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The Lunar Templars


Masterofpie

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Not bad! :)

 

But ...

 

Captain Freth was replaced by Veteran Sergeant Jooran. The surviving members of the party were sent to their appropriate chaplains for punishment.

What? I reread the entire article three times and this just came out of nowhere. Unless my reviewing skills are weak. Why was he replaced? Why were the survivng members punished?

I'm not trying to be harsh here but you've got a number of points that you might want to give a little more thought to. You have a nice start but it is a little disjointed in places.

 

Unless I'm missing something, there is no reference in that battle to the Crimson Fists being involved so he wasn't working with them. Even so, demoting a Captain seems a tad extreme for that offense.

 

You also mention that the Lunar Templars chapter master was given an audience with the Emperor. My personal belief is that the Emperor is given briefings and treated as if he is still in control even though the High Lords of Terra actually control things. I have never seen anything to support this; it's merely my personal view of how things are handled on a daily basis in the Imperium and figures strongly in the fluff for one of my chapters. The fact of the matter is he is in stasis in the Golden Throne and has been since he was mortally wounded by Horus at the tail end of the Horus Heresy. If he was allowed into the presence of the Emperor (and that is an almighty big IF), the conversation would have been a tad one-sided.

 

Another thing that confuses me is the timeline. They were formed in the 5th Founding and went 2000 years into the future. That still puts them a very long time in the past - M35 if your date for the 5th Founding is correct. They went home and found it Ork-infested, did some house-cleaning, and then went to Earth. This still leaves them way in past yet they told Marneus Calgar something about something in the future. You lost me on a couple points here. When did they go to the future as Marneus Calgar would understand the future? When did Marneus Calgar go into the past? (because he's part of the 40K universe's present) Even if these timeline irregularities are worked out, why would they tell him this secret? They were trained by the Crimson Fists and there is no reference to them having any special contact with the Ultramarines. And why would he not have told the Emperor, assuming said conversation could take place.

 

Regarding the Legio B&C. I'm no expert on their background but I was under the impression that they seek out special individuals and offer them a berth in the Legio not the other way around. If a chapter has a problem with ltheir psykers (a la Black Templars), I'm sure that the High Lords of Terra can find a place for them in another chapter with the same geneseed.

 

Don't get discouraged. You have a good start here. It just needs some polishing.

ok thanks. This is my fdirst one so sorry about the probs. I don't know the name of the Crimson Fists current chapter master. will edit now. Also in one of the novel series I have read, I think it was the Draco ones. The Inquistitor in that gets an audience with the emperor. it does happen, and during that timewhen the echlesiarchy took over and declared the adeptus astarte heretical, the leader of the female warriors in that had an audience.
ok thanks. This is my fdirst one so sorry about the probs. I don't know the name of the Crimson Fists current chapter master. will edit now. Also in one of the novel series I have read, I think it was the Draco ones. The Inquistitor in that gets an audience with the emperor. it does happen, and during that timewhen the echlesiarchy took over and declared the adeptus astarte heretical, the leader of the female warriors in that had an audience.

 

audiences yes but as both happened the emperor didn't speak physically to either of them. as well the sisters of battle leader wasn't given open audience she was smuggles in by the custodius more so they could end the age of apostacy(spelling?) anyway Audiances with the emperor wouldn't happen daily. probly not even yearly. the high lords of terra dont want just anyone looking at the old dead guy hooked up with who knows what electical equipment.

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