New Article - Index Astartes: Heralds of Light

[Nine_Breaker]

They don't exclusively fight on the defensive side. But I see what you mean and a change of the line can make it fit more with the defenders theme. 'They bring the Emperor's light to those surrounded by the Dark Gods, repelling the darkness with fiery illumination.' Or something like that.

Instead of being a flaming arrow that flies through the night to strike the enemy, perhaps they are more like the lonely lighthouse. Static yet unyielding in the face of hurricane winds and raging waves to guide and protect those who would otherwise be lost. A symbol of humanity and civilization in a dark tempest.

 

I was thinking about take the self-sacrifice aspect of the Imperial Fists to the next level, making it almost an obsession to sacrifice themselves in the name of the Emperor. This would make the number of casualties very high, giving them a flawed side. Thoughts?

This would be kinda obvious, but could work. Perhaps instead you could stress that even the Astartes become weary and battered when they happen to be constantly fighting against an ever rising tide of chaos. While other chapters run around the galaxy winning glory on one thousand battlefields, the Heralds of Light stand guard, anxiously looking into the mouth of the abyss because they are all that stands between whatever horrors come out and the hundreds of billions of defenseless faithful Imperial citizens.

 

 

So yeah, I think with some deep thought in what exactly the chapter is doing can birth some very interesting ideas and concepts for your chapter. It just requires patience and imagination.

 

Hope that helps a bit.

[Codex Grey]

Instead of being a flaming arrow that flies through the night to strike the enemy, perhaps they are more like the lonely lighthouse. Static yet unyielding in the face of hurricane winds and raging waves to guide and protect those who would otherwise be lost. A symbol of humanity and civilization in a dark tempest.

Thank you. You describe the Chapter better than I do.

 

This would be kinda obvious, but could work. Perhaps instead you could stress that even the Astartes become weary and battered when they happen to be constantly fighting against an ever rising tide of chaos. While other chapters run around the galaxy winning glory on one thousand battlefields, the Heralds of Light stand guard, anxiously looking into the mouth of the abyss because they are all that stands between whatever horrors come out and the hundreds of billions of defenseless faithful Imperial citizens.

And so they have done for nine thousand years. As the first line of defense against the Eye, there have been times where the Chapter has suffered horrible losses and the Heralds' morale have been pushed to the limit. But they still stand, and even as the Time Of Ending aproaches, the Light of the Empreror will protect them.

 

That helps alot, thank you.

[Sigismund Himself]

Tutor is also latin for defender, guardian, protector, so its not coincidental at all. :) I thought about replacing it with Tudor, though. Thoughts?

I'm not a big fan of things like that but if you're happy with it, don't let me bother you ;)

 

Librarian Patronus

Do I need to say anything?

Yes. I don't get it. :wacko:

Linky. Must have been subconscious ;)

 

The way you say 'from the forges of Mars' implies that it's new, yet you say it's venerable. Confuzzled me.

I'll drop the venerable there, but keep it in org section, as after 10 000 years it would be considered venerable, right?

Aye, it was just there that was messing it up.

 

You mentioned before that the planet was already fighting a losing battle.

Would 'fighting a desperate battle' work?

It would probably be better.

 

Is it really too much, or just too much for being the only battle detailed? I was considering adding a History section after that one, shedding some light on what they done the last 9 thousand years. Would that be good?

Really just too much for one battle being detailed. I'm not sure that starting a History section at this moment would be a good thing. Perhaps look at that a little later.

 

What do you mean by '...the rest of the IA in a similar way'?

It's just that a fair bit of it seems bulky in terms of amount of words. I would proscribe the 'Spider Robinson' treatment from Octavulg but only once you've got the themes re-established.

[Codex Grey]

Must have been subconscious

Yeah, that's probably right :huh:

 

Thanks, Sig. I have decided to rewrite large parts of the article, if not the whole thing. A lot of things will be dropped. The Origin section will see the greatest changes; including dropping the entire 'Defense' section and incorporating it into the origins without the blown out details. Further tightening will be made as well as adding stuff to enhance thematics. I will most likely write up the sections in order, posting each as an update so that I can get feedback on each section( similar to how I did it with the Warriors Eternal)

Edited January 31, 2009 by Codex Grey

[Ferrus Manus]

I just scanned the article for any obvious mistakes, but I couldn't see any. When I've got more time (About to go out) I'll post up some useful C&C.

[Codex Grey]

Heralds of Light

 

The Heralds of Light are steadfast defenders of the Emperor. They are members of the Astartes Praeses, created with the express purpose of guarding the regions surrounding the Eye of Terror. They valiantly stand against the traitor hordes from within the Eye before reinforcments can arrive, and have done so since the thirty-second millenium. It is a grueling task, but even as the Time of Ending draws near, the Heralds keep fighting and refuse to abandon hope.

 

Origin:

On the first day of the thirty-second millennium, the historical third Adeptus Astartes founding was initiated. The Heresy was over, but the wounds inflicted by Horus’ betrayal were deep and the Imperium was still struggling. Orcs and Eldar pirates were terrorizing imperial worlds, and Abaddon the Despoiler had recently launched his first Black Crusade from the Eye of Terror. Catching the Imperium by surprise, it was only by the supreme sacrifice of Rogal Dorn that the Imperial forces were able to stop the unholy crusade. And so, the High Lords of Terra determined that the troubled space of Segmentum Obscurus needed reinforcements in the form of a new Astartes Chapter, a Chapter that would cleanse the dark segmentum of the xeno, the heretic, and protect the Imperium from further chaos invasions. Chosen because of his Legion's unflinching bravery during the defence of Terra and to honor his last act, the Chapter was formed from the gene-seed of Rogal Dorn's Imperial Fists. And the responsibility of training the new Chapter fell upon Captain Alcaeus Tudor.

 

The humble Alcaeus Tudor of the Imperial Fists was a great warrior, renowned for his frontline leadership and his almost optimistic nature, a rare trait in the dark times following the Heresy. A native of Holy Terra itself, he lived by the example of Rogal Dorn and considered himself a true servant of the Emperor. Alcaeus was honored when he was chosen to oversee the birth of a new Chapter, and accepted without hesitation. Gifted with the mighty Battle Barge Imperatorae Tonitrus and several Strike Cruisers from the forges of Mars, Alcaeus set sail towards Segmentum Obscurus and started the process of building up the Chapter. Together with a small cadre of his most trusted battle-brothers, he began molding the first young members of the Chapter into the ultimate defenders of humanity. They were named the Heralds of Light, for they would bring the Emperor's illumination to the darkest corners of the galaxy. As his fleet traveled deeper into the dark segmentum, Alcaeus led his men to countless victories, crushing the enemies of the Imperium under their power armored boots.

 

For nearly two centuries the crusade raged on before the Heralds finally stumbled upon the world of Luxia; a planet cut off from the rest of the Imperium before the outbreak of the Horus Heresy. This remnant of the Great Crusade was fighting a desperate battle against the dark desciples of Chaos; the Word Bearers. In what is now know as the First Defense of Luxia, the entire Heralds of Light Chapter was deployed on the planet, bolsterering the Luxian cities defenses and stubbornly repelling wave after wave of the chaos hordes. The battle was nothing short of a bloodbath, with hundreds of Astartes falling on both sides. But in the end, the Heralds gained the upper hand and managed to force the traitors off the planet's surface. Although the losses were grievous, the Heralds were victorious and were recognized as heroes and saviours by the Luxian people. Alcaeus was amazed, for after many years of solitude, the Luxian people never stopped believing in the Emperor, and openly welcomed the reunion with the Imperium. He was impressed too, for the people of Luxia had fought bravely, despite their inferior equipment, and they had been fearless in the face of the foul traitors. Alcaeus decided that the world of Luxia would become the Chapter's new Homeworld.

 

For nearly nine millenia the Heralds of Light have fought the enemies of the Emperor, and Luxia has been a bulwark in the defense of the Imperium. Twelve Black Crusades have poured out from the Eye of Terror and every time the Heralds have defiantly stood their ground. They are as unyielding as a lighthouse in the face of hurricane winds and raging waves to guide and protect those who would otherwise be lost, a symbol of humanity and civillzation in a dark tempest. They have felt the full brunt of many attacks, suffered horrible losses and their morale has been pushed to the limit. But the Heralds of Light still stand guard, for they know that they are all that stands between the darkness of the Eye and the billions of defenseless Imperial citizens. They are Astartes, and this is their eternal duty.

 

Homeworld:

Luxia is located in Segmentum Obscurus in the galactic north, not too far south of the Eye of Terror in the Turbatus sub-sector. The beautiful planet is covered in wide oceans, deep forests and high mountains, similar to Terra of ages long gone. This bright beacon of the emperor’s light is a great contrast to the rest of the dark segmentum. To the Heralds, Luxia is a the very symbol of everything the Emperor fought for. They have therefore made it their sacred duty to forever protect Luxia, no matter what.

 

This prosperous civilized world, settled during the Great Crusade, became a testament of the Emperor’s vision for the human empire; strong and uncorrupted. Due to its isolation during the Heresy, Luxia was unscathed by the fires of war, and remained an tranquil world until it was rediscovered. Even in times of conflict between the various Luxian states, the planet did not fall into disorder, for the people of Luxia raised great leaders, able to unite the whole population and uphold the harmony. The great Luxian library, located in the largest city, contained literature, art, relics and documents from the times before the Heresy, making sure that knowledge of the Imperium was not lost with the old generations. This library is still maintained, and is cherished by both the population and the Astartes. Luxia never forgot about the Emperor, and after some time the people of Luxia began to believe that one day his angels would return, and reunite them with the Emperor.

 

Allthough civilized, the Luxian people still have a strong warrior culture. Huge and dangerous predators roam the planets wilderness, and ever since the isolation, these creatures have been the populations main protein source and great honor is placed in hunting down these beasts. The Luxian Planetary Defence Force work vigorously to uphold its standards, and has even been able to fend off eldar pirates during the isolation. Fighting a common, external enemy greatly contributed to strengthening the union between the Luxian population during these times. Today the PDF has evolved; as equipment has greatly improved and training is now geared towards interplanetary combat as well. There have even been times were the PDF has fought alongside the Chapter on other worlds. Fully aware of the Astartes presence on their world, the Luxian populace look towards their guardians with great reverence, and to have a member of the family join the Chapters ranks is an immense honor indeed.

 

The Fortress-Monastery of the Heralds, the Watchtower, is located at the north pole of Luxia, on a massive tundra of ice and rock. The enormous tundra is the most dangerous area on the whole planet, and it is rarely braved by the people of Luxia, as none of them truly knows what lays in wait there. Only an Astartes can survive in its unforgiving environment, and that is why anyone who wish to join the Chapter, must walk across the tundra with only themselves to rely on. It is a challenging test, but those few who survive show that they are strong and self-reliant, proving their worth to the chapter. The Heralds only want recruits willing to surrender their lives to the Emperor, and so the recruits must come to the chapter if they wish to join. The only exception to this is during the Festival of the Emperor every tenth year. The festival is a huge celebration in honor of the Emperor and his angels, in memory of the first defense of Luxia. During this celebration, great competitions are held with promising young fighters from all over Luxia take part in sword duels. The last fighter standing is the champion and when he has been announced, he is traditionally asked by the Master of Recruits to join the Chapter. Never has a combatant turned down the offer, and many of those who were once winners of this contest, eventually became legendary warriors of the chapter.

 

Combat Doctrine:

Always on guard, the Heralds of Light have fought a millenia long struggle to protect the realm of man from the horrors of the Eye of Terror. As members of the Astartes Praeses, their duties require them to frequently fight alongside other Imperial organizations. They have gained a reputation for throwing themselves into combat to support their allies, occasionally forgoing comprehensive planning in favor of providing aid as fast as possible. As a consequence, the Heralds do not always fight on their own terms, having participated in numerous defensive operations as well as other tasks that are not common for an Astartes Chapter. This approach to combat has proven to be very strenuous on the Heralds and the number of casualties has at times been dangerously high. The Heralds themselves believe that it is their responsibility as Astartes to fight the battles others cannot, no matter how punishing it may be for them.

 

Whilst they have been known for their lack of planning, it is in the heat of battle the Heralds have gained their renown. The Heralds have always been a flexible fighting force, able to quickly react to an ever-changing combat situation and have become famous for their ability to adapt and improvise. Alcaeus was a devoted follower of the Codex Astartes and instilled his men with the same degree of devotion. Yet, he rocognized that to be truly flexible one has to be flexible towards the Codex as well, a belief which has served the Chapter well over the years. Cooperation with allied organizations has always been important to the Heralds, and to effectively work together with another fighting force, one must be able to take advantage of each others strengths. They have therefore not specialized themselves in a single aspect of warfare, but strive to excel in all areas so that they may better support their allies. Due to their reliability and willingness to cooperate, the Heralds have been celebrated by thousands of Imperial citizens, and earned the respect of a great number of Imperial guardsmen.

 

In addition to their parent chapter's adherence to the Codex Astartes, the Imperial Fists reluctance to accept the possibility of defeat has also been inherited by the Heralds. This can sometimes blind the Heralds to risk, resulting in them fighting on where other chapters would fall back or retreat. The Heralds themselves view it as absolutely necessary for a servant of the Emperor to be willing to die in battle, and the Chaplains constantly preach of self-sacrifice. Only by the supreme sacrifice of some of the greatest Imperial heroes, like Rogal Dorn or the Emperor himself, does the Imperium still stand. It is their resolute nature that keeps them fighting on where others would give up.

 

Organization:

Seeing the importance of limiting the power of a single chapter of Astartes, the Heralds are organized along the lines the Codex sets out. The Chapter is divided into ten companies each with its own heraldry and name, often representing the duties of the Captains. This includes the ‘Guardians of the Flame’ of the second and the ‘Shield Bearers’ of the fifth. The first company is like in most Chapters the Veteran Company. The Blades of Dorn, as they are called, are the most experienced and skilled warriors the chapter has to offer. Well-versed in all areas of combat, the Blades have also received training in the use of Tactical Dreadnought Armor. Rarely operating as a whole company, the Blades are typically spread throughout the chapter, where their wisdom can be imparted to the more unexperienced battle-brothers.

 

The second through fifth are the Battle Companies, each with the standard mix of Tactical, Assault and Devestator squads. Forming the main strength of any battleforce, they relentlessly patrol the borders of the Eye of Terror. The sixth through ninth are the Reserve Companies, always ready to reinforce the Battle Companies. These companies are currently understrength due to the ravages of war, and as the Heralds have vowed to never leave Luxia unguarded, they always leave at least one of these companies on Luxia. The tenth is the Scout Company, containing the newly inducted recruits of the Chapter. Much like the Chapter's veterans, these young warriors rarely fight as one force. Instead they fight alongside their older brethren, often acting as recon and sniper support for the Battle Companies.

 

The Imperatorae Tonitrus is the flagship of the Chapter’s fleet, and has been ever since the chapter was created. This old and venerable Battle Barge bears the scars of countless battles, and it is one of their most valued assets. It is also the only Battle Barge they possess, and it is only used when needed the most. Instead, the smaller Strike Cruisers are more frequently used, as their extra speed is preferred. There are as many as nine Strike Cruisers in the chapter’s fleet. Each one is modified in different ways to provide the Chapter with some flexibility. Some Cruisers are optimized for transport, while others, like the famed Excubitor, have had their weapon systems upgraded. These vessels are largely crewed by the Chapter's Naval Serfs; men who are fanatically loyal to the Chapter and under the command of only a handful of Astartes these men are more than capable of both maintaining and defending the fleet. Unlike many other Chapters, where Serfs are nothing more than servants or slaves, the Heralds aknowledge their Serfs with respect, and to join the Chapter as a Serf is the greatest honor, aside from becoming one of the Astartes.

 

Beliefs:

 

'We fight the battles others can not win, we suffer the pain others can not endure, we face the horrors others can not withstand.

For we are Astartes; This is our duty and we embrace it.'

 

The cult of the Heralds places great emphasis on humility, self-sacrifice, and loyalty. They see themselves as servants of the Emperor and therefore protectors of humanity. All who live under the light of the Emperor are worthy of their protection. Unlike the majority of Chapters, the Heralds are not exceedingly proud or self-absorbed, but humble and reserved. They exist to serve mankind, not the other way around. The Heralds value the splitting of power in the empire as absolutely necessary, but they also strongly believe that if mankind is to be victorious, the forces of the imperium must work together. Their humbleness and willingness to collaborate has earned them many allies within the Adeptus Astartes and other Imperial organizations.

 

During their existence, the Heralds have developed a conviction that the Emperor will one day rise from the Golden Throne, and unite humanity against Chaos. This is due to the beliefs of the Luxian people, which over the years have been absorbed by the Heralds own belief system. Their duty is to keep the Imperium safe, until the Emperor returns and leads them in a second Great Crusade. The chapter also venerate the Emperor not as a God, but as the greatest man the Galaxy has ever seen. Due to their beliefs, the chapter has a strained relationship with the Ecclesiarchy. But this is typically ignored due to their cordial relations with other Imperial organizations, and because of their unquestionable loyalty to the Emperor.

 

The Heralds of Light bear an intense hatred for Chaos in all its forms, and it is abhorred for its corrupting touch. Too often has the influence of chaos, manipulating the minds of men, been witnessed by the Heralds, and often is the corruption of one man enough to throw an entire planet in devastation. Falling to the Dark Gods is the greatest betrayal to the Emperor and cannot be tolerated. The Ruinuos Powers is considered to be the ultimate threat to the human empire, and the Heralds show no mercy when it comes to the annihilation of Chaos, for loyalty is of utmost importance, and the traitor is the greatest enemy. They have been especially vigorous during the various Black Crusades over the millenia, and this in turn has earned them the hatred of many Chaos worshippers. To them, Luxia is the greatest provocation, a torch burning with the flame of the False Emperor.

 

Gene-seed:

Proud successors of the Imperial Fists, the bond between the Heralds and their Primarch is much more than just genetic, as each warrior strive to live and die just as Rogal Dorn did. Many of his traits have been inherited by the Heralds, including his unyielding nature, but they also display his tendancy towards self-sacrifice. The Heralds of Light gene-seed is stable, with no signs of mutation, and the Apothacaries work vigorously to keep it that way. Over the millennia, however, the zygote cultures required to grow both the Betcher's gland and the Sus-an membrane have been lost or damaged, removing the ability to spit corrosive acid or enter a state of suspended animation. But like true descendants of the Imperial Fists, the Heralds do not consider these organs as losses, for what servant of the Emperor spends time hibernating or spitting acid, when he can spend his time awake, destroying the enemies of the Imperium with the bolter and the chainsword.

 

Battle-Cry:

'His light guides us. Our faith shields us. For the Emperor!'

Edited February 15, 2009 by Codex Grey

[Ferrus Manus]

Origins

They were named the Heralds of Light, for they would bring the Emperor's fire to the darkest corners of the galaxy.

Personally I would change fire to illumination or some other synonym of light. Just to reinforce the connection with the chapter's name.

 

And he was impressed too, for the people of Luxia had fought bravely, despite their inferior equipment, and they had been fearless in the face of the foul traitors.

Get rid of the and at the start of the sentence.

 

Other than that for that section there are a few fairly long sentence, maybe shorter a few of them.

 

Homeworld

This bright beacon of the emperor’s light is a great contrast to the rest of the dark segmentum.

Emperor.

 

Also, I'd suggest that "Luxian" should be with a capital. As your still naming them.

 

The Fortress-Monastery of the Heralds, called the Fortress of Light,

Errrr, seems to over do the Light theme.

 

Beliefs (Can't find any problems with the sections in between)

But this is typically ignored due to their cordial relations with other imperial organizations

Imperial. With a capital.

 

While it is not used as often as the Imperial Fists',

No need for the apostraphe.

 

Apart from that, it's all good :P

[Codex Grey]

Personally I would change fire to illumination or some other synonym of light. Just to reinforce the connection with the chapter's name.

Get rid of the and at the start of the sentence.

Other than that for that section there are a few fairly long sentence, maybe shorter a few of them.

Thanks for the suggestions, things have been changed.

 

Errrr, seems to over do the Light theme.

I agree. I'm keen on changing that name, so its just place holder for now. In fact you can actually view the entire article as a place holder, except for the new Origin section.

 

Thanks for the help Ferrus.

[Ferrus Manus]

I agree. I'm keen on changing that name, so its just place holder for now.

The Watchtower or the Eternal Beacon, maybe?

[Codex Grey]

Although I like watchtower, its not really a tower. As for Eternal Beacon, I'm not sure. Other suggestions would be great.

 

I'll soon look at the Homeworld section, but I don't think I'll change too much there.

Edited February 3, 2009 by Codex Grey

[Escaflowne]

Solar Pulse?

Bulwark of Faith?

Emperor's Light?

Emperor's Flame?

 

These are names I'm thinking of right off the top of my head.

[Nine_Breaker]

Although I like watchtower, its not really a tower.

Well the Fang isn't really a fang. The Rock isn't really a rock. The Phalanx is no where near to being the military formation of the same name. It isn't about what the fortress monastery looks like, it's what it represents.

[Codex Grey]

Watchtower it is then ^_^

 

Post 31 has been uptdated with a homeworld section. The details of the Fortress-Monastery has been dropped, but I'm thinking about adding a sidebar describing its look, functions, defense systems etc. Would a systemwide defense system be reasonable for a Chapter so focused on the defense of their Homeworld? I'm thinking a few highly autonomous sentry stations scattered throughout the Luxia system, or maybe the entire turbatus sub-sector, almost as an alarm system for the Heralds.

Thoughts? (stupid?)

[Ferrus Manus]

Personally I think it would be a standard implement on an astartes homeworld. Remember these planets would be extremely well guarded. We're talking anti-air silos, heavy bolter turrets, atmospheric cannons etc, plus the astartes themselves and their fleet. I wouldn't give exact details about the fortress as we don't know too much about what a 'standard' system would include, just suggest that the Heralds have severely increased the defences on their homeworld, compared to other chapters.

 

EDIT: Homeworld section looks good, just to say that 'luxian' should be capitalised, the same as if you said the British...

Edited February 4, 2009 by Ferrus Manus

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Would a systemwide defense system be reasonable for a Chapter so focused on the defense of their Homeworld? I'm thinking a few highly autonomous sentry stations scattered throughout the Luxia system, or maybe the entire turbatus sub-sector, almost as an alarm system for the Heralds.

Thoughts? (stupid?)

 

Certainly that's reasonable, as long as they have the manpower (think servitors ;) ). The Navy bases are ringed by hundreds of defence platforms.

 

Check this for information on orbital defences. It takes a while to load, but the stuff you need is down at the bottom, past all the Ork and Eldar stuff.

[Codex Grey]

Thanks for the help Ferrus and Tyrak(nice link). I have not decided how to desribe the monastery yet, be it in a sidebar or just another paragraph, so I will have to think about it.

 

Post 31 has been updated once more with Combat Doctrine and a little introduction at the start of the article. C&C is welcomed.

Edited February 11, 2009 by Codex Grey

[Ferrus Manus]

The Heralds themselves believe that it is their responsibility as Astartes to fight the battles others cannot, no matter how punnishing it may be for them.

Only one 'n'

 

one must be able to take advantage of eachothers strengths.

Two words.

 

the Heralds have been celebrated by thousands of imperial citizens, and earned the respect of a great number of imperial guardsmen.

Words in bod should be capitalised.

 

+++

 

All in all it's good. There are a few sentences that seem like something that all astartes do or have, such as:

it is in the heat of battle the Heralds have gained their renown

.

But apart from that I have no issues.

[Codex Grey]

The line sentence you used as an example is mainly there to offset their lack of planning, showing that they rely more on in-combat/strategy( or is it tactics?) instead of pre-combat strategy/tactics.

 

In an IA there is bound to be certain degree of generic descriptions and the like, but I don't feel there is too much generic content in what I have presented. Others might dissagree, though.

 

The other stuff has been changed, thanks.

[Ferrus Manus]

First off nice quote to start off the beliefs.

Unlike the majority of Chapters, the Heralds are not exceedingly proud or self-absorbed, but humble and reserved. They exist to serve mankind, not the other way around.

Ok, that is fine. So how do they react toward non-astartes? I mean even most chapters who are considered humble still have a rift between them and others. It's a bit like the SAS fighting beside a rabble, they would get irritated as the rabble don't meet their standards.

Again, 'Luxian' should be capitalised.

untill the Emperor returns and leads them in a second Great Crusade.

One 'l'

The Ruinus Powers is considered to be the ultimate threat to the human empire,

Missed out the 'o'

and the Heralds show no mercy when it comes to the annihilation of Chaos. For loyalty is of utmost importance, and the traitor is the greatest enemy.

These two sentences could be merged into one.

and this has in return earned them the hatred of many Chaos worshippers.

This is ok, but don't flow too well. I'd suggest changing it to something like 'and this in turn has earned them...'

 

The rest is good. It's a nice IA, now for sidebars and things...

Edited February 14, 2009 by Ferrus Manus

[Codex Grey]

Thanks, Ferrus. Ragarding their attitude towards non-astartes, I thought that was pretty clear. 'all who lives under the light of the Emperor' implies both astartes and ordinary humans. The little info about their Serfs gives an impressions of their relationship with humans.

 

Well, the entire article has been updated now. Some things have been changed slightly or completely and some things have stayed the same. I think I've managed to portray the image of a Chapter struggling to defend the Imperium. Big thanks goes to Nine_Breaker for your suggestions. I've used Nine's approach to their 'weakness', by stressing how taxing the duties of the Herald are on the chapter. In the prossess I've come up with a new one as well with their lack of planning, which I think fits with their 'denfense of the Imperium comes before everything' mentality

 

What do you guys think? Is it better than the previous version? Is there still room for improvement? (there certainly is, but I'm looking for specific examples)

[Ferrus Manus]

What do you guys think? Is it better than the previous version? Is there still room for improvement? (there certainly is, but I'm looking for specific examples)

I like it. It is better than the original; it is more to the point and has less 'waffle' for want of a better word. It's more precise, and better for it.

 

But, I agree with you it can be improved, but not with specific examples. I think you just need to go back through it and tighten it up, check the grammar etc, and look through, see where two sentences could be joined to make the writing flow easier. Now it's down to the nitty gritty bits just to polish it off and make it worthy of its' chapter.

[Codex Grey]

Main post updated with the new version of the article. Very minor edits since the last time, but also a sidebar.

[Ferrus Manus]

I'm glad it's looking so good, it must be near completion eh?

 

One minor thing though, you missed the capital on 'doctrine' in the Combat Doctrine header.

[Codex Grey]

Yeah, I'll submit the revision soon, I think. Still want to add things though, just not sure what.

[Codex Grey]

I've added 'notable members of the chapter' to the article. Currently only one character, but if inspiration hits me I'll write up some more.

 

I will also be adding something...colorful to the article, some time in the future. Can't reveal what it is just yet.

 

Anyways tell me what you think.

-------------------------------------

 

Venerable Brother Morpheus

 

'When they return, I will rise again'

 

Reclusiarch Morpheus had served as Second Company Chaplain for almost two centuries before Abaddons third Black Crusade was unleashed upon the Imperium. The Heralds of Light quickly joined the Imperial resistance, and the Second Company became engaged in the defense of the Lumbark system. On the ice steppes of Hive World Lumbark Prime, Morpheus and the Second Company faced the Black Legion in brutal combat. Morpheus was mortally wounded in one of the earliest battles, defending the largest Hive against a massive chaos offensive. Though many of his brothers had fallen, Morpheus refused to give in to his wounds, and while the Battle of Lumbark continued, the Chaplain was entombed within the armoured shell of a dreadnought. When Morpheus finally returned to the battlefield, his mere presence reinvigorated the Imperial defense, leading to the total destruction of the chaos forces in the system.

 

After the Battle of Lumbark, Morpheus was at the vanguard of every counter-attack, fighting with the same zealous fury as before his entombment, and wherever he walked, his brothers would fight ten times harder. In the end, the Imperium stood victorious, and the forces of chaos retreated back to the Eye of Terror. As the Heralds of Light returned to Luxia to rebuild, Morpheus was placed deep within the vaults of the Watchtower where he would rest. He had only one request before falling asleep; that he would be awoken for Abaddon’s next Black Crusade. And so it became, that for every subsequent Black Crusade to pour out from the Eye of Terror, Brother Morpheus would rise from his slumber to defend Humanity from the servants of the Dark Gods.