The Paladins of Dorn

[Librarian- Melechor]

I have been working on this article for a full month or so, a lot of my time put into it, so please, Comments and criticism.

 

Chapter Name- The Paladins of Dorn

Chapter Geneseed- Imperial Fists

Chapter Founding- 4th

 

Origins

The Paladins of Dorn were founded during the 4th founding, at a time where their primarch Rogal Dorn, still walked amongst the living. The Paladins were created at a time after the major 1st founding legions had been broken down, but at the same time, a time when those legions were still akin and united. The chapter set out after it's creation on a crusade with a small fleet of their parent chapter, the imperial fists, and The crusade was quite successful, liberating over 10 systems from the clutches of xenos and traitors. The chapter kept it's distance from the rest of the imperium for many years, many times disapearing declaring great crusades, only to return with broken fleets and fewer marines. The Paladins were forever changed after the death of their primarch Rogal Dorn, as their fleets had arrived too late to save him. The chapter mourned the loss for a month, before setting out with the entire chapter on a crusade near the eye of terror. The paladins were not seen for over 200 years, but they did return, only to be wearing yellow armor instead of the normal red/orange they wore. The chapter's librarium was filled with information, both secretive and dangerous, and they seemed further away from imperial rule than ever. To this day, the chapter is seen many times, mostly on battlefields all across the imperium, in every sector, on many planets.

 

Homeworld

The Paladins have no specific homeworld from which a fortress-monastery is based on. The chapter prefers to leave small bases on many diffent planets across the imperium from which it's fleets can refuel, refit, and draw on new recruits if needed. The chapter's headquarters is the battle barge undisonus memoratus Which has been the chapters headquarters and librarium since it's founding millenia ago. Much like the black templars, each fleet, no matter the size, is accompanied by a forgeship, and a training ship. Some are larger than others, it mostly variates per fleet.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Paladins were the epitome of codex astartes before the loss of their primarch. After his death, they became grim in battle, often firing massive amounts of fire power into enemy positions before swarming them with assault and tactical marines. Today the chapter uses codex:astartes as the baseplan for their tactics they use in battle.

 

Beliefs

The Paladins of Dorn have no mercy towards the xenos, the traitors, and the mutants, and believe it is their ultimate goal to purge the galaxy of their existance once and for all. The chaplains teach the marines that the galaxy is a harsh place, and to survive, they must show the enemy no mercy. The Paladins Revere both Rogal Dorn, as they both made the ultimate sacrifices for the rest of the imperium. The Paladins are known to use the pain-glove, also known as the device the imperial fists use to punish errant marines. The chapter believes both in the Navigator and Psyker groups, as they tolerate them to pilot them through the warp towards their enemies.

 

Organisation

The Paladins of Dorn are organized similar to the demands of codex astartes, but with larger numbers. A standard codex company has

6 tactical squads

4 assault squds

1 devestator squad

 

The paladins have adopted a love for close-combat fighting, and some companies even possess assault squad members without jump-packs that sallie-forth into battle in transport vehicles. To make up for less dreadnought armor, the paladins have a larger amount of rhino and razorback transports.

 

That's it, enjoy!

[Commissar Molotov]

Your chapter has some very odd contradictions.

 

The Paladins were created at a time after the major 1st founding legions had been broken down, but at the same time, a time when those legions were still akin and united.

 

This sentence doesn't make sense to me in all honesty.

 

I like the theme you have for the chapter, a chapter drawn to crusade, driven by perceived guilt that they didn't save Dorn. I also liked the part about returning with 'broken fleets'. It's good that your chapter isn't always gloriously successful. Their need for repentance could well lead them into impossible battles.

 

Why did they repaint their armour yellow? Whilst it might be a big secret to the Imperium, our inquiring minds would like to know what they found on their crusade.

 

The Inquisition would also be very eager to track the chapter down to learn about this information. You could work that in.

 

You say the chapter uses the Codex Astartes as the base from which they plan all their actions from - but your chapter has four assault squads for each devastator squad. That's a huge imbalance. You even go on later to say that they've 'adopted a love for close-combat fighting'. Why have they adopted these changes, especially to the company structure? It's all very well to say they've changed, but you need to justify the changes.

 

Just some initial thoughts from my sleep-deprived brain. I hope they're of some use.

[Librarian- Melechor]

Thanks, i am sleep-deprived also.

 

This sentence doesn't make sense to me in all honesty.

I don't think i explained myself well enough, at the time, the legions had been broken down with a few hundred years, and the imperial fists, with their primarch alive, were kind of "connected" through traditions and such. I think i am just rambling, but i meant that the chapters weren't ready to be fully divided from the legion and dorn, at least mine weren't just yet.

 

Why did they repaint their armour yellow? Whilst it might be a big secret to the Imperium, our inquiring minds would like to know what they found on their crusade.

Well, i think i missed a paragraph from my Word typed article, but their history was supposed to say, and this is incredibly stupid, but i like it), that the paladins repainted their armor because of a argument on the chapter's-wide crusade. The chapter master at the time argued one way, while some of the captains another, and there was fighting, and the argument was settled, but the master decided to change colors to "forget the past". I know, it sounds strange but work with me.

You say the chapter uses the Codex Astartes as the base from which they plan all their actions from - but your chapter has four assault squads for each devastator squad. That's a huge imbalance. You even go on later to say that they've 'adopted a love for close-combat fighting'. Why have they adopted these changes, especially to the company structure? It's all very well to say they've changed, but you need to justify the changes.

 

I said they use it as a base to expand upon. Their utter devotion in battle to annihilating the emperor's enemies has caused a sort of "lust" to get up close and personal with the enemy, so they added more jump-pack trained troops over the centuries.

 

Hope that clarified some things,

Librarian Melechor

[Ferrata]

Its good, but we can always find holes :D

 

The Paladins were created at a time after the major 1st founding legions had been broken down, but at the same time, a time when those legions were still akin and united

First, you used time too often there, but I think your trying to say something like. They were founded after the legions had been broken up, but the Primogenitor's still had a strong connection to their parent chapter. Still honoured many of their traditions and acted like a loose legion. Maybe some rewording is in order.

 

After his death, they became grim in battle, often firing massive amounts of fire power into enemy positions

The paladins have adopted a love for close-combat fighting, and some companies even possess assault squad members without jump-packs that sallie-forth into battle in transport vehicles

 

These two contridict each other, one says they shoot alot, the other says the fight alot. Even though this is possible (balance army) maybe dedicate to one or the other. If you dont want to, then drop both of these sentences to something more neutral.

 

I saw the painting their armour yellow to show their dedication to Dorn, thus the Imperial Fists. Seeing as they had failed to save Dorn, they could still serve his Legion, so paint their armour to be like the Fists.

 

Ferrata

[Librarian- Melechor]

Thanks Ferrata,

As for the wording, i have been away from school for 3 months, starting to show eh?

Thanks again everyone, look for pics soon. :D

[Commissar Molotov]

First, you used time too often there, but I think your trying to say something like. They were founded after the legions had been broken up, but the Primogenitor's still had a strong connection to their parent chapter. Still honoured many of their traditions and acted like a loose legion. Maybe some rewording is in order.

 

The Primogenitors were the First Founding Legions, Ferrata. So:

 

"They were founded after the legions had been broken up, but the first founding legions still had a strong connection to their parent chapter?"

 

No, didn't think so. Why do you need to say that they're founded after the legions split up? Of course they were, no chapters were founded until after the legions split up. :mellow:

 

I tend to avoid criticising grammar and sentence structure in the Liber, because not every users' first language is English, and not everyone wants their grammar correcting.

 

However, your sentence could easily be written:

 

"The Paladins of Dorn were founded in a time when the primarchs still walked among men..."

 

;)

[Ferrata]

The Primogenitors were the First Founding Legions,

You sure, Index Astartes says

 

The new chapters created from the Ultramarines are often referred to as the Primogenitors, or 'first born'.

 

That to me reads if the second founding chapters are the Primogenitors. ::cuss:

 

I tend to avoid criticising grammar and sentence structure in the Liber, because not every users' first language is English, and not everyone wants their grammar correcting.

Me to, I let spelling mistakes etc go, but sometimes things need re-wording to make sense, so need to be brought. Dont be scared to hurt peoples feelings Commissar, sometimes its fun to be nasty :mellow: :P ;)

 

"The Paladins of Dorn were founded in a time when the primarchs still walked among men..."

 

That would do, it simple and short.

 

Ferrata

[Commissar Molotov]

Apologies, Ferrata. You are correct regarding the Primogenitors. Still, though, the

 

"They were founded after the legions had been broken up, but the second founding chapters still had a strong connection to their parent chapter"

 

Would imply that they don't any more... :mellow:

 

As to being nasty, perhaps sometimes, but I'd rather not if I can help it. ;)