Daeothar Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Right. So here's my first Fiery Lions story, detailing a Fiery Lions assault on an Imperial Cruiser, loyal, renegade or traitor, I left that in the middle on purpose, considering the Fiery Lions' history. I'll be doing some other stories pretty soon about the Fiery Lions and Ahmato's chapter, the Night Pervadus and how they came to be allies... This here is still a working title though, if you have better ideas, let me know; I'm not completely happy with it yet. So here we go: FIERY ENTRY The outer reaches of the Galactic Rim. Young, bright stars bursting to life in the cold, dark void. Myriads of blazing suns, forming the broad arms of the galaxy reach around to form a disk on which Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takeda-style Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Cool, a Fiery Loins story! ;) http://turnsignalsonalandraider.com/?ep=1106260490 ;) sorry, sometimes I just really can't help myself :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806152 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daeothar Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 Wow what a coinidence!! Where did you get that? What are the odds of having a Fiery Loins chapter out there eh? Go figure... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806163 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takeda-style Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Nah, I added the link for those who might not get the joke and thinks I was just being plain lame ;) ... wich I kinda was. Nice story anyway, well written! Just curious, did you have anything to do with getting the Fiery loins joke into the strip or did the idea to take up the chapter come from reading the strip? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806168 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daeothar Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 Actually, Steve contacted me to ask me permission to use the Lions in Turnsignals. Which he got. Little did I know that one little loins joke will probablty haunt them everywhere they go now... And I think just about everyone with an internet connection and even a small interest in 40K and marines might be in on it by now. I recently joined a new gaming group and I was telling one guy about my pride (pun intended), the Fiery Lions, at which point a guy at the table next to me turns around and says: 'You read Turnsignals on a Landraider too much', probably thinking he was wowing me with his intimate knowledge of a niche website covering a niche aspect of a niche game. Little did he know he was talking to the real deal. I never knew I had reached niche stardom. ;) Taking them to tournaments now might be an interesting prospect... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806180 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takeda-style Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Awesome ;) , nice to meet the creator and facilitator of one of the most sticky jokes I've ever seen. Whatever you do, you just don't forget a name like the 'Fiery Loins' :P I would imagine you'd stir up quite some good natured laughing on tourneys, and you'd get a lot of attention from it too... (one of the few things I can think of that approaches this kind of attention would be the 'OH GOD MY EYES' jokes revolving Imperial Fists) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806203 Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodPact Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I was hoping to pre-emptively eliminate the threat of that joke. It seems I was too late. ;) Very good read though. I look forward to more! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806204 Share on other sites More sharing options...
KharNath Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Well written Daeothar. I enjoyed reading the story. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806251 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmato Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Nice one Daeothar, can't wait to see what you come up with for the Night Pervadus ;) Well Done, Ahmato ++Edit++ If anyone's interested, The fluff for the Night Pervadus is now up >>Here<<. And yes, I know its a plug, and no, I'm not ashamed :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806276 Share on other sites More sharing options...
longlivemarneus Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 MORE!!! I NEED MORE!!!! -LLM Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-806343 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daeothar Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 Hop!!! *cracks whip and chases the lions back up* @ Marneus: believe me; your wish shall be granted very soon... ;) Thanks for the replies so far, but I'm hoping for some constructive critisism aside from the (much appreciated) praise, so things might improve a bit. Anything that irks you, please let me know. Oh; and I'm still looking for a better title... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-807085 Share on other sites More sharing options...
homestarrunner Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 THATS LIONS! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-807331 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmato Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-807391 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daeothar Posted March 25, 2005 Author Share Posted March 25, 2005 I know; everyone's a comedian these days... ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-807404 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCC Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 Nice work daeothar B) Some small suggestions to tighten the prose up a little...hopefully you'll find this criticism is constructive, I'll try to say why I think things should be changed and how, not just that they should be changed ;) I'll also say here I'm imagining English is a second language for you ? If so I'm doubly impressed as many of the typical 'translation' errors from Dutch (looking at your profile and names in the story I'm guessing you are Dutch...) or other Euro languages are missing, your teacher(s) certainly knew their jobs... The outer reaches of the Galactic Rim. Young, bright stars bursting to life in the cold, dark void. Myriads of blazing suns, forming the broad arms of the galaxy reach around to form a disk on which Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-807775 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hasoroth Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 I love your story its a whole new type of space ship boarding actions! I like it and the Gunnery Lt is especially well done. Also the description is absolutely faboulous you just made me want to write my own fluff. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-807907 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daeothar Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 Thanks SCC; this is just what I was looking for... :tu: Nice work daeothar B) I'm imagining English is a second language for you ? If so I'm doubly impressed as many of the typical 'translation' errors from Dutch (looking at your profile and names in the story I'm guessing you are Dutch...) or other Euro languages are missing, your teacher(s) certainly knew their jobs... Aw shucks; now you made me blush... ;) I'll be sure to pass the compliment to Ms. de Ruiter if I ever see her again (although watching transformers on Sky Channel when I was little helped a great deal as well :D ). Nice to set the mood and all but I found this section a little waffle-y if you know what I mean. The other problem you have is that you go from a grand scope of time & space to the objects acting in 'real time' as such, the two different 'scales' sort of bump into each other and spoil the mood (well, they do for me anyway). True. This just came to me as a nice cinematic opening but it might be a bit too '2001' for this little story. What irked me personally was the change from present tense there to past tense in the rest of the story. I'll see what I can do but I actually kind of like the idea... All of the rest of what you brought up is just spot on though; no way around it. I'll change those passages as soon as I get the chance; all of what you suggested would add to the story. Once again; thanks a bunch; that helped me out a lot! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/70543-first-fiery-lions-story/#findComment-810634 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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