Toyship's first DIY

[ToyShip]

Well i posted a couple of days ago to check if a pre-heresy Night Lords terminator army would be fluffy but not too many people liked the idea (except REFUSE). I decided then that maybe i would try something else so i looked at an old DIY i had started to write sohere goes: (NOTE: this is still under development.)

The Phoenix Legion (Name?)

 

Geneseed: Unknown, though their black eyes and pallid skin suggest Primarch Corax of the Raven Guard.

Founding: Unkown, first mentioned in the mopping up around Holy Terra after Vandire's reign of blood.

 

Symbol: Phoenix (ihave a really kool idea for this that i'll try to post later.

 

Colors:I dont really know, leaning towards red or green

 

Homeworld: Exodus a tundra deathworld of perpetual Night.

 

Where: Near the Eye of Terror

 

Combat Doctrine: Specialize in drop-pod attacks and ship-to-ship boardings. When fighting on a planet they try to infiltrate as best they can.

 

Beliefs: They revere the Emperor as their father, though they dont worship him as a god.

 

Organisation: Standard codex although their lack of armor leads them to eschew tanks in preference of dreadnoughts. They also have done away with the office of chaplain though alll officers recieve some "faith" training, therefore all officers helmets are black.

 

This is as for as i've gotten. Ive tried to follow the guidelines at the top of the page as closely as possible. What do you think? Dont be too harsh. :blink:

+edited out the traitor geneseed+

[Ferrata]

Geneseed: Unknown, though their black eyes and pallid skin have lead some more puritan Inquisitors to link this to Konrad Curze, traitor primarch of the Night Lords legion.

 

Traitor gene-seed is not used to create new chapters. Anyway, those physical traits would lead me to Corax (Raven Guard) over Konrad.

 

Everything else seems ok.

 

Ferrata

[ToyShip]

When i look through the Sm Codex an Rulebooks space marines seem to decorate thei armor with alot of different stuff so with these marines im going to try and make them more individual like the marines on pg. 29 i think of the codex. I will also use Daneks method of painting skin and eyes for my marines.

[Librarian- Melechor]

Specialize in drop-pod attacks and ship-to-ship boardings. When fighting on a planet they try to infiltrate as best they can.

Sounds a lot like the raven guard to me. I like what you've got started, now just try to expand it. Include a little more info on origins, and such. :blink:

[Commissar Molotov]

Right, as to your name, 'legion' is an archaic and outdated term. You could try something similar, involving Phoenix? Check the stickied threads in the Liber to see if you can find something that suits you better. The Phoenix is a bird often seen to be bright and proud. A darker chapter like the Raven Guard might not be so fitting - though there's nothing against it, it's all in how you work things.

 

Why is this deathworld in 'perpetual night'? Is it because it's so far from the sun? Tell us more about the people. Are they half-blind savages, eaking out a pitiful existence in the darkness? Technologically sophisticated miners? What drew your chapter to recruit from them? How have they contributed to the character of your chapter?

 

WHY has your chapter removed the office of Chaplain? Faith is what sustains a marine when they have nothing left, no? Most chapters revere the Emperor as a great man, and nothing more. It's usually the Primarch they devote their attentions to. How does your chapter view Corax, arguably the greatest tactician in the Imperium?

 

Why has your chapter got a lack of tanks? And how have they managed to get lots of dreadnoughts?

 

Try to expand more on your chapter, to give it character.

[ToyShip]

Maybe Phoenix isnt so good... hmmm i dont really know what other name to use, I used tto like the name Angels of Exodus what do you gusy think of that? Also a motto could be "We ride the wings of death!" I'll work some more and maybe Get a rough IA later.

 

+edit+ Do the Black Guard have any fluff done for them? Maybe i could use my ideas for them?

[Ferrata]

We ride the wings of death!"

 

*looks at sig*

 

"No-one is riding my Chapter" :blink:

 

Angels of Exodus seems better than the previous one.

 

Ferrata

[Commissar Molotov]

The Angels of Exodus sounds well if you say it aloud, but its' meaning doesn't sit particularly well with me. It's a bit... blah. The 'Angels of [A Departure of People]'?

 

Perhaps just leave your name until the end. See if you can pick a name that's influenced by the direction you take your chapter.

[Dasleah]

I say stick with 'Pheonix'. Just try to make it the Pheonix that has just been consumed by its own fire and is resting within the ash of its remains, waiting to reborn, waiting to emerge in a blaze of firey triumph (rather than the reborn Pheonix, that just sits around waiting to explode :lol: ). Alot of brass, brown, dark red, dark grey colours is what I'm seeing.

Oh, and I remember the Black Guard being mentioned once or twice in Battlefleet Gothic as excellent ship-to-ship fighters. But apart from them, I can't recall anything about the Black Guard (although since they are still a 2nd Founding Chapter, some people might get a little 'poo-poo' about doing an IA about them.

[ToyShip]

What do you think of the Phoenix Guard? Iwrote the beginning of my IA today so here it is:

 

Index Astartes: Phoenix Guard

 

Origins: When the High Lords of Terra declared that there should be a new founding of space marines in 001 M32, Corax's chapter of Raven Guard was orderedto produce a number of chapters. One such chapter was the Phoenix Guard. The captain of the Raven Guard first company, Atticus Mannix, was selected to lead the newborn chapter in the coming trials. Mannix was a grizzled veteran of many campaigns and was sid to have fought alongside Corax himself. The nascent chapter was alloted a number of terminator suits, tanks, and a squad of vereans to train and lead them. Their armor was painted a deep red color to symbolize their namesake, the Phoenix. The Phoenix Guard set out in their newly acquired battle-barge and set forth to do the Emperor's bidding. They crusaded for many years under the tutelage of Raven Guard veterans, and it soon became apparent that they had more than mastered the tenets of the Codex Astartes. Just as the Age of Apostasy began, the chapter took a planet, Exodus as their home.

 

The Age Of Apostasy:

Goge Vandire's Reign of Blood lead to many puritanical crusades against those who the Imperium would now consider allies. Though they worship the Emperor, space marines have always been at odds with the ecclesiarchy. The Phoenix Guard have a shamanistic religion in which they revere the Emperor as the leader of many gods, along with Corax. This lead to Vandire labeling the marines as heretics and sending an Inquisitorial task force against the loyal marines. Sub-orbital munitions ripped into the surface of the Phoenix Guard's home planet, Exodus, as an inducted Imperial Guard regiment, the Phoenician 37th, prepared to make planet fall. When they did, they encountered no resistance save for some automated defences. The The commander of the regiment voxed his concern to the fleet, when the Marines of the First comapany along with the revered dreadnoughts attacked, in tandem with an ambush in space. The fleet of the Phoenix Guard had hidden on the planet's dark-side while the task force blundered into the system. Bloody fightin ensued, with no quarter being given on either side. Ship-to-ship fighting in space saw the entirety of the Inquisitor's fleet taken or destroyed, save for his flagship, Emperor's Divinity. Seeing his defeat the Inquisitor order cyclonic torpedoes loaded and headed for the system's sun. The Phoenix Guard fleet followed, suspecting a coward, when the battleship launched it's payload into the sun. The resulting explosion vaporised entirely half the fleet, along with all of the captured ships, and any evidence the attack took place.

Back on the planet the forces of the Inquisitor and the First Company had fought to a stand still, the fortress monastery in ruins. What was left of the fleet and the chapter turned back to Exodus and the Phoenician's commander was given a simple ultimatum, surrender or die. He relented, and the Phoenican 37th were later shipped off the planet. The chapter master of the Phoenix guard, then commander Crassus, viewed the devastation of his now eternally benighted world. Upon seeing the utter destruction of his beloved home, Crassus declared that his chapter would from then on paint it's armor gray, until the day when, at full strength, they could rise from the ashes and lead humanity into the light.

 

 

Thats a rough beggining of my IA what do you guys think?

[Commissar Molotov]

There's some brilliantly original and interesting ideas here. But there's a few things that are a bit clunky, or just don't fit with your chapter.

 

Where did the Phoenix Guard get terminator suits from? Presumably the Raven Guard, but I'd imagine the Raven Guard have few enough of them anyway. If they're from the Adeptus Mechanicus, what did the Phoenix Guard do to deserve them? Perhaps Mannix had earnt the favour of the Adeptus Mechanicus in some way.

 

I think that the Phoenix Guard should take Exodus far earlier in their history. There's nearly four thousand years between their founding and the Age of Apostasy.

 

Now, their religion is hugely interesting. If you were to take a look at Hindu religion, and maybe make their group of gods simply a number of facets/representations/personas of the Emperor, your chapter's not likely to get in trouble from the Inquisition. Could open it up to interesting representations, where Corax is seen as a particular facet of the Emperor. Note: I really like these ideas.

 

However, I'm really unsure about Vandire openly declaring war against a Space Marine chapter. As powerful as Vandire was, I really don't think he would risk the political implications of declaring a chapter heretics.

 

Also, the Phoenician 37th? It's a little [too obviously] close to Phoenix, and turns something good into something that makes you look like you have a lack of imagination.

 

Until after Vandire's death, there was no Ordo Hereticus. So perhaps leave the Inquisitorial scourge until later?

 

I'm also trying to work out - is the Sun destroyed? Because if so, I'm pretty sure your homeworld's gone. If the sun goes supernova, anyway. But even if it didn't, your planet would spin off into space - the gravity of the sun is keeping it in place. You might have to find someone who knows about astronomy and the like to clarify.

[ToyShip]

Yeah i wasnt quite sure when the age of Apostasy was i was kind of blundering in the dark. The Phoenicician 37th is my friends imperial guard regiment lol. I didn't even think of how close to Phoenix it was. :unsure:

Im glad you liked the idea of their religion and thanks for the comments. I will do some revisions and hopefullyt post some more later. Oh and i thought the sun could be irradiated..how does that happen?

Thanks again

Toyship

[ToyShip]

I wrote a bit more and instead of the Age of Apostsy gegment i posted previously i will explain how the chapter acquired it's terminator suits. The inquisitorial purge will happen later in the chapter's history, maybe closer to the current time period. I will leave the previous post up and will post this segment here so i will have a way to reference it when i retype. (I forgot to save :wub: )

 

The Siege of Hydacia

 

When they were still a crusading chapter, the Phoenix Guard had many glorius victories and just as many defeats. they always fought on, brining the Emperor's light to those in need of it, and dispensing His justice to those undeserving of it. One battle, recounted by the chapter's librarians, won the chapter the honor of owning newly produced suits of terminator armor.

Hydacia is a prosperous forge world of the Adeptus Mechanicus situated near the Eye of Terror. At this time in history, it came under siege by non other than Horus' sons, the Black Legion. The legions of Skitarii put up a valiant defense but the Black Legion were nigh on unstoppable. After recieving a distress call, Chapter Master Mannix lead the second and fourth companies of the Phoenix Guard to fight the forces of the Arch-enemy. Meeting the enemy in battle for the first time on the walls of the capital city Eurasis, Mannix lead the assault marines in a daring thunderhwak-drop, taking the enemy forces completely by surprise. Mannix and his marines proceed to slaughter those who would stand in their way, and drove the Black Legion from the city.

Mounting a counter attack, the Black Legion contigent's commander, Arch-Heretic Khen-Harneth, was determined to meet this upstart marine commander Mannix and slay him. It was on the fields of Menopia that the two finnaly met, their battle recounted every year at th feast of Rising. It is told that the two stood and sized each other up for what seemed like an eternity, the dark-lord's face twisted into a snarling smile.

Mannix is said to have muttered on word,"Traitor." and he struck with his thunder hammer, all the force of the Emperor and His primarchs behind it. Harneth's head seemed to leap from his body as the thunderhammer connected, it burning like a comet.

The siege lasted for 3 more months but with the loss of thier commander, the Black Legion retreated, all will to fight lost. In return for their fearless defense, Arch Magos Vercentigorix III granted the Phoenix Guard enogh suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor to equip entirely half of it's first company. To this day every chapter master has used the same suit of terminator armor, and the same thunderhammer that Atticus Mannix used, as his badge of office. Not once has the armor's wearer fallen in battle. The Phoenix Guard took a nearby planet, Exodus, an icy deathworld, to be thier home so they could watch the Eye for further incursins and protect the forge world from invasion.

 

Thats all for now

Toyship :lol:

[Commissar Molotov]

100 suits of terminator armour is too much. There's chapters in the Imperium that might only have twenty - or even less than that. Terminator armour is hard to manufacture, and is rare for a reason. Don't think of a 40 point model. Think of a millenia-old suit of armour, worn by a dozen different chapter veterans. Think of purity seals fluttering in the wind on a hundred different battlefields.

[ToyShip]

I edited it, is fifty reasonable....more to come

[ToyShip]

Index Astartes: Phoenix Guard

 

Origins: When the High Lords of Terra declared that there should be a new founding of space marines in 001 M32, Corax's chapter of Raven Guard was orderedto produce a number of chapters. One such chapter was the Phoenix Guard. The captain of the Raven Guard first company, Atticus Mannix, was selected to lead the newborn chapter in the coming trials. Mannix was a grizzled veteran of many campaigns and was sid to have fought alongside Corax himself. The nascent chapter was alloted a number of terminator suits, tanks, and a squad of vereans to train and lead them. Their armor was painted a deep red color to symbolize their namesake, the Phoenix. The Phoenix Guard set out in their newly acquired battle-barge and set forth to do the Emperor's bidding. They crusaded for many years under the tutelage of Raven Guard veterans, and it soon became apparent that they had more than mastered the tenets of the Codex Astartes. Just as the Age of Apostasy began, the chapter took a planet, Exodus as their home.

 

The Siege of Hydacia

 

When they were still a crusading chapter, the Phoenix Guard had many glorius victories and just as many defeats. they always fought on, brining the Emperor's light to those in need of it, and dispensing His justice to those undeserving of it. One battle, recounted by the chapter's librarians, won the chapter the honor of owning newly produced suits of terminator armor.

Hydacia is a prosperous forge world of the Adeptus Mechanicus situated near the Eye of Terror. At this time in history, it came under siege by non other than Horus' sons, the Black Legion. The legions of Skitarii put up a valiant defense but the Black Legion were nigh on unstoppable. After recieving a distress call, Chapter Master Mannix lead the second and fourth companies of the Phoenix Guard to fight the forces of the Arch-enemy. Meeting the enemy in battle for the first time on the walls of the capital city Eurasis, Mannix lead the assault marines in a daring thunderhwak-drop, taking the enemy forces completely by surprise. Mannix and his marines proceed to slaughter those who would stand in their way, and drove the Black Legion from the city.

Mounting a counter attack, the Black Legion contigent's commander, Arch-Heretic Khen-Harneth, was determined to meet this upstart marine commander Mannix and slay him. It was on the fields of Menopia that the two finnaly met, their battle recounted every year at th feast of Rising. It is told that the two stood and sized each other up for what seemed like an eternity, the dark-lord's face twisted into a snarling smile.

Mannix is said to have muttered on word,"Traitor." and he struck with his thunder hammer, all the force of the Emperor and His primarchs behind it. Harneth's head seemed to leap from his body as the thunderhammer connected, it burning like a comet.

The siege lasted for 3 more months but with the loss of thier commander, the Black Legion retreated, all will to fight lost. In return for their fearless defense, Arch Magos Vercentigorix III granted the Phoenix Guard enogh suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor to equip entirely half of it's first company. To this day every chapter master has used the same suit of terminator armor, and the same thunderhammer that Atticus Mannix used, as his badge of office. Not once has the armor's wearer fallen in battle. The Phoenix Guard took a nearby planet, Exodus, an icy deathworld, to be thier home so they could watch the Eye for further incursions and protect the forge world from invasion.

 

Homeworld:

Once a verdant, temeperate planet, Exodus is now a frigid benighted world inimical to human life. When the planet's course was changed due to the Inquisitorial bomabardment it was subjected to, its orbit was thrown off so now it takes ten standard Terran years to complete it's circuit around it's sun. When many cultures would have simply died off, the tribal warriors of Exodus adapted, giving proof of this people's tenacity. The tribes of Exodus endure hardship daily, as they roam the planet's ruined surface in search for food, and more importantly, pure water. The bomabardment killed of much of Exodus' animal and plant life, and also poisoned much of the planet's water. Conflict frequently erupts over the much sought after watering holes and hunting grounds. These skirmishes are encouraged though as they keep the people tough, and they help the Phoenix Guard choose prospective recruits.

When a warrior is selected to become an aspirant to the chapter, one of the Phoenix Guard's chaplains will walk into his village and offer him his gauntleted hand. Such is the shock of seeing one of the Emperors scions, that many a warrior is struck dumb by the sight. Once he recovers though, if he takes the chaplain's hand in a warrior hand-shake, the warrior will then sever any and all ties to his people. He is now a possesion of the chapter. The aspirant is then taken to one of the chapter's myriad outpost monastaries, strong points in time of conflict, and there he will learn how to fight and survive. Once the warriors have proved themselves, they are given a sword, shield, and enough provisions for a week. They are given one last order, "Go north." and they are left to fend for themselves. Those that figure out that they are to find the home of the chapter, the Phoenix Nest, start they journey northward. If succesful, the warriors will be welcomed at the gates of the Phoenix Nest by non other than the Chapter Master and most venerable brother-dreadnought Mannix. From then on they are trained in the ways of the chapter, indoctrinated into the codex astartes, and given their geneseed. They then become scouts in the Phoenix Guard.

 

 

Almost done saving the best for last (beliefs and combat doctrine ^_^ )

Back soon

Toyship