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It's getting better and better.

Just one thing - is my english just simply that bad or why do i have trouble comprehending that sentence:

"What he though were attacks by the sniper, were nothing more than attempts to rouse his companions."

 

"What he thought were attacks by the sniper, were nothing more than attempts to rouse his companions."

 

It is a complex sentence and I forgot a letter. How's the above or should I give it a rewrite?

IMHo it would work out best like this:

"What he thought it were attacks by the sniper, was nothing more than attempts to rouse his companions.

I'm not an english expert (far from it) but gut feeling tells me that the extra "it" and changing "were" for "was" smoothens the sentence. just my 2 eurocents.

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  • 6 months later...

CHAPTER XVI

 

Leliel stood before a tiny group of bound humans with his chain-axe in his one good hand. With eyes glazed over as though no one was present, he slowly walked around the sacrificial chamber before returning to the group. Toggling the rune on his chain axe, Leliel lashed out and grabbed one of the humans. Lifting the man like a rag doll, he dropped the sacrifice on the altar before he brought the axe down into the man

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...

Well, as promised I got some writing done. I have finally killed off Leliel and the rest of the Tainted Fallen. Now it just goes to wrapping it up and then it's back to edit and revise. Still need to get the page count up some more for a proper novel.

 

Anyway I edited the post up above.

 

I hope you like it.

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I am working on one more Chapter to tie it up but leave enough for other stories. Then it'll be done save for refinement. Ah what the heck.

 

CHAPTER XVIII

 

It was dreary day when Perspicax saw them land. He was taking advantage of the deplorable conditions to train his new platoon in battle drills. Many of them had just returned from Sniper drills. Leaving the men to his Sergeants, he headed towards the battered Salamander that had saved him a few weeks ago and back to the battalion HQ.

 

He arrived to see the Colonel cowering below the stern gaze of several marines in full off-white plate armor. The black wing with white skull displayed prominently on the Shoulders of the marines. Only one wore blue armor but a robe the same color as the rest of the marines covered it. He kept back and monitored the surroundings. He noticed Perspicax before the Colonel did. As one the walking tanks beside one in black also locked on to him. He just stood there looking back until he caught his name being used.

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