The Guardians of Mungar, WIP Fluff

[Ender26x]

Hey guys, here's the history so far of my DIY chapter. Please, PLEASE, rip it apart fluff wise, I like things to be believeable and cool as possible. Thanks :D

 

The Guardians of Mungar's gene seed, according the Imperial records, is derived from the Primarch of the Iron Warriors, Perturabo. Although technically the chapter's gene's were collected before the Great Heresy, the chapter itself was not founded until the 21st founding, the infamous cursed founding. Unknown to the Imperial Inquisitors at the time of the 21st founding, the Techpriests of the hive and forge world Mungar had gotten a hold of the gene seed, which had avoided destruction by careful protection of the Adeptus Mechanicus, from their brethren on Mars. Their goal was to create a defense force for their planet, which had been sieged erratically by the forces of Chaos for centuries without aid from the Emperor. And so the Techpriests went throughout the massive planet-city searching for the perfect candidates for their new chapter, to be named the Guardians of Mungar. One of the first discovered was an adolescent boy from the lower city streets with extreme vigor, tenacity, strength, and prowess with the machines and technology of humanity. He was named Andronicus, and was to be the first of the Guardians. After enough candidates were acquired, the process of implanting the seed began. As the new marines gained strength and training began, Andronicus became a natural leader among the men. He could lead both individual tactical squadrons and the entire chapter in intense war games and skirmishes designed to mimic the invasion of chaos forces of previous years. Andronicus even aided in the building and repair of his marines power armor and bolters, which had been acquired through the planets factories and Rogue Traders smuggling used and damaged supplies onto the planet for a very lucrative reward. Within the century, the Guardians of Mungar had become a full fledged space marine chapter, designed and trained to combat readiness by the Techpriests and Andronicus himself. But such a force was not to go unnoticed by the Imperium, and soon the Inquisition took special notice of Mungar's Space Marines, born of the gene's of heretics. The Iron Hands, unrelenting servants of the Emperor, were dispatched to annihilate the entire planet, along with the Guardians of Mungar. In a siege that lasted decades, the Guardians were defeated by every drop pod assault, decimated by every orbital bombardment, and lost every gate against the Iron Hands. During which time, the chapter began looting corpses of the Iron Hands for pieces of power armor, bolter ammo, and other useful heavy weapons which could be repaired and employed against the invaders. The action of looting the bodies of the dead became so common it became a ritual for the marines to preserve as much of the opposing armies supplies and equipment, therefore leading to efficient ways to kill without damaging much of the power armor of the Iron Hands. Marines with potent psychic abilities were praised for the ability to kill an enemy without touching its equipment, and became leader among the Guardians, fulfilling the role of the chapter's Librarians. Seeing no end to the siege by the Iron Hands, Andronicus decided to mimic the final assault of the heresy on Terra, to infiltrate one of the Iron Hands' battle barges, take out its crew, and use it subsequently against the rest of the fleet.

 

Just a few notes- obviously it isn't finished yet, and I like the concept of the end of the siege through capturing a ship, but I don't quite know how to make it realistic.

 

Cheers,

Ender

[++Brazen--Eagles++]

Ok ill just point out something that you will get harrased for on this board. Heretic geneseed. Even in the 21st founding they didnt resort to using it (to the extent of my knowledge any way) and i dont really see why Mungar's techs decided to use it instead of loyalist geneseed. I mean if you want a defence force for your planet, why make it with something that will get you killed?

 

Other then that i quite like it. Its well written and has a strong theme. But as i said you will get a bit of 'criticism' about the geneseed.

 

Let us know if you write any more on them. i'd like to read more.

 

 

++ Eagle Out ++

[Zhivago]

The Guardians of Mungar's gene seed, according the Imperial records, is derived from the Primarch of the Iron Warriors, Perturabo. Although technically the chapter's gene's were collected before the Great Heresy, the chapter itself was not founded until the 21st

While this is one of the best AM chapter ideas I've seen here, I think your timing to 21st founding rises few problems, as how the magos new of new founding, and why they decided to make their defenders just at the moment?

 

 

suggestion, if you may?

 

Confusion of age of apostasy would suit better IMHO. You know, when there were massive civil wars, so theese radical AM saw imperium withering, and decided to create something to protect their views ? Then imperium did not fall and magos found them self in pretty tricky situation.

 

Andronicus even aided in the building and repair of his marines power armor and bolters, which had been acquired through the planets factories and Rogue Traders smuggling used and damaged supplies onto the planet for a very lucrative reward.

 

While trader might be ablt to smuggle weapons and power armour, smuggling land raider would be bit more difficult. And as land raiders are only built on select few forgw world, I'd assume the chapter lacks them ?

[Commissar Molotov]

- If you want things to be believable fluff-wise, you'll avoid basing your chapter on Perturabo's gene-seed. The fluff has it locked in a secure facility. Nobody is allowed any access to it. That said, I once had a DIY chapter called the Martyrs of Elysius, derived from Mortarion's Gene-seed. The key is to hint at the fact. This is what I said:

 

It is unknown which founding the Martyrs of Elysius hail from, or from what gene-seed they were created, but it is known that they were once called the Heralds of Righteousness. Inquisitor Lord Kyjen of the Ordo Malleus wrote a thesis in late .M40 theorising that the chapter was created with the gene-seed used to create the traitor legions. He even went so far as to postulate that they could even own their parentage to Mortarion of the Death Guard.

 

Kyjen's theories were discredited by several other high-ranking Inquisitors and by the Adeptus Terra, who pointed to the fact that the Traitor Legions' gene-seed was secured within time-locked stasis vaults on Terra itself. Kyjen was executed for his heresy only a year after the publication of his thesis.

 

Rather than categorically stating it to be the case, hint subtly at it.

 

- I would question whether Mungar would found a chapter. I would guess that most new chapters are cultivated on Mars. It is postulated in the Relictors article (along with others) that the High Lords of Terra actually select the gene-seed to be used in new chapters.

 

Forgeworlds also have their own military forces. Not only does each forgeworld have its own titan legion, but Praetorians, Cataphracts and Electro-troopers are all in larger qualities than marines. (And some of the AdMech's cyborg creations are just as tough and durable as a marine).

 

The Adeptus Mechanicus wouldn't be allowed to legally form their own chapter of marines (from any gene-seed); this could be enough to make the Inquisition rain down on Mungar.