IA: Steel Dragons

[Nine_Breaker]

Here I am again with another IA article, this time on the Steel Dragons. Some of you just might remember these guys. I read back over their IA a few weeks ago and noticed just how low par it was compared to my newer stuff (like IA: Dark Hands), so I decided to go back and redo them. They still have the same savage and arrogant feel, but their background and history is a bit smoother and whatnot.

 

Anyhow, I hope you bunch enjoy the read. As always, comments and criticism are both welcome and encouraged. And without further ado, I bring to you:

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Index Astartes: Steel Dragons

 

Traits:

"Trust in Your Battle-Brothers"

"See, but don

[Race Bannon]

I really liked your Dark Hands entry ;) So I gave this a look through while at work ...

 

The name Steel Dragons sounds familiar, like something I saw outside of 40K but I can't put my finger on it ... Anyways:

 

The Astartes of this particular chapter are characteristically proud, fierce, and bold warriors to whom notions of peace and fear are almost completely alien.

At first I was like, "What?! The marines use fear as an advantage!" Then thought, "Oh! The marines don't know fear ... right got it."

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Dragonheart seems very noble to me ... almost pretty versus fearsome. Maybe the movie is affecting my consideration here. After all, you did sympathize with the dragon character ... at least I did.

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Four years past before war brought the Steel Dragons to Cornair

This is quite bulky. It's awkward. Or am I looking at it wrong?

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Each of the tribes who inhabit the icy wastelands of Cornair fight a never ending war against others for basic resources and to gain a reputation of the most brutal and fearless warriors.

But then ...

Every Winter, these demons rise from the ice and attack unsuspecting tribes with inhuman savagery, drag away some of the most promising warriors, and then disappear into thin air as swiftly as they came.

So - to be a great warrior in the tribes is something they want to aspire to ... only to be taken by demons (the marines)? Sounds to me like being a greatwarrior is a dubious honor. Also, the Chapter "attacks" the tribes? Do the marines figure out who are the "promising warriors" from the attack or are they targeted to reduce any collateral damage to the tribe? This jumped out at me and took away from the order of how things are done. Maybe some clarification could be applied? Maybe the tribal champions are taken away to continue to fight against the demons in their own lands thus saving the tribe from further attacks? I dunno.

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The last paragraph in the Combat Doctrines seemed to detailed and it took away from the flow of the section to me. Specifically the last two sentences. I feel these could be removed without giving or taking away anything from the previous sentences or paragraphs.

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The chapter

[Nine_Breaker]

Indeed, your suggestions will help! As usual though, I'll comment on your comments though, agreeing or not to see if it will help you understand some parts of the IA better.

 

The name Steel Dragons sounds familiar, like something I saw outside of 40K but I can't put my finger on it...

It could very well be something from Battletech, as I did see some "Steel Dragon" decals for that game a couple weeks ago. I'm not sure though, and don't plan on changing the name of the chapter in any case.

 

Dragonheart seems very noble to me ... almost pretty versus fearsome. Maybe the movie is affecting my consideration here. After all, you did sympathize with the dragon character ... at least I did.

Eww...thanks for pointing that out. I think I'll change the name of the ship to something a bit less touchy-feely.

 

So - to be a great warrior in the tribes is something they want to aspire to ... only to be taken by demons (the marines)? Sounds to me like being a greatwarrior is a dubious honor.

I see what you mean here, and I thought about that when I wrote it in. If you tribe lays low to avoid the attention of these 'demons', then another tribe says "hey, these guys are really b******" and wipes them out, as opposed to the 'demons' attacking and killing a small number. I imagin the marines would attack these tribes without using bolters. Or they might have the weapons on them, but why use them? Perhaps they would use chainswords though, just to put a bit of scare into the tribes.

 

Also, the Chapter "attacks" the tribes? Do the marines figure out who are the "promising warriors" from the attack or are they targeted to reduce any collateral damage to the tribe? This jumped out at me and took away from the order of how things are done. Maybe some clarification could be applied? Maybe the tribal champions are taken away to continue to fight against the demons in their own lands thus saving the tribe from further attacks? I dunno.

Good point there, never thought about it 'till now. I like your last idea a lot though. Perhaps a bunch of the warriors from each tribe goes out into the wastelands alone to fight the demons. The Steel dragons see these groups, attack them, and take the best from them. Because each group of warriors bears the tattoos of their tribe, the Steel Dragons wouldn't attack that particular tribe. If one tribe didn't send any warriors out though, or those warriors got eaten by an ice worm before the marines could get there...well, they're SOL. :)

 

The last paragraph in the Combat Doctrines seemed to detailed and it took away from the flow of the section to me. Specifically the last two sentences. I feel these could be removed without giving or taking away anything from the previous sentences or paragraphs.

I don't think I catch your drift here. I would think it's jus like saying the White Scars use a lot of bikes, or the Salamanders have loads of flamers.

 

Again, I thik this is too specific. And extremly limiting. Maybe something like, "The Chapter has a handful of suits and these are reserved for the exclusive use ..." That way, the reader knows its a few and it leaves open the number of bodyguards. Vague is a good tool here I think.

I agree with you here and will change that bit of the article.

 

What? This seems ... confused to me. Although unreligious they are zealous followers of the Imperial Creed (teachings of the veneration of the Emperor and his authority over the Imperium) and will ask for divine assistance on the eleventh hour? Can you define that idea a bit more?

I know where you're coming from here and I could word that bit better. It's basically saying that somebody who was observing the Steel Dragons might think they were unreligious because they don't go around saying "Emperor preserve me", "Emperor grant me strength", etc., but deep down inside, the Steel Dragons are devout. Because they like to rely on their own strength, they don't usually ask the Emperor to help them unless the :wub: has really hit the fan.

 

I got the impression that the Steel Dragons got their savagery in combat from the denizens it recruits from. That the harsh environment made the people tough and this affected the Chapter.

 

<snip>

 

So was it their inheritance or their upbringing? Both maybe? If both I would consider revising some statements that make it a coincidence versus one then another.

Good looking out. I meant to put in something about the behavior of the people they recruit from, but guess I didn't in my hurry to be done. After all, it may just be coincidence that they have the geneseed of the White Scars (whos successors are known for the same savagry as the Scars themselves).

[Nine_Breaker]

Alrighty then! I finished the 2nd Draft and made all the changes and a couple more that I mentioned I would. Of course, the IA may still be far from finished, so more comments and criticism would be appreciated lots.