The Descraters

[jimmythemoose]

Heres the first draft of my renegade chapter the desecrators (is that name taken, I'm sure I 've heard it before). I'll try my best to update this soon with part 2 of the report. Onto the fluff...

 

 

 

My lord, as requested I have gathered all the available information on the Desecraters chapter of the adeptus astartes. If you will allow me to state my humble opinion I urge you to present this information to the rest of the conclave. The clues are there, having read them I now find it impossible to believe that the chapter was destroyed on Gerant.

May the emperor guide your hand,

Scribe Grathas

 

Part one: the creation and fall of the Desecrators

 

The chapter that would become known as the desecrators was created during the 25th founding of the adeptus astartes. Created from the ultramarines geneseed and christened the Knights of Steel, the chapter quickly established itself on the western fringes of Segmentum Pacificus. For its home world the chapter chose the icy death world of Gerant, a planet known for it

[Ferrata]

Thats some pretty awesome fluff :)

 

This confuses me though:

 

often launched raids out of the halo stars into Segmentum Pacificus

I thought they were based in Pacificus due to this

 

quickly established itself on the western fringes of Segmentum Pacificus

 

Do you mean western fringers as in just inside the Pacificus or just outside. Because if its just inside, then they cant crusade into it.

 

I would like to know how the fell as they didnt put up much of a fight. This comes from there being 900 marines on the planet so no of them died in a battle upon the planet. Maybe make them have some type of fight.

 

Oh, you forgot a few capital letters in places :D

 

Welcome to the Dark Side ^_^

 

Ferrata

[jimmythemoose]

They are on the western fringe (inside) pacificus, I meant the chaos forces often lainched raids from the halo stars into pacificus.

 

I would like to know how the fell as they didnt put up much of a fight. This comes from there being 900 marines on the planet so no of them died in a battle upon the planet. Maybe make them have some type of fight.

 

All will be answered soon, this is only part one of the scribes report.

[Ferrata]

They are on the western fringe (inside) pacificus, I meant the chaos forces often lainched raids from the halo stars into pacificus.

 

Ah, that makes sense now. Maybe change it to -

 

Within a decade of their founding the Knights of Steel had earned a reputation for their fanaticism and zeal in battle, particularly against the forces of chaos who often launched raids out of the halo stars into Segmentum Pacificus

 

Looking forward to more

 

Ferrata

[jimmythemoose]

Part 2: The Desecrators and the Angelic Scythes

 

I am convinced that the reason behind the betrayal of the desecrators lies somewhere in the history between the Knights of Steel and the Angelic Scythes. This task has not been easy as the Angelic Scythes have been loathe to answer any questions on the subject, but after searching through inquisitorial records I have uncovered a number of instances of these chapters fighting in the same warzones.

The first is the ambush at the planet Procelain. Elements from both chapters had been engaged in the war on this planet against the orks for a number of months, and the war had devolved into a global stalemate. Captain Nemes of the Angelic scythes 3rd company put forward a plan to his fellow imperial commanders that could break the deadlock and end the war within a month. He proposed using the orks warlike nature against them, presenting them with a target that they couldn

[jimmythemoose]

Part 3: The Present Day Desecraters

 

All sources state that the Desecraters were destroyed on Gerant, but I believe that this is not the case. I have discovered a number of clues that by themselves seem mere coincidences, but together hint towards the Desecraters still being at large in the galaxy today.

Firstly, upon the Celestial fury

[Ferrata]

This fluff is getting better, although one thing bothers me.

 

The Celestial Fury belongs to the Angelic Scythes, right? And it had 1000 people on board (may be too high). Im guessing this means around 500 of them would be marines, that seems like a lot of men to die.

 

Is this correct or me just being stupid (again)

 

:)

 

Ferrata

[jimmythemoose]

I wasn't specific enough with the wording, I should have said "imperial navy task force" instead of "imperial task force". Its an imperial navy battle ship with over a thousand people onboard, if you look at the dates they were slaughtered over the better part of a year.

[Ferrata]

Oh, if its not a marine ship, have them all slaughtered in a day, there humans their not worth anything :)

 

Ferrata

[Aurelius Rex]

This was a very interesting read, jimmy. I was especially keen to reply as your responses in Liber have been very productive, and so it is always intriguing to read the IA of a Liber regular. :D

 

Overall, it appeared to be a startlingly complex history between the protagonists. I will have to re-read it again, as I am used to reading IA's with only one chapter, but this has 2 (or is it three? :o ) with their rivalries, disappearances and the like.

 

This did make the story relatively complex to follow, and while the last part (the ship's log) is very well written, I was not certain of it's overall relevance to the IA other than the desecrators were a very dangerous bunch.

 

This kind of colour text is the sort of thing that would work really well as a boxout - the short, self-contained pieces that set the tone in IA articles - but for this you would have to edit it a bit I suspect.

 

Apart from some tense problems in the first section it is very well written. I would have a look again at if some of the complexity, and perhaps give some more clues and conclusions in the IA, as at the first read it seems bewildering. :lol: :)

 

I will give it a second read though... hopefully it will be more cohesive.

 

 

Have to say, a good job. :P

[jimmythemoose]

I was actually thinking of a boxout when I wrote the journal. I was going to expand on it and add in how the desecraters have become a pirate raiding force, gaining ships by infiltrating small groups of marines into navy ships and slaughtering the crew over time. I thought the journal along with the map would be enough to hint in this direction, but I think I made it a bit too complex.

 

There is a reason for the two chapters in the article. The only disadvantage trait that I felt fit my 1st company scythes army was eye to eye, as obviously being first company they would have terminators, dreads and landraiders. This led me into the crime of shaping fluff around the traits. The only good reason I could think of for them not having bikes was if the chapter lost all its bikes in some catastrophic event. I was trying to work out what this could be when I stumbled across an old box of chaos marines in the back of my cupboard, and the desecraters were born. I think they've fufilled thier original purpose and evolved into something more, which I'm fairly happy with.

 

JTM, off for a major editing session.

[Daeothar]

I love it! It's not all that complex really, AR... You must be tired or something. :P

 

As for Imperial ships; a cruiser or battleship is somewhere around 30Km long and crewed by tens (hundreds?) of thousands of men. The slaughtering you mention should by all means take over a year to complete, yeah. Also, I'd arrange for te Astropaths and engine crews to die first. Then the bridge crews and then the rest.

 

This to avoid them calling for or getting help. Shuttles, patrol craft etc, should be destroyed ASAP as well. Basically everything that's capable of powered (space)flight must be destroyed immdediately after the engines die.

 

Overall, this is a very well thought out piece of fluff and you can definitaly write! I could almost feel the stormtroopers' anxiety during the boarding action (I must have seen Aliens too many times :o ). Gripping stuff! :lol: