Black Gryphons

[Akranadas]

Heres the Background story from my most famous DIY chapter,

 

The Chapter was ordered to investigate rumours of an Eldar strike force, being located within the orbit of Knars, a planet abundant with resources and xeno artefacts, the planet also had a fairly large human presence on the surface.

 

When the Black Gryphon Battle Barge, the Triumph, arrived the planets surface was ablaze with fire fights, battles, and explosions, the Black Gryphons quickly mobilized and landed on the planets surface and began taking up defensive positions around the Triumph

[Ferrata]

Seems ok, what happened to the Sons of the Storm, the flashing chapter? :devil:

 

led the charge and took a strong 700 men force to the survivors position

Thats a really gigantice force for marines, they usually only field 3-500 men at a push, anymore and they can risk being wiped out

 

brace themselves for a "bumpy ride".

 

Seems quite jokey for a marine, and not marine jokey. Maybe rephrase

 

Rashkae, the great Primarch, Leader and Brother to all Black Gryphons was laid to rest in the old cockpit of the Triumph

Unless you are creating your own Primarch (which is a big no-no) then do not refer to him as a Primarch as people will get confused. Call him a Great Master or something.

 

But not all of the Black Gryphons Companies were willing to follow their new leader; the Silver Raptors were sworn to serve under Rashkae until death. Feeling this as a Betrayal by there fellow Space Marine Brothers, the Silver Raptors, lead by there company commander