my d.i.y chapters fluff.(long)

[butlip]

can any one say if this sounds good or not my chapters name is storm demons.

 

history: the storm demons are a chapter who were originally led to battle by hte first chapter master scorrion sanctacus, when fighting the orks of waaagh fangrot, he and his command squad had to retreat through an ork energy transporter, he then went missing, and all what was found of him was his thunder hammer and his storm shield.

 

the current chapter master is jajan khan chif librarian, and he has been in the chapters service for 450 years.

 

 

home world: the storm demons home world is a barran desert covered planet named zetep, after the vessel that found the planet in the eastern fringe, the only people on the planet living in protective domes.

 

 

combat doctrine: the storm demons follow the codex closely, just changing in its numbers of assault squads and bikers.

 

colour scheme: right side re, right side blue, gold shoulder pads, black backpack, gold ches eagle.

 

battle cry: "into the eye of the storm."

 

so what do you think?

[Ferrata]

Well, you should run this thing through a spell checker, and Im guessing your scheme is meant to be split (not right side both blue and red).

 

Seems like a good start, not much to go on really.

 

Ferrata

[Commissar Molotov]

Well, you should rune the thing through a spell checker...

:rolleyes:

 

 

 

Using the word 'demons' could bring problems from rather more pure arms of the Imperium. Also note that in the 41st millenia, Daemons has an extra a. Why is the Chief Librarian chapter master? I presume nobody has taken the post of chapter master since the last chapter master was declared missing, and as such the Chief Librarian has ruled in his place?

[Brynjolfr]

I know this is my first post, however, I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind:

 

How long was Scorrion Sanctacus the Chapter Master, before he dissappeared? How were they founded? What happened right after he dissappeared?

 

What has the Chapter been doing for the last 450 years (since Jajan Khan has assumed authority) and why did he or someone else not aspire to be the Chapter Master? What would Scorrion think of the Chapter if he returned today?

 

Does the chapter now venerate the Thunderhammer and Stormshield of Scorrion, or do they despise him for his short-sightedness (i.e. is he a disgrace to their heritage for having disappeared?)

 

If the Storm Daemons follow the Codex Astartes closely, what do you mean by "just changing in its numbers of assault squads and bikers." ? Do you mean the quantity of force organization slots, or the fluff quantity?

 

If Zetep is barren, and it's not an agri-world, how does it support the population? Trade agreements, tithes, or perhaps mushrooms grown underground? Why is it under domes - is it a hostile environment, is it for shelter after a tyranid invasion stripped the planet?

 

It may seem like I am attacking you, but I am not - I just thought of a thousand questions (or so it may seem) - my mind started coming up with answers, so I hope it helps you. It's an interesting idea, but needs a little more flesh on the bones, so to speak.