Disciples Chapter - Updated Background

[Muras]

Origins

 

The chapter is a 26th founding chapter. They were founded using Ultramarine Gene seed and are just recently nearing full fighting strength. They are a little behind on receiving their full allotment of equipment however, and to date are very short on vehicles and wargear. This has caused the chapter to avoid protracted battles on the ground where vehicles are necessary and to be more of a supportive role in battles where their excellent infantry can change the course of a battle, or fleet actions where boarding parties are needed.

 

Home World

 

Phemos VII is an agriworld with a few mining facilities, however due to the proximity to the Damocles Gulf and the Tau home worlds there is a concentration of Imperial troops stationed here to keep the Tau from taking even more of the Imperial worlds nearby, though these are primarily local PDF or Guard levies. The medicae of the orbiting stations are known all throughout the imperium for their continued research and experimentation in the medical field and performing near miracles in saving lives of troops who have been involved in skirmishes with the Tau.

 

Phemos VII is a model world of the Imperium. Its citizens are aware of the Imperium

[Inquisitor Xenthor]

"The Disciples are.. about as nice as psychos who is psychopathic genetically engineered killing machines can be"

 

I loved that, and laughed for quite sometime after i read that. lol Nice work.

 

Yeah but seriously, you have some nice solid fluff on your hands, you explain alot of things in a nice and smooth manor, making it easy to understand, and yet make the reader hooked, just like myself. I would love to read more fluff on The Disciples, and their battles. Would be an interesting army to fight against aswell ;)

[Ferrata]

I really enjoyed the fluff and background of the chapter. Like Xenthor said, the line ;)

 

The Disciples are.. about as nice as psychos who is psychopathic genetically engineered killing machines can be

 

is funny, but I think it should be removed and replaced. It seems slightly too humourous for the rest of the article, it removes some of the seriousness. Try rewording it to something like

 

"The Disciples are exceptionally peaceful for Adeptus Astartes Chapters, they believe that to defend humanity, each human must be defended"

 

Ferrata

[Muras]

Thanks for the replies so far. I will think about what to change that line to Ferrata, you have a point, plus the grammar is almost as rediculous as the comment. This is all still in pretty rough draft form, I haven't even run it through a spell check in a couple of revisions and what not, but I figured you guys might enjoy reading it, so I posted.

 

Inquisitor Xenthor if you look in my signature I have a link to my website for the Disciples. It's not much yet, but it's a pretty much daily work in progress.

 

-Pred

[Ferrata]

I've seen your website before. Its looking good, a bit lacking in colour. (actually, I cant say much, mine's mainly black ;) ).

 

It always good to post work early on, so you dont have to rewrite too much if problems arise. I do believe you hit a good medium with this amount. Not too little information for people to get annoyed, but not too much for people not be bothered to read it.

 

I would like to see more about the chapter itself over their homeworld. It seems you hit something with it and rolled, then tried to get it finished for posting.

 

Ferrata

[Muras]

Wow that was a quick reply. I will work on the story more, and get back with the results before too long. Same with the website, as I have recently acquired some software for making some more interesting backgrounds, plus hopefully shrinking my images a little more to squeeze more bandwidth out, etc. as I noticed the significant lack of much colour on it. Plus a spellcheck is most likely in order.

 

-Pred

[jimmythemoose]

Every marines life is invaluable to the chapter, and when a marine dies, their gene seed must be harvested, so that their most potent warriors lives are never wasted.

 

That really goes for every chapter. Geneseed is sacred for all space marines as it represents the future of the chapter and EVERY chapter will do anything to harvest it.

 

 

OT: Feratta, why is the intro on your site copied from lokis? It just seemed strange to talk about killing the heretic ferrata on your own site ;) .

[Muras]

Heh, good point Jimmy. The problem with working with an existing mould such as a Space Marine army is that some of your stuff is going to overlap a little, or sound remarkably simular to the main GW fluff in this case. I will see if I can emphasize the extremes to which they are concerned about it in my next revision.

 

-Pred

[Ferrata]

OT: Feratta, why is the intro on your site copied from lokis? It just seemed strange to talk about killing the heretic ferrata on your own site

 

Lol :blush: . I was having problems with some of the html and loki sent me his homepage html to help us. I've just been working my way through it, converting it to my chapter and forgot to remove the text ;) .

 

I think you should go along the lines that they will attempt, even if foolhardly, to gather a dead marines body. Never leave a man behind, kinda thing :P

 

Ferrata

[jimmythemoose]

I will see if I can emphasize the extremes to which they are concerned about it in my next revision.

 

I quite like that idea, and it would give some interesting chances for fluff. Maybe a short story about a tactical squad making a suicidal charge in a foolish attempt to rescue one marines body from a horde of [insert xenos here].

[Muras]

I was thinking of making it even more extreme for most marines and having them go to extreme lengths (attacking a position another chapter was devastated at) to save another Chapter's geneseed before it decays to the point of unusable. Kinda fits in with their theme that I'm trying to establish, IMO.

 

-Pred