Why? (A memoir from Ordo Celestia)

[Kaede45]

I was born on the shrine world of Eden, the homeworld of the Scions. I was brought up in the ways of love & forgiveness. Purity was demanded & impurities were punished. Though Eden was the most peaceful world in the Aureum System, it had its fair share of troubles. I was a young man when we returned to the galaxy, when Ordo Celestia launched its grand crusade, Lucis Adventus. I joined the Royal Army to see what the galaxy was like, but before I could leave Eden I had to receive training. I was taught how to shoot a lasrifle, how to fire a bolt pistol, how to wield a chainsword, where to stab an enemy, what vital organs to target. But I always asked, why?

 

Why did I need to know how to kill when we served a God who condemned it? Why would our Overlord command us to kill in his name? Why would we not show the love of our Lord & leave those who would reject him? Why?

 

I survived my training, though being Edenian seemed to have had me at something of a disadvantage. Other soldiers, my fellow Scions, all came from other strange worlds that I had no idea existed within the Aureum System. The Scions of Saurius were raised on a world ruled by megafauna, where survival was never a guarantee. The Scions of Rydia lived on a frozen world, while the Scions of Purgatos lived in extreme heat. Those from Hephaestus were cyborgs, trained in the arts of technomancy. I never knew that so many worlds existed around the Golden Star. I felt so alien, their descriptions of their homes were far & away nothing like Eden. I felt like the privileged rich kid trying to fit in among the urchins who survived the wilds. I always asked, why?

 

Why were not all Scions permitted to live on Eden? Why were some thrown onto worlds where their lives could be cut short? Why were so many others forced to live in constant hardship while some, like myself, lived relatively comfortable lives?

 

I was assigned to the 11th regiment, tasked with taking the Coriphys System. Our first mission was to a world, Bargol, which was suffering an Ork invasion. A hard fight to be sure, but we emerged triumphant, adding Bargol to the Golden Kingdom in a matter of 10 months. With that we came across a Craftworld called Aerius. We were told to take it, so our command made contact, offering the Craftworlders the chance to join the Scions peacefully. I had thought everything was going well, but we were then told to make ready for invasion. I couldn’t help but ask, why?

 

Why had these Aeldari accepted our offer, only for us to fight them? Why were we gearing for war when peace was seemingly accepted? Why would the Lord want us to fight a peaceful faction?

 

When we fought in the urban landscape of Craftworld Aerius, one of our best soldiers, Galrethi Dystari, led a squad of Aeldari Scions to battle. Our squads worked together closely & I witnessed her taking the lives of many enemy Eldar. She was strong & fierce, showing little, if any, mercy for the enemy. It was frightening to say the least, but I noticed that for each Eldar she slew, she would whisper a prayer. When all was said & done, after fighting an army of Eldar & even witnessing the might of an avatar of their war god, we captured the leaders. They looked upon Galrethi with hatred. “Traitor!” They shouted. “Agent of Slaanesh!” They yelled. She knew that the soul of every Eldar we killed would be devoured by the Prince of Pleasure. Though we had captured many Eldar alive, many more were slain. I could see the pain on her face as she listened to their insults, each syllable like a dagger plunged straight into her heart. For months after, Galrethi spent most of her time in the Ark’s cathedral, begging our Lord to forgive her. I had to ask her, why?

 

Why did she kill so many of her own kind, knowing the fate that awaited them? Why did she choose to side with the Scions over other Aeldari? Why did she not choose to speak against our command & insist on pursuing peace?

 

Our next destination was Therm, a world under siege by Tyrannids. I watched in horror as many good men & women died fighting these horrific monstrosities, yet within almost a year we succeeded in destroying them. With our part done we reported to the Ark’s medbay to ensure our health. I was confident in my status, until the nurse suddenly strapped me down. Alarms went off as I began to panic. I had been infected by the swarm & would likely die or become one of them. The worst, however, was when the surgeons arrived. Two multi-limbed humanoids with light purple skin followed a bald-headed woman with a bizarre facial structure. Tyrannid hybrids. I tried to struggle, but I was sedated. Fear overtook my dreams as I struggled to maintain myself, desperately trying to resist the transformations they would no doubt inflict upon me. When I awoke, I was in a new place lying in a bed surrounded by other soldiers. I inspected myself to see what they had done, yet I found no mutations. I looked around the room at the other patients. None of them had any mutations either. The surgeon then entered the room & approached me. I was scared & confused. She told me that they had successfully removed the Tyrannid infection from my body. My commanding officer came in & thanked the Hybrid for her work. I needed to ask, why?

 

Why were Tyrannid Hybrids aboard the Ark? Why was a Genestealer cult present within the Scions? Why did no one else bat an eye at the idea of Hybrids living among us?

 

The last straw came when we reached Andross, an Imperial aggriworld.  Protocol demands that we entreat with the planetary governors to negotiate peace before resorting to war, but the Reclusiarch announced that we would not be following protocol, nor would we be fighting. He declared that Andross was to be purged by an order of the Auric Knights. The Order of the Crimson Chains, the most brutal marines in Ordo Celestia, were to be sent to the planet alone, where they were to slay all the human inhabitants & destroy every city, burn every field & lay waste to the planet. I had to ask, why?

 

Why were we going against the sacred protocols set down by our God? Why were these foul barbarians to be sent in our stead? Why were the people of Andross to be mercilessly slain?

 

Five months would pass. Many soldiers of all ordos did what they could to keep themselves sane. They would preoccupy themselves with hobbies, games & prayer. Not I. Every day I would look at the planetary map, seeing the progress of the Crimson Chains as they cut a swath of destruction across the planet. I grit my teeth, angered that command would condone such vile acts. I wanted to do something, to stop this madness. This was antithetical to everything we were taught. Eventually, Lord Commander Bernhardt, leader of our division of the Royal Army, came to me & my compatriots. He felt the same way we did. He despised the slaughter of Andross & asked my squad to go down there to find the truth & stop the Crimson Chains. He wanted us to slip away, discreetly & do whatever was necessary to right the wrongs that command was committing. I did not ask, why.

 

We landed near a small city that the Chains had yet to reach. We spoke to the populace, scouted the area, even admired the architecture. The city was beautiful. Statues of old heroes were erected all about, a beautiful cemetery decorated with marble gravestones sat as quiet monuments to the fallen & at the center of the city was the most beautiful grand cathedral I had ever seen in my life. This was what was being destroyed. The beauty of Andross was being burned by those I had thought my brothers & sisters in Christ. I could not bear it. None of us could. So we took up defensive positions just as the Crimson Chains were arriving. We knew that we could not win, but perhaps we could hold them off at least long enough for the people of this city to escape. The marines halted as they saw us & their leader, a monster of a man named Zephiel, approached me. He stared at me with his piercing glowing red eyes & a scowl that invoked fear. He then spoke to me with a deep gravelly voice & asked, “Why?”

 

He asked, ”Why do you stand in our way?”

I answered, “Because what you are doing is wrong!”

He asked, ”Why do you presume that we are wrong?”

I answered, “Because this is against the teachings of the Scions!”

He asked, “Why do you believe you know better than I?”

I answered, “Because I was raised on Eden!”

 

Zephiel stared at me with those red eyes, as if sizing me up. He tilted his head this way & that. After what felt like an eternity, he broke the silence that had settled between us.

 

He asked, “Why do you not ask me anything?”

I had no answer.

 

He then scoffed. “I can see it in your eyes. Questions. So many questions. Yet no answers. You wish to know many things. That one question, burning in your mind. ‘Why?’ You so desperately wish to know.” I stood firm, shaking in fear yet I upheld my faith. Zephiel scoffed again. “If you intend to stand in our way, then you will be cut down. I ask that you do not make us kill you. We are allies after all & we do not wish to kill you. But we have a duty to complete & we will do what we must to see it done.” He then gave the signal for his men to continue their march. I then gave the signal for my squad to attack.

 

The battle, if one could even call it such, ended as quickly as it began. My squad was no match for the Ascendants of the Auric Knights. They were comparable to the Imperium’s Astartes & we did not have such strength. I watched as my longtime companions, friends & family I had fought with throughout this campaign, cut down like stalks of wheat before the farmer’s sickle. While the marines suffered no losses, I was all that remained of my squad. Two knights held my arms & dragged me to Zephiel. He looked down at me with his glowing crimson eyes. I glared back at him. “Rabid mongrel.” I coughed. He shook his head in disappointment. “Hatred is a sin, is it not?” I was in no mood to answer him. He sighed & began to remove his gauntlet from his left hand.

 

“You want to know why we do this?” I continued to glare as he took his chainsword in his right hand & slit his left palm, before kneeling down to my level. “Allow me to give you insight.” He then placed his bleeding palm over my mouth. The two knights holding me grabbed my hair to prevent my head from moving & pinched my nose, forcing me to open my mouth. The metallic taste of blood dripped onto my tongue as they forced my head back. I resisted as long as I could, but eventually I had to swallow a mouthful of blood. I could feel it dripping down my throat & only once I felt the blood reach my stomach did the knights let me go. I asked, why?

 

Why did he force me to swallow his blood? Why did he kill my squad without mercy, but let me live? Why did he want me to question him?

 

After a short time I began to experience a pain in my stomach. It started small, but quickly grew more & more intense. The pain spread throughout my body, like he had doused me in promethium then set me alight. My head began to throb as my vision blurred & distorted. I was in absolute agony when the nausea hit. I wretched, emptying the contents of my stomach onto the ground before me. Then I felt it. Something inside me, writhing & squirming as it slowly made its way up my esophagus. I could feel it clawing at my flesh, as if trying to push itself back down whilst simultaneously attempting to make its escape. I wretched & heaved until finally, to my absolute horror, it began to protrude from my mouth. A large creature of some sort, something I had never seen before in my entire life, began to writhe limply from my mouth. It was long, almost fleshy, with what looked like the remnants of a still melting carapace across its back, thousands of claw-like appendages on either side of its body that constantly moved. I continued to heave as the creature’s true length filled me with existential dread. Four feet, five feet, six, seven, this creature was longer than I & much wider than my mouth & throat. Nine feet, ten feet, it was enormous & it terrified me to imagine how such a monstrosity could exist inside me without killing me. At long last the twelve foot centipede-like monster left my body completely. It wriggled & flailed like a fish out of water, screeching in pain & agony as it did.

 

It’s face… I will never forget the horror of its face. It looked human in shape, but more like some crude, twisted approximation of a human head. It had many eyes. Eyes growing out of eyes. Its mouth, if one could even call it as such, was lined with countless razor sharp fangs that twisted & turned down its throat. It had hair, but it was overgrown & spindly like a crudely made doll. It stared at me, screeching, before it was silenced by the boot of Zephiel himself. When I looked upon him & his marines, I saw more horror.

 

Each order in the Auric Knights wore a badge on their armor, a symbol indicating which order they belonged to. The Silver Sword, the Golden Aegis, the Ebon Tome & the Violet Cloth, each had something to identify them, but not the Crimson Chains. No heraldry, no badge, no indication of their order was present on any of these barbarians. Or so I had thought. When I looked upon them now, I saw something I hadn’t seen before. The heraldry of their order. Wreathed around each of their armors, from their helms to their greaves, I saw their chains, burning with an ethereal crimson fire. They pulsed, as if alive, writhing, extending & retracting. The pulsing chains weren’t on fire. They were fire.

 

I turned my gaze to my fallen comrades, only to find more horror. Crawling upon their corpses were creatures, some similar to the one I had vomited up, whilst others had different crude shapes, appearing like twisted mockeries of insects & animals, all scavenging about my comrades’ corpses, feeding not on their flesh, but something more ethereal. As I watched, several Marines set about torching the fallen, scattering the horrible creatures who screeched in anger at the interruption of their meal. Some scurried away, while others attacked only to be engulfed by holy fire. I got up & ran toward the city, having no idea what terrors awaited me.

 

I ran through the picturesque cemetery & noticed how it had changed. Gone were the marble tombstones, replaced by bloodstained altars & humans impaled on spikes, some still living. My eyes were drawn to a horrific sight, a young girl, not much older than 5, impaled, but still breathing as those damnable creatures pecked at her body. I shoo’ed them away, though they circled overhead, cackling as if they knew I could not help her. She weakly extended her hand to me, I gently lifted my own to hers & held it for a while. She mouthed something, her voice too weak to make a sound. “Please… kill me…” I was mortified. Soon a deep voice came from behind me. “Stand aside.” The marine spoke as he pushed me away. I watched as he knelt down to the impaled girl & spoke to her. “Father. Please take pity on this poor soul. Take her into your loving arms. Forgive me for what I must do. In the name of Christ. Amen.” He then lifted his flamer. “This will hurt for but a moment.” As he pulled the trigger, burning the little girl. I saw a resignation in her eyes, followed by peace. Around me I saw other marines, torching the impaled bodies & smashing the pagan altars as they marched toward the city. Fear overtook me & I ran ahead.

 

The once beautiful city was a twisted mockery of what I saw before. The buildings of metal were made of bones & writhing flesh. The statues that stood in honor of fallen heroes were instead idols of twisted horrifying deities. The people walked about with those abominations swarming around them & some of them looked fused together. I ran about, frightened by what I saw, until I was stopped by two Arbites. One had the head of a fly, whilst the other looked liked he was mid-transformation into some goat headed beast. As I looked upon them, they began to raise their shotguns, but before they could fire, they were killed by Bolter fire. The marines had breached the city & had begun to cull the populace. Some civilians ran, while others leapt at the marines like feral animals, only to be cut down. Confusion took hold as I watched the carnage unfolding before me. I needed to run, to hide. I ran as fast as I could, straight into the city’s grand cathedral.

 

To my relief, the priest was not some abomination. I told him of how everything was not right. How we needed to evacuate. The world had fallen to Chaos. He shoved me down & proclaimed that he hoped I would have stalled the Crimson Chains longer, that he might have been able to fully complete his ritual, but I had at least bought him more time. His eyes began to glow a daemonic black as a circle of dark flames surrounded him in a pentagram. The cathedral’s grand doors crashed down as Zephiel led a squad of Marines inside. The priest cackled. “You’re too late, Scions!”

 

I could hardly comprehend what happened next. The priest transformed into what I could only believe must’ve been a daemon prince of some sort. Zephiel & his Marines fought valiantly against him, but one-by-one they fell victim to the enemy until only the master of the Chains remained. I hid, watching from afar, trying desperately to process what I was witnessing. As the daemon held Zephiel, slowly crushing the life from him, I suddenly sprung into action, against my better judgement, as I ran toward a fallen Marine, grabbed his bolt rifle & fired a shot into the daemon’s eye. The rifle dislocated my shoulder, I was not prepared for the gun’s recoil, but at least my aim was true. I staggered the monster enough to give Zephiel the opening he needed to escape its grasp & slay it.

 

As Zephiel limply marched toward the exit of the cathedral, he grabbed me by the neck of my uniform, dragging me behind him. As we exited the place I could see the stained glass windows & the unholy symbol of the archenemy emblazoned upon them. Surrounding the foul building were Marines with heavy flamers. As Zephiel passed by, he told them to incinerate the place. They did as they were told, igniting the cathedral with holy fire. As I was dragged through the city I could see the works of the Marines. Idols were toppled, their materials being smashed to bits, bodies were piled onto bonfires, scourging the fetid populace, fields & livestock were razed in divine fire. As the city shrank over the horizon, I could see the flames rising, dark smoke rising & I swear I could see the faces of people screaming in the smoke, being dragged into the darkest pits of the Warp, where even the self-proclaimed “Chaos gods” dared to tread.

 

Zephiel dragged me all the way to a drop ship, hauling me on board before setting me in one seat, then sitting himself across from me. He stared at me with those piercing red eyes. I looked at him. A silence settled between us for some time. Finally, I asked, “Why?”

 

“Why did I not see all this before? Why did I not know that such terrible things were happening here? Why was I not told that this would happen?”

 

Zephiel straightened himself, his gaze never wavering. With his deep, gravelly voice he spoke with a tone of caring reprimand, like a father gently yet sternly teaching his son the error of his ways.

 

He answered, “Because you never truly asked.”

 

I froze as he continued to speak. “Your faith was weak because you dared not to question it. You did not truly understand your beliefs because you foolishly thought you did. You fell into the same trappings that ensnare the Imperium; the belief that one’s faith should never be questioned. But that is the road to damnation. Faith that is blind is easy to manipulate… & destroy.”

 

He looked wistfully outside the ship, toward the burning city on the horizon. “I was like that, once. It is why I became the Master of the Crimson Chains. I thought I knew better, but I never questioned my faith, simply accepting what others told me I should believe. I made so many terrible decisions that hurt many before I finally voiced my own questions. By that time I learned that my faith was so stagnant that the Evil One was able to easily use it for his own dark designs.”

 

He turned his gaze back to me. “The fool believes he knows everything, but the wise questions everything he knows. As the sacred words of Christ say, ‘Ask & it shall be given to you. Seek & you shall find. Knock & the door shall be opened.’ How can you expect to find wisdom if you never dare to seek it?”

 

I realized the truth of his words. I had always asked why, but only in my mind. I had never given voice to those questions. I thought that questioning my faith would weaken it, yet it was the lack thereof that caused it to atrophy. I had stayed silent, when I should have spoken up. I obeyed when I should have asked why. I was raised in the church & thought that I knew all there was about my faith. How wrong I was.

 

Zephiel stood up & began to leave. I had to ask, “What did I see?”

 

He stopped & answered without turning. “Truth. What truly hides in plain sight.”

I asked. “What are they.”

He answered. “Servants of the Evil One.”

I asked. “The archenemy?”

He answered. “No. For they too are his servants. Even if they don’t know it.”

I asked. “How can they be his servants without knowing?”

 

Zephiel turned to me. His answer not with words. I understood the answer to my question. For I too had served the Evil One unknowingly. I then had to ask, “Why do I see them?” He walked over to me & unsheathed the knife from my boot, angling the flat of the blade so that I could see my reflection in it.

 

I saw the same glowing crimson eyes of Zephiel staring back at me from my reflection.

 

”Those are the eyes of we who cannot unsee the true nature of evil. The truth that all mortal beings, no matter how pious or pure, are surrounded by creatures that would see us undone. Many Scions can sense these creatures, feeling their presence. Some may even catch a glimpse of the spiritual battlefield that surrounds us.” He re-sheathed my knife. “We, however, are cursed to see it, ever & always, clear as day. We cannot ignore it, nor can we deny it. It is why we do what we must. Others cannot see or feel or sense what we see clearly. They demand to know why they need to accept salvation from an invisible sky daddy who condones genocide. They see the daemons of Chaos, but they do not see the true evil that latches to their very souls, that whisper sweet lies whilst feeding on their ignorant souls.”

 

”Why does the Lord not stop all this?” I asked.

 

“He does.” Zephiel said as he turned to leave. “He guided us here, did he not?”

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I stand now on Seraphis, monastery world of the Auric Knights. As I look up into the sky, I can see the dark tendrils of some eldritch horror stretching out, creeping around the stars, sourced from somewhere I could not see, where my mind could not comprehend, beneath the Sea of Souls. Like tentacles, they wrap around & touch every world in the galaxy, reaching as many souls as possible. I can see the roots growing from the so-called “Chaos gods” snaking their way down into the abyss. At the center of this darkness, I see a massive eye, the eye of the Evil One, darting back & forth from side to side looking to ensure that its vile appendages are rooted everywhere. It turns onto me & lingers, an aura of hatred emanating from it as it sees me staring at it. It hates that I can see it. It hates that I acknowledge it. It hides in darkness, beyond the sight of even those that call themselves “gods” warping & manipulating everything in secret. It hates to be seen, for he thrives on ignorance.

 

I have been led into an underground part of the great monastery, the catacombs where the Crimson Chains make their home. In the antechamber I see the walls lined with crypts, many of which contain ivory sarcophagi, made from a material not native to our dimension. I’ve seen this before, within the Crimson Chains’ sanctum aboard the Ark. They were used to keep the marines in a dreamless sleep while they were ferried to whatever world they would be unleashed upon. Not these ones. These were for those poor souls who had their eyes open to the dark truth, like me. They repelled evil, or at least blinded those interred from the darkness that they could not escape. Within, I will be able to die in peace, without having to see the tendrils of the Evil One around me. Or perhaps my mind may strengthen & I will be made an ascendant, a marine of the Crimson Chains. Whatever my fate may be, I leave you all with this lesson.

 

Questions do not weaken your faith, they strengthen it. One cannot become strong by sitting idly. Only through hard work, pain, trials & of course, questions, can one truly become wiser, stronger, better. Do not let doubt settle into your mind. Dispel doubt with questions, research & hard work. Always ask the question…

 

‘Why?’

 

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*Author’s note*

This took me a long time to write. Several days in fact. I was always planning to do a dark story after my “Taking of Lutemis” story, but I couldn’t figure out how best to do so. This was a product of a long thought process, using the idea, like my previous story, of writing from the perspective of a soldier as that seemed to be something at least one person liked about my last story, but also I tried to make the story more dark & depressing as a response to the fact that most others did not like how my other story was more “cheery.” I’m sure this story has its fair share of problems, especially since a lot of it acts as a lore dump for my fan-made Christian faction & I'm certain many will have their nitpicks & questions. This also acts as a bit of my own critique of how religions are supposed to answer questions, not quell them.

 

Hopefully people will like this more & hopefully I’ll be able to put more of the stories I have floating around in my head to words. My goal is to make a faction whose lore both conflicts & meshes with the 40K lore to where it can be viewed as either canon or non-canon without too many issues. As always, feedback is appreciated, especially constructive criticism, thank you all very much for taking the time to read all this & always, God bless!

[kabaakaba]

You really have a talent to write. Do it more often, but IMHO it really hard to fit in 40k when you heavily use "Lord" and "God". I understand your desire to put Christianity into grim dark future but it can't  be here. No guy who openly believe in Christ can get into Scions. No SM spare that guy, let alone would talk with him. 

But again, even if I don't like your agenda it's written really nice. Tbh it's rare when I can read some community created stuff and not suffer how bad it written. There is all right. Really can understand main character and can empathize him.