of relatively small and short vicious skirmishes with Dark Eldar corsairs over the course of four solar years, more aggressive tactics were finally taken in the fifth year after the Arrow-Keeper nearly came to blows with the over cautious Admiral Nagariath. Faced with both the anger of Nachin Khan and his threat to withdraw his chapter’s forces, incursions into the Rift itself were finally made.

After a series of costly skirmishes to the imperial forces, Nachin Khan was able to force a decisive battle, becoming “accidently” separated from Naval forces, The Storm Furies Fleet waited for the Naval forces to become heavily engaged, with the Xenos believing they had isolated a sizeable Imperial force, they engaged it with most of their strength. It was then that Chapter’s forces struck, diving into the frey batteries flaring and boarding torpedoes launching, the full Fury of the chapter was brought to bear. The Arrow Keeper himself and his retinue led the boarding action against the Dark Eldar Flagship his way to the Battleships bridge, cleansing it with spear and fire, after a long hard fought battle.

The ensuing battle cost the chapter dearly in both material and blood, but effectively broke the back of the dark eldar forces, further minor skirmishes and heavily patrolling finally driving the pirates from the Rift for good some months later. All told The purging of the Strixian Rift would cost the Chapter the loss of one strike cruiser and four escorts as well as nearly a Lodge worth of Astartes spread over the three Lodges, The Chapter had been baptised in blood, their losses strengthening their hatred of the Xenos.

The Uolius Campaign [753.M32-760.M32] A campaign led by Arrow-Keeper Nachin Khan involving Five of the Chapters Lodges against the Greenskins of WAAAGH! Sunklaw, over the course of 7 solar years the Storm Furies pushed the Green skin hoard back From Hive world Uolius Gamma frustrating the Green skin forces many times their number, with hit and run and well organized ambush operation. Leaving the mopping up of the remaining Greenskins to the Imperial Guard forces. The Furies took the fight to the Greenskin forces on the Agri world Uolius Delta, it would be here that the chapter would find the Warboss himself Skagrak Sunklaw, Managing to draw out the warboss after heavy fighting, Nachin Khan would challenge him to single combat, In the ensuing combat though severely wounded the Arrow-Keeper managed to land a Mortal wound upon the Warboss, however in the process he damaged the power source of the warbosses power armor, causing it to overload and explode in spectacular fashion. Leaving a 20 foot creator all that was found of either combatant were shards of armor plate, and the severed left gauntlet of the Arrow-Keeper still gripping the Relic Weapon Stormpiercer the power Hunting Spear once used by the Warhawk himself. After a long vicious campaign with the assistance of titans from Legio Interfectra the imperial forces were successful in destroying the WAAAGH! But at the great cost of the Chapter's first Arrow-Keeper.

The Blockade of Helipolis and Morqub sub-sectors [//Redacted] In M[Redacted] Arrow-Keeper Ma'aeta Hoonino received a priority message from the High Lords of Terra Requesting that the Storm Furies deploy in chapter Strength to assist in blockading the Sub-sectors of Heliopolis and Morqub, any and all vessels trying to leave those sub-sectors were to destroyed unless the correct upto date codes were provided, any ships failing to comply were not to be boarded but destroyed with extreme force.

---[Further Report is Redacted]---

Antydion Maximus Uprising [???.M33] [Records Partially Corrupted] Returning from the blockade of Helipolis and Morqub sub-sectors having lost …. Chapter received a call for assistance from the Planet Lord Governor of Antydion Maximus, an important Agri-world in the Felrax system and the primary food source of two important Forge Worlds. An armed uprising had begun on the planet with possible links to the ruinous powers. Arrow-Keeper Ma'aeta Hoonino responded by leading the First and Third Lodges to Antydion Maximus.

Arriving above the world, the chapter would find two of the planet's major cities under rebel control including the planet's primary shipping po….

… forces moved steadily against the rebels stronghold with minor losses, while reading his forces for the final attack Arrow-Keeper Ma'aeta Hoonino’s head was seen to suddenly jerk back, he took a few steps forward before collapsing, a neat hole puncturing his helmet's right eye lens. Apothecaries attempted to stabilize the fallen Arrow-Keeper but a strange toxin was found in his system causing complete organ failure within moments. The rebels were crushed without further incident though no trace of the toxin used to kill the Arrow Keeper was dis…

[Remaining File too corrupted to Read]

Homeworld:

The world known as Haykonost was settled some time between the early days of interstellar colonization and the Dark Age of Technology. When it was rediscovered during the Great Crusade, its people had already lost most of its technological knowledge and had reverted to a nomadic tribal way of life, the ruins of its former cites, by then long overgrown, showed signs of sudden and catastrophic destruction of unknown origins.

With no central government or modern technology, an initial outpost of the Adeptus Administratum was established on the planet upon its rediscovery with the intention of bringing it inline with the imperial regulations, while also establishing what resources it possessed that could be used for the betterment of the imperium, this work had scarcely truly begun before the imperial outpost, situated on the coast of main continent was destroyed by a large tsunami, possibly like the earliest settlements before it. This destruction combined with the loss of the survey vessel which made the initial rediscovery led to it becoming lost once more to the imperium. The planet would only return to the Imperium's records shortly before the War of the Beast, when the Imperial Navy Sword-class Frigate Invictus Illuminatus, was forced to make an emergancy return to real space, due to Gellar Field instability. Finding itself in an uncharted system with its inhabited world it would be only a mater of time before it would once more come to the attention of the Adeptus Administratum.

The planet itself is made up of of three continents, the two smaller continents both of which are mostly barren of life and barely sit above the ocean level, leaving them prone to sudden flooding. The third massive continent contains almost of the planets non aquatic life, with seemingly unending plains broken up with rivers and small lakes. Giant mountains reach high into the pale violet atmosphere in the very centre of the continent stretching for kilometers not unlike a giant spine, at its base are thick and wild forests of giant conifer. Oddly the planet's feral population seems to avoid the coastal regions, the areas in which much of the ancient ruins of cities are found.

The people native to this planet seem to trace their genetic and cultural lineage to the ancient peoples of Merika though imperial data on such ancient Terran history is limited at best. These people live in tribal groupings traveling throughout the seasons to follow the great migrating herds of heneecee, large hairy and horned herbivores, the males of which are known to reach the height of a battle tank. These nomadic people are predominantly equestrian based, using horses that seem to have evolved from ancient Terran stock brough to the planet by the original settlers and known in the local language as woxhoox.

Conflict between the tribal groups is regular, though intensive full scale warfare is rare. Raiding, skirmishing and ambushes are far more common, the goal seeming less to be the total destruction of the enemy and more of a show of strength and a humbling of the foe.

The apex predator native to the planet is surprisingly not the six limbed large feline like creature with large serrated fangs known as the heni'tonukuteet but the huge raptor like birds known as the cee'iibeet known to grow to the size of a Stormtalon, these large birds predominantly prey upon the heneecee but are known to carry off horses and riders… or the combination of both. These large creatures nest and roost exclusively in the large alpine forests, and are seen as animals of particular spiritual importance to the people of Haykonost. With youths required to travel to the alpine forests and retrieve one of the creatures feathers to be accepted into the warrior lodges.

Beliefs:

The Storm Furies do not hold to the Imperial Creed, viewing not the Emperor as a God, but venerat him in lines with their parent chapter as the ultimate unitor of Mankind. This veneration has been shaped by the beliefs of the local population of Haykonost, who believe that a Great Spirit shaped the creation of their world and its people. The Storm Furies view this Great Spirit as the Emperor, whose spirit continues to guide the Imperium and unite humanity.

The beliefs of the local population of their Chapter homeworld have shaped the chapter in other ways as well. The Chapter believes the spirits of its warriors are tied to Haykonost, and that upon their deaths such spirits will return to the planet to be one day forged anew. This is not to say that the chapter believes in reincarnation, more that the spirits of the planet live on after death returning in various forms as the cycle of life and death continues.

As part of the belief that the spirits return to Haykonost, the chapter does its utmost to return the bodies of their fallen to their homeworld, where they are shrouded and laid out on raised wooden platforms to allow the spirit to free itself from the flesh. Once the flesh has rotted away, the bones are collected and placed with reverence in the Chapters ossuary, beneath the Fortress Monastery.

Prior to deployment in a combat zone, each battle-brother ritually cleanses their body and soul through the use of sweat lodges and smoking of cleansing herbs from the Chapters homeworld. Each pipe is unique to an individual battle-brother, crafted by their own hand as part of their initiation rituals on becoming a Neophyte.

Ritual Scarification:

Ritual scarification within the chapter plays a very different role then that of their parent chapter The White Scars, far from being a mark of honor or distinction, the Storm Furies mark the passing of a close battle-brother with a mourning scar of remembrance.

Recruitment:

The Chapter has chosen not to make their presence directly known to the native population of Haykonost, believing that only through the unaltered purity of the planet’s people can the true strength of the chapter be maintained. As such the chapters recruitment practices have been directly shaped by the native peoples traditional rituals of transition to manhood.

The native population of Haykonost’s tribal society mostly avoid the dense conifer forests that surround the high mountains of the planet’s largest continent, however there is one exception to this rule. As part of rites of becoming a man, young potential warriors around 13 or 14 seasons old must prove themselves by traveling to the conifer forests, the nesting grounds of the cee'iibeet and retrieve a feather from the large fierce birds, the larger the feather the greater the respect the potential warrior will receive. This is not a simple task, for beyond the large birds, many other predators and dangers lurk within the forests and to even reach them, the youths risk days or weeks of travel in which they must survive on their own, avoiding potential capture by rival tribes.

It is from amongst these youths that the chapter plucks its Aspirants. Unknown to the native population, the chapter has seeded the forests with vast sensor nets, traps and obstacles, squads of scouts from the Tenth Lodge (company) patrol the forests, once the sensor net detects the presence of a youth they are shadowed by a scout, those showing the most aptitude or skill in surviving within the forests are flagged and singled out for a final trial in which single combat is instigated by the chapter with specifically bread heni'tonukuteet, should the candidate prove themselves in the ensuing combat, they are taken back to the fortress monastery for further testing.

Once the gathered candidates have been screened for any mutation or taint they are ready for the chapters true aspirant trials.they are placed in a medically induced coma until a large enough group of aspirants have been amassed (15-30) they are then awoken, given a flint knife and taken to one of the smaller uninhabited continents, they are given one task, survive for one month, those that survive will be chosen by the spirits for greatness.

The survival rate of this trial is not high, given how strange the land is to the aspirants, the small traces of potable water, the risks of the sea itself and the creatures who live in it, and the native populations inherent fear and distrust of open water. Many die from dehydration, exposure and drowning, a death rate as high as 60 to 80% is not uncommon. But from those that survive the long trials of the Neophyte await.

Neophyte’s are stripped of their previous names, formed into initial squads each squad is given a colour designation, each member of the squad is given a number, they will thus be known as a colour and number combination until they become a full initiate where upon they will select a new name with the help of a Keeper of Names.

Organization:

WIP

Librarians:

Like their parental chapter, the White Scars, the Storm Furies also maintain a Librarius of potent psykers who follow a shamanistic tradition of the chapters homeworld, though they refer to these warriors as "Spirit Callers".

Spirit Callers act as the chapter’s spiritual leaders not unlike the Beteihii or Medicine Men of Haykonost’s native population. They also act as advisors to the Chapter's Arrow Keeper and Warchiefs. They are powerful psykers in their own right and like their chapter’s namesake are able to command the very fury of the storms themselves.

The Chapter primarily selects its Spirit Callers from any psychically gifted aspirants taken from their homeworld, however it occasionally selects potential candidates from the ranks of gifted psykers brought to the Chapter by the Scholastica Psykana..

Chaplains:

As the Storm Furies do not hold to the Imperial Creed, the chapters Chaplains do not fill the traditional role of the chapters spiritual leaders, which instead is filled by the Spirit Callers. They are instead responsible for maintaining the Chapter's history, most of which is maintained in oral records; they are also responsible for attending to the Chapter's dead and ensuring the purity and suitability of initiates.

Known within the Chapter as the Keepers of Names, they go into battle with the chapter reciting the deeds and acts of the Chapter’s fallen heroes, ensuring that each new deed is recorded for prosperity.

Dreadnoughts:

To the Storm Furies, internment into a Dreadnought is not seen with the same revulsion as their parent Chapter, instead they are seen as honoured ancestors and part of the living history of the Chapter. Known as Nésemóon or Spirit Guides, their advice is sought out by the War Chiefs before important or challenging engagements and are only awoken from their spirit journeys in times of great necessity.

Beyond one Nésemóon accompanying each lodge(company), the five eldest and most revered Nésemóon guard the outer chamber of the Chapters Gene-seed vaults. Known as the Yonoo’Heseis(the Five Winds), rarely do they leave Haykonost and never more than three at a given time. Other than when one of the five accompanies the Arrow Keeper whenever he leaves Haykonost, the only other time any of the remaining Yonoo’Heseis leave the planet is when the portants of their spirit journey’s indicate a time of great need.

Combat Doctrine:

WIP

Edited July 13, 2021 by rookster

[Bjorn Firewalker]

You're off to a good start. Is the Chapter symbol a down-pointing arrowhead?

... There is very little detail of what the White Scars were up to in the gap between the Disapearance of the Great Khan and the War of the Beast, I in no way plan to have any of them be old enough to have ridden with the Great Khan but they also certainly weren't Neophytes when the fighting started either.

Just say the First Chapter Master was fighting a distant enemy when the Great Khan disappeared. The Great Khan's last orders to the First Chapter Master, were seen as a sign of trust, i.e., confidence in the his ability to execute orders without requiring the Great Khan to "babysit" him and his subordinates (in contrast to the Dark Angels, where the absence of a "babysitting" Lion was seen as a sign the Primarch didn't trust his sons).

 

That should give you the ability to claim your First Chapter Master served under the Great Khan, without contradicting anything Games Workshop and Black Library published and will publish.

[rookster]

Thats just it, I dont want him to be old enough to have served with Jaghatai as there is over 1400 years between his disappearance and the war of the beast. The problem for me is there doesn’t seem to be much official history filling that gap. I’m doing my best not to make the first chapter master a mary sue

[Brother Lunkhead]

You've got some good ideas here Nice color scheme and the chapter symbol is very cool. I'm especially interested to see how you incorporate the Cheyenne and Arapaho themes. I'll be back with some thoughts once I've had time for a more thorough read. 

 

Good start and welcome to THE LIBER

[Bjorn Firewalker]

I dont want him to be old enough to have served with Jaghatai as there is over 1400 years between his disappearance and the war of the beast.

Fair enough. Sounds like I need to read some Lexicanum articles.

The problem for me is there doesn’t seem to be much official history filling that gap.

The Mongols who served as the White Scars' inspiration, were able to launch multiple, simultaneous campaigns across vast distances, conquering lands in all directions. Take inspiration from that, and you'll be free to make up whatever history you need to "fill that gap." Say the Brotherhoods who founded your IA Chapter, were detached so they may pursue Ork warbands that fled the Emperor's justice, while the other White Scars Brotherhoods [copy-paste something from a Lexicanum article]?

I’m doing my best not to make the first chapter master a mary sue

Good of you to show such restraint. No sane person wants to be Matt Ward II.

[Beta galactosidase]

Those ambush tactics, the seem like they might have skirmish units that are beaters, and other units to kill.

 

What I really like in a chapter is marines who are alive in the 41st millennium. If there’s a squad from the first company pulling into orbit and crashing my campaign, what are they like? I think if you read official IAs even from the second founding, they didn’t talk about, for example, Alexus Polux of the Crimson Fists. They talk about what the marines are like now.

[rookster]

Those ambush tactics, the seem like they might have skirmish units that are beaters, and other units to kill.

Yeah i picture fast attack units like attack bikes doing hit and run to trigger a chase, kinda like showing a small unit to provoke a counter attack, then baiting them onto an ambush.

 

What I really like in a chapter is marines who are alive in the 41st millennium. If there’s a squad from the first company pulling into orbit and crashing my campaign, what are they like? I think if you read official IAs even from the second founding, they didn’t talk about, for example, Alexus Polux of the Crimson Fists. They talk about what the marines are like now.

I certainly plan on introducing current key characters but i’m also trying to build the foundation from which the chapter was built, even if it doesn’t make it to the IA, it could be something as simple as each head apothecary takes on the same name upon taking up the mantle in honour of the first head apothecary who saved the chapters gene banks from a rare viral blight. Or a certain battle shaping the way they fight or interact with the rest of the imperium, to me its easier to have too much info and cut it down then have to make up stuff later.

[rookster]

I'm especially interested to see how you incorporate the Cheyenne and Arapaho themes.

One of the main things I want to try to do is incorporate Cheyenne and Arapaho words into the chapters lexicon though modifying their spelling to be a bit more phonetic. Both tribes traditionally had Warrior Societies kinda like lodges that had their own traditions and requirements to join, I’d like to work that into the Companies. Also to become a war chief you had to complete a specific list of accomplishments which i think might be a cool idea for how captains are selected.

 

I think the big thing here is I want them to influence this chapter and the society of their chapter home world but i don’t want to full on copy them. For one thing I’m not Native for a second if I misstep its my own take on something not me claiming something from RL is fact.

Edited May 29, 2021 by rookster

[rookster]

Added a little more, hoping to have Origins and Homeworld sections up by sunday.

 

For the chapter homeworld I'm thinking that their presence will mostly be hidden from the native population, with the chapter's fortress monestary hidden in the high mountains the local population avoid (haunted/spirital/cursed ect) plucking aspirants from tribal battlefields and hunting parties. With the chapter serfs mainly made up of failed aspirants. 

[Gamiel]

 

• Believe in returning lost technology and stolen gear to the imperium based off the tribal traditions of taking the possessions of defeated enemies.

Can see this leading to them using xeno-tech taken from defeated xenos. Since their main enemies are orks and Dark Eldars, and the formers weapon more often then not are garbage, could that mean many Dark Eldar weapons among them. 

 

 at the moment I need some help I'm trying to flesh out some of the founding members at the moment so I can work out how they helped shape the identity of the chapter, 

4th Founding means that they have over 6000 years ago, that a long time ago and unless something really important happened that shaped their continued existance, do you not really need to mention it that much.

 

The theme culture I'm running with for them is North American Plains Indians mostly using Cheyenne and Arapaho traditions as a reference.

Here are some concepts based on Plains Indians in general (RL and pop-cultural).

1. Feathers are used to mark honours.

2. Put war-paint on themselves and/or their armour before battle.

3. Above the Codex standard numbers of Bike units.

4. Scalp takers.

5. The chapter-master is marked out by a feather-bonnet over his armour.

6. The Chapter’s company captains are marked out by feather-bonnet over their armour.

7. One of the Chapter’s rituals involve battle-brothers dancing around a pole to which they are fastened by rawhide thongs pegged through the skin of their chests.

8. Finecrafted smoking pipes are marks of honour. 

9. Each battle-brother carries a “medicine bag” containing objects that are sacred and/or symbolize personal well-being and Chapter identity.

10. As a last test aspirants are dropped in the wild (maybe on a Death World) and have to find and fight their way back, during the way back the Aspirant is expected to kill one of the world's beasts, eat it’s organs and skin it. This beast is now the Aspirant’s personal-totem animal.

11. Sand painting are part of battle-brothers' personal meditation rituals.

12. Sand painting is part of the Librarians’ rituals.

13. Dance is part of the Librarians' rituals.

14. Every warrior in the Chapter gets a geas.

15. The Chapter regards martial ability and daring as the signs of a worthy warrior and inspirational leader. As a result, a battle-brother often attempt to outperform those around him in so called shows of bravery and skill. These attempts are likely often extremely reckless, and Marines are probably eager for new opportunities to prove themselves.

16. Among the Chapter flamboyant displays of skill and bravery in the face of the enemy are viewed with the utmost respect and integral to a warrior’s standing within his Company. Officers regularly use such displays to cement their place as leader and inspire their forces to victory.

17. Lots of internal Warrior Societies that are made up by Marines with a certain focus, usually the focus is a one type of weapon or warfare, where they train and discuss the different and best uses of their focus. The brotherhood branch over companies and time of service, all are welcome to enter or stay; rank within the brotherhood is only decided upon your skill and understanding of the focus, not your outside rank or seniority.

18. Keep their hair long.

- since many NA tribes raided each other, and settlers, for captives to be either used as slaves, married into the tribe, or to be adopted by the tribe. Maybe the Storm Furies take human survivors of worlds they have pacified to serve as chapter-slaves, servitors, or possible recruites.

 

 

I'm especially interested to see how you incorporate the Cheyenne and Arapaho themes.

One of the main things I want to try to do is incorporate Cheyenne and Arapaho words into the chapters lexicon though modifying their spelling to be a bit more phonetic. 

Suggest also making a name list from those groups, or use the classical "English translation of Native Am. names" way for their names. If you know Latin could you go an extra mile by having their names being High Gothic tranlations of what their names mean in their native toung. 

 

 

 

Both tribes traditionally had Warrior Societies kinda like lodges that had their own traditions and requirements to join, I’d like to work that into the Companies. 

See nr. 17 in the list above. Can see Warrior Societies for those that are comparable to Tyrannic War Veterans but for specific xenos, maybe members of those Societies are allowed to use the weapons/gear of that specefic xeno group?

 

You could give the Chapter some character by just describing some warrior societies with what they specilise in and who they allow in.

 

Also to become a war chief you had to complete a specific list of accomplishments which i think might be a cool idea for how captains are selected.

Like this idea. 

 

 

 

Since their symbol is an arrowhead (I guess) and you said they make use of heavy ambush tactics do I get in mind Robin Hood, maybe take something from his band of Merrymen? Or use Robin's enemies as inspiration for enemies of the Chapter.

Edited June 2, 2021 by Gamiel

[Brother Lunkhead]

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with in your origin story and world building. I'm especially interested in the First Nations aspects of both planetary culture and how and why the Storm Furies adopt aspects of the culture.

 

Was Haykonost first settled by cultural roots colonists during the early days of human interstellar colonization or even during the dark age of technology? Tribal cultures of course could have evolved after planetary catastrophe. However, to retain more specific cultural references, the first is more likely.

 

Even though the Storm Furies keep themselves hidden from the native population, did they adopt cultural characteristics in part, to meld themselves into the culture's mythology?

 

 

 

• Believe in returning lost technology and stolen gear to the imperium based off the tribal traditions of taking the possessions of defeated enemies.

Can see this leading to them using xeno-tech taken from defeated xenos. Since their main enemies are orks and Dark Eldars, and the formers weapon more often then not are garbage, could that mean many Dark Eldar weapons among them.  

Given the xenophobic leanings of the Imperium, it's more likely that xeno-tech would be destroyed as they might see it as tainted. Perhaps the Storm Furies have a ceremony for this.

 

 

 at the moment I need some help I'm trying to flesh out some of the founding members at the moment so I can work out how they helped shape the identity of the chapter, 

4th Founding means that they have over 6000 years ago, that a long time ago and unless something really important happened that shaped their continued existance, do you not really need to mention it that much. 

You may not need to mention this, but it is definitely an important part of your research. Founding members of the chapter will have had a profound influence on the Storm Furies. You may also wish to use certain details of the founding in other parts of your narrative. Developing a full story for your chapter, even if it doesn't see print, can aid you in creating a more seamless story.

 

There's some good stuff there in Brother Gamiel's list to draw from

[rookster]

 

 

Can see this leading to them using xeno-tech taken from defeated xenos. Since their main enemies are orks and Dark Eldars, and the formers weapon more often then not are garbage, could that mean many Dark Eldar weapons among them. 

Possibly as trophies, though I wasn't planing on them being tech heretics, I was more thinking along the lines of reclaming imperial tech/wrecks from Orc creations/dark eldar trophies.

 

 

Here are some concepts based on Plains Indians in general (RL and pop-cultural).

1. Feathers are used to mark honours.

2. Put war-paint on themselves and/or their armour before battle.

3. Above the Codex standard numbers of Bike units.

4. Scalp takers.

5. The chapter-master is marked out by a feather-bonnet over his armour.

6. The Chapter’s company captains are marked out by feather-bonnet over their armour.

7. One of the Chapter’s rituals involve battle-brothers dancing around a pole to which they are fastened by rawhide thongs pegged through the skin of their chests.

8. Finecrafted smoking pipes are marks of honour. 

9. Each battle-brother carries a “medicine bag” containing objects that are sacred and/or symbolize personal well-being and Chapter identity.

10. As a last test aspirants are dropped in the wild (maybe on a Death World) and have to find and fight their way back, during the way back the Aspirant is expected to kill one of the world's beasts, eat it’s organs and skin it. This beast is now the Aspirant’s personal-totem animal.

11. Sand painting are part of battle-brothers' personal meditation rituals.

12. Sand painting is part of the Librarians’ rituals.

13. Dance is part of the Librarians' rituals.

14. Every warrior in the Chapter gets a geas.

15. The Chapter regards martial ability and daring as the signs of a worthy warrior and inspirational leader. As a result, a battle-brother often attempt to outperform those around him in so called shows of bravery and skill. These attempts are likely often extremely reckless, and Marines are probably eager for new opportunities to prove themselves.

16. Among the Chapter flamboyant displays of skill and bravery in the face of the enemy are viewed with the utmost respect and integral to a warrior’s standing within his Company. Officers regularly use such displays to cement their place as leader and inspire their forces to victory.

17. Lots of internal Warrior Societies that are made up by Marines with a certain focus, usually the focus is a one type of weapon or warfare, where they train and discuss the different and best uses of their focus. The brotherhood branch over companies and time of service, all are welcome to enter or stay; rank within the brotherhood is only decided upon your skill and understanding of the focus, not your outside rank or seniority.

18. Keep their hair long.

- since many NA tribes raided each other, and settlers, for captives to be either used as slaves, married into the tribe, or to be adopted by the tribe. Maybe the Storm Furies take human survivors of worlds they have pacified to serve as chapter-slaves, servitors, or possible recruites.

lots of info here so will respond point form as well :P

1. Planning on using feathers, spent quite a long time looking for where to find some online, more to come on that likely some time in the future.

2. I was thinking about using that as well, will likely make it faces, as my painting skills aren't up to free handing on armour.

3. Thats pretty much a give in given they are White Scar successors and have the same kind of mo for fast attack.

4. I'm still thinking this one over, I was potentially thinking that instead of taking the head of an important enemy/chapter sworn enemy that they take their scalp, having it turned into parchment the details of their crimes and the resulting death listed, in a tomb kinda like a book of grudges or the master of the hunt with silver skulls on spikes.

5. I'm going to avoid feather bonnets right now, A. trying to source the right size for 28mm is hard and B. I'm not sure they fit with the sm armour, I make work them into chapter ritual though.

6. see above

7. I'm likely going to work powwow's into the chapter rituals.

8. interesting idea will have to think it over.

9. was thinking of something along those lines as well.

10. Not really going to touch totem animals or that kind of thing. still working out how the aspirants are tested the death world might be an interesting shout, 

11/12. possibly, I was also thinking of using sweat lodges

13. probably the case.

14. What is a geas? (google isn't helping me here all I am getting is celtic mythology stuff)

15. I was thinking of possibly incorporating that kind of idea for young marines kinda along the lines of how blood claws act.

16. I will have to have a think on that but its probable especially in the assult squads.

17.  I'm still working this out, but I'm thinking that the companies are going to be distinct lodges kinda like the white scars brotherhoods, the Arapaho were slightly different then the other plains indians as their warrior societies were based on age catagories, I'm likely going to be using that kind of model similar to the space wolves, where most of the young marines are assult marines, the tactical ect.

18. Thats the plan at least for some, I do like veriety :P

19. Not sure that I want to go that route, I'm aiming for the chapter serfs to mostly be failed aspirants 

 

 

 

Suggest also making a name list from those groups, or use the classical "English translation of Native Am. names" way for their names. If you know Latin could you go an extra mile by having their names being High Gothic tranlations of what their names mean in their native toung. 

 

I'm not touching latin thats way too much effort, my goal is to try to mostly use Cheyenne and Arapaho words that I have then altered to be spelled more phonetically. An example being the current chapter master (or Arrow Keeper) listed above. 

 

 

 

See nr. 17 in the list above. Can see Warrior Societies for those that are comparable to Tyrannic War Veterans but for specific xenos, maybe members of those Societies are allowed to use the weapons/gear of that specefic xeno group?

 

You could give the Chapter some character by just describing some warrior societies with what they specilise in and who they allow in.

I will have to think this over, I'm trying not to have dozens of different types of societies if I can avoid it.

 

 

 

Like this idea. 

Thanks, more to come on that in the future

 

 

 

Since their symbol is an arrowhead (I guess) and you said they make use of heavy ambush tactics do I get in mind Robin Hood, maybe take something from his band of Merrymen? Or use Robin's enemies as inspiration for enemies of the Chapter.

By heavy ambush I meant more like leading a large ork force into Box canyon in which heavy weapons and vehicles have been set up along the ridges to turn it into a death trap :D I also went with the arrowhead symbol, as it looks pretty cool and I think won't be too hard to draw/paint/have 3d printed as its realitively simple

[rookster]

 

 

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with in your origin story and world building. I'm especially interested in the First Nations aspects of both planetary culture and how and why the Storm Furies adopt aspects of the culture.

Thanks!

 

 

 

Was Haykonost first settled by cultural roots colonists during the early days of human interstellar colonization or even during the dark age of technology? Tribal cultures of course could have evolved after planetary catastrophe. However, to retain more specific cultural references, the first is more likely.

I need to give that some more though, but I'm now leaning towards, cultural roots of the colonists during the early days, I'm thinking they are rediscovered during the great crusade, they have their population topped up and imperial bureaucracy starts to set up shop only for a warp storm to completly cut them off a couple of decades later.

 

 

 

Even though the Storm Furies keep themselves hidden from the native population, did they adopt cultural characteristics in part, to meld themselves into the culture's mythology?

I think likely initially, but as with a lot of chapters I think as asirants and neophytes are brought into the chapter their beliefs start to alter the identity of the chapter, and given their roots I think White Scar marines could identify well with nomadic hunting society that primarily used horses.

 

 

 

Given the xenophobic leanings of the Imperium, it's more likely that xeno-tech would be destroyed as they might see it as tainted. Perhaps the Storm Furies have a ceremony for this.

Yeah like I said above not really aiming for them to be tech heretics.

 

 

 

 You may not need to mention this, but it is definitely an important part of your research. Founding members of the chapter will have had a profound influence on the Storm Furies. You may also wish to use certain details of the founding in other parts of your narrative. Developing a full story for your chapter, even if it doesn't see print, can aid you in creating a more seamless story.

exactly this, also I want oral history to play a very important part in the chapter, I need to think is over more but at the moment I am aiming for their chaplains to be keepers of the chapters history, with oral records and recordings kept far more often then written ones, as a result the histories of their greatest heros would be told even 3000 years later... if not slightly altered by "broken telephone"

[Brother Lunkhead]

 

Was Haykonost first settled by cultural roots colonists during the early days of human interstellar colonization or even during the dark age of technology? Tribal cultures of course could have evolved after planetary catastrophe. However, to retain more specific cultural references, the first is more likely.

I need to give that some more though, but I'm now leaning towards, cultural roots of the colonists during the early days, I'm thinking they are rediscovered during the great crusade, they have their population topped up and imperial bureaucracy starts to set up shop only for a warp storm to completly cut them off a couple of decades later. 

This is probably the most plausible explanation to justify specific cultural references.

 

 

I think likely initially, but as with a lot of chapters I think as asirants and neophytes are brought into the chapter their beliefs start to alter the identity of the chapter, and given their roots I think White Scar marines could identify well with nomadic hunting society that primarily used horses.

This looks good.

Edited June 2, 2021 by Brother Lunkhead

[Gamiel]

Something you could work with as possible side inspiration is their name. Maybe by having them using storm iconography, symbolism and maybe have them to constantly try to use storms when possible and having their Stormseers specialising in storm summoning and control. And/or use the Furies part, who female chthonic deities of vengeance in the Hellenistic world, this could be winked to in ways like they have their fortress-monastery underground; maybe they often hunt groups that have wronged the empire rather than helping defending holdings.

 

 14. What is a geas? (google isn't helping me here all I am getting is celtic mythology stuff)

It's the celtic stuff, in a way. At least some of the Plains Indian tribes (don't remember which ones, could be all of them and then some actually or just a few) had similar stuff and it's possible that their version is called something else but if so I don't know what it's so i just use geas.  Short version is that a geas is a bit like a curse/taboo/oath/prophecy in one, more or less, that if you do certain things you will lose or your spiritual powers will fail you, or similar. If you use it do I think it's easier to just look up the celtic ones than to try to find the NA's and use them as inspiration.

 

If I rember rigth did some of their wargear also have a kind of taboos regardign their handlings, like their shields that had been imbound with power could not touch ground without losing the power.

 

 

19. Not sure that I want to go that route, I'm aiming for the chapter serfs to mostly be failed aspirants

 While I like the idea of failed aspirants becoming chapter serfs do the amount of failed aspirants have to be really, really high for there to be enought chapter serfs for the whole Chapter, if the serfs are all failed aspirants (unless you want the Chapter to be somewhat below standard in the amount of serfs, maybe they instead have lots of servitors?)

 

 

By heavy ambush I meant more like leading a large ork force into Box canyon in which heavy weapons and vehicles have been set up along the ridges to turn it into a death trap  

that's the tactic of the Merry men in at least Errol Flynn's Robin Hood and Robin Hood: Prince of Thifes

Edited June 2, 2021 by Gamiel

[rookster]

updated with an origins first draft, Homeworld will hopefully coming next by sunday, possibly monday

Edited June 3, 2021 by rookster

[rookster]

Homeworld first draft added, there will be more on the cultural beliefs of the local population when I do the chapter cult  and other sections. I need to edit down some of the names In the homeworld section though the sites I use for audio pernounciation of words are currently down and I was unable to phonetically spell some of them.

Edited June 8, 2021 by rookster

[Bjorn Firewalker]

The additional details are welcome. It will help if you put what was added in a quotation or spoiler section

like so,

so we can know what was added, without having to re-read the whole thing, likely missing details in the process.

These people live in tribal groupings traveling throughout the seasons to follow the great migrating herds of heneecee, large hairy and horned herbivores, the males of which are known to reach the height of a Rhino.

Is the "Rhino" mentioned in this sentence, the Rhino transport, or the beast the tank is named after? To avoid confusion, maybe rewrite it as "the males of which are known to reach the height of a battle tank"?

The apex predator native to the planet is surprisingly not the six limbed large feline like creature with large serrated fangs known as the heniitonookuteet (placeholder name) but the huge raptor like birds known as the boh'ooonii'eihii(placeholder name) known to grow to the size of a Stormtalon,

Are the heniitonookuteet and boh'ooonii'eihii named after beasts from Native American mythology, comparable to the Nemean lion and the Stymphalian birds? Or are they just Native American terms for the mountain lion and the eagle? Edited June 13, 2021 by Bjorn Firewalker

[Brother Lunkhead]

 

Homeworld:

 

The world known as Haykonost was settled some time between the early days of interstellar colonization and the Dark Age of Technology. When it was rediscovered during the Great Crusade, its people had already lost most of its technological knowledge and had reverted to a nomadic tribal way of life, the ruins of its former cites, by then long overgrown, showed signs of sudden and catastrophic destruction of unknown origins. 

 

With no central government or modern technology, an initial outpost of the Adeptus Administratum was established on the planet upon its rediscovery with the intention of bringing it inline with the imperial regulations, while also establishing what resources it possessed that could be used for the betterment of the imperium, this work had scarcely truly begun before a vast warp storm would cut off the world once more from imperial attention. Emerging from this warpstorm surprisingly free of taint some 700 years later, all technology had once more been losts, the world discovered once more by accident and branded Feral. 

 

The planet itself is made up of a single supercontinent with seemingly unending plains broken up with rivers and small lakes. Giant mountains reach high into the pale violet atmosphere in the very centre of the continent stretching for kilometers not unlike a giant spine, at its base are thick and wild forests of giant conifer. Oddly the planet's feral population seems to avoid the coastal regions, the areas in which much of the ancient ruins of cities are found.

 

The people native to this planet seem to trace their genetic and cultural lineage to the ancient peoples of Merika though imperial data on such ancient Terran history is limited at best. These people live in tribal groupings traveling throughout the seasons to follow the great migrating herds of heneecee, large hairy and horned herbivores, the males of which are known to reach the height of a Rhino. These nomadic people are predominantly equestrian based, using horses that seem to have evolved from ancient Terran stock brough to the planet by the original settlers and known in the local language as woxhoox. 

 

Conflict between the tribal groups is regular, though intensive full scale warfare is rare. Raiding, skirmishing and ambushes are far more common, the goal seeming less to be the total destruction of the enemy and more of a show of strength and a humbling of the foe.

 

The apex predator native to the planet is surprisingly not the six limbed large feline like creature with large serrated fangs known as the heniitonookuteet (placeholder name) but the huge raptor like birds known as the boh'ooonii'eihii(placeholder name) known to grow to the size of a Stormtalon, these large birds predominantly prey upon the heneecee but are known to carry off horses and riders… or the combination of both. These large creatures nest and roost exclusively in the large alpine forests, and are seen as animals of particular spiritual importance to the people of Haykonost. With youths required to travel to the alpine forests and retrieve one of the creatures feathers to be accepted into the warrior lodges.

Lots of good stuff here. World building is not an easy thing to do. This to me is the hardest part because, it involves a lot of work and a lot of attention to detail that generally isn't going to show up in your article. But, it's a your setting, and that is so important to build a convincing and good story on.

 

There are a few weaknesses in your story that you should think about.  The super continent idea is fine in and of itself, but there are implications to consider. First off, it implies a very young world or a world with very little geological activity. If it's a young world in normal development there should be an insane amount of geological and climate activity.... earthquakes, volcanoes, fires, flood, massive storms.... the usual apocalyptic mother nature activity. Along with that you are going to have an atmosphere high in oxygen or carbon or both. Now some of this could have been mitigated by Dark Age of Technology terraforming technology early on during the colonization period. However, that mitigation would only go so far. If you go the low geological activity route, you will most likely be looking at a cooled non-metallic core which would generally lead to little or no magnetic field surrounding Haykonost, which leaves your world unprotected from cosmic and solar radiation, which leaves your world a ball of scorched, radioactive rock.

 

Next problem is the hidden by warp storm concept. Without some explanation beyond "then a miracle occurred", this looks very phony. Anything touched by a warp storm isn't just dead. It's dead and damned. A planet surviving the ravages of a warp storm would be like a starship entering and traveling through the warp without a Gellar Field, and coming out the other end unscathed That wouldn't even happen to the most powerful ship of the most powerful chaos warlord

 

Since there are so many variable involved in the natural development of any particular planet's flora and fauna, I'm going to say that what you have is fine. Assuming the planet wasn't completely terraformed, I'd say it was just what your original colonists were looking for.

 

The trick in this is to put just enough detail into your world development, so uncomfortable questions don't come up. You don't have to go into so much minutia that development sucks all the fun out. You want to put just enough detail to make your setting look plausible, and to shut up nit pickers like me

[rookster]

The additional details are welcome. It will help if you put what was added in a quotation or spoiler section

like so,

so we can know what was added, without having to re-read the whole thing, likely missing details in the process.

These people live in tribal groupings traveling throughout the seasons to follow the great migrating herds of heneecee, large hairy and horned herbivores, the males of which are known to reach the height of a Rhino.

Is the "Rhino" mentioned in this sentence, the Rhino transport, or the beast thhe tank is named after? To avoid confusion, maybe rewrite it as "the males of which are known to reach the height of a battle tank"?

The apex predator native to the planet is surprisingly not the six limbed large feline like creature with large serrated fangs known as the heniitonookuteet (placeholder name) but the huge raptor like birds known as the boh'ooonii'eihii(placeholder name) known to grow to the size of a Stormtalon,

Are the heniitonookuteet and boh'ooonii'eihii named after beasts from Native American mythology, comparable to the Nemean lion and the Stymphalian birds? Or are they just Native American terms for the mountain lion and the eagle?

 

I will do that now, and in the future! thanks

 

The apc so will make the change you suggested.

 

Those are either cheyenne or arapaho words for sabertooth tiger and thunderbird respectuflly, I need to wait for the sites to come back up to hear them spoken so I can try to spell them phonetically 

[rookster]

 

There are a few weaknesses in your story that you should think about.  The super continent idea is fine in and of itself, but there are implications to consider. First off, it implies a very young world or a world with very little geological activity. If it's a young world in normal development there should be an insane amount of geological and climate activity.... earthquakes, volcanoes, fires, flood, massive storms.... the usual apocalyptic mother nature activity. Along with that you are going to have an atmosphere high in oxygen or carbon or both. Now some of this could have been mitigated by Dark Age of Technology terraforming technology early on during the colonization period. However, that mitigation would only go so far. If you go the low geological activity route, you will most likely be looking at a cooled non-metallic core which would generally lead to little or no magnetic field surrounding Haykonost, which leaves your world unprotected from cosmic and solar radiation, which leaves your world a ball of scorched, radioactive rock.

Not really looking for either of those, I could do two continents on large the other smaller and unpopulated?

 

 

 

Next problem is the hidden by warp storm concept. Without some explanation beyond "then a miracle occurred", this looks very phony. Anything touched by a warp storm isn't just dead. It's dead and damned. A planet surviving the ravages of a warp storm would be like a starship entering and traveling through the warp without a Gellar Field, and coming out the other end unscatheddry.png That wouldn't even happen to the most powerful ship of the most powerful chaos warlordno.gif

Thats mostly be using an excuse as to why this place isn't an agri world by now and how the imperium lost track of it. I'm open to suggestions, I guess I could go along the route of the locals killing the imperials left on the planet, or perhaps the settled on the second continent and were wiped out by the local fauna? I'm also running on the idea that the reason they local population doesn't live along the coast is that a series of massive sunami's destroyed the original cities, and through the surviving colonists their decendants view the coast as a bad or cursed place.

 

 

 

Since there are so many variable involved in the natural development of any particular planet's flora and fauna, I'm going to say that what you have is fine. Assuming the planet wasn't completely terraformed, I'd say it was just what your original colonists were looking for.

yeah not fully terraformed, I also didn't want to go into crazy details about local flora and fauna, there will be a bit more about fauna in the chapter belief stuff but basically only wanted to pull out a few key species, this isn't a deathworld after all

 

Thanks for the rest of your feedback

Edited June 8, 2021 by rookster

[rookster]

I've tried to put the text in "spoilers" using "[spo iler]" and "[/ spoiler]" but for some reason its only hiding the first paragraph, I'm not great with bbcode, is there something I am missing? I've put the "start" at the start of the first paragraph and the "End" at the end of the last paragraph.

Edited June 8, 2021 by rookster

[Brother Lunkhead]

 

Not really looking for either of those, I could do two continents on large the other smaller and unpopulated?

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Thats mostly be using an excuse as to why this place isn't an agri world by now and how the imperium lost track of it. I'm open to suggestions, I guess I could go along the route of the locals killing the imperials left on the planet, or perhaps the settled on the second continent and were wiped out by the local fauna? I'm also running on the idea that the reason they local population doesn't live along the coast is that a series of massive sunami's destroyed the original cities, and through the surviving colonists their decendants view the coast as a bad or cursed place.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

yeah not fully terraformed, I also didn't want to go into crazy details about local flora and fauna, there will be a bit more about fauna in the chapter belief stuff but basically only wanted to pull out a few key species, this isn't a deathworld after all

 

Thanks for the rest of your feedback

 

Multiple continents with one being unpopulated should work fine. This works well with your culture being stagnated in a semi-primitive nomadic culture (and since the land sustains them well with little or no hardship there's no pressure to advance, so why not Coupled with the legends of the coasts being cursed, there is no reason to expand beyond the one continent.

 

The Imperium could easily have lost contact with the colony due to war (not an uncommon thing in the 40Kverse). If the colony was built up primarily on the coasts and these developments were destroyed by massive coastal disasters and tsunamis, survivors would have been few and easily absorbed into the indigenous population.... except for the Administratum types of course. Being who they are, they would have probably tried to take over the native cultural governments and gotten themselves killed for their trouble

 

When it comes to flora and fauna, what you've got is just fine. All you need mention are those plants and animals that are pertinent to your story. Anything else is just gravy.

[Brother Lunkhead]

I've tried to put the text in "spoilers" using "[spo iler]" and "[/ spoiler]" but for some reason its only hiding the first paragraph, I'm not great with bbcode, is there something I am missing? I've put the "start" at the start of the first paragraph and the "End" at the end of the last paragraph.

Show me the text you are trying to put "spoiler" tags to and I can do it for you.

[rookster]

 

 

Not really looking for either of those, I could do two continents on large the other smaller and unpopulated?

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Thats mostly be using an excuse as to why this place isn't an agri world by now and how the imperium lost track of it. I'm open to suggestions, I guess I could go along the route of the locals killing the imperials left on the planet, or perhaps the settled on the second continent and were wiped out by the local fauna? I'm also running on the idea that the reason they local population doesn't live along the coast is that a series of massive sunami's destroyed the original cities, and through the surviving colonists their decendants view the coast as a bad or cursed place.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

yeah not fully terraformed, I also didn't want to go into crazy details about local flora and fauna, there will be a bit more about fauna in the chapter belief stuff but basically only wanted to pull out a few key species, this isn't a deathworld after all

 

Thanks for the rest of your feedback

 

Multiple continents with one being unpopulated should work fine. This works well with your culture being stagnated in a semi-primitive nomadic culture (and since the land sustains them well with little or no hardship there's no pressure to advance, so why not Coupled with the legends of the coasts being cursed, there is no reason to expand beyond the one continent.

 

The Imperium could easily have lost contact with the colony due to war (not an uncommon thing in the 40Kverse). If the colony was built up primarily on the coasts and these developments were destroyed by massive coastal disasters and tsunamis, survivors would have been few and easily absorbed into the indigenous population.... except for the Administratum types of course. Being who they are, they would have probably tried to take over the native cultural governments and gotten themselves killed for their trouble

 

When it comes to flora and fauna, what you've got is just fine. All you need mention are those plants and animals that are pertinent to your story. Anything else is just gravy.

 

I've made some changes based on your comments, thanks again for the feedback.

 

I've tried to put the text in "spoilers" using "[spo iler]" and "[/ spoiler]" but for some reason its only hiding the first paragraph, I'm not great with bbcode, is there something I am missing? I've put the "start" at the start of the first paragraph and the "End" at the end of the last paragraph.

Show me the text you are trying to put "spoiler" tags to and I can do it for you.

 

Full text of Origins and Homeworld, its for some reasonly only putting the first paragraph of each under the spoiler bar