My Diy Chapter

[GranddMasterEdgar]

Fluff: Made during an unkown founding they were created using the imperial fist geneseed provided by tha crimson fists . Thier grand master Edgarus an his personal body guards which have fought alongside each other since they were inducted are ex crimson fists which tradied in thier old armor for the bone white armor signifying thier high rank. Thier home world is death world Kraken VIII were local inhabitants are out to test to see if they can be potiential recruits. The Filii are on an eternal crusade to purge the universe of the forces of choas which caused the holy emperor to be encased in The Golden Throne. Every 260 years a space marine is found to have the same traits as the first Grand Master.These marines then change thier names to Edgarus and when they are declared Grand Master they don the armor of thir predecesor. The exsisting Grand Master is Edgarus the VIII

 

Color Scheme: Elites an Hq have all bone white Armor with gold trim. Rank and File troops have halved color schem which is red and bone with black trim.

 

Home world: Kraken VII. Death World which was cleared of choatic creatures over a span of 1500 years.

 

traits:Pious Suffer not the work of heretics,Purity above all

Major Drawback: Eye To Eye

 

constructive critiscism is aprecciated

and sorry for any typos

whoops its Filii not Quibis :cuss online translators

[schoon]

First, welcome to the boards!

 

Now, on to the entry:

 

If you haven't already, take a look at The Ultimate DIY Chapter Creation Thread for an excellent guide for what information to include, and also a good list of Dos and Don'ts.

 

I'm unclear on your chapter's gene-seed. It would have to be either Imperial Fists or Crimson Fists, as opposed to seed from one supplied by the other.

 

The Chapter Master every 260 years seems overly regimented. Where is he found? What happens if the old Chapter Master is still alive; or if he dies after only 50 years?

 

Anyway, give the DIY thread a look and I'll look forward to reading your next writing. :mellow:

[GranddMasterEdgar]

first of i thank u 4 welcoming me into B&C

 

2ndGene seed comes from the crimson fists.

 

revised fluff: Made during an unkown founding they were created using the Crimson fist geneseed provided by tha crimson fists . Thier grand master Edgarus an his personal body guards which have fought alongside each other since they were inducted are ex crimson fists which tradied in thier old armor for the bone white armor signifying thier high rank. Thier home world is death world Kraken VIII were local inhabitants are out to test to see if they can be potiential recruits. The Filii are on an eternal crusade to purge the universe of the forces of choas which caused the holy emperor to be encased in The Golden Throne. Every 260 years a space marine is found to have the same traits as the first Grand Master.These marines then change thier names to Edgarus and when they are declared Grand Master they don the armor of thir predecesor. The exsisting Grand Master is Edgarus the VIII. If he dies before the champion is "born" he appoints a group of trusted battle brothers to take his place. During this time th chapter takes a defensive approach rather than an offensive one. They call back all companies in action and regroup on thier homeworld. During The Filii's 13th crusade when Edgarus the IV was GM a young initiate by the name Malakii was found to have the same ruthless traits as the Grand Master. Seeing as Edgarus was still able to rule he trained Malakii personally. when his training was done Malakii was sent back to Kraken to look after the chapeters fortress. The chapters grand master is found due to a mutation in thier geneseed it is rumored that the only reason Edgarus choose this planet was because it was his home planet. He came from a good blood line of ruthless warriors every so often(260yrs.) the chapter screnes th recruits to see if they come from this ancient bloodline. They also scan other marines if they are found to be any they are put to test to see who is the one that is most like Edgarus.

 

Company Motto :" We are his sons, His Fathul, Always faithful to the End"

Batlle Chant:"He wills your death, You cannot escape, Justice will be recieved"

 

hope this fills those gaps

[Rogue Trader]

I'm unclear on your chapter's gene-seed. It would have to be either Imperial Fists or Crimson Fists, as opposed to seed from one supplied by the other.

Actually, that's not true - gene seed taken from the tithe supplied by the CF is still IF gene-seed. White Dwarf had a clarification on this some time back (I can't recall the exact issue offhand - one shortly after the release of the new 'dex), that although 2/3 of chapters are created from UM geneseed, the actual geneseed can come from any of the numerous successors - it's all still classified as Guilliman or UM gene seed.

 

Therefore, the original version:

they were created using the imperial fist geneseed provided by tha crimson fists .

actually works better than the revised version:

they were created using the Crimson fist geneseed provided by tha crimson fists .

since it is IF geneseed that was used to create them, it just happens that the particular zygotes came from those tithed by the CF. It could equally have been BT or IF tithes, the end result is the same...

[Ferrata]

Like Rogue Trader said, the first draft on the gene-seed bit is correct.

 

Im not sure about the whole "lets find a clone chapter master" That would stop the chapter evolving and changing with the situation.

 

Besides that, looking good

 

Ferrata