Lord Amen Ramses, CM of the Sons of Anubis

[space wolf]

ok, i just wrote this, and its like 2 in the morning...but if anything is cliche let me know...i hate cliche.

 

Edit: if you havnt read the first installment please read that first, you will find the link for it if you scroll down

 

Lord Amen Ramses

 

Ramses was born into the Atep Clan. The clan itself was located in the middle of the great northern sea (the great expanses of dunes without rock outcroppings were called seas). A somewhat isolated community, Clan Atep never participated much of the savage inter-fighting between the clans of Ishtar VII. What little

[INKS]

Good story and back info. A few questions and points if I may.

 

1: Do they know they are space marines? It doesn't really refer to them as such even though I know they are. Do they know they are? Do they venerate the emperor? do they worship him?

 

2: I understand why they changed the chapter name, but is it really likley to happen? I would think the people on terra would throw a fit if chapter just started to rename themselves after a beloved chapter master died. After all the BA didn't rename themselves after their Primarch died. The only legion to rename them selves where the luna wolves (is this right? are they the only ones?) and only because of the death of Horus. SO in a way I guess it's the same sort of thing in your story. Just not sure chapters would do that all that often or at all.

 

3: I dig the names, egyptian culture is facinating(sp?) to me but I would maybe mix some of the names up a little. The ones you used while great and all are a bit over used if you know what I mean. Nothing wrong with that, just would be nice to see some names you don't see often enough. Of course I am having a memory block right now but perhaps a lesser king of old egypt for more flavor. However if your intention is to use these names such as Osiris was to emulate their god like stature then well done :rolleyes:

 

4: Perhaps a little more elaboration on the battle with the aid of the UM? It kinda goes like this currently: The UM show up, use a classic pincher move and save the day. Perhaps a little more detail or more ship names, like which UM where there, how many ships, which companies etc... I know your story isn't about UM but the other battle was far more detailed and therefore better :devil:

 

Over all a fantastic start you've got me interested and hooked to find out more ^_^

I only hope some of my ramblings were semi useful ^_^

[space wolf]

thanks for the comments InK, as for some of your questions, this story was written with the intention that you had read the first installment, i refere you to here....

 

1: Do they know they are space marines? It doesn't really refer to them as such even though I know they are. Do they know they are? Do they venerate the emperor? do they worship him?

at what point? when the battle between Ramses and Bronidas happens, all opponents are human.

 

 

Of course I am having a memory block right now but perhaps a lesser king of old egypt for more flavor. However if your intention is to use these names such as Osiris was to emulate their god like stature then well done

 

this was my problem as well, i couldnt think of any everyday egyptian names...and at 2 in the morning i was not about to go research :)

 

there is more to come, stay tuned same anubis time, same anubis channel

[INKS]

thanks for the comments InK, as for some of your questions, this story was written with the intention that you had read the first installment, i refere you to here....

:wub: yeah that would help. I'll read it in a Min.

 

As for "do they know they are space marines" After his battle with Bronidas he wakes up with the apothacary. I assumed this was a SM apothacary but maybe not. Also There is a line:

 

When Ramses awoke he was in a strange metal room. The Apothicary explained to him that he had proven himself worthy and had been chosen by Anubis to serve Anu.

 

I read this as. Congrats your a space marine, time to serve the Emperor. But it doesn't really say that outright. Am I reading into this too much?

 

edit: Read the other part, as a whole it makes a lot more sense to me. I can now fully agree with changing the name with reasons given in the other writting :lol: