The Iron Cobras of Phoencis

[The Count]

This is about my new marines chapter, The Iron Cobras of Phoencis.

 

Basically the background is this:

 

They were created in the 35th millennium and after a few centuries of being a crusader chapter, settled on Phoencis.

 

All was well (reasonably) until the Badab uprising, where the chapter master wanted more evidence that the Astral claws, long an ally of the cobras, was in the wrong. As a result an Inquisitor looked into it and fearing the chapter would also turn to chaos, especially after viewing the chapters strange way of emperor worship, dispatched an Adeptus Soritias battle group to purge them.

 

In one night 92% of the chapter was destroyed, from orbital bombardment and the Soritias on the ground; however a senior Inquisitor saved them and offered them the emperors forgiveness if they retook a lost world, along with Imperial Guard support units. They infiltrated the planet and quickly destabilised the chaos worshippers, setting the powers against each other and allowing the Guard to mop up. This allowed them to return to Phoencis.

 

They are rebuilding (purposely in some opinions) differently to the Codex astres, but follow all other procedures other than chapter organisation as normal.

 

However they now have a hatred of Chaos (astral claws/red corsair betrayal), the inquisition (almost destroying them), the Adeptus Soritias (same) and most other space marine chapters (no one stood to assist them when they needed help).

 

Overall they are quite a bitter bunch, as only about two marine chapters and two guard regiments are not hated by them.

 

They use standard marine codex and are currently infantry based (57 models, 1500 points, all infantry) but I will be adding tanks to represent the techmarines rebuilding their armoury, and a similar idea with the veterans.

 

Please let me know what you think of it.

[Severus6]

To be quite honest this sounds a bit to convoluted and I think you can get the feel you want by going with a less problematic background. I do like the idea that the Chapter was an ally of the Astral Claws and was hesitant to join in the fray due to lack of evidence presented. Granted it could be stated that the Inquisition requires none and demands instant obediance but a Chapter Master does have a bit of lee-way in how he responds. A suggestion I would offer is that your Chapter was petioned to help but refused to send a full battle company based on the simple fact the Chapter Master wanted more evidence that an old ally had turned to chaos. This would spark a few tense moments especially if the Inquisitor starts to accuse your Chapter of being tainted. At this point the your boys buck up and start to get testy and the Inquisition calls for support, ie; the SoB. Maybe a few flair ups and the occasional shot fired but no severe fighting. At this time the Asterel Claws make clear their intentions and your Chapter decides to prosecute the fight against them. The Inquistion backs off with their SoB allies and you fight where necessary. Now the touchy part is when the Inquistion would ask your Chapter to submit for purity testing,...Its an obvious ploy by the Inquistion to push your boys into a corner but then again you have nothing to hide so you agree. After a severe interrogation your Chapter is cleared of any wrong doing but the bad blood is there regardless. I dont think you would need multiple Inquisitors to do this. A single guy could cause all of this drama but because he has more pressing issues, ie; the Red Corsairs, he moves on but not without having placed in your boys a deep distrust of the Inquistion, the SoB, and the Imperial agenda. Just a thought, hope it helps.

 

Severus6

[NoxI]

HEEYYY!! You kinda took the idea I was going to use! Haha, it's ok.

 

But yeah, if it did come to a full out battle, as I doubt it would, 92% loss is a bit... extreme, especially for space marines against sisters. If the losses were so grievous, it would indicate a huge commitment of forces from the Inquisition, something I doubt they would do with more pressing issues such as an openly rebellious chapter. I'd go with something more along the lines of of what Severus said.

[The Count]

Cheers, i am going to have a go at rewriting it with these ideas, and rewrite the casulties as occouring against the Claws/corsairs.

 

I wanted large casulties to show that it was more of a massacre than a fight, and also as i borrowed a marine army before i started and SoB destroyed me then.

 

I think i am going to have it go

 

-Cobras and claws good chums

-Claws go bad

-inquisitor asks questions, cobras sent a scout party to ascertain the truth, more questions, anger

-other chapters join the claws (cant remember the names), scouts get audience with leader of claws, killed by him

-Sob land on phoencis as a staging point (cobras suspect to attack them)

-chapter blames inquisition for scouting party, which orders the sisters and naval units to attack, little fighting and the cobras call for help, claws send a representitive thinking they are also chaos, the cobras see the claws are traitor and send whole chapter to the campaign.

- heavy losses

- return rebuilding, distrust at many

 

let me know what you think

[NoxI]

I think that that is a much better idea. Get started on writing some stuff!

 

Good luck.

[Severus6]

"call for help, claws send a representitive thinking they are also chaos, the cobras see the claws are traitor and send whole chapter to the campaign."

 

 

There it is; that is the tie that binds the whole thing together. I like that.

 

Though I still dont see where you would need heavy losses for the story unless you have some underlying reason that hasnt surfaced yet.

 

Severus6

[The Count]

I want to write some casualties into the background (though the old amount was way too much) as partly I think that they would sound more 'real' if their background had more than 1000 chapter victories and 1 loss where 2 men died, and to emphasise that they keep on fighting whatever the odds.

 

Having the chapter heavily damaged also reflects the idea I want to reflect in the fact they have a lot of veteran troopers who are very angry, even by cobra standards, as that forms the idea I have behind my combat patrol, and when I finish it my kill team also; that was also what I was thinking when I wrote about the covert operations on the chaos planet originally, but now I have decided instead after some fairly heavy casualties fighting the claws (who they went after a tad fanatically after they learn of betrayal) a large amount of the survivors, who are by now pretty experienced are going out to try and hunt the claws down, returning rarely to the chapter.

 

Again let me know what you think.

 

I should start writing the first piece of the background soon, which has chapter masters Jotunheim an Huron fighting side by side, to emphasise the chapters relationship.

 

Thanks

[The Count]

(apologies for any uselessness of my writing)

 

"Master Jotunheim, Its time"

The colossos that was Jotunheim finished his meditation, he had been praying for his friend, chapter master Huron of the Astral claws, who had recently called for help after he became trapped by eldar pirates. It was only natural Jotunheim went himself to honour this friendship. He walked towards his thunderhawk.

 

"This is Jotunheim, I am aboard, leave and let us show these foul Xenos what the Imperium does to its enemies!"

 

"yes sir, this is thunderhawk 1 we are away, Astral claws company's 3 and 6 are expected in 4 terran hours"

 

Standing amongst his men, Jotunheim smiled, before whispering wryly "see you soon old friend, see you soon..."

 

 

This is the first part I am writing to give some background to the cobras, I really wanted to show how close the two chapters were before the uprising and this part was mainly just introducing Jotunheim and sowing the seeds of the relationship.

 

Again any (constructive) criticism is very welcome on any of the stuff I have for the cobras so far, Also I am going to detail some of their home world, Phoencis and pre Badab uprising history and organisation.

 

 

Phoencis is a planet with towering peaks, which go down into deep lagoons surrounded with forest. The majority of the population live either as woodsman, stalking the forests for food and battling for survival against the great snakes that can devour a man whole and give the chapter its name, or as fisherman in great wooden floating villages. By far it is safer to be a fisherman, as the dangers they face are far less, as much of the dangerous waterborne creatures fear the sun and stay far from the surface, yet when they rise these villages are destroyed in an instant, flimsy wooden structures being smashed apart and villagers being tossed into the water, with few survivors.

 

The chapter has two main holds on the planet, the largest is atop the highest peak, a place reached by normal men but three times unaided, each has been a hero of the chapter, the current chapter master, Jotunheim is one of the three. This place holds approximately 400 marines plus support and contains the majority of the equipment the chapter needs to survive. A further 400 serve aboard the fleet or on another planet, depending on the circumstance. The scouts of the chapter switch between these places regularly until they are assigned to one group or the other, which rotate annually. The remaining men are the veterans, these are in the second hold below the deepest of the lagoons on Phoencis, where only the elite of the chapter may tread, also here is the entire history of the chapter, so they may never forget the lessons of the past.

[NoxI]

Sounds good. I agree with your point about having a chapter that does not win every battle. It's more realistic.

 

write some more!

[magnum_opera]

The name sounds a bit too similar to the Steel Cobras, a renegade chapter...

[The Count]

I am now aware of the name similarity to the steel cobras, chances are they have same gene seed so the inquisition would have wanted many a purity test after the steel cobras went bad (i will write the steel cobras in as a sister chapter to my own cobras), thanks for letting me know of, I had seen them before but did not look into it.

 

well here goes the second part:

 

Jotunheim looked into the vid screen as his thunderhawk descended, from it he could see a tide of vile Xenos pouring from their cursed webway gates to attack the embattled Astral claws, he turned to his men.

 

"Captain Ubel, I want you to lead a detachment to block off those gates, I want all the veterans with me to charge to our allies side"

 

Over the static he made out Ubel's reply "affirmative sir, for the emperor!", Jotunheim smiled, Ubel fanaticism could one day be his undoing, but until then... A thump brought him to his senses.

 

"what was that?, report!"

 

"sir the Xenos seem to have some anti air firepower set up around the Astral claws, we must land further south"

 

"fine but make it fast, these Xenos keep coming and I want to be on the ground as soon as possible"

 

"affirmative commander, by his will we live"

 

"by his will"

 

He turned back to the vid screen, Ubel was landing and was charging into the fray with his signature recklessness, but he was making good progress, he turned to the next screen along, the astral claws had fallen back to a defensive position, by the look of it they were holding well, although he couldn't see Huron's personal transport.

 

"sir we are setting down, ramp open in three,..."

 

"MEN!" Jotunheim shouted, audible above the sound of weapon fire "THE XENOS SEEKS TO CAST DOWN OUR ALLIES, SHALL THEY SUCCEED?"

 

The reply was lost in the din of battle, but Jotunheim knew what it was, he and his men charged out, ready to meet whatever the Xenos could throw at them.

 

 

Well that was the second part, again your opinions are welcome along with any ideas and/or criticisms.

 

The Steel Cobras were a sister chapter created at a similar time to the Iron Cobras, they never had much to do with each other but the traitorous actions still anger the chapter to quite a degree, but the Iron cobras do not see dealing with them as a priority (the astral claws and the maelstrom are actively threatening).

[The Count]

Well here goes part three, as usual i would really appreciate comments on this, or anything else (legion descended from isn't quite worked out yet, so suggestions and ideas would be nice!! :D ), so any homeworld, steel cobras links or how they worship the emperor questions would be nice as that also needs some work.

 

Jotunheim brung his clawed gauntlet though a foul eldar, and smiled grimly as its lifeblood splattered over him, over his com-link he heard that familiar battlefield chatter, that showed him all was well, he smiled again, here he was, amongst the vile aliens that wished to cast the emperor down, slaughtering them, crushing them, annihilating them, doing what he was meant to do, were he belonged up until he met the emperor, in all his wisdom and wrathful power.

 

Looking around he saw the Xenos were regrouping, spying a silver helmed warrior at the centre with a mysterious device, he charged again.

 

Ubel dived to his left, he and his men had been making good progress until those cursed hovering scorpions turned up, two appeared out of nowhere and tore through his assault squads, although tactical fire was keeping them back,

 

"brother Himaldium!" he shouted to his sergeant, "to me!", Himaldium rolled across the gap between them, pumping a bolt pistol round through a eldar warrior.

 

"Sir"

"how is your throwing arm?" inquired Ubel, handing him a handful of grenades, with a grin Himaldium replied, "lets see shall we sir?". It was a practiced routine, Ubel had done it before in battle and training many times.

 

Himaldius threw the grenades through the air, detonating above the mechanical creatures, confused one wondered into the tactical marines fire and was ripped apart by plasma and bolter rounds, the other saw Ubel coming.

 

Raising a claw it blocked his fist strike and missed with its other arm as the marine rolled under it, putting a pistol round into its underside, spinning it sent Ubel spiralling into a tree, grunting, he got up and ran forwards as Himaldius battled with the foul aliens hand to hand; a left movement avoided another power fist strike, and it deftly grabbed his other arm with a giant pincer, lifting him and severing his arm at the elbow, raising him up it swung its other claw around, then dropped dead.

 

Ubel raised himself from the wreckage, as it swung its claw around he had smashed his fist down onto what could pass as its head. Smiling, Ubel said but one thing before he passed out, his armour rent in a score of wounds by the dark eldar weaponry.

 

"the emperor protects..always..."

 

meanwhile Jotunheim finally met with Lufgt Huron, standing amongst his warriors, as he bowed Jotunheim got just one message over the comms,

 

"Ubel is dieing..."

 

 

 

 

After reading about the steel cobras i have decided that the iron cobras also worship the emperor on a totem pole, below him being all the native Phoencian gods (snakes mostly). Unlike the steel cobras the iron cobras have always co-operated well with the Imperium at large until recently so this has never been a problem, although now that could change, although the iron cobras are hoping for a respite from imperial scrutiny due to their many valorous actions in the Badab uprising, although many still think the Inquisition will come looking for an excuse to act against them anytime. This isnt really true, as their actions have won them breathing space for a while, but the cobras are still paranoid, especially after the Steel cobras were declared traitor after there totem worship was used as a reason against them.

 

 

Well, thoughts?

[The Count]

I know i have left this a while, but i though it would be more appropriate to carry on here than to start a new thread.

 

I have got the recent history and home world done (i think) pretty well so i am going to detail some more information on the chapter itself.

 

Name: The Iron Cobras

 

Home world: Phoencis, located near Maelstorm

 

Geneseed: common legions speculated are Ultramarines and Iron Hands, although Imperial fists have been rumoured, at times they have embodied characteristics of each.

 

First Chapter master: Haffeyd

 

Current chapter master: Jotunheim

 

View of the Emperor: The lord of the gods, often depicted as a snake charmer at the top of a column of Phoencian snake gods, few natives know of him

 

Mutations: The native Phoencians have naturally snake like teeth and in rare case the tongues begin to fork, often these defects are cancelled partly upon becoming a marine, but curiously those who retain them seem marked for greatness (both Haffeyd and Jotunheim bore these marks), so these mutations have become regarded as a blessing from the emperor, however they are quite minor and other than killing any in the native population who mutate more extremely they cause no problems with Imperial organisations, although the Iron Cobras are suspicious.

 

Military Philosophy: coil and wait, then when the enemy is open strike, although this sounds like a close combat orientated idea in fact the Cobras prefer to use barrages of fire to cover units getting close to the enemy, who deliver the killer 'bite', often with flamers. Also they believe in making one strike and leaving their prey to die as they move off to the next opponent.

 

Traits: None (although We Stand Alone would be suitable they do have a small group who they consider allied)

 

Battle-cries: "Faith is our Venom! succumb to it!" and a disturbing hiss that is played over many frequencies to disrupt enemy communications and unnerve them.

 

Organisation: The chapter master has two representatives, who each rule over a third of the chapter containing all the tactical, devastator and assault marines, and also some lower ranking captains, although Rhinos and razorbacks are also part of this, the few bikes the chapter use (the planet being largely wooded, and much of the rest water they have trouble training them) also fall here. The equivalent of the first company has a separate commander and is completely separate to these, as are the new recruits. Finally the techmarines and vehicles, chaplains and librarians each also form their own group separate from the others.

 

Unlike many space marine chapters who try and remain separate from imperial politics (for lack of a better word) they believe that the imperium, not they, are at fault with their icy relationship and that has not helped, although there are a small group of space marine chapters and Imperial Guard regiments that have won their respect, along with a single Inquisitor, who is from the Ordo Malleus has done likewise. These groups find the Iron Cobras staunch allies, quick to their aid, ready to defend them against any charge leveled against them (as a captain Jotunheim once saved a IG sergeant from a commissars justice after he had fell back in the face of overwhelming firepower, although if the same sergeant hadn't won his respect earlier he would probably have killed him himself). Although notably they refused to sent any forces to Medusa V in protest at the Imperium despite their allies attempts.

 

Their number 1 hate is the Red Corsairs, who they still refer to as the Astral Claws, and they will expend no effort to hunt them down, and many a Chaos warrior has met their end being executed above a Phoencian snake pit. A fate for only their most hated foes, other captives are often tied to a rock and left to die, or thrown into a deep lagoon if on Phoencis, where they are devoured by the monsters that are deep down...

 

Well opinions please, feel free to be as critical as you like

[Ferrata]

Geneseed: common legions speculated are Ultramarines and Iron Hands, although Imperial fists have been rumoured, at times they have embodied characteristics of each.

I would select a single Legion and just say "They are of Ultramarine decent". I would pick Ultramarines because its the best gene-seed.

 

The native Phoencians have naturally snake like teeth and in rare case the tongues begin to fork, often these defects are cancelled partly upon becoming a marine, but curiously those who retain them seem marked for greatness (both Haffeyd and Jotunheim bore these marks), so these mutations have become regarded as a blessing from the emperor, however they are quite minor and other than killing any in the native population who mutate more extremely they cause no problems with Imperial organisations, although the Iron Cobras are suspicious.

I'm not a big fan of this section, I like the idea but I think it can be made better. Instead of having them being mutated (both population and marine), what if they openly chose to accept these features. They implant Snake teeth into their mouths adn split their tongues to resemble their image of God. Only those in high enough rank on the planet are allowed to do this (those that try to jump above their station are executed), and this tradition has passed over onto the chapter where they insert snake teeth into their mouths when they become marines (which have been connected to the Betcher's Gland to secret the acid). High ranking officers are allowed to split their tongues, showing their rank.

 

The chapter master has two representatives, who each rule over a third of the chapter containing all the tactical, devastator and assault marines, and also some lower ranking captains, although Rhinos and razorbacks are also part of this, the few bikes the chapter use (the planet being largely wooded, and much of the rest water they have trouble training them) also fall here. The equivalent of the first company has a separate commander and is completely separate to these, as are the new recruits. Finally the techmarines and vehicles, chaplains and librarians each also form their own group separate from the others.

I'm not sure about this organisation, how did it come into effect and why is it important to the chapter? Why can't they just be Codex?

 

Unlike many space marine chapters who try and remain separate from imperial politics (for lack of a better word) they believe that the imperium, not they, are at fault with their icy relationship and that has not helped, although there are a small group of space marine chapters and Imperial Guard regiments that have won their respect, along with a single Inquisitor, who is from the Ordo Malleus has done likewise. These groups find the Iron Cobras staunch allies, quick to their aid, ready to defend them against any charge leveled against them (as a captain Jotunheim once saved a IG sergeant from a commissars justice after he had fell back in the face of overwhelming firepower, although if the same sergeant hadn't won his respect earlier he would probably have killed him himself). Although notably they refused to sent any forces to Medusa V in protest at the Imperium despite their allies attempts.

Could you clearify this a little bit please, it seems a little confusing.

 

Their number 1 hate is the Red Corsairs, who they still refer to as the Astral Claws, and they will expend no effort to hunt them down, and many a Chaos warrior has met their end being executed above a Phoencian snake pit. A fate for only their most hated foes, other captives are often tied to a rock and left to die, or thrown into a deep lagoon if on Phoencis, where they are devoured by the monsters that are deep down...

Why do the hate the Red Corsairs, what have they done (besides turn traitor) to deserve this attention.

[The Count]

Ill address each point in turn

 

Geneseed: I think ill agree with you here, I couldn't decide which to use, the Fists are out as i think the whole spitting acid thing would fit, and originally I was thinking of doing them very machine obsessed, and having the name relating to the creature ferrus manus slew, but i have moved away from that and ill stick with Robute (yes he is a little boring it means the chapter will get by on its own merit).

 

Snake teeth: I like this idea, it goes against an earlier thought were i was going to represent the fact that these features had marked them for greatness by counting as bionics, but i prefer this idea of using snake teeth as a status mark (admittedly they may seem a bit vampiric, too BA), and i find the idea of one snake toothed veterans (with heavy ritual tattooing) quite appealing and very in character, whilst still retaining the whole forked tongue look for Jotunheim and the like.

 

I think ill do it like this Upon elevating to a veteran the potential marine is locked naked in the snake pit, but with only a single viscous Phoencian cobra, he must allow it to bite him and must survive the ordeal, which will be difficult as three bites worth of venom will kill, overloading a his poison filtering organs and causing most of his organs to wither within seconds, he may not kill the snake as they are considered the image of their god and thus holy. Generally this is a practice in sitting patiently and avoidance, both of which are expected as a veteran.

 

Upon becoming a commander it is necessary to fast for half a year in meditation, after doing this if the aspirant is worthy the emperor will have shown him his heraldry, which he will carve onto himself with the second tooth of the snake from his trial, before it is implanted into his mouth.

 

When he is elevated to chapter master his tongue is split provided he can swim from one side of the great lagoon of wailing to the other, without being eaten or killed in any other way in between.

 

Organization: This came into effect from the chapters early days as a crusader chapter, the two main parts would operate independently, calling on support from the various other factions as required, which suited the way their fleet was composed, after settling down many of the then commanders did not believe that it would be a permanent stay so did not change the make up, since then they have become permanent lodgers but old traditions stick.

 

 

To clarify their relationship with the imperium

 

The point is here is that although for reasons outlined earlier in this topic they have a mistrust of many and are at odds with many imperial organisations, to those they believe are honourable they are quick to defend against any charge, hence the slow uptake in the Badab uprising.

 

As such with the exception of their perceived allies they have no contact with imperial organisations beyond the minimum, providing Chaos and Xenos stay clear they don't care what happens to a planet, hence avioding Meusa V, its dieing whatever they do, so let it die, it isnt their fight, let the fools go and die, when the emperor returns all planets will be reclaimed in his name and they will be at the forefront.

 

 

Astral Claws/ Red Corsairs used to be the closest ally of the Cobras, and their betrayal cut each and every member of the chapter deep, also the uprising brought Imperial forces to Phoencis as a staging post (and they suspect to combat the fact they didn't believe the claws were traitor at first, see earlier in this thread), and the damage done to the civilian population in the brief period of hostility was reasonably high, the Cobras blame the claws for that ultimately. So each captured Claw (they refuse to acknowledge the name change) is sacrificed to lessen the debt they owe, to Phoencis, the chapter, and their lord emperor.

 

Hope that has helped, your comments certainly helped me, ill try and get some pictures up soon.

[Ferrata]

ill stick with Robute (yes he is a little boring it means the chapter will get by on its own merit).

I feel the urge to say "Good Boy" B)

 

I like the rituals but there are two things you need to consider:

 

1) What is the death rate of these rituals? Would the Chapter want to sacrafice these Veterans to these rituals? If not, maybe select less deadly rituals (or move these rituals for neophytes, who cares how many of them die)

 

2) How long would the Marine be out of combat for? Would the Chapter be willing to sacrafice a Veteran for that period of time? Having no Captain for 6 months while he is in meditation and fasting will really put a crimp on that Company's actions.

 

Organization: This came into effect from the chapters early days as a crusader chapter, the two main parts would operate independently, calling on support from the various other factions as required, which suited the way their fleet was composed, after settling down many of the then commanders did not believe that it would be a permanent stay so did not change the make up, since then they have become permanent lodgers but old traditions stick.

My likey and me love growth (in a strictly legal way ;)). The only thing I would change is have the Commander of the Veteran Company be the commander of the entire Chapter, yet he does not have direct control over either "Crusade", but can command their assistance. So the Chapters Orangisation would go as follows

 

Commander of the Veteran Company	
	- Veteran Company
	- Scout Company
	- Librarium
	- Forge

- Commander of the First Crusade
	- 2nd Company
	- 4th Company
	- 6th Company
	- 8th Company

- Commander of the Second Crusade
	- 3rd Company
	- 5th Company
	- 7th Company
	- 9th Company

Note: All Companies have the same format as a standard Codex Battle Company

 

Their stance with the Imperium makes sense now, I would explore this idea further if I was you. Your comments where helpful and I'm glad mine were too, t'is what I'm here for :blink:

[The Count]

That's pretty much the organisation i imagined, but i don't think the loss of a captain would change much due to the way it operates as two large multi captained companies, rather than as 10 companies.

 

Also I imagine the Chapter Master filtering in between all the elements, in much the way some of the vehicular support (as the forge covers all save rhino and razor's to increases flexibility for the ex crusade, as no vehicles would be needed in some situations, apart from transports which are part of the squad) and Librarians are requested, and I would imagine the scouts are sent to the mission for a 'baptism of fire' so to speak, veterans also being requested, being too valuable a resource to let be tied down.

 

I also want the Master to be separate from the veterans so it makes more sense fluff wise to Field him when I want too and not have to use a large number of veterans. Although i imagine him usually acting with them, but i might use your idea and write in the commander of the veteran also having charge of the newbies (so the master takes over the veteran commanders roles), so his experience can make sure they reach full battle brothers.

 

 

for the rituals... or the 'hour(s) of the Cobra'

 

to be a scout= injected with poison, must survive an hour, if he does then he will begin the transformation process

 

to become a marine= spend a day in the woods, unarmed and unarmoured, avoidance order of the day. Another hour of poison but a marine can survive 1 dose so is more ritualistic

 

to become a veteran and get a tooth= spent an hour with a big old Cobra, without being bitten (basically don't move and breath as little as possible, to show perseverance)

 

to become a captain and get the second tooth= 4 month fast, poison injected at beginning of each month, must contact the emperor or another relevant spirit.

 

to become Chapter master and get a forked tongue= the snake pit trial, and the swim, all whilst fasting. (yes its hard but they are a potential chapter master).

 

As a note i think UM geneseed is definate as any other geneseed and they get lumped as Iron hands or whoever or its a mystery which dosent cut it for me.

 

 

each 'half' is identical to 4 companies but without vehicles and intermerged with the other three.

 

Am going to do more on their place in the Imperium when i have a fresh burst of inspiration and a way to expand on it rather than just repeat what ive already said.

 

sorry if this was a bit disjointed, if anyone has trouble reading it post and i will edit it accordingly.

 

spose i am going to have to start getting really detailed now...

[The Count]

seeing as I have mentioned the snake pit a few times I think I should get that sorted.

 

Atop the Iron Cobras mountain fortress, there rises a path to the very highest point, this area is not large enough for anything of significance, but holds two important parts of the chapters belief.

 

The first is the great totem, the first non native one, and thus the first with its rightful ruler at the top, it is a full 10 metres from top to bottom and was carved by the first chapter master, Haffeyd.

 

The second is more sinister, the snake pit. The put is quite large and deep enough to make getting out a problem, but still allowing a good view to its depths, originally it was home to a single Phoencian Cobra and it was used for veteran trials but more have come to this place meaning the trials have been moved. Now its main use is executions. For an execution the prisoner will be tied above the snake pit, facing outwards, where a crowd of marines usually gather to watch, some beating tribal drums, and most chanting in native Phoencian, then a chapter librarian will start to read out the victims 'crimes', even when the evidence is circumstantial at best, and for each one a chaplain or captain (or in the case of very high ranking executions, the chapter master himself) will insert a small knife, made to resemble a Cobra, into the victim, and then after the last wrong has been (usually shouted to be heard above the crowd) , the chaplain and librarian will each stand to the side and shout, "by your death, the emperor comes closer to life! honour is fulfilled!" and then they each cut through a rope, sending the victim falling into the pit, where their sudden arrival will disturb the Cobras...

 

In all not a nice way to die.

 

Also i hope this is empasizing their native instincts and showing some of their beliefs, mainly that when every traitor, every heretic, every Xenos has died, the emperor will live again. Hence the reason they were a crusader chapter.

 

I am still working n why they settled on Phoencis, i think originally to combat something happening in the maelstorm, but am not sure on the reason they stayed, although i think i might have one of the 'crusader companies' off world at any one time, leaving the other one world and the other parts split, ideas and criticism of this or anything else to do with them would be welcome.

[Sigismund Himself]

This chapter clearly has had a lot of thought and work go into it. Keep it up :wub: .

 

As to why they settled there maybe they went to Phonecis to defend it against xenos (Dark eldar?) and their chapter master fell in combat there. When the new chapter master went into the chapel to fast before being promoted and was overcome by a vision of a snake coiling around Phonecis. When he emerged he announced that they would take the world as their homeworld. :) just an idea, feel free to ignore it :)

cheers

[The Count]

Actually i really like that idea.

 

Phoencis being near the maelstorm means there could be any number of threats so the Imperium would be more than happy for them to stay there, and they would have plenty of reasons to be there in the first place.

 

This is the rough idea of what i think will happen, it may change depending on the founding of the Astral claws.

 

-Iron Cobras are a crusader chapter

-large excursion from the maelstorm, Cobras rush to aid, making planet fall on Phoencis, one of the affected planets.

-Victory

-At the height of the victory a greater daemon (if i decide Chaos, dark eldar are also in the maelstorm i think as are others so i have a lot of choice) breaks from the ruined corpse of a champion and begins to slaughter marines and natives alike, the Master steps in and sacrifices himself to allow the tactical and devastator marines to take position and save the citizens, who are purged after, although other settlements are unaffected

-New chapters are created to guard against future incursions (like the astral claws)

-Cobras agree to stay whilst they establish themselves, during this time the Emperor sends the fasting (almost) chapter master a vision, in which a daemon rises from the maelstorm and starts to devour worlds, but a snake eats it and curls around Phoencis.

-He takes this as a sign that Chaos will continually come forth from the maelstorm and that the Cobras are destined to stay on Phoencis and fight it.

-guided by the Emperor he also makes the swim, and whilst doing so looks to the shore, where he sees shadows forming the chapter symbol of the Iron Cobras, taking this as a message he makes a speech upon his elevation, telling the brothers of the emperors will for the chapter, some resist this idea but after meditation each in turn agrees to stay, although are haunted by their visions and will not speak of them.

 

Cheers for the idea, as always any ideas for the chapter (even if they go against what i have put already) and any criticism is welcome.

[Ferrata]

-Iron Cobras are a crusader chapter

Why were they a Crusade chapter? Why hadn't they settled on a planet? How did this effect the chapter? What are its lastign effects?

 

-large excursion from the maelstorm, Cobras rush to aid, making planet fall on Phoencis, one of the affected planets.

Why did they choose Phoenics? Who excured from the maelstrom?

 

-Cobras agree to stay whilst they establish themselves, during this time the Emperor sends the fasting (almost) chapter master a vision, in which a daemon rises from the maelstorm and starts to devour worlds, but a snake eats it and curls around Phoencis.

This is the new Chapter Master, maybe instead of saying the Emperor sent the vision, just say that the master saw the vision.

 

-He takes this as a sign that Chaos will continually come forth from the maelstorm and that the Cobras are destined to stay on Phoencis and fight it.

How does settling down effect the chapter? Do they still yearn to crusade? How has their combat doctrine been effected?

 

-guided by the Emperor he also makes the swim, and whilst doing so looks to the shore, where he sees shadows forming the chapter symbol of the Iron Cobras, taking this as a message he makes a speech upon his elevation, telling the brothers of the emperors will for the chapter, some resist this idea but after meditation each in turn agrees to stay, although are haunted by their visions and will not speak of them.

Again remove the reference to the Emperor, say he was guided by his faith. I'm not a big fan of saying the Emperor really effects things because it removes some of the mystery of the 40k universe.Why don't they already have their Chapter symbol? What was their original one?

[The Count]

ill tackle each point in turn

 

-why were they are a crusader chapter

 

they were a Crusader chapter as originally as their first chapter master (Haffeyd) was particually zealous and in his opinion there was no planet suitable for the Iron Cobras. They travelled from world to world taking recruits from each planet they fought on, however the only planet they found suitable enough to continually take recruits from was Phoencis, partly to do with the way the native Phoencian culture was not entirely dissimilar from their own. A long time after Haffeyd the chapter master narrowed the area for the crusade to cover due to losses occurred, as the closest thing they had to a home world Phoencis remained in their area of operations, this smaller area (as opposed to the whole galaxy) stuck and they would rarely venture outside it even once they had returned to full strength, by this point 80% and upwards of their recruits were from Phoencis and this was influencing the chapter, they started building totem poles for instance. However even now some elements of the crusader nature remain, mainly the organisation but also the fact they are quicker deploying their fleet assets, although they are nowhere near as efficient as full crusader chapters or proper navy assets.

 

 

-why land on Phoencis

 

as i said above it was the closest thing they had to a home world. I am leaning towards having a Chaos raid from the Maelstorm as I know more about Chaos if I ever need more details.

 

 

-Emperor guided visions

 

When i put that I was meaning more he would have believed they were from the Emperor, whether they actually were is a completely different matter

 

 

-chapter symbol

 

This may have been a little unclear, he saw their current chapter symbol, convincing him they were meant to stay on this world, the symbol hasn't changed since their founding.

 

thanks for the notes, if you see any more plot holes say! I appreciate yours and everyone else's help.

[The Count]

does anyone know much about the Steel Cobras, as I am trying to sort out their relation and relevance to the chapter, i am guessing they are probably a sister chapter, or possibly one was created from the other, provided that they both use UM geneseed.

[Ferrata]

For Steel Cobras check out UK WD 303, IA:Renegades

[The Count]

all righty then...

 

ill expand on this tomorrow but in essence i am thinking they were founded as sister chapters, but had little contact, although in the past they occasionally fought together when my guys were crusaders.

 

The betrayal of the Steel Cobras was still hurtful, and it was rumoured Master Jotunheim flew into a rage and prayed for strength deep in the woods, days later he returned, and although angry at the Steel Cobras desecrating his chapters name, concluded there was nothing he could do, however some more extreme members are petitioning him to go after them, but Jotunheim isn't a fool (you don't become a chapter master if you are) and knows it would take the whole chapter, and he cannot afford to commit, and there is little aquatic knowledge in the chapter, as the majority are not recruited from the peaceful fishers, but the grizzled woodsman inland.

 

However he has granted one and a half companies (equivalent) permission to join if a fellow astres chapter attacks, which has calmed opinions but still he is uncomfortable and this weighs much on his mind...

 

what you people think?

 

Too much involvment, too little?

as i said more details tommorow or over the weekend.

 

VIVA LA COBRA!!!