The Future of Nostalgia

[Timberley]

It is 20XX and GW has finally released the latest codex; "Imperial" to supplement Codices "Xenos" and "Chaos".  Like all modern codecies it is the size of a gift card, containing a code that links you to the latest subscription only app (for the mere price of £40/month) where you can unlock access to the faction, but only for that year until the edition is updated!  Each squad size is suspiciously two larger than the boxed squad model count, forcing you to buy two boxes to field a tournament legal squad (at £100/box).  Distinctions between factions and their lore has been swept from the edition, with all units being classed as either 'Big Gun', 'Infantry', 'Character', 'Tank', 'Named Hero', or 'Faster Infantry'.  Despite this, there are over 2000 data sheets in the Codex, though people still mainly play Space Marines, and occasionally Tanks (Guard infantry were done away with as they weren't profitable enough). 

 

The setting has also advanced: it is now M42.005, and the Imperium is beset on all sides by Xenos and Chaos foes.  Who they are is anyone's guess, given the removal of distinct identities, but the Imperium is beset by them.  Coincidentally, a range refresh is announced of the 30 models that 'Xenos' faction has available, mere hours after they are suddenly removed from the online store.  They will be amalgamated into 20 kits, made of the finest biodegradable material (so fine in fact that the model will fall apart if you touch it with bare hands), and will be push-to-fit.  There is talk of a new kit for 'Chaos' faction, with commentators insisting it'll be a new Chaos Lord Sorcerer on disc with a jump pack and Terminator armour riding a Chaos Steed, but it's actually a new Space Marine Lieutenant with a pistol and sword (which can be either a power sword, Force sword or chainsword - the stats are the same).

 

Edit: The 'Old & Bold' wistfully recall the era of 8th Edition, where Marines became large models with details and greebles, not the monopose models that lack any detailing beyond the prerequisite limbs and power pack.  Newcomers laugh at them for suggesting such archaic concepts as rolls to wound, with each round being decided by a random number generator sold by GW.  Despite this, Eldar are still considered the 'meta' army, even though they only occupy 3 of the 20 Xenos kits, and 20 kits are needed per 1000 points.

Edited September 9 by Timberley

[sarabando]

with scale creep by 20th ed we will be playing with INQUISTOR scale 54mm minis XD table sizes have shrunk to 2ftx1.8ft

[Magos Takatus]

 

with scale creep by 20th ed we will be playing with INQUISTOR scale 54mm minis XD table sizes have shrunk to 2ftx1.8ft

Finally! It will be my Inquisitor miniatures time to shine!

[phandaal]

 

Eldar are still considered the 'meta' army, even though they only occupy 3 of the 20 Xenos kits

 

Previewed rules for Warhammer 40k 111th Edition showcase the new "EldarNet" system, designed to remove any chance of losing from Eldar armies. The system goes on-line August 4th, 20X6. Human decisions are removed from the Eldar rulebook. EldarNet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th.

 

In a panic, GW writes a WarCom post explaining how they just didn't see how this could be a bad idea. Hybrid Human/EldarNet techno-serfs express hope that this will be fixed with next quarter's Balance Dataslate.