DIY chapter Tantris guard

[Ranozthe]

Well ive rewritten my chapter's background...here it goes, hope you like it! :P

 

Well +-350 years before now (41st millenium ^_^ ) Tantris, their homeplanet, was hit by those filthy chaos bastards. Blitzkrieg-wise they took over their 2 agri worlds and the factory world. The people who could escape with escape pods, landed on the homeworld, the mass fled to the big cities. The chaos army followed quickly.

 

City after city they conquered Tantris, the only city to fled to was Tantris (Capital of the Tantris-world). The gigantic walls around the immense city would definitly protect the people of Tantris...the question was how long? The people were housed in the underground city beneath Tantris (use to be an underground bunker). Because the stream of survivors, who fled to Tantris, grew big, the corridors were lengthened and new spaces were created beneath the existing ones. Big, dark halls were created, where the soil was moist, to grow fungus. The waste-materials were used for building and repairing structures. Above the battle-cries were growing...

 

The Tantris guard, defending the walls of Tantris, threw double the fight back, the chaos scum threw at them. But sometimes the Tantris guard won, sometimes choas...untill it ended in a final battle at the Main Gate. The battle was fierce, the dead bodies piled up, but the Tantris guard overthrew the chaotic swarm. The battle left great scars on the gate and the stench of dead bodies was strong. But the threat wasn't over...

 

In a corner of the warp, a large group of assasins of the dark eldar, planned an assasination on the Dark master...but he found out and sent troops to kill them. Their leader was slain, but the rest of the group could get out of there on time. Still being chased, they needed a hide-out. They spottet the weakened planet of Tantris and thought to make it their own....

 

 

 

Well thats how far i came, the dark eldar part is from a friend of mine, who's gonna play this "campaign" with me...so we are gonna play the rest of the story and il post u the updates :P

Well if something isn't correct or u would like to know how the Tantris guard deals with a kind of problem/situation i forgot to mention above...just ask ;)

[ironloki]

Not bad but a bit confusing. For example here

 

City after city they conquered Tantris, the only city to fled to was Tantris (Capital of the Tantris-world). The gigantic walls around the immense city would definitly protect the people of Tantris...the question was how long? The people were housed in the underground city beneath Tantris (use to be an underground bunker). Because the stream of survivors, who fled to Tantris,

 

Tantris is mentioned 6 times and im a bit confused. Who conquered Tantris? then everyone fled to a city named Tantris on the planet of Tantris?

 

In a corner of the warp, a large group of assasins of the dark eldar, planned an assasination on the Dark master...but he found out and sent troops to kill them. Their leader was slain, but the rest of the group could get out of there on time. Still being chased, they needed a hide-out. They spottet the weakened planet of Tantris and thought to make it their own....

 

Where did the Dark Elder come from? Who were they planning to kill and why? It just seems a bit confusing with a Marine chapter being attacked by chaos and then running to their homeworld for safety and then the Elder jump out of no-where like some sort of cameo :D

 

I would tidy it up a bit but not too bad. Anymore info on your chapter? Why were they formed? Do they have any significant events in their history. What is their combat doctrine (Combat or shooty?) Colour scheme? Just some additional things to flesh this out

[Ranozthe]

Tantris is mentioned 6 times and im a bit confused. Who conquered Tantris? then everyone fled to a city named Tantris on the planet of Tantris?

 

The chaos marines conquered tantris, and yes Tantris is the capital of the Tantris-world...so:

 

City after city they conquered Tantris(world), the only city to fled to was Tantris(capital) (Capital of the Tantris-world)(...world). The gigantic walls around the immense city would definitly protect the people of Tantris(world)...the question was how long? The people were housed in the underground city beneath Tantris(capital) (use to be an underground bunker). Because the stream of survivors, who fled to Tantris(capital),

 

Where did the Dark Elder come from? Who were they planning to kill and why? It just seems a bit confusing with a Marine chapter being attacked by chaos and then running to their homeworld for safety and then the Elder jump out of no-where like some sort of cameo :P

Ehmm, lol i hope not everyone interpretated it like that...well i said that that dark eldar piece was from a friend of mine...they live in the warp, and being hunted down by the dark master's troops (the BIG boss of the dark eldars and the one they tried to assasinate, what happens a lot!) The dark eldars were just lucky to find that weakened planet, when jumping outta the warp...

 

I would tidy it up a bit but not too bad. Anymore info on your chapter? Why were they formed? Do they have any significant events in their history. What is their combat doctrine (Combat or shooty?) Colour scheme? Just some additional things to flesh this out

 

I'l tidy it up tomorow and post the other info too