Trouble Getting Started

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

I've been playing Dark Angels for about 6 months now, and I'm planning on doing a second army when I finish them. I'll either be doing a DIY chaos legion, Daemonhunters, or a DIY Imperial Guard regiment.

 

You're probably thinking "Why is he trying to plan out the DIY legion if he's not even sure he's gonna do it." Well, I want to have the legion planned out before I decide for sure because the fluff I create might influence my decision. I don't want to come up with a great idea for Chaos after I've spent $200 and six months on Guard or Grey Knights.

 

Now for the part that will definitely call for an eye roll. I need a name for this legion, and some help making my fluff coherent. So far the fluff I've created goes like this:

 

First off you have to know that my name here is based on the Venerable Dreadnought from my Dark Angels army.

 

The story begins around 2000 years after the Horus Heresy, when the Dark Angels accept an aspirant named Exar. He rises quickly through the ranks, becoming a full battle-brother in less than ten years of service. After 50 years, Exar is inducted into the Deathwing and becomes a Terminator.

 

Circa 500 M.32, when Exar is several centuries old and Master of the Deathwing, he is horribly wounded fighting the Emperor's Children and interred in a Dreadnought.

 

For eight thousand years Exar served the Chapter as a man-machine, but all the while there was a doubt growing in his mind, even when he helped teach the Imperial Creed to aspirants destined to be Chaplains and tutored a young initiate named Azrael.

 

Exar grew tired of being trapped within the adamantium sarcophagus, and began to think his brothers were foolish to consider it a blessing. He wanted to see with his own eyes, walk on his own feat, and breath fresh air again. After 8,000 years of loyal service, during which his hull had become allmost obscured by purity seals, Exar began to question the purity of the Imperium. He began to wonder if the Emperor truly lived inside the Golden Throne, and toyed with the notion that the High Lords were speaking for themselves, not for the Emperor. At last he heard the voices of the Dark Gods.

 

At first he scoffed at their promises, asking them "What could you offer me that the Emperor can't?" Finally they offered him the one thing he truly wanted: to emerge from the sarcophagus fully healed.

 

For decades, Exar resisted. Out of loyalty to the Emperor and his Chapter, he refused to accept the gift he had so desperately wanted for a time beyond reckoning, until the day the hull of his machine was shattered in battle. While supporting the Third Company he charged headlong at a Defiler of the Black Legion that stood on the edge of a seaside cliff, destroying one of its claws with his powerfist. The other claw gripped and lifted the Dreadnought, cracking parts of the sarcophagus, but Exar fired his lascannon into the heart of the mechanical beast. It reared back howling, and fell backwards off the cliff still clutching the Dreadnought. Both machines shattered on impact with the beach below.

 

The battle ended minutes later, and an apothecary accompanied by a techmarine ran along the base of the cliff, seeking the wreckage of the Dreadnought. "Brother Exar!" the Apothecary called out, again and again, hoping against hope that the ancient warrior would be found alive. Little did he know it would have been better for him to find the Dreadnought dead.

 

As Exar lay unconcious in the crushed, broken wreckage of his metal body, among the scattered pieces of the Defiler, whose Daemon had fled to the Warp, he again heard the voices. They promised him release. Not in death, but in true life. The kind of life that had been denied him for 8,000 years. They promised him revenge against the High Lords and against the Dark Angels, who had kept him alive in that walking armored prison to aid in their pointless, endless wars.

 

"Choose your heraldry, and we will make it so. When you emerge from your prison you will wear the armor you were destined for, and the symbols that these tyrants you hate so much will come to fear above all but our Ascendant."

 

With that thought, Exar's will to resist crumbled and he accepted the promises of power and vengeance. When the Apothecary and Techmarines found the ravaged Dreadnought, they looked on in amazement as it climbed to its feet and shambled to the edge of the sea. The front of the sarcophagus exploded outward, and the machine took a few lumbering steps forward, then toppled to one side. It lay in the shallow water as the waves lapped at the hull, some reaching into the sarcophagus.

 

Exar woke slowly to the sound of heavy footsteps, the Apothecary's voice, and the sensation of seawater tickling down onto his face. For the first time in millenia, he opened his eyes and saw the sun of the world he had helped saved only moments ago. Realizing this was no dream, and that there were feeling and strenght in his body again, Exar began to climb out of the sarcophagus. When he emerged, he half expected to see the Emperor, the Lion, Sanguinius, and his parents, brothers, and sisters, but he came to his senses and remembered the pact he had just made. Chaos had yet to fully consume him, but he had already started down the path to damnation.

 

Looking down at his hands, Exar examined the magnificent armor the Dark Gods had crafted for him. It was bright cobalt blue, trimmed in gold and neon green. He felt a scabbard hanging at his side that hadn't been there before, even in his life before the Dreadnought, and realized it was a Daemon Weapon, another gift of the gods.

 

By that time the Apothecary and his Techmarine companions had been joined by the Company Master and Chaplain who, fearing the worst, had come to give the Rites of Passage were they needed. Exar drew his new Daemon Weapon, and slew each of these servants of the false High Lords in turn. Like Horus and Abaddon before him, Exar refused to become the puppet of a single entity and offered a single sacrifice to each of the gods.

 

***

 

Well, what do you think so far? If there's anything I need to change or be more clear on, I'll be thankful for the input. Keep in mind this is just a summary of the story.

 

Thanks for the help.

 

Exar

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Come on guys, help me out here. If it sucks just say so, but I need some kind of feedback.

[SgtCenturiusLotd]

Hey, don't worry if you don't get a lot of posts quick. This board is REALLY slow sometimes; I've only gotten 2 replies on my thread and it's been up for a week or so now...

 

Anyway, I enjoyed the story, except for two things. First, 8,000 years is a LONG time for a Space Marine to be alive, even if he has been interred in a Dreadnought. Bjorn is what, 10,000 old and he's the oldest Marine "alive"? I would venture to say most Dreadnoughts die before reaching a few thousand years. You might want to put something in to justify his age a little, like maybe the subtle Chaos influence kept him alive longer or something. I'm not saying you have to, it's just 8,000 years is pretty long.

 

Second, a Chaos Marine coming from the Dark Angels seems pretty rare. After what happened to these guys by Chaos, I have a hard time believing any one of them will ever turn Traitor against their Chapter (Except maybe standard Marines. Exar has been inducted into the Deathwing, so he knows of the "Secret" and what Chaos influence has done to the Chapter).

 

Overall, I liked the story and the motivation of the character. Those are the only two points I can really see wrong, but they shouldn't be that difficult to change (If you feel that is should be).

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Thanks for the support, SgtCenturius. I'm not sure about changing his age though. You made a valid point but my idea was that he would live for what even a Space Marine would call a dozen lifetimes, and over that long time become disillusioned with the Imperium after witnessing firsthand things like an Exterminatus, as well as begin to feel longing for his own body back.

 

This, coupled with his doubt over the Imperium's government, would make him a valid target to the Dark Gods. If offered the chance to be free of the machine and possibly overthrow the High Lords, who he thinks are comitting atrocities like Exterminatus to help themselves while exploiting the Emperor to justify it, I doubt he would be able to refuse.

 

I did always imagine that certain Chaos Legions born in a way similar to the Red Corsairs could be more like misguided heroes who think along the same lines as Radical Inquisitors, believing that Chaotic powers are just tools, only ever as good or evil as their weilder. Of course, since they are given by evil gods, they almost always end up corrupting the weilder.

 

This combined with the fact he was a Dark Angel gives the sense that he's more of a misguided tragic hero than a raving killer like Abaddon or Khârn, a self absorbed power seeker like Ahriman, a sadistic pervert like Lucius, or a whatever Typhus is.

 

He doesn't want to oust the High Lords to take power for himself like Abaddon does, but because he wants humanity to be free from their tyranny. He wants to try to use evil powers to do good, not realizing that they will ultimately lead him to damnation.

 

After all, I was going for more of a tragic hero type than an evil madman who just wants to feed his Daemon Sword.

 

Any thoughts on what the color scheme should be?

 

Thanks for the input.

 

Exar

[Ferrata]

I really enjoyed reading the story, but as for being believable as 40k fluff, it falls short. If you really want to do a marine which was once loyal but slowly turned to chaos as he questioned the high lords, just make up a name for an unkown space marine chapter. This has already been pointed out so i'll leave it. But leaving it as Dark Angels will weaken your fluff.

 

Secondly, im guessing your going to have a number of space marines in this force to follow Exar, so how does he get these followers. They wont be more Dark Angels who have fallen, and meeting other "lost" marines has a small chance. I would go for some unknown chapter where some of the marines chose to follow Exar (like the Dark Angels + Luthor).

 

I also believe the 4 people ou mentioned where around at the time of the Heresey and have grown to power

 

Ferrata

[SgtCenturiusLotd]

I think the best thing for you to do is remove any semblance of Dark Angels from your story. It just seems too farfetched to me that a DA of all Marines would turn to Chaos like that, especially Post-Heresy and in the Deathwing. Removing their fluff, you gain a few more options. Let me discuss some points.

 

1.) Your Chapter Removing the Dark Angels from the fluff will allow you to create a self-made Chapter with more of a personality in tune with what you want to create. Perhaps the Chapter has long had a slight anti-Imperial attitude (Though it would have to be very secretive, because the Inquisition sure wouldn't be afraid to purge a Chapter showing anti-Imperial traits), and that Exar would be the first to truly fall to the Chaos gods. Using this options, you can branch off into a few different paths.

 

a.) Exar convinces the Chapter You could have it that, after his rebirth, Exar is able to convince most/all of the Chapter that what he has done is the right path. Already being anti-Imperial, Exar has little trouble converting the Chapter to his cause. You could go the way of the Soul Drinkers as well, a Chapter wide civil war with an Exar faction and, say a Chapter Master faction.

 

b.) Exar goes off on his own This option would be more difficult to pull off. Exar would leave the Chapter, perhaps convincing a certain number of Marines to his cause, forming a small strike force of Marines under his command. He could possibly gain more recruits; how he would do that I'm not sure of, but if I think of an idea I'll post it. He could possibly be able to convince Marines of other Chapters to his doctrine. The Chaos gods might have granted him psychic powers or something to do this.

 

2.) Exar's Age He doesn't HAVE to be 8,000 years old. I would guess 2,000-3,000 would be enough for what you're looking for. There have been plenty of Foundings, and although we don't know the the dates of most of them, you could always say Exar has been entombed in a Dreadnought for x amount of years without giving an exact Chapter Founding date (Perhaps the Chapter's origins weren't documented or have been lost)

 

These are just some ideas to get you started on. Also, don't think your idea has no possibility of becoming true. They are YOUR minis, and it is YOUR fluff after all. It's just that it has some trouble fitting in to the set fluff that we have and the attitudes of different people that make your fluff a little unbelievable. But hell, if you like your idea and it's obscure, go for it. I know I have. :D

[Race Bannon]

When I put up my DiY I decided that if it hit page 2 and there were hits to it but no replies then it was good enough to keep. Now no viewings would have put me out!

 

But that's me. :D

 

Having said that - I liked what you revealed and the feedback seems right on to me. I look forward to another edition ;)

[Tubal]

First of all: great story!

 

I'm not sure I agree with the others that a Dark Angel is a bad choice. It might be because of, and not despite of, his knowledge of his chapters past betrayal that he turned himself. Luther was a great orator (or so I've heard) and maybe Exar thinks he has a point? Knowledge of chaos is sometimes brutally suppressed in the Imperium and most Imperial citizens don't really know of it's existance beyond vague ideas of a hell where daemons live. The reason is that even knowledge is dangerous and can corrupt, if you've read the Eisenhorn novels you'll know what I mean. Space Marines are indoctrinated of course so they are less likely to fall but there is always a risk.

 

About your colourscheme: I don't think bright blue and bright green goes well together :P Maybe you could darken one of the colours to give more contrast?

 

++ Edit: There's still the problem of where he gets his followers. Maybe you could run it as a Lost and the Damned army with a core of marines, who has followed him or joined later, with hordes of mutants or well-drilled heretics as support depending on the feel you want for the army. A tragic hero would probably look best with traitors modeled to look like loyal guardsmen.

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

I have to agree with Tubal that a Dark Angel turning to Chaos is unlikely but still possible, mainly because of certain aspects of the DA:

 

1) they have been called the "closest chapter to heresy"

 

2) of all the 1st Founding Chapters they are the least trusted by the Inquisition, the Space Wolves don't regulate their numbers and accept mutation but the DA are defiant and secretive on a ridiculous level while offering no justification other than "mind your own :D business"

 

3) they have been known to blow off direct orders from the Lord Commander Militant when following the orders would have interfered with the Fallen hunt

 

4) they have the closest thing to a streak of kindness and benevolence that a Space Marine can have; they despise Exterminatus, have been known to take bullets for civilians, and a couple of Monodominant Inquisitors (the ones who think civil disobedience is punishable by death) have disappeared when DA were around

 

5) all Deathwing members, not just Chaplains, are well versed in both the Imperial Creed and the counter arguments so that they can effectively "debate" with captured CSM's, and if a DA turned to Chaos now it would likely be, as Tubal said, because of his knowledge; he would only have to agree more with the Chaos arguments

 

Given all that I think a DA is a candidate for conversion, although an unlikely one.

 

As for Exar, he would definitely be a Sorcerer Lord with the Demagogue ability. At least fluff wise, I'm not sure if you have to be a Word Bearer to take that.

[Kezef]

i think your doing a good job with your fluff, as my chapters fluff isnt the best in the world as far as some of these people on B&C goes, anyways, i have an idea as to how he gets his followers

 

how about he goes off on his own seeking out other dying Marines for a time and offers them new life, if he is a great orator he would be able to use those skills to create a cadre of like personal guards (Command squad?) that will eventually form the bulk of your HQ choices and unit leaders, as they scour battlefields offering new life to those that are dying or captured........ just a thought

 

 

:flogs himself for heretical thoughts:

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Thanks Kezef, that's a good idea. He would really be the first Chaos Lord to ever grant quarter, but only to make an offer to his dying foes that he will use his brand new sorcery to give them new life if they join him.

 

As for the retinue of Chosen I planned that they would be the highest ranking members of the 3rd Company who sided with Exar when he returned from killing the Chaplain, Techmarine, Apothecary, and Master.

 

I'm not sure what equipment he should have. Daemon Armor and Daemonic Aura or Terminator armor? Darkblade, Ether Lance, or Dreadaxe?

 

As for the color scheme, green is out. I'm thinking Enchanted Blue trimmed in Shining Gold.

 

Well, some of you have asked to see more of the story so here goes...

 

***

Exar placed his foot on the shoulder of the dead Captain and pulled on the hilt of his sword. It seemed to growl in protests as it came loose from the remnants of the chestplate. He held the sword up in front of his face, marvelling at the blue adamantium embellished with golden runes and an 8-pointed star. It matched his armor quite nicely, he thought. The sword released a slurping sound as the last few drops of the Captain's blood seemed to vanish into the blade.

 

Among the gifts Exar had received from the gods was the ability to mimic flight by leaping hundreds of feet at a time in any direction he chose. He turned toward the sheer face of the cliff and started running, then hurled himself upwards.

 

Several of the Dark Angels had gathered along the top of the cliff to find out what had happened to the Venerable Dreadnought that most of them had known since the day they were accepted into the Chapter. At first they thought that the mysterious Chaos Sorcerer Lord burning their comrades' bodies as offering to the Dark Gods had also found the Dreadnought alive and slain the pilot. Only when he shot into the air and landed in front of them, and the saw the name engraved on his shoulder pads.

 

Horrified, they raised their bolters, pistols, and chainswords to attack. The first was a veteran sergeant, whose chainsword was cut in two when Exar parried it with his daemon sword. Exar extended his hand, fingers spread, and red blasts of warp energies struck the Space Marines around him. The last one alive fired his bolter at point-blank range, but to no effect. Exar impaled him on the daemon sword, lifted the body above his head, and hurled him down to the Defiler's wreckage.

 

The company Librarian, his force axe crackling with psychic power, and the sergeant of the Deathwing squad charged Exar. The force axe, power sword, and daemon sword rang as their blades met, and between swings Exar and the Librarian fired spell after spell at each other. Finally the sergeant's Terminator armor was sundered by Exar's blade. The Librarian readied his axe for another blow, but stopped and collapsed. Exar cackled as his foe began to twitch, scream, and change into a Chaos Spawn.

 

***

 

I have to go now, more later.

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

The Space Marines watched in horror as the former Librarian turned to attack them. The sergeant of one of the tactical squads stepped forward to challenge the beast, but he was cut down by its claws. The squad raised their bolters and ended the wretched life of the pathetic creature.

 

Exar and the marines stood still and glared at each other, the marines behind their helmets, Exar through his own eyes. For the first time in 8,000 years, his true voice was heard.

 

"If any of you consider yourselves a match for me, then step forward now. If there are none of you left who will fight, then join me. Join me and bring death to the false High Lords of Terra, and free mankind from their tyranny!!"

 

One by one the marines knelt, all except for a single squad of scouts. These five stood with their weapons ready, prepared to die. As Exar's marines prepared to attack, he motioned for them to stop. "No. Let them leave," he said to his followers. Then he told the scouts "Flee. Take the Thunderhawk you came on and return to the Battle Barge. I will not stop you. When you reach the fortress of the tyrants tell them a new power has risen to restore the Throne of Terra! Tell them that the Emperor died long ago, murdered by the High Lords and their puppets the Custodes, and from beyond the grave he has chosen his successor from among those incarcerated and enslaved as he was! Tell them the galaxy will tremble at my passing until the day the False Lords are cast down and I take my place on the Throne of Terra! Tell them... EXAR HAS BEEN FREED!!!!"

 

With that, the ground cracked beneath him. He threw his head back and screamed up at the sky as a multi-colored pillar of light descended upon him. Red, purple, green, and blue, the colors of the four gods. Exar's body seemed to be under such strain that he would explode, his scream became a bestial roar. His armor increased in size to accomodate the new size of his muscles, and a pair of dragon-like wings burst from his back. The fingertips of his gauntlets extended and came to points to house his newly developed claws, and he increased in height until he stood almost a foot taller than any other Space Marine.

 

As the scouts scurried blindly up the entrance ramp of a Thunderhawk, the pillar of light dissipated. Exar dropped to his knees, looked down at his clawed hands, and began to laugh. The laugh began as recognizably human, but quickly grew into a deep, daemonic cackle.

 

The former Venerable Dreadnought of the Dark Angels was well on his way to daemonhood.

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

So, how is it so far? Any more suggestions? Please share them if you have any.

 

Thanks

 

Exar

[Tubal]

Before I post anything more, have you decided on what army you're going to take yet? <_<

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

No. <_<

 

I'm still floundering around on this one. Well, it is now down to either Exar's legion or Grey Knights (how different could they get?) because one of my friends started Imperial Guard and we try to avoid repeat armies in the group.

 

I think I should probably go ahead and build this Chaos army I've written so much fluff for. I already have a squad of Grey Knight Terminators as allies for my DA (from before that retarded FAQ and its "no allies at all" crap).

 

As for the Chaos army's actual gameplay, it will definitely be Undivided. Exar would be a Sorcerer Lord with a Darkblade, Doombolt, a Familiar, and Gifts (Stature, Armor, Essence, Aura, Flight, Strength, maybe Resilience). I know some of these improve the same stats, but that's the point.

 

For Elites, chosen are a must. Possibly some Berserkers or infiltrating Plague Marines.

 

Most of the Marines would have a pistol and close combat weapon, with maybe a support squad or two made up of guys with bolters. Since it's undivided I think I'd have a Keeper of Secrets and some Horrors or Bloodletters.

 

I think any of the Fast Attack choices are possible, especially bikes, because Exar would have developed a taste for them while commanding DA battle groups that included Ravenwing.

 

For Heavy Support, anything but a Dreadnought is possible because Exar hates them.

[Artemis the hunter]

^_^ wow

thats a lot better than my story <_<

definately go with the chaos. I normally play marines but my next army is going to be chaos cause I think they're cool. :devil:

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Thanks for the encouragement, Artemis. :blush: B)

 

I will probably do the Chaos, since there are too many Imperial armies in my group.

[Tubal]

I still think you should do a Lost and the Damned army though... I just feel it's more likely for a newly turned chaos marine, he can't just go to the Black Legion and demand some troops now can he? :blush:

A Latd army can still have one HQ, Elite and Fast Attack as well as two Troops so you can still easily have a thousand points in chaos marines if you want.

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Well, I agree that he can't really steal a Battle Barge, fly it into the Eye, and yell out "HEY ABADDON! GIVE ME TROOPS! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

 

On the other hand, he could always use his Word Bearer-like oratory to turn marines from other Chapters. Of course, they will be joining him in addition to the DA he already rallied to his cause.

 

On that note, I want to change the story so that about 1/2 of the company flees back to the orbiting Battle Barge, not just a scout squad. It's doubtful that an entire company would turn at once.

 

Tell that to the Red Corsairs. :blush:

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Well, as it turns out I'll be doing Daemonhunters for the moment. However, in a few months, or whenever that army is finished, I'll start building my Chaos Legion.

 

I want to change the Legion's alignment to Malal worship to make it an enemy to both the Imperium and Abaddon. Are there rules for Malal?

 

I'm thinking any Daemonic Gifts and Undivided marks are still okay, but does Malal worship go against use of Daemon troops?

[Tubal]

Rules for Malal?... is there anything at all for Malal since Rogue Trader? I've personally never even heard of him other than on forums...

[Ferrata]

Malal, offically -

 

No Longer Exists.

He Never Did Exist.

He Never Will Exist.

 

- like Squats. The person who's idea it was left, and so did Malal.

 

Check here and here for Malal related posts and rules

 

Ferrata

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Hmm. That sucks.

 

Now, I've heard of another Chaos God that seemed to be a replacement for Malal called something like Be'Lakor.

 

Anybody know something about that?

[Iron Warrior w/ Servo Arm]

Well, enemies of both Imperial and Chaos makes it difficult for your fluff to survive, as they are attacked from both sides.

[Brother Exar, 1st Co Dreadnought]

Err, that's a good point you bring up. The Malal worship wasn't a definite thing, I was just toying with the notion of it.

 

I guess it turns out the original story is better. Even though I want Exar and his followers to see themselves more as saviors toppling an evil totalitarian regime than conquerors who have a right to rule because they are "better" than their subjects.

 

Isn't that the position of the Radical Inquisitors, who think Chaos itself and even daemons or the gods are not inherently evil but easily put to wrong use by evil individuals like Horus and Abaddon, and that Daemonic gifts/powers can be used for good?

 

I'm not trying to create a pansy ultra-humanitarian tree hugger Daemon Prince here, just working out my fluff a little more so they don't have to slaughter everything. Tragic hero, remember?