IA: Doom Bringers

[Nash Trickster]

While B&C was lost in the warp, I worked on my chapter's IA and here's what I've come up with...

Any C&C welcome! I'd particularly like help with proof-reading it, since I'm not a native english-speaker I think I've reached the maximum of my habilities but I'm sure it's still filled with mistakes.

Here it is:

[EDIT(s): 1) I have removed the renaming of the chapter as per Molotov's suggestion and have changed all mentions to the years of isolation from "the First War" to "the War of Penitence" to better reflect the Marines' beliefs

2) I have changed Sergeant Rath's time in the Scouts from 156 years to 86 years and explained a little more the reasons for such a long service...

3) Clarifications were made about the reason for the Doom bringers "rediscovery" by Imperial forces, and the "discoverers" were changed from Lamenters to Ordo Xenos forces...

4) Added a picture of their homeworld and a sidebar about a notable event which happened during the Medusa V campaign]

Victoire's Ghosts

Doom Bringers Space Marine Chapter

W

hen a young chapter fails its first trial by fire, it learns a lesson which changes it forever. The Doom Bringers went through such a ordeal before their saga truly began...

T

he Doom Bringers are a young chapter formed during the 26th founding. As a new chapter, they were offered a fleet made up of aging vessels gathered from other chapters and sent on a crusade near the eastern galactic border in the Ultima Segmentum, to earn the privilege of a homeworld. Their crusade didn't last very long however, their fleet crossed the path of Hive fleet Behemoth only 8 years after the chapter's creation and was destroyed.

The Doom Bringer's fleet was heading toward Thandros because Master Librarian Zero had received a really faint telepathic message coming from that sector. A message without true content, but full of fear, unmistakably a call for help. When they reached the sector, they found themselves facing strange xenos bioships. Before they could react to that unknown threat, all of their fleet was destroyed, save for the Battle Barge Imperator Irae, home to half of the companies. The young Chapter Master Cain, following the recommendations of the Codex Astartes, ordered to fall back and attempt a Warp jump immediately, but that move was to be the last for the only remaining Doom Bringer vessel.

The waves in the Warp created by the nearby Hive Fleet Behemoth diverted the Doom Bringers' Battle Barge from its course and when they exited the Warp, mere seconds after entering it, they found themselves on a collision course with a satellite of a giant gazeous planet. Because of the residual speed from the Warp travel and the planet's strong gravitic pull, the crash was inevitable. But the servitor-pilots nevertheless succeeded in steering the Barge in order to make it crash with the best possible angle. The Barge broke in several parts on impact, but the casualties were minimal.

The survivors, less than five hundred Marines and about a hundred of servitors and menials exited the remains of the once proud Imperator Irae just in time to see some of the xenos ships enter into the orbit of the satellite, which they would soon learn was named Nabil Prime. Just prior to the crash one of the Chapter's Techmarines had located a Hive city near the estimated crash zone and the whole chapter boarded all the vehicles they could extract from the remains of the Barge and headed for the Hive city. They found the city under siege.

Easily breaking through the lines of xenos, actually only the vanguard of what was to come, they finally reached the Administratum Complex, a zone of the hive protected by a huge plasteel dome. They were acclaimed by the inhabitants, who thought that the Imperium had sent the Space Marines to their rescue. Cain decided it was better for the population's morale to let them keep their delusions, and immediately started to organize the defence of Hive Victoire...

While the Tyranids were reaching Maccrage, on Nabil Prime the Doom Bringers were still holding their positions against the tide of xenos, their losses minimal thanks to the Dome's well built defences. But the population was growing restless as food reserves were nearly exhausted and Imperial help not coming. The population was convinced that the God-Emperor deemed them unworthy to be saved. And, against the advice of the Space Marines who could do nothing but watch, day after day, more and more of Nabilians, exhorted by zealot cults to give their lives fighting to gain the Emperor's forgiveness, simply walked out of the Dome, armed with any makeshift weapon they could find, only to be brutally slaughtered and consumed by the Tyranids.

After only a few months of siege, the only survivors inside the Dome were the Doom Bringers. For a reason which escaped them, actually the destruction of the main Hive fleet, the Tyranids were much less numerous than they once were, but they still attacked the Dome in numbers regularly. Cain ordered that the few thunderhawks that could be salvaged from the remains of the Imperator Irae were used to try to contact other Imperial forces, or at least find supplies, but every world within the range of the ships was devoid of life, but for the same biomorphs that assailed the Dome... Thus, the defenders of Hive Victoire stood their ground, surviving on the only food available: the flesh from the horrible xenos. Because the xenos' flesh rot too quickly once they were killed, the Doom Bringers had to organize hunting parties in the deserted streets of the Hive outside the Dome to catch live "preys" and survive. This situation was going to last over a decade...

Even after Hive Fleet Behemoth was destroyed, Nabil Prime remained out of the Imperium's reach for twelve years. During that time, the Ordo Xenos had started to analyse the data collected on the newly discovered xenos threat and a young Inquisitor, Calteus Wald, discovered an anomaly in the data: it seemed that a few worlds, located near the fringe of the xenos fleet's attack, had been unexplicably spared. He soon realized that these worlds were all downstream from the Eyris system and organized a reconnaissance of that system, hoping he could discover the reason for such a peculiar behavior, and maybe a weapon to use againsts the Tyranids would they ever attack again...

When the Ordo Xenos recon fleet finally reached Nabil Prime, they discovered a crashed Space Marine Battle Barge and soon saw a fleet of Thunderhawks lifting off the planet and heading their way. These Thunderhawks transported the 328 surviving Doom Bringers, and last representants of humanity on Nabil Prime. It was evident that the worlds which had been strangely neglected by Behemoth had only been so because of the heroic last stand offered by the Space Marines and they were thus offered one of the spared world, the Hive world of Sirap, as a reward for their service to the Emperor. But, after cleansing Nabil Prime from the remaining xenos with the help of the Ordo Xenos forces, the Doom Bringers decided to set their Fortress-Monastery on that planet, inside the Dome which had protected them for all those years, during the period they now refer to as "The War of Penitence".

Since then, the Doom Bringers have fought numerous battles against the Tyranids, helping in the destruction of at least ten splinter fleets of Behemoth and fighting decisive battles against Hive Fleet Kraken, and numerous other enemies of the Imperium. Their most famous action being the help they brought for the defence and cleansing of Hive Perseus on Ichar IV. Their unique skills helped them build strong ties with the Ordo Xenos, who often calls them for help, especially if the Great Devourer must be fought in urban zones.

N

abil Prime is the biggest moon of Nabil, a gazeous giant of the Eyris system. It once was a mining world, but most of its population had already migrated to other worlds because Nabil Prime's ore deposits had been almost completely extracted. It is now a dead world, almost completely consumed by the Tyranids.

The chapter's fortress-Monastery was built in the middle of the ruins of Hive Victoire, under the protective shell known as "the Dome". The Dome was originally designed to protect the first settlers from the constant meteor falls which plagued the planet prior to its terraformation.

The planet being otherwise uninhabited, the chapter recruits from the gangs of Hive world Sirap in a neighboring system.

T

he Doom Bringers believe that the Emperor punished them with those 12 years of nightmare for fleeing when they first met Hive Fleet Behemoth. They seek repentance by answering any call for help and going headstrong into danger.

L

ike most late foundings chapters, the Doom Bringers don't really know which geneseed was used in the creation of their chapter. Yet, because of their faulty Melanochrome, the Doom Bringers suspect they were created using the geneseed of either the Raven Guard itself or one of their successors.

http://pagesperso.aol.fr/NashTrickster/forgottensymbol.jpg

(A Codex Grey sword with Rotten Flesh flames on a Chaos Black background)

The Doom Bringers wear Codex Grey armors with Chaos Black helmets, backpacks and shoulder pads. Their chest Aquilla is painted Chaos Black too.

They follow the Codex as far as squad markings are concerned, but have no company markings.

Sergeants have their chest Aquilla painted Mithril Silver instead of the usual Chaos Black.

Ghost Hunters have their helmets and the rims of their shoulder pads painted Rotten Flesh.

The Doom Bringers are pale skinned with dark hairs.

A basic Doom Bringers Tactical Marine:

http://pagesperso.aol.fr/NashTrickster/forgotten.jpg

A "Ghost Hunter" Sarge:

http://pagesperso.aol.fr/NashTrickster/ghosthuntersarge.jpg

[Librarian- Melechor]

Wow! Really interesting thing. I have one problem though, I really don't think space marines would eat tyranid flesh, even if it was the last thing they could. It's blasphemy. Other than that, I really like your chapter, nice work. :D

[Nash Trickster]

Wow! Really interesting thing. I have one problem though, I really don't think space marines would eat tyranid flesh, even if it was the last thing they could. It's blasphemy. Other than that, I really like your chapter, nice work. :)

 

You're probably right on the "blasphemy" thing... But, well, being stuck on Nabil prime for over 10 years, they had to survive, whatever the means. IIRC there's a line in Soul Drinker which suggests that Marines would eat their "menials" if they had to. But what would they eat next? A gaunt may end up looking "tasty" to a starving marine ;)

 

Actually, I wanted my chapter to have one "aspect" which could make it have problems with the Inquisition would they discover this practice... :D

[Librarian- Melechor]

Well, in that case, go ahead! :D

[Commissar Molotov]

An interesting article, but I find that calling themselves 'the forgotten' is a bit full of self-pity for most marines. Unless you're trying to theme your chapter around an encompassing sense of loss and isolation, like the Lamenters, you're perhaps better off calling them the Doom Bringers.

 

It's said for every soldier that dies in the Emperor's service, He cries a tear upon the Golden throne. These tears are collected. During great wars the chalices overflow. They aren't forgotten, because the Emperor would remember them, no?

 

I'll hold off looking through your IA for spelling and grammar until any potential fluff questions have been answered... though it's certainly good that you've put a lot of thought into your chapter.

[Nash Trickster]

An interesting article, but I find that calling themselves 'the forgotten' is a bit full of self-pity for most marines. [...] It's said for every soldier that dies in the Emperor's service, He cries a tear upon the Golden throne. These tears are collected. During great wars the chalices overflow. They aren't forgotten, because the Emperor would remember them, no?

Now that's something I hadn't thought about! :D

 

There is indeed something "wrong" with that word itself... In fact I wanted to convey the idea that they felt "neglected", that they thought their 'mistake' when facing the 'nids for the first time had made them fall out of the Emperor's sight or something...

 

Now that I think about it, I think the right word would have rather been "The Forsaken"... Do you think it'd be better?

[Commissar Molotov]

I don't know. It still seems a bit "oh, we're so hard done by, poor us..." which isn't entirely fitting with a Space Marine chapter in my eyes. However, don't let that stop you. I'm just not sure I like the idea of a definitive name change... your marines going "Hey, I'm Brother-Marine Bob of the Forsaken. Nice to meet you."

 

Perhaps in a speech or something, your Chapter Master could say that they've been forsaken, but they keep the name 'Doom Bringers'? Especially now that they've been recovered and brought back to the Imperium's fold... they've earnt forgiveness/served their time for their actions, they're back in the bosom of the Imperium again.

 

Just some thoughts...

[Nash Trickster]

Well, since I plan on using some of the more "barbaric" ideas that were suggested in the Ultramarines Concept Art (and particularly one of Chaplain Cassius' sketches) for my characters (like having them wearing tabards made of tyranid skin, etc...) it's true that the "whiney" aspect that the name change brings simply doesn't fit... You've convinced me: I'll give up on the name change and use the "forsaken" idea for a quote of their chapter master or something...

 

*goes to edit his IA* :D

 

EDIT:

 

*Done editing the IA (see first post)*

 

I have decided to change every mention of the 12 years on Nabil Prime from "the First War" to "the War of Penitence", I think it shows better the chapter's view on those years.

[Commissar Molotov]

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/7843/cassius17zb.jpg

 

This picture?

[st.germaine]

I didn't have a problem with the renaming, just what they changed to. The title seemed to be leaning toward something involving Ghosts and Victoire. I thought that Ghosts of Victoire would be a solid name change tying into the deaths of all their brothers but The Forgotten (or The Forsaken) just didn't work for me on any level. The color scheme has a spectral feel for me as well so if you were starting down that road, you might want to go all the way.

[Nash Trickster]

Molotov, I can't say if the picture you tried to post is indeed the one I'm talking about since it only shows as the infamous "red X" (I get a 502 error when I try to access it via other means)... But, it's this one. :D

 

St.germaine, well, actually I intend to use the "Ghost of Victoire" thing as a kind of honorific title used by "younger Marines" when they adress any veteran of the War of Penitence... (Yes, I'm thinking of writing more fluff for them, and particularly a short story.)

 

=====

 

And, just to explain where my original ideas come from: I've actually created the color scheme for the chapter before I made anything else. We had decided with a friend who plays 'nids to organize a small narrative campaign using the Kill Team and cityfight rules set on Ichar IV and I wanted my kill team to wear an armor which was "almost camo", so I decided on the black and grey scheme.

After a game during which I had succeeded in fulfilling my mission in the stealthiest manner possible (I never granted enough "klaxons" to my antagonist for him to be able to effectively counter my moves) my friend told me (in French, since it's our language) "Your marines are ghosts, ghosts of victory" (fant

[Rymeer]

I also do not think the Eternal Emperor would 'forget' his space marines. I would agree that the results of their 'fall back' maneuver might be seen as the Emperor 'Turning his Grace aside from the Chapter' until they had proven their Faith and Loyalty to Him by beating the Tyranid forces assaulting the dome.

 

After the battle, the survivors become the Ghosts of Victorie, and the Doom Bringers Chapter saga truely begins. Ghosts as Veteran Squad members, or HQ Squad members, is a very good idea. Being forced to perform an act of Heresy by consuming the aliens to survive, and later carrying on the act as a part of the Chapter's traditions, WILL get the notice of the -][-, should they find out and confirm such heretical acts. The close rapport with -][- forces that the chapter has established over time could at any time be undone by the -][- finding out the chapter's secret. A bit of tension is not a BAD thing, and builds the charactor of the chapter.

 

All in all, a good IA and soundly novel army idea. I would, however, suggest that you copy the IA as written here online, into a word processor file, and then run it through a spell-checker.

 

Welcome to the Eastern Fringe Brothers!

 

Chapter Master Rymeer, Crusading Lions Chapter, Adeptus Astartes.

 

(see sig file line for URL to picture site for the Crusading Lions)

[Commissar Molotov]

I don't think eating the flesh of the tyranids is overly heretical - it's no worse than the Mortifactors' blood-rituals, or those undertaken by, say, the Blood Angels. I don't think the Inquisition would be about to exterminate the Doom Bringers because of the rituals, anyway.

 

Nash: The picture I was showing you is that same one. ^_^

[Rymeer]

I don't think eating the flesh of the tyranids is overly heretical - it's no worse than the Mortifactors' blood-rituals, or those undertaken by, say, the Blood Angels. I don't think the Inquisition would be about to exterminate the Doom Bringers because of the rituals, anyway.

 

Nash: The picture I was showing you is that same one. ^_^

 

Tell that to the Celestial Lions, my Brother in the Emperor's cause. Our parent Gene-Seed was intentionally led to destruction with the willing aid of the -][-. And for that alone, there can be no forgiveness, or forgetting. The Holy Great Lion of Terra knows his own, and His Devine Mercy is granted to those who fall in His service. For only The Great Lion, He whom sits on the Throne of Mankind, not the -][-, knows who is worthy of His Grace.

 

I agree that the rituals of the BA and Mortifactors are not such that they should be exterminated. But for less, entire chapters have been expunged from the records and declared Hereticus Exterminatus. The Doom Bringer's Rites are far from Heretical, and may even give them some insight into the methods and means of their primary opponents. I do not say that any other chapter should follow their methods, but I do say that the Emperor will know His own, and not turn His Devine countenence from them when they give the last full measure of service to Him.

 

I say that the Rites of Passage for the Doom Bringers should be held closely by the Chapter, and not be open to the gaze of the -][- or it's agents. Further, I would even hold such knowledge close from the chapters that work closest with the -][- as well. More than that, I will not say, nor offer as guidance to the leaders of the Doom Bringers and their 'Ghosts of Victorie'.

 

The Holy Great Lion of Terra's Blessings be upon Thee and Thy Frater,

 

Chapter Master Rymeer, Crusading Lions Chapter, Adeptus Astartes.

[Commissar Molotov]

All in-character goodness aside, the Celestial Lions were destroyed by the Inquisition because the Lions openly questioned (and protested against) Inquisitorial policy. It's not quite the same thing.

[Cpt_Tiberius]

First off I want to say that I really enjoyed your IA. It is a different concept than I am used to seeing. I can't wait to see where you take this.

 

I have to say I like the Doom Bringers name better than the other suggestions and I personally wouldn't change it, but it's really your call. :)

 

What you could do is have them change their chapter badge as a symbol of their trial by fire. Just a thought, but I think the little badge next to Cassius would make a great badge (the tyrranid with the sword through it.) Of course I like your current badge alot too, just an option for you.

 

As for Marines eating Tyrranids. It seems I recall in the old fluff, Marines could eat the flesh of their enemies and gain knowledge about them. This Idea is still alive in the Soul Drinker fluff. Now the problem comes with it being Tyrranid flesh. They have a rather vicious DNA strand, so this could be tricky. But I'm not against it.

 

I do have an issue with the waiting 156 years for scouts to become marines. It just doesn't seem right to me. As an option you could give them close ties with the Ordo Xenos, so that they request assignment to any tyrranid warzones so that they can collect the required specimens. Just a thought...

 

I didn't care for the Victoire name at first, but after reading your explanation and learning it's meaning, I like it quite abit. :)

 

My final suggestion is to change the wings on your chest eagles to the rotting flesh color. Right now they are very dark on the top. However since you have already modeled these guys, you may disagree. Just a suggestion, take it or leave it.

 

Hope at least some of that was helpful... :blush:

[Commissar Molotov]

As for Marines eating Tyrranids. It seems I recall in the old fluff, Marines could eat the flesh of their enemies and gain knowledge about them. This Idea is still alive in the Soul Drinker fluff. Now the problem comes with it being Tyrranid flesh. They have a rather vicious DNA strand, so this could be tricky. But I'm not against it.

The organ that does this is the Omophagea, and the fluff is still with us in the fourth edition. It can be found in the Index Astartes 'Rites of Initiation' article.

 

As an option you could give them close ties with the Ordo Xenos, so that they request assignment to any tyrranid warzones so that they can collect the required specimens. Just a thought...

 

Perhaps some work with the Deathwatch might help?

[Nash Trickster]

Wow, so much feedback!

 

First, thanks for your kind words...

 

Now on with the C&C...

 

I say that the Rites of Passage for the Doom Bringers should be held closely by the Chapter, and not be open to the gaze of the -][- or it's agents. Further, I would even hold such knowledge close from the chapters that work closest with the -][- as well.

That is actually how I want it to be, a ritual the chapter wants to keep, thinking that it grants them an advantage which other chapters don't have but, knowing how the most puritan members of the =][= can react to rituals they deem to be heretical, they keep it secret. :)

 

A bit of tension is not a BAD thing, and builds the charactor of the chapter.

Indeed! :blush:

 

=====

 

I think the little badge next to Cassius would make a great badge (the tyrranid with the sword through it.)

I thought to use that symbol (or a variation of it) as the marking on the right shoulder pad for my Ghost Hunters...

As for Marines eating Tyrranids. It seems I recall in the old fluff, Marines could eat the flesh of their enemies and gain knowledge about them. Now the problem comes with it being Tyrranid flesh. They have a rather vicious DNA strand, so this could be tricky.

I think such a ritual (if done too often) could indeed create problems, such as mutations, and I'll just say that the Ghosts of Victoire, having eaten more than their share of 'nid flesh are not safe from such a fate in the long run... It's a plot hook I may (or not) use in the future developments of this chapter :wink:

I do have an issue with the waiting 156 years for scouts to become marines. It just doesn't seem right to me.

156 years is the most extreme example in the chapter's (short) history... I could probably add something along the line of "having been sent with his company to help fighting Chaos near the Eye of Terror, and thus, far from any 'nid infestation, Rath had to wait 156 years before being able to undergo the ritual..." if that makes it more plausible...

 

=====

 

I'll rework on my IA, plugging some of the "holes" I left, when I get the time this week :) For example, I plan on explaining why the Lamenters came to Nabil... The resistance offered by the Doom Bringers on Nabil prime somehow stopped the advance of part of Behemoth and when, after the Battle of Maccrage, Ordo Xenos Inquisitors started to study the data on the "new" Xenos, they discovered a singularity in the Hive fleet movements towards the fringe, some worlds had apparently been "neglected" by the Hive Fleet and it seemed that all these world were in "downstream" from the Eyris system. They thus sent the Lamenters to check on the reason for such a peculiar behavior... This could better explain how they can recruit from a neighboring system's Hive world: this world was one of those that was "saved" thanks to the resistance on nabil and it was thus offered as reward to the Doom Bringers, but they decided to keep their fortress monastery on Nabil prime and simply use that Hive World they earned as recruiting ground...

[Commissar Molotov]

Could it possibly be another chapter to the Lamenters? Just a suggestion. It strikes me that the unlucky Lamenters might not be the best chapter to find your men.

[Librarian- Melechor]

Rath had to wait 156 years before being able to undergo the ritual.

For a scout to become a marine? He would be dead, would he not?

[Commissar Molotov]

Why? A scout at the end of their training is a marine with every organ except the black carapace. They'd be quite capable of living long enough. Although I think that 156-year period should be brought down a little.

[Nash Trickster]

I'll make it clearer in my IA that Rath is the most extreme example of how long a Scout can have to wait to become a true Doom Bringer, but I don't think 156 years is that long a period...

Even if he's himself an exception, Commander Dante from the Blood Angels has been serving his chapter for over 1100 years IIRC, so I guess that a "normal" Marine's life span would be in the 4-500 years, no? :D

[Commissar Molotov]

It depends on gene-seed. The Blood Angels are noted as being extraordinarily long-lived. Chaplain Cassius is noted as being 'close on four centuries old' in Codex: Space Marines. As an Ultramarine, he might give you a truer indication of most marines.

[Nash Trickster]

Well, if we tab on 400 years for the average marine, then Rath, who would be around 180 years old at the time of the ritual (the 156 he waited, plus about 13 years, his age when he was recruited) wouldn't be that old by Marines' standards... No?

 

He should probably have been serving as a full Brother for over a century (hence why he could be promoted to Sergeant so quickly afterwards), but, from the fluff I have on 'nids, there was a period of almost 200 years between Behemoth and Kraken during which finding a 'nid to "consume" for the ritual would have been quite difficult (especially if your company was sent to fight far from the eastern galactic border) :D

 

But if it really seems improbable to everyone, well, I don't have any problem changing that number to, say, 86 years :)

[Commissar Molotov]

Cassius is noted as being the oldest marine in the Ultramarines aside from those interred in Dreadnoughts. He even refers to [Chapter Master] Calgar as "Young Calgar".